Savage Lovecast

A married gay man endured a sexless relationship for 10 long years... until he didn't. After cheating, he is getting a divorce. But now the caller feels villainized, as his ex-husband spins the story out to their friends. How can he avoid being painted as the bad guy?  A dad just got a delicious Prince Albert piercing. How can he explain this new jewelry when his young son sees it?  On the Magnum: when your career focuses on education around sexually transmitted infections, you are a very busy lady. Dan brings back the ever-informative Dr. Ina Park to talk about home remedies for herpes, PrEP for women and other questions relating to the modern plagues.  And, when introverts marry extroverts: Sometimes it works perfectly. But this alpha female wishes her man would make some friends already.  We are your best friends. Call us up! 206-302-2064 Q@Savage.Love This episode is brought to you by Liberator: makers of an amazing amount of shapes and other products that fuel your desires AND make sex easier, better,

When drunk friends pounce! A happily married, monogamous man went to a concert with his gal pal. But she arrived so drunk, staggering around and embarrassing herself, that he had to bundle her in a car and get her home. But she made sloppy moves on him, and although it's been a long time, he can't let it go or fully forgive her. Should he confront her? Will she even remember?  A man has been hanging out with and flirting with a woman, letting the sexual tension build. But he and his ex are beginning to talk again, and he thinks they will get back together. How can he tell his friend/crush to cool her jets when nothing has even been acknowledged?  On the Magnum: Ah the perils of being in the "sex space." People think that because you write or podcast about sex that you're down for anything with anyone. Dan and April & Amy from "Shameless Sex" had a LOT to talk about. Like, why step-porn can be empowering for women, why cuddle puddles aren't for everyone and, hear the odd tale of the choking masseuse.  And read

When telling a hook-up that you don't want to continue seeing them, how much detail should you give? A woman enjoyed the sex with her quickie guy, but he was too insecure and needy for her tastes. Should she tell him this in the exit interview?  A lesbian was terribly bullied in school by three mean girls. She moved to Europe, came out and got her life together. One of the mean girls has been messaging her and flirting, asking her out for drinks for when she visits. So, to put it bluntly, should the caller fuck the shit out of her bully over Thanksgiving?  On the Magnum: Are you the parent of a horny teen? Or a soon-to-be horny teen? Talking to them about sex can be daunting. Dan brings on Dr. Debby Herbenick, author of "Yes Your Kid: What Parents Need to Know About Teens and Sex." They talk about access to porn, social media, and when your three-year-old wanks at daycare.  A woman and her best friend went to a party and used some undisclosed substances. The friend then told the caller she was in love with he

A pansexual woman and her new lover got an unpleasant surprise...gonorrhea! But nothing makes sense. They had both tested negative and he claimed he wasn't sleeping with anyone else. Did she get it from her sex toys? What happened here?  A woman was messing around with a married man for a while. He always closed his eyes during sex, and never wanted her to talk. He even covered her mouth once when she tried to speak. She broke it off, but wonders what was going on in his tortured mind.  On the Magnum: Getting ready to hunker down with difficult relatives over Thanksgiving? Take a deep breath (and the sedative of your choice) and listen to this interview. Dan brings on wholesome Marriage and Family Therapist Vienna Pharaon. Her book "The Origins of You: How Breaking Family Patterns Can Liberate the Way We Live and Love" is on point. With imperfect family members who aren't evil, but aren't great, how can we be in relationship with them while meeting them as they are? And how can we protect ourselves from the t

Cock blocked...by his own sister?! A man and his sister are very close, living in the same town. He developed a crush on one of her friends, but she forbade him from asking her out. The sister used to date his friends now and again, which he encouraged. Should he risk angering his sister and ask the girl out already? A woman is interested in trying anal sex. Does she have to change her diet in order to prepare for the big night?  On the Magnum, feel like throwing a party? How about a SEX PARTY? Dan brings on Ali Bushell, therapist and author of "The Sex Party Handbook" to help make your pervy party a success. What should the ground rules be? How to deal with over or under-confidence amongst your guests? How and when should you kick someone out? Bushell sounds like a very charming host indeed. Check him out at Alibushell.com and listen to his podcast, The Healer's Guild. A lesbian preschool teacher has to work with an outspoken, anti-gay, conservative Baptist. Although they generally get along, when she starts

A midwife has recently learned that people who were born with a tongue-tie might have trouble giving oral sex later in life. Should she advise new parents to get their newborns surgery on their itty-bitty little baby tongues?  A woman has started crying during sex, and not the joyful release kind of crying. She has no history of trauma or abuse. So why does sex bring on such unhappy feelings?  On the Magnum, musical theater nerds rejoice! This one's for you. Dan brings on writer and actress Julie Klausner to GEEK OUT about her amazing show "Schmigadoon!" Dan and Julie hold hands and skip through the fields of Oklahoma, Chicago, Pippin and Godspell. They also manage to advise a man who wonders if his enjoyment of self-stimulation with a dildo makes him gay.  And a frequent caller is confused about the use of she/her pronouns for drag queens. Aren't they still guys? Dan brings his lived experience to the discourse.  Bring YOUR lived experience to the Lovecast: Send in your recorded question or comment to Q@Sav

A woman's casual partner like to sext her before they meet up. He tends to obsess over the things she's told him she won't do. Is he pushing her boundaries intentionally, trying to get to "Yes," or is he just fantasizing? In any case she wishes he would knock it off.  A gay man wonders if it's ok to take performance enhancing drugs so he can accommodate the horny twinks in his dungeon.  On the Magnum, Dan chats with TikTok dreamboat Connor Clary from the Five Star Review podcast. There's nothing Connor won't review, including pumpkin spice lattes and the horny squirrels in his backyard. Dan plays him a call from a listener embroiled in a petty fight over a $30 dehydrator and Connor gives it 6 out of 5 stars for the drama.  And, the straight women are clamoring for advice from the master: How to properly deep throat (while setting some necessary boundaries,) and how to learn to enjoy anal. Dan, being Dan, drops the wisdom.  Q@Savage.Love.    206-302-2064 Five Star Review linktr.ee/connorclary This episode is

Is there a homo bro code? A man hooked up with his casual boyfriend’s roommate. Then the boyfriend moved away and they broke up peacefully. Now the caller is worried about resuming his hook-ups with the roommate for fear his ex’s friends will find out and revolt. Does this happen in gayland? A woman is willing to indulge in hot-wifing to please her husband. She met a new guy, but finds she gets so worked up and horny that it eats up all the headspace in her already busy life. How can she learn to chill out and sleep with another dude already? On the Magnum, Dan speaks with Alicia Roth Weigel, intersex rights activist and author of “Inverse Cowgirl.” They talk about what it means to be intersex, how there may be many more intersex people in the population than we assumed, and how humans are on a gender/sexuality spectrum. Don’t miss this one.  A queer woman and her girlfriend have been together for 15 years and they raise a child together. Their relationship has always been open, but the caller’s partner only

A masochistic woman is happily paired with her sadist. They both love it when he bites her. But lately, she’s become more sensitive, maybe because she stopped taking hormonal birth control. In the past few sessions, she had to use her safe word and he’s beginning to sulk. How can they get back to the rough love bites they both crave? 33 eggs: That’s how many of a woman’s eggs are sitting in a test tube somewhere, awaiting fertilization. She is in her mid 30s, and is about to marry her 42 year-old boyfriend. Neither of them particularly want kids, but they might someday. How can she tell if she’ll ever want children?  On the Magnum, Dan speaks with French philosopher and author Manon Garcia about her new book “The Joy of Consent: A Philosophy of Sex.”  A gay man in his 40s isn’t very close to his 18 year-old nephew. But now that the boy has come out, the caller wonders if he should reach out with some avuncular advice about PrEP, monkeypox and other adult subject he’ll need to know as a gay man.  Q@Savage.Lov

A man’s dad is deeply, absurdly closeted. He has been married to the caller’s mother for decades, but could never admit the truth. Now the caller’s mom has dementia and angrily brings it up to shame her husband in front of her sons. Should the caller tell his dad that he knows he’s gay? Should he tell his mother to stop being so cruel?  Hear the agonizing tale of the woman whose boyfriend of 3 months ghosted her without explanation. Spooky.  Our Magnum guest this week is Bryan Safi from the “Attitudes” and “Groceries” podcast. Is there anyone more quick witted than Bryan Safi? No, there is not. He and Dan talk about dick slapping (normal!) a worrisome humorlessness amongst young gay men, and whether being a dom makes you a misogynist, white supremacist. (Spoiler: It doesn’t.) Look! Look at Bryan! https://www.instagram.com/bryansafi/ And, a woman got all gussied up for her Hinge date at a nice restaurant. At the last minute he asked if she would like to just come over to his place instead. Is this poor behavio

A man has discovered his love for wearing feminine clothing. His friends and fiancé are all supportive. But his brother- not so much. Should the caller just expect to move through the world offending people with his unconventional dress?  A gay transman has started having kinky hookups. Although he doesn’t want the intimacy associated with “after-care” he does need a little TLC after the more rough encounters. How can he give that to himself? On the Magnum, Dan speaks with infectious disease specialist Dr. Oliver Bacon, Medical Director of the San Fransisco City Clinic, about Doxy-PEP as a means for STI prevention. Along with PrEP, gay sexual health has much improved. They also talk about poppers: How do they work, and how safe are they?  A woman has an old friend from college who she’s mostly lost touch with. She heard through the grapevine that her kid is exploring their gender identity. Should the caller reach out and offer encouragement even though they never talk these days?  Q@Savage.Love    206-302-2

A 24 year-old single woman wants to learn how to perform dirty talk, but she has no one to practice on. How can she learn the dark art?  A woman is newly out of her bad relationship, and into a joyful era of slutting around. She’s happy as a clam, but when her parents ask about her love life, they treat her like a sad spinster. How can she explain that she’s doing JUST FINE without going into too much detail? On the Magnum, have you heard of the movie “Caligula?” It was a 1979 film produced by Penthouse Magazine’s Bob Guccione and packed with stars from the day like Malcom McDowell Peter O’Toole, and Helen Mirren. And it freaked everyone out! Due to its sexual and violent content, it was the only movie that Roger Ebert walked out of. And now…it’s back! Dan brings on writer and artist Thomas Negovan to talk about how he gained access to the original footage, recut it and made the Caligula that everyone wants to see. (It played at this year’s Cannes Film Festival, so.) Would you like to hear about this? Subscri

We start the show with two ass-tastic calls! A domme woman has a pet boy who wants to eat things out of her butt. He suggests licorice. Any ideas for safe food items to be served out the back? And, another woman jokingly asked her husband to eat the dried mango slices he so adores off her ass. When he complied, she discovered that she really, really liked it. How can she get him to keep doing it, even though she knows it’s terribly weird?  A lovely, curvy woman in Paris can’t find men to date her because of an anti-fat bias amongst French men. Should she move to another city?  Our guest this week is Tawny Lara. She is an advice columnist better known as “The Sober Sexpert” and author of Dry Humping: A Guide to Dating, Relating, and Hooking Up Without the Booze. She and Dan talk about the massive brain hack it takes to get clean and discover sex/dating without alcohol. A little of this conversation is on the Micro, and all of it is on the Magnum.  And, a sugar baby wonders if she should ask her much older suga

A woman is enjoying a new friends-with-benefits relationship. She booked them an airBnB, but he had to cancel because his mother had a stroke. Now she feels insecure about him. Should she keep reaching out to try to make the tryst happen? Or wait and give him space? Is he lying about his mother?  A sub, masochist woman is into intense head-trips with her dom online-only play partner. He went too far into violent story-telling until she had to end the session. He responded kindly and appropriately with after-care. But now she wonders if he’s a genuinely bad person.  On the Magnum, Dan chats with culture & lifestyle writer Darshita Goyal about the Facebook group phenomenon “Are we dating the same guy?” Is this an empowering whisper network for women? Or an on-ramp to cyber-bullying?  A woman and her boyfriend are in an open relationship where they are each allowed to have sex with other people, but sleepovers are verboten. He got together with a hottie and she ended up sleeping at his house because he didn’t ha

We open the show with two questions from people who think they are aromantic. One of them is a woman with two sweet boyfriends, but worries she’s not giving each of them what they deserve. The other is a gay man who has never felt the jolt and tingle of new love. Will he ever be swept off his feet?  Our caller is starting a female-only book club reading works by, for and about women. A male friend of hers offered to be their naked servant, making drinks and offering snacks to the clothed attendees. The caller is delighted to make this happen, but there’s a hitch… On the Magnum, we suspect that some of you might have Relationship OCD. Dan interviews Sheva Rajaee who literally wrote the book about it. They talk about how we put irrational expectations on relationships (the myth of “The One” for example ) and how anxiety can govern our romantic lives rather than good ole intuition.  And, a man has a big, big crush on his co-worker. She is crushing right back. However! She is married with 4 little kids. Their ind

A transman is under deep cover in his hostile, misogynistic, anti-queer work environment. And what’s more, one of his co-workers is probably a closet case who has a crush on the caller! Complicated! Dangerous! A straight man has become dependent on anal sex in order to come. Did porn hijack his erotic life? His previous girlfriend was into it, but how can he find another willing partner? On the Magnum, Dan brings on Sex Therapist Claire Perelman to talk about some of the problems that plague couples. Like, infidelity, threeways and pooping in the shower. She handles Dan Savage’s world with grace.  And, a woman doesn’t mind the dick pics. It’s when the photo includes sex with another woman that has her irked. Was the other woman consenting to have her picture shared? Who knows? Why do men do this?  Q@Savage.Love      206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Beducated, the leading platform for pleasure-based sex education for adults. Go to https://beducate.me/pd2328-savage  and use the code SAVAGE for a

“Son, I’m open.” A gay man has a great relationship with his son. They hang out together, and the son drops by all the time. The caller has a boyfriend who also get along with his son. But what the son doesn’t know, is that they have an open relationship, so sometimes the caller welcomes other men into his house. What if his son drops by then? Should he explain his open relationship ahead of time? A woman’s boyfriend proposed to her in a public, grand gesture. She hated it. They had never discussed marriage before, and the caller is skeptical of both weddings and the concept of wedlock. She said yes, only to avoid causing a scene. What now? Should she rescind her “yes?” Or negotiate with her clueless puppy dog of a fiancé? On the Magnum, let’s reconsider trigger warnings, shall we? Dan and journalist Jill Filipovic talk about her piece in the Atlantic “I Was Wrong About Trigger Warnings.” She and Dan talk about how content warnings are often nothing more than performative virtue signaling, and water down the

A woman hooked up with a seemingly nice guy. She asked him to wear a condom, and he said he did. But after he left, she couldn’t find evidence of the condom- no wrapper, nothing. Did he stealth her? Should she call him and ask?  Ureaplasma: What’s this fresh new STI? Dan is stumped, so he brings on Dr. Ina Park, his go-to expert on sexually transmitted diseases.  On the Magnum, Dan chats with Shallelujah the twitch streamer with a sexy, sexy voice. They talk about parlaying a great voice (and mic) into a career, pleasing the pup community and coming out as bi in the gamer world.  And, what’s the matter with this damn cock ring?! When he was younger, it fit him like a glove. Now it’s too loose. Can steel cock rings stretch, or does Occam’s razor point to a different conclusion?  Q@Savage.Love. 206-302-2064 Foria is an all natural health & sexual wellness company with product lines using the power of plant actives & CBD to effectively enhance intimacy, sexual pleasure, daily wellbeing, and relief from discom

Oh Lordy, hear the tale of the twisted teen! He’s been sneaking into neighbors’ houses and stealing their sex toys, including some from elderly women. How dangerous is this kid? Should someone call the cops? How can his long-suffering mother correct him and end this behavior? What do you do when you’re disgusted by your girlfriend squirting? What do you do when you’re repulsed by your boyfriend coming in your mouth? Two separate calls, one conundrum.  On the Magnum, Dan and Atlantic writer Faith Hill confront the misconception that rebound relationships are inferior or doomed. Hill brings up research showing that rebounds can help people heal from break ups and often blossom into long term relationships themselves.  A TOTAL NERD (with a girlfriend) has built himself a makeshift sex robot. Using a fleshlight, VR goggles and maybe paperclips, the caller wonders if jacking it into this bride of Frankenstein is an act of infidelity.  Q@Savage.Love     206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by the Meridian

“Goodbye son, I’m off to Kink Camp!” A gay caller’s dad got divorced, came out as poly, and won’t shut up about it. He introduces the caller to all the girlfriends and brags about his various exploits. Our poor caller doesn’t want to hear the various details. How can he set some reasonable boundaries with his horndog dad?  A woman’s spiritual leader is a Buddhist who leads meditation and holds counseling sessions. He’s 20 years her senior, and she thinks he’s kind of hot. He sent her some photos of a burlesque event that he went to including a stripper on a pole. The caller is conflicted. She knows this was inappropriate, but she kind wants to sleep with him anyway.  On the Magnum, Dan enlists a pro to help with some tricky questions. A three-way goes horribly wrong, when the man of the trio busts out humiliating insults to his partner without warning or consent. A woman has to clean up the estate of her departed father, only to find his porn collection. Dan brings on couples and sex therapist Leslie Sherman