I Don't Even Own A Television

Informações:

Sinopsis

This is a podcast about godawful books. Each episode, hosts Jay W. Friedman and Chris Collision sit down with some guests to discuss books that all of them wish they hadn't read.Humor, serious talk, progressive inebriation, who could ask for more?

Episodios

  • Voodoo Child (w/ Eugene Violet)

    03/09/2014 Duración: 54min

    "Voodoo Child" is a graphic novel created by Nicolas Cage and his son Weston. It's about a biracial superhero crusading against cajun demons and a government conspiracy in post-Katrina New Orleans. It's also completely ridiculous and almost impossible to follow. Please join us as we discuss snake-hair, sexy accordionists, and richard branson's sex life. PS -- Segment One has some small audio issues but they resolve themselves quickly so hang in there, lil shavers! Bumper music: "Voodoo Lady" by Ween, "Voodoo" by King Diamond

  • Super Sad True Love Story (w/ Poncho Martinez)

    28/08/2014 Duración: 01h01min

    Wow, this is a creepy book by a creepy man. There's not much else to say about it. Please enjoy as Poncho Martinez and I deconstruct "Nabokov for man-children."

  • A Spell For Chameleon (w/ Jesse Dangerously)

    15/08/2014 Duración: 01h14min

    Content Warning: This book is filled with some of the most atrocious sexual ethics you will ever encounter and it needed to be discussed. So there are some sensitive issues addressed on this week's show. Please be aware. Piers Anthony wrote "A Spell For Chameleon" as a book for adults, and was told by his publisher that it would be released as a YA novel unless he 'dressed it up' and made it more mature. The result is a book filled with busty centaurs, awkwardly employed vocabulary words, and really bad puns. It's also morally bankrupt and is probably responsible for ruining the minds of many teenagers nationwide. Listen, if you dare, as I'm joined by Official Rap Legend Jesse Dangerously to dissect this shining example of bad bad BAD fantasy. Bumper Music: "The Trees" by Rush, "Karma Chameleon" by Culture Club

  • Covert Conception (w/ Mara Wilson)

    08/08/2014 Duración: 01h13min

    Secret eugenics programs? Harley mechanics? Babies, babies, babies? Sounds like a Harlequin Intrigue book to me. Join myself and internet storyteller of note Mara Wilson as we recount our descent into the fictional world of "Covert Conception", a book where top-secret genetic research firms use date-rape drugs to trick people into doing it and making 'superior babies'. Yes, it's as weird as it sounds. Topics include: Romance novel bingo, puritanical upbringings, and sex dreams about Ricky Gervais. Bumper music: "Flying High Again" by Ozzy Osbourne, "Bad Boys" by Steel Pulse

  • "Stranger in a Strange Land" w/ Adam Marler

    01/08/2014 Duración: 55min

    OH NO. I'M TACKLING A SACRED COW. i will gladly admit that talking about this book was my idea b/c i found it really off-putting in so many ways. after researching, i found out that this book is actually held in high regard by lots of people. guess what? those people are WRONG. it's really awful. join myself and internet ne're-do-well Adam Marler (twitter's @Dr_Cop) as we talk about "rocket ships", sexy secreataries, and Robert Heinlein's crazy sex life. i promise you will walk away with a new respect for anybody who could stand to be around Mr. Heinlein for more than an hour at a time.

  • "Chariots of the Gods" w/ Centa Schumacher

    24/07/2014 Duración: 48min

    Hope you guys like "Drunk History" cuz that's what we accidentally made this week. Join Centa Schumacher and I as we have an obviously intoxicated late-night discussion about a piece of completely bonkers pseudo-history called "Chariots of the Gods" and wind up just sort of rambling about history and the X-Files for an hour due to the influence of alcoholic beverages and marital bliss. We debut a new segment called "Plot in 60 Seconds" and get down to the nitty gritty about ancient Egypt, aryan space aliens, and incorrect biblical references. Bumper Music: "ATLients" by Outkast, "Space Oddity" by David Bowie

  • "Those Who Trespass" with Jeb Lund

    16/07/2014 Duración: 01h08min

    This is a long one. It's a long one about a mystery novel written by Bill O'Reilly. And it guest-stars Jeb Lund. If you thought Jeb and I would be able to talk about a Bill O'Reilly novel for anything less than an hour, you are friggin' crazy. Topics include: Serial Revenge Murder, Loofa/Falafels, Sade, and the absolute wrong way to perform oral sex. Also I forgot to give Jeb time to plug stuff so please follow him on twitter: @Mobute WARNING THIS ONE GETS PRETTY EXPLICIT YA'LL. Bumper music: "Sister Sanctified" by Stanley Turrentine and Milt Jackson, "I'm Just a Bill" from Schoolhouse Rock, and the man himself, Bill O'Reilly.

  • "Dude, You're Gonna Be a Dad" (w/ Klopfenpop)

    09/07/2014 Duración: 50min

    Join us as internet music impressario, funny man, and expecting father Klopfenpop joins ME to talk about a really bad book about advice for people in his situation. This was written by a very confusing man who appears to exist in a middle ground between 1978 and 2014 and floats between them interchangably. Please chill with us as we discuss the huge problems with invoking a sarcastic tone in a book that is designed to be a guide to pregnancy, and how it takes a special type of guy to write a book about having a baby that mostly revolves around men feeling bad. Oh yeah, there are jokes too. Promise. Bumper music: "Satisfaction" by Devo, "Had a Dad" by Jane's Addiction, "Baby Steps" by Shubzilla and Klopfenpop

  • "Left Behind" w/ Leeman Kessler

    02/07/2014 Duración: 01h08min

    Hoo boy. HOO BOY. In this episode, I team up with Leeman Kessler, creator and host of "Ask Lovecraft" and Actual Practicing Christian™ to talk about "Left Behind" and how friggin ridiculous it is. This episode is long! But you will learn things! Prepare to laugh and pray for your immortal soul.

  • Ready Player One (w/ Mike Sacco)

    09/06/2014 Duración: 54min

    HOLY SHIT. People like this book. SMART people like this book. The New York Times liked this book. The problem is that this book is a piece of crap that basically functions as a checklist of nostalgia items from the 1980's. Join game designer Mike Sacco and I as we yuk it up over the text of this reference-packed slog through a future world that seems like it was conceptualized in 1985. Highlights include: Aerosmith's "Revolution X" video game, misidentifying this author as the guitarist of Wilco, and probably way too much on-mic laughter. P.S. Did I mention that this book is BAAAAAAD? Cuz it is. Bumper Music: "Video Games" by Lana Del Rey, "Pac-Man Fever" by Buckner & Garcia, and "Before Baywatch" by Donuts N' Glory

  • Veeck -- As In Wreck (w/ TIm Harrison)

    07/06/2014 Duración: 41min

    WARNING: BASEBALL NERD EDITION   I recommended that we mock "Veeck - As In Wreck" solely after reading the first chapter, which is quite disturbing and has to do with exploitation of little people. However, it turns out that Bill Veeck was a pretty rad dude for a crazy man. However, his autobiography sucks. I will warn you in advance, this is an episode for baseball nerds and people who just really like to hear me get things wrong and be corrected. If you are not interested in either thing, you might not dig this one so much. But that's cuz you're a dork. Anyway, stay tuned next week as we get back into genre fiction and other nerd-friendly topics, okay? And now please bear with us as Tim and I engage in a long discussion about a game we love where 40-year old steroid freaks hit a tiny ball with a big wooden stick. Bumper Music: "Bye Bye Baby" SF Giants Fight Song. "Baseball" by Kenny Franks, "One Man, Five Tools" by Puig Destoyer

  • Backwards Masking Unmasked (w/ David Thorpe)

    28/05/2014 Duración: 49min

    Join myself and noted internet humorist and music critic David Thorpe as we examine the shadowy world of backwards messages hidden inside the darkest metal records of the 70's and 80's, including the collected works of Hall & Oates and The Captain and Tenille. This book was written by a man who is quite possibly mentally ill in a very legitimate sense and details an immense satanic conspiracy throughout the world of rock. It is ostensibly a book about the technique of backmasking; but quickly digresses into chapter after chapter of nonsense, much like this podcast. But please enjoy our in-depth discussions of Lone-Gunmen Glasses, Ron Henley, and why Robin Gibb is the most evil man in rock and roll.

  • Let Me Tell You Something (w/ Amanda Brand)

    14/05/2014 Duración: 43min

    RECORDED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE THAT INCLUDES ONE BULLDOG unofficially brought to you by a crappy malt beverage with a surprisingly high ABV   highlights include: buying your son a rolex (on his terms), a surprisingly lucid take on bad pizza and mafia affiliations, and also a huge amount of "Al B. Sure" j0kes that flew over the head of everybody in attendance. this episode unofficially brought to you by the godawful beverage known as the bud light mango-rita LIVE AUDIENCE: Centa, Shane, and Heston the Bulldog. Bumper music: "Losing Out (f/ Royce Da 5'9") by Black Milk, "Tell Me Somethin Goof by Chaka Khan and Rufus, and "Can't Tell Me Nothin'" by Kanye Wesr

  • Michelle Remembers (w/ Poncho Martinez)

    06/05/2014 Duración: 54min

    Welp. You've either heard of it or you haven't. Either way, this is the supposed "true story" of a five-year old girl who was abducted by a Satanic cult and only managed to remember after years and years of therapy with a moderately creepy psychiatrist who she co-authored this book with and then married immedately after publication. I can't emphasize enough that this book is filled with "disturbing shit" but in the samd way that a Tool video is. It's not 'scary', it's just gross. Fair warning: this podcast is pretty gross too. If your parents never let you watch witchcraft movies or play dungeons & dragons, this book is definitely part of the reason why. Bumper music: "Underlord" by Into Another, "Devil Woman" by Cliff Richard, and "The Best Ever Death Metal Band Out of Denton" by Mountain Goats

  • A Princess of Mars (w/ Centa Schumacher)

    30/04/2014 Duración: 48min

    Remember that Barsoom is just one letter away from Barroom. I dunno why but you should remember that. In this episode, fabulous photographer and free-thinker and wife-of-host (who is also her own person) Centa Schumacher (@spacevalkyrie) sits down to discuss "A Princess of Mars" by Edgar Rice Burroughs. This book is actually far more well-regarded than I thought, which makes this a bit controversial, I suppose. But I LIVE for that shit yall. *sunglasses down* This is quite possibly the first episode where we have a serious difference of opinion about the quality of the book but luckily we are married and don't kill each other. Highlights include: Rupaul chat, a long segment about our weird deformed dog, and me ranting and raving about racism a ton. 

  • The Rules According to JWOWW (w/ Rachel Millman)

    23/04/2014 Duración: 53min

    Tanning Lotion? Smushing? Weird sections about underage drinking that feel bizzarely personal?Join me and Rachel Millman as we delve way too far into the void that is the mind of Jenna "JWOWW" Farley and her affected Italian brand. WARNING: SERIOUS PERSONAL BRANDING INSIDE Bumper Music: "That's Amore" by Dean Martin, "Birds" by ALL, "Like Whoa" by Black Rob

  • Motley Crue: The Dirt (w/ Jackson O'Brien)

    16/04/2014 Duración: 54min

    In Motley Crue: The Dirt - Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band, a bunch of idiots talk about being dumb except pretend that it's really important. Luckily, Jackson O'Brien is here to join me as we dissect the intricacies of the Motley House, degenerative spinal disease, and (of course) Tommy Lee's penis. This episode is long. That's because talking about Motley Crue is easy and fun. The hardest thing to do, of course, was to find bumper music that wasn't actually by Motley Crue. Please enjoy stories of epic debauchery, in-fighting, and sexxx with three x's. Also enjoy the plosive 'p' and 'b' sounds coming from my microphone cuz I need a windscreen now too. Bumper music: Some kid playing "Kickstart my Heart" from YouTube, Some other kid playing "Dr. Feelgood" from YouTube except singing really weird too, and "Above the Clouds" by Gangstarr

  • Anthem (with Dave Stattler)

    09/04/2014 Duración: 29min

    In episode number two, I probably already bite off more than I can chew as I invite Dave Stattler, aka Twitter's @glopdemon on-board to rant and rave about Ayn Rand's "Anthem". As predictably as possible, a conversation about Ayn Rand turns into ranting and raving, but with many side trips to the lands of laser light shows and Rush concerts. Bumper music: "Anthem" -- Rush, "Ruff Ryders Anthem" -- DMX, "Blow Ya Mind" -- Nicki Minaj

  • Pregnesia (with Jeb Lund)

    28/03/2014 Duración: 35min

    In our inaugural episode, Jay is joined by Gawker columnist Jeb Lund for a discussion of the Harlequin Suspense novel "Pregnesia", which centers around pregnancy, amnesia, and an ex-Navy SEAL who looks and speaks like WCW superstar "Raven". Highlights include: Maternity jeans, The Bluesman Name Generator, and the World's Most Aggressive Coffee-Shop Reading Techniques. Bumper music: "Pregnant" -- R. Kelly, "Having My Baby" -- Alan Alda, "She Got Me Pregnant" -- Sparks

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