Happiness Hacks

Frequently we will ask ourselves—why am I unhappy? But the key component is the question underneath the question.  What is making you unhappy?  Or better yet, what would you know if you were happy?  A friend, former guest, and storytelling expert, Hillary Rea, shared that it might come down to asking a more beautiful question—a question that helps you get to the heart of the question to uncover the answer. Often, Hillary uses the phrase—ask a more beautiful question—to prompt her to get to the heart of an issue.  Throughout my own experiences, I’ve found that the beautiful question is usually underneath the question that’s important and so today’s episode is a study into the question underneath the question concept. I’m talking with Kim Strobel who’s a happiness and empowerment coach and the founder of Strobel Education. As a leadership consultant and happiness coach, Kim helps businesses, organizations, and high-achievers prioritize their health and well-being so they can reach new levels in their business a

I didn’t always know I wanted to be a therapist. It took me a while to ADMIT it out loud that I wanted to be a therapist (I was 34 before I got my license). I honestly have a love-hate relationship with the world of therapy and psychology. It endlessly fascinates me—and yet the industry as a whole is notoriously dysfunctional and, at times, archaic.  At 25, I was getting ready to start my second year of my Masters in Counseling. I had registered for classes and was less than a week from starting when out of the blue, I decided to drop out. I still remember walking from my apartment to the registrar’s office to withdraw. It was a totally irrational decision and 100% based on my gut which was SCREAMING at me to withdraw. I didn’t know why… I just knew I couldn’t go back and continue my studies.  Seven years later, 4 different jobs, and after completing a different Masters’ Degree, I decided to complete my studies and earn my Masters in Community Counseling. This was also a gut decision—and a particularly amazin

For those of us with anxiety, it’s pretty common to go into research mode and ask ourselves: why am I feeling this way? And if you already enjoy thinking, analyzing, and solving problems like me, well, then thinking and researching why you’re anxious is your go-to pattern.  When I was writing my book, The Happier Approach, I learned that my default pattern—researching and asking why—didn’t actually serve me. The solution to my anxiety had nothing to do with the why.  So what’s the solution to anxiety if it isn’t figuring out the why?  Honestly, I was a little disappointed by the answer. It’s about getting into your body.  Moving from exploring our thoughts and opening up to our bodies is very hard for many of us. We live in our heads. We forget we have bodies. But what happens when our bodies have a lot to tell us about our experiences—and we don’t listen?  In Episode 149, I talked with Nicole Lewis-Keeber about the t-word: trauma.  In this episode, I’m talking with yoga psychotherapist and founder of Whole H

Your past matters—even though the personal growth industry is obsessed with the future you at the expense of the past you. In that world, the only real change and movement in your life come from looking forward, setting goals, and just doing it as I talked about in Episode 148. But I believe that it’s OK to have a past.  It’s OK to be perfectly imperfect. It’s OK to share stories from your past.  It’s OK to have trauma and pain in your past.  It’s OK to have a joyful past, too. The bottom line? You cannot ignore your past.  If you do, it will creep up on you in the personification of your Monger as your parents or in the way you talk to your kids or how you interact with your spouse. Your past plays a role in your current life—period.  It’s immensely powerful to face our stories—to look them dead in the face and slowly release their power through patience and compassion for ourselves. That’s how you live happier. Listen to the full episode to hear: The first step in the process of not letting your past cont

Trauma. This word is loaded for so many of us. When we think of trauma, we think of what we call Big T Traumas: images of war, combat, natural disasters, physical or sexual abuse, terrorism, or catastrophic accidents usually come to mind.  There are also Little T Traumas. These are often personally traumatic because of the timing, the place, or our emotional state: interpersonal conflict, divorce, infidelity, legal trouble, financial worries, moving, and many more.  Although something could be considered a “Little T” Trauma, that doesn’t mean it’s less traumatic or less damaging. Instead, it allows us to see the word trauma in a different way and realize that it can take on many shapes and forms. Today on the show, I’m kicking off the month by chatting with Nicole Lewis-Keeber. Nicole is a business therapist and mindset coach who works with entrepreneurs to create and nurture healthy relationships with their businesses. She's a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a Masters in Social Work and has a rich

Go big or go home.  Dream big!  Do big things. That’s what all the self-help gurus and Pinterest tell us to do. But is it really the answer?  We can all think of a time where we thought that going big—moving somewhere new, going after that new career, or buying the awesome house or car—would be the solution to all of our problems.  Yet more often than not, we find that those big moves aren’t the answer to our inner happiness nor our problems. I’ve found in my own experience as well as working with clients that doing the inner work and facing our humanness is what we need to do first. That’s where the true big adventure lies. All this month, I’ve been talking about Being Human. I spoke with Tara McMullin in Episode 145 about being human in your business and with Sarah Kathleen Peck in Episode 146 about getting unstuck and out of your own way.  In today’s episode, I want to expand a bit on the unstuck theme and how our tendency as people with High Functioning Anxiety is to do two things: 1) give up on getting u

Have you been feeling a bit stuck lately, wondering what comes next?  Saying to yourself that there has to be more?  If so, you’re not alone. That’s because I’ve been asking myself these questions lately, too. I’ve noticed that whenever I’m in this place for too long, it usually means I’m looking for the “right answer.” I’m trying to find the “perfect” next step.  I’m wrapped up in fear, doubt, and insecurity.  Those feelings are not uncommon when you’re stuck. But when it becomes a pattern—fear, doubt, and insecurity lead to staying stuck and staying stuck leads to those feelings—that’s when getting out of your own way gets tricky.  This month, I’m continuing this month’s theme of Being Human with Sarah Kathleen Peck. Sarah is the founder and CEO of Startup Parent and the host of The Startup Parent Podcast, where she helps working parents try to navigate everyday insanity.  Listen to the full episode to hear: There are two types of people: those who know what they want and they’re having a hard time going

Does this sound like you?  Your to-do list is a mile long—yet, logically, there’s no way you could complete it; you drive yourself so hard, pushing, hustling, head down working toward a goal—and beat yourself up when you don’t reach it.  You might even sacrifice sleep and your own well-being in pursuit of this goal.  If so, then your Monger might be running the show and holding you to an impossible superhuman standard.  Your Monger convinces you that you have to do these things. There is no choice. You push yourself day in and day out in pursuit of a goal or fantasy version of what your life is “supposed to be”—because if you don’t attain the life your Monger is pushing you towards, then you just don’t have what it takes to be happy.  If you gave yourself permission to pause and reflect on how your Monger holds you to these impossible standards, you might ask yourself: who set the goal I’m hustling so hard for? And if it is actually my goal, is that goal still serving me or even something I want to be pursuin

Being human is messy and imperfect—and, we’re bound to make mistakes.  It’s part of the deal. We’re not going to get everything right, every time.  But we learn as we go.  That’s what being human is all about.  For some, being human—the messiness of it—is totally anxiety-provoking. It makes things feel harder to do and accomplish. But what if embracing your humanness could actually result in more ease and more success… with a whole lot less anxiety to boot? Is it possible? Not only is it possible, but it is also achievable through tiny, small changes we can make to our everyday lives. And all this month, I’m going to go deep into how to embrace our humanness and discuss what it means to be human.   Today, I’m kicking off the Being Human theme with one of my business mentors, Tara McMullin.  We talk about how for Tara bringing her humanness into her life has made some huge shifts with her business, relationships, and mental health. Tara is a podcaster, small business community leader, and speaker. She’s been h

There is so much pressure to be the perfect parent.  My clients tell me all the time that they consistently feel they have to be “perfect” and be all the things to their children. That anxiety infiltrates everything they do—and that anxiety can also impact their children.  One thing we can do to decrease not only our own anxiety but our kids’ anxiety, too, is by being honest about what we have time for, what our expectations are, and own up when we fail. It’s important not only for our children but also for ourselves.  This week, I’m continuing my interview with parenting expert and coach, Renee Mattson about anxiety in children and how as parents we can help raise our kids with more resiliency and less anxiety. If you missed it, I highly recommend listening to part one where Renee shared helpful ways to not pass along your anxiety to your children and why clear boundaries, empathy, and compassion are so important.  Renee is the owner and founder of Child in Bloom, a coaching business for parents and teacher

In these unprecedented times… In these uncertain times… Now more than ever… UGH.  The language of 2020 is getting old.  But it’s getting old because we are running out of words to describe the anxiety, overwhelm, fear, and uncertainty that we are living through right now in July of 2020.  It’s not just anxiety-provoking for us as adults but also for the next generation. Statistics show that the strain of our world is taking a toll on our children.   A few months ago, one of my clients asked if I’d seen the Atlantic article about childhood anxiety—they were convinced that they were totally messing up their kids!  Of course, I read the article and it inspired me to reach out to parenting expert (and childhood friend of mine!) Renee Mattson. I wanted to find out her thoughts on how we’re impacting our kids and how we can better parent them through these anxious times.  Renee is the owner and founder of Child in Bloom, a coaching business for parents and teachers. She’s a mother of three, a licensed intervention

In the self-help/personal development world, the idea of stories—and the stories we tell ourselves—is seen as a negative thing.  The message is: if we were better people, then we would know all of our “stories”—and if we are honest about them, they wouldn’t get in our way and hold us back from living our full potential.  Instead, we could change our limiting beliefs by simply “changing the story.”  That phrase drives me crazy. As if it’s that easy to change your story!  And while the self-help world might portray stories as a challenge to overcome or as an opportunity to rewrite, I have always seen it differently: stories are what make us the amazing, unique humans that we are.  Today, I’m so excited to introduce Hillary Rea to you. She is a storyteller by trade and has a refreshingly different take on the stories that we tell ourselves, the stories we tell about ourselves to others, and the stories that others tell about us.  Hillary is the founder of Tell Me A Story, a full-service communication consulting

There are numerous definitions of boundaries.  One of them is that boundaries serve as expectation management. At its core, it’s quite simple: boundaries create an expectation for what I can expect from you and, conversely, what you can expect from me.  Healthy boundaries create healthy expectations and are truly essential for any kind of relationship—but people with high functioning anxiety really struggle with setting them for a number of reasons.  They think that people won’t like them. There might be conflict.  It might mean they hurt someone’s feelings. Ouch.  But when setting boundaries, any of the above can happen—but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t follow through. In fact, boundaries are one way we can be both clear and kind with others.  If that feels counterintuitive to you, I recommend giving this episode a listen. Today, I’m discussing the importance of boundaries with Randi Buckley.  Randi is a leadership mentor, author, and podcaster who offers a different way of thinking for something more. She is

Hanging with a friend in the backyard. Cooking dinner.  Relaxing with my husband.  Driving to pick up food and sitting at the traffic light. During a conference call with a colleague.  Countless times throughout the day when I’m feeling uninspired, vigilant, or bored.  These are just a few of the times social media has infiltrated my life in the past few days.  Social media continually takes me away from the experiences and relationships I really value—over and over again.  The thing about social media is that it's supposed to make you feel more connected to people you care about... but ends up taking you away from the moments you spend with them. That’s why I’m leaving social media.  Listen to the full episode to hear: The thought process that went behind leaving social media for good 3 main reasons why I wanted to stay on social media (and what I realized) The 2 rules I used to be more intentional and thoughtful about my decision to leave  Links: Coach in Your Pocket The Happier Approach Book Live

What’s the point?  Why bother?  Who cares?  It will never change… Have you ever caught yourself uttering those words?  Perhaps you’ve said these to yourself when considering a career change or launching a creative project or even making a self-care plan. I know I have!  These questions can also be considered along the lines of what’s happening across the nation right now with social justice and equality.  Sometimes, we are so afraid of taking imperfect action and doing it wrong that we simply don’t bother at all. Instead, we stay stuck by not taking action at all and rehashing the ways we did it wrong in the past.  But we can do it differently.  We can take small, measured, imperfect action.  We can make progress toward desire. Today’s guest, Jennifer Louden, is an expert in doing it differently. She is a personal growth pioneer and author of Why Bother?, helping readers discover the desire for what’s next in their lives. As an entrepreneur and educator, Jennifer has offered women’s retreats for over 25 years

My Monger is always in my ear, saying: You got this.  And while, to some, “I got this” might sound like empowered thinking, when it’s coming from my Monger, it certainly is not.  Instead, it’s a clue that I’m on auto-pilot mode.  Here’s what I mean: Recently, after a full day of work, I was making dinner for my husband and doing a load of laundry at the same time. Telling my husband to plate up, I rushed downstairs to “flip a load,” as I call it.  This is when my Monger started chiming in. “Hurry up!” it said. “You told your husband dinner was ready and now you’re downstairs messing with the laundry!” And it struck me: I’d worked all day, cooked dinner, and now I was doing laundry—and my Monger was STILL going to shame me for not doing it fast enough?! Good grief!  But stories like this are common for me. For years, I lived in that message. I call this the catch-22 of “I got this.” Listen to the full episode to hear: 3 ways to avoid this endless spiral of “I got this” thinking Why operating on autopilot is h

Which of these examples looks like a day of self-care for you? A hike through the woods with your nearest and dearest and a picnic lunch. A rambunctious night of games, drinks, and pizza with friends. Sleeping in and having coffee in bed, followed by a granola bowl on the back deck. A chance to read your new fiction book, some yard work, and a barbeque on the grill.  Canceling plans to go canoeing because you just don’t feel good and need to rest. Staying in bed all day, watching movies.  We have a set definition of what self-care should look like. But the reality is that any and all of the above ideas can be self-care!  For those of us with High Functioning Anxiety, we struggle with self-care. I mean, soul-nourishing, true downtime, really-giving-back-to-ourselves kind of self-care.  And yet our lack of self-care keeps us stuck in over-functioning and a lack of self-loyalty.  Sound familiar? That’s why this month we’re talking about what keeps you stuck and how self-care (and lack thereof!) is one of those t

“You should be grateful,” they say.  “It isn’t that bad. I’m just whining,” you tell yourself.  “I shouldn’t be so negative. I have so much to be positive about in my life.”  Man, oh, man! We really beat ourselves up for not being able to stick with positive thoughts all the time. The minute we start to feel negativity—like fear, anger, or doubt—we’re trained to step in with positivity.  Yet anger, sadness, and doubt have things to teach us. If we skip right over these “negative emotions,” we never get to experience life on a deeper level.  Today, I’m thrilled to talk with Danielle Brooker who helps busy, always-on women ditch stress and reclaim their joy. She owns The Daisy Patch, where she offers private coaching and group masterminds as well as digital courses. She also hosts the podcast, Let It Shine, and is a Forbes.com contributor.  In this episode, Danielle and I totally geek out about the differences between joy, happiness, and positive thinking. There is so much good stuff here and I can’t wait for y

Today, we’re talking about doing things the “Right Way” and—surprise!—how there’s no such thing.  Unsurprisingly, many of my clients live for “doing it right.”  For them, there is nothing more amazing as hearing: Yes, you’re doing it right. In fact, one of the most popular phrases I hear from clients is: I did okay, right? They’re always looking for affirmation that they did it right.  So why is the need to do things the “Right Way” such a common experience of people with High Functioning Anxiety?  Doing it right, following the rules, and being a good girl keeps us from criticism. And growing up—either in our family of origin or through school and church—we learned that following the rules earns us LOTS of praise.  Not only that, but it protects us from the anxiety of not knowing what to do next. It keeps us safe—at least that’s what we convince ourselves of.  What rules have you created for yourself? Let’s explore this together in this week’s episode and find out what we can do about it.  Listen to the full

Honestly, I have always had a mixed relationship with creativity.  I have almost always loved it and thought to myself, I want to do that more! And then months, years pass before I actively pursue something creative. Why? My Monger’s message of perfectionism and practicality always gets in the way: “She tries but she has no talent”.  “What are you going to do with it? You are going to have all these art projects and nowhere to put them.” “You have to drag all the art supplies out and spend MORE money on creative. Get real.” I get in my own way.  This is why I wanted to talk to someone who deals with High Functioning Anxiety and is still able to pursue creativity for a living. Today, I am talking with Beryl Young of Momtography. She is a mom, photographer, teacher, and creator of popular classes to support parents in capturing the life they love. A former elementary school teacher by day, she’s taken her experience in education and photography and brought a message of creativity, resilience, connection, and fu