Don't Do It Yourself



You look like you could use some help. We're an instruction/comedy podcast, where we take Wikihows and requests to create new how-to guides. It gets out of control pretty quickly.


  • DDIY 33 - Real Doll Police Party

    12/06/2014 Duración: 34min

    Cops and parties don’t mix. So how do you stop the fuzz from breaking up your recreation of House Party? Easy, pretend it was ghosts. Or cats. Or that you are having a Real Doll party for one. Or just leave and never look back. We talk about this, how to cope with commercials (also, dear police, we promise if Flo dies this week that it wasn’t Mike) and finally how to convince your girlfriend that you are the sweetest guy she’s ever known. Well, Mike and Zac do. Clay tips his hand once more that he’s kind of the worst. This, plus we talk about Multiplicity. 

  • DDIY 32 - Geriatric Panopticon

    05/06/2014 Duración: 44min

    Today we actually give our most actionable advice. For instance, the best way to insult someone you are going to fight? Read their facebook statuses out loud. Best way to have a horse? Don't, just work for Horse Minutes. Do you know how many HMPG (Horse Minutes Per Gallon) you get? We have a very convoluted mathmatical solution for you that involves worm seconds and dog years. Want to make sure your grandma is ok? Send her to the Panopticon Retirement Home and rest easy that there are always eyes on her. Always.

  • DDIY 31 - Smoochosaurus Rex

    30/05/2014 Duración: 47min

    How to Kiss Your Crush Out of the Blue. How to Stop A Wedding. How To Wrap a Cat. All of these are addressed in this episode. Normally, we take notes while editing so we can have a funny little blurb. Clay's notes for editing on this episode are "im drunk this episode is good". If that's not enough to entice you, we also say all of the following things about our beloved in an effort to convince them that they should leave their betrothed:   (You have) supple breasts and a soft behind. (You have) supple breasts and a fine behind. (I desire) supple breasts and that sweet booty. (You have) supple breasts and a sweet backside. 

  • DDIY Prepisode 2 - Pedophile Dracula

    23/05/2014 Duración: 01h06min

    This weeks episode we talked about crashing weddings and other fun stuff, but during the editing process the episode got corrupted and lost. We're sorry about that, and Clay is pretty upset. So instead, we are moving over an old episode into Libsyn so it can join it's brothers. It's our second ever prepisode!   This week we help out with some of life's hardest questions, like how do you take care of a camel or a secret lover. Until next time, UngoogleYoSelf.

  • DDIY 30 - It's Hard to Put a Thong on a Tree

    16/05/2014 Duración: 43min

    Episode 30 contains our least actionable advice for the average person. But maybe you're not the average person. Maybe you want to be a part-time banker, part-time lumberjack. Maybe all the kids at school keep stoning you, Old Testament style, and you need a defensive plan. Or maybe you want to cut down on funeral expenses by being eaten by fire ants. We're not gonna judge. Unless you have a philosophy degree. Or haven't seen Fern Gully. 

  • DDIY 29 - Shark on Skateboards

    09/05/2014 Duración: 53min

    Sorry we were busy catching rays and didn't put out an episode last week. We made you this mixtape of wikihows. There's all the old classics. How to fight a shark in air, land, sea and fire. Most of the answers are "stab it". How to get a cat to like you (drugs). If you listen closely, you can hear where a car almost slams into the room we are recording in, which is apparently full of things Mike has licked. And finally, how to be merry every day BUt Christmas, where we teach you how to lose friends, alienate people, and be declared a sex offender for sneaking into children's rooms and telling them Vietnam stories. We're not very good at instructions, but we are good at mixtapes.

  • DDIY 28 (w/@Scott_Losse) - Bear School

    25/04/2014 Duración: 42min

    This week we're joined by comedian Scott Losse (@Scott_Losse) to talk about bears, loneliness and strategically hiding bras around your apartment so your girlfriend will break up with you. We figure out how to end the war in the Middle East (hint: it involves bears on bears), how to deal with your sadness with paper lanterns, cameras and streams and finally the strangest SAT question that has ever been asked.  

  • DDIY 27 - Letting the cat (blood) out of the bag

    17/04/2014 Duración: 40min

    This week we talk about cat murder, a lot. If you aren't a fan of that, we're so sorry. We also talk about how to catch a hamster, Julia Child,  Easter, drugs, the Great Depression, salsa dinner, popcorn beds, how to get fat arms, and Clay makes a horrible hamburger confession. But mostly cat murder. Sorry cats.

  • DDIY 26 - Dumpster Party

    11/04/2014 Duración: 39min

    Just what is "Trashcore?" How do I spice up kissing? How do I annoy the shit of my girlfriend? Have those questions really been bothering you? Well don't you worry, because we got you covered. By the end of this you'll have your clothes roulette list all typed up, you'll be itching for a second Alien-style mouth made for smooching, and you'll be checking everyone's genital heat. When the cops ask, don't tell them you got that last one from us. Please. 

  • DDIY 25 (w/ Astronautalis) - Handjobs and Haircuts

    04/04/2014 Duración: 27min

    This week were are joined by rapper Astronautalis to talk about how to make a rap video, but mostly restaurants that also give sexual favors. We apologize for the recording quality, we did it in the green room before the show and it sounds we are trapped inside of a well in space. 

  • DDIY 24 - Don't Prank Me, Bro

    28/03/2014 Duración: 01h04min

    Just in time for upcoming April Fool's Day, we are giving advice on how to be a master prankster. Also covered is how to pretend that you know about sports and what to do if you look.....unfortunate.   Topics: Gerbil Astronaut, Anti-Swing, Sport Zac, Don't Prank Me Bro, Sex Amigo, Prankenstein part II, The Carrot Top Conundrum, Barber College, The Bullwinkle Effect 

  • DDIY 23 - Butt Beaver

    21/03/2014 Duración: 55min

    3 guys take the strangest Wikihows they can find and try to come up with new step-by-step instructions. It gets out of control pretty quickly. This Week: How to Start a Cult, How to Charge Crystals for Healing, How to Hire a Nanny that your Spouse Won't Sleep With. Talking Points: Butt Beaver, Wormverse, The Basket, Naming Convention, Crystal Marital Aid, Xanex Rock Candy, Mrs. Doubtfire.

  • DDIY 22 - Air Bud XXII: Air Wolf

    14/03/2014 Duración: 50min

    Did you know that if you give someone a swirly with a bidet it's called a squirty? Or that a 'Wolf guy' was either someone you bought wolves from or a lazy werewolf? Neither did we. This episode is all about social interaction and how everyone is bad at it, especially us but ESPECIALLY everyone on Wikihow.   

  • DDIY 21 (w/ Shelby @Smelbz) - I Regret That: A Memoir

    07/03/2014 Duración: 01h03min

    The week we are joined by Shelby (@Smelbz) to talk about relationship advice, underwater fencing, tv's greatest treasure Cops, and the importance of toilet functionality at parties. We also spoil the end of The Grapes of Wrath.

  • DDIY 20 - From Russia With Man Love

    28/02/2014 Duración: 56min

    This week we turn to the sexier side of Wikihow. We give our always incredibly helpful advice on how to email boys and how to ask someone to stop sexting you. We try to get a baby to pay attention while getting their picture taken but end up hiring strippers.A cursing ABBA cover band, a lot of Harry Potter drug jokes and  porn titles round it out to make this our most sexually explicit episode yet! Enjoy?

  • DDIY 19 - Dr. Frankenstein, D.D.D.S.

    21/02/2014 Duración: 54min

    Frankenstein is a dragon doctor, Zac's gonna ride that big pinewood derby all the way to heaven, condoms are hidden EVERYWHERE, and someone should have made a western about osteoporosis. Sorry about the picture, Sarah Wilson.

  • DDIY 18 - Superheroes and Dragons

    14/02/2014 Duración: 59min

    Hello everyone. On this weeks podcast we become our true selves as super heroes, and it isn't pretty: the range is from milf hunters to gaseous bus helpers who swear they aren't Hitler. Prepare for some reminiscence about dragon literature and a sweet high five coming at you, so.. come on, Don't Do It Yourself.    ....RIP Elliott Smith

  • DDIY 17 - We're Sochi Excited

    07/02/2014 Duración: 48min

    Today we talk about the Olympics, Russia, moving in Seattle, and an awful death that can happen to YOU. If you ski. Well, if you ski near trees. This episode also completes our descent into madness. Topics include: Putin on your chest, Russian Dracula, Borsch coat, Ostrich in a borsch coat, Usain Bolt Jesus Lizard,John Candy is a paddleboat, Bobcat Goldthwait being pulled by bobcats on a bobsled, Ski jump archery/mixed martial arts.

  • DDIY 16 - Infinite Dimensions, Infinite Notorious BIGs

    31/01/2014 Duración: 50min

    Have you ever wanted to get a girlfriend but just can't be bothered to muster up the courage to actually say something to her? Yeah, us either.. but on this weeks episode we try to hit on girls without talking to them. This goes as well as expected, since earlier we got a little philosophical with Plato and his being-hit-on-by-a-stranger-in-"The Cave" allegory. So I say put on your crying helmet, lightly weep to yourself so your sister won't hear and join us this week 'cause it's a good one. DDIY BITCHEZZZZ!!

  • DDIY 15 (w/ Ben Thompson) - You’re the Thoreau to my Emerson, bitch.

    24/01/2014 Duración: 45min

    Today we are joined by guest Ben Thompson of as we tackle the most badass of Wikihows.  Mike gets disappointed when he finds out what sabering is so we try to come up with other ways to combine swords and champagne. Then we discuss how to escape an old style POW camp in case you find yourself caught by rogue reenactors and the result is the worst thing you could possibly imagine. On top of that we figure out how to win a losing battle, battle a giant crab-handed monster in our movie game, and answer a few questions from Twitter, the results of which involve Buzz Aldrin, having your children raised by wolves, and Scottish anatomy. Strap in, and Don’t Do It Yourself.

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