Your Mom's House With Christina P. And Tom Segura

This week, the mommies discover and fall in love with a new Dan Pena clip, get a translation for Christina's Persian voicemail lady, listen to old and new songs, play a round of 'Rate My Jeans,' and much much more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on YMH, Tom and Christina take a look at some great points about sleeping with your friends, try to pick a name for Tom's new stand-up tour, play another round of 'Horrible or Hilarious,' call Ryan "Sickle Cell" Sickler to figure out who coined the nickname, and much much more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, the mommies dive deep into the fetish of ball kicking, see what DJ Dad Mouth was up to in Des Moines, do another installment of Horrible or Hilarious, and much much more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week the mommies learn how to "rip some skin," judge a mommy's denim, play Horrific or Hilarious, watch a recovered Top Dog call from a lost episode, and much much more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, the mommies find a VERY talented grandmother who works for a a certain kind of phone line, they welcome back one of the strongest performers in the adult industry, watch the trailer for Steven Seagal's new action movie where he doesn't move a lot, and much much more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week's episode, the mommies educate themselves on vaginal knitting, get some questions answered on special people's daily schedules, pick a name for their son just incase they get pregnant again, and much, much more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You should drink your pee. Especially if you have a cold or a fever or a stomach ache or you're tired. Pee is better than medicine. It's your own medicine and it's free (and tastes good). Also, stop being stupid.  We tell stories about our old landlord, Jose. Plus a new game - Horrible or Hilarious? Will Tom like a psycho and someone's unfortunate circumstance or will he see it like a human? Plus an incredible impromptu call with Top Dog where we read him street jokes and he laughs, well, harder than we've ever laughed at anything. It's amazing.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week the mommies do a very important dental update as a recent article about the merits of flossing has surfaced. Christina learns what a "trap-p***y" is during an outing at the park with her family. Also, Percocet-master Gina from Boston is warmly welcomed to the mommy-dome. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week the mommies find Christina's dad on Instagram having a dance-off in Ibiza, review some fan-made websites, discuss the order of sushi they couldn't beat, and learn how to become bad boys Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is the type of thing denim was built for - the ultimate Momisode. If you're a HARD F'n CORE mommy you are in for a treat. Three of the most outrageous, hilarious and central people on this show are all in the episode and we had them IN studio. Sit back, relax and let the people who shaped Tommy Jeans entertain you by just being themselves. Plus we have Fat updates and much more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sometimes really scary moments, like blood dripping from your butt, can produce magical results, like Ari's farts. We have some for you. Does Dani sing a song for us? Well you Daniacs are gonna find out! (and it might involve a little baby named Hitler) Plus we have strictly friendly sports, a new dildo from Nick (AJ?) Hawk, and Doug Stanhope weighs in on the #FATBATTLE. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We hope you're HAPPY, Rachel! Mummy knows and now so does everyone else! Plus a Jamaican accent so thick the Master gets stumped?!? Tommy's family is in town and the house has flipped over. Will the Mommy's survive? An Asian guy from the South Pacific is still wanting a girlfriend, but with a new approach - intense dude energy. We have some advice. Plus The Water Championship has been settled, but who is the ALONE CHAMPION? The debate begins. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The thing about having your balls shrink is ultimately, it's the best thing that can happen. It makes your salami look so much bigger and who doesn't want that. Ze Zim Xir yim. Those are all preferred pronouns of severely mentally ill people, some of whom you may know. Make sure whenever you meet someone you open with, "Hey, what's your pronoun?" Plus, did Tom lose a bet and get his thumbs burned by cigs? Is the poop pile real? We work on getting you ANSWERS. AND #bertisfat is finally something you can own - get the new shirt and show the world you are on "TEAM TOM."   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You kind of have to agree, if you're gonna poop you might as well share it. Thankfully, a nice man in New York City thinks the same way. Wanna hear a cool fart? You should say that and then fart. Just an idea from Tom that he thinks is really going to take off. Plus, have you ever taken a walk with your family? Just a regular walk? Well this life-changing in the mind of Christina and her communist upbringing. #BertIsFat goes to a whole new level and Tom and Christina aren't the ones who did it! Plus, buying crack, dental updates and a whole lot more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If Water drinking had a Super Bowl, this episode would be it. Pick your sides and deal with the results cause after this one, there will only be ONE. The Water Gawd.  If thrive to be the best is that like striving to be the best? What if you have 4 teeth? Can you still be the best? Now add 400 or so pounds. Yup, the best.  We love coaches and mentors as much as anyone else, but when said mentor speaks directly and curses non stop, well then we fall in love.  Daniel Pena is straight forward and doesn't worry about feelings. Gnaw mean?  Plus, let's get to the bottom of Bart being fat. This episode has BOTH sides of the story.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

H2O and H2NO if you ask Tommy, the self-proclaimed "water champ." But Tina, she has other ideas up her sleeve, including a very sneaky plan that she reveals in this episode.  PLUS, pig-calling, mastering accents, more fat Bert fun and then some, Ya feel us?  To bring it home we have yet another Hall of Fame call from Top Dog and this time he weighs in on Double Pipe Classics.  You can never have too much denim.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If there's one thing about black women that are about to throw down in public, it's LET THEM SPEAK. Something really great and probably funny that you never could have thought of is gonna fly.  We have a new message to the Fuhrer from Dani and this one involves food and emergency services at Sea! How fat is Bert? Very. How aware is Bert that he is fat? We happen to think not enough. Look deep inside yourself and try to find a fun, effective way to let Bert know that he is fat and find out WHY he's that fat.  We have Persian translations, IRISH AKA English translations, Would You Rather's and a WHOLE lot more!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you puke on TV but then keep doing your TV job, you are what we call a PROFESSIONAL. Shout out to SWEDEN! Do you like rats? Do you have kids? Are you super lonely? Here's a tip: ditch the rats, keep the kids and someone worthwhile will come in to your life. It's just that rat "thing" that's keeping people away.  Our Super Jew producer brought us a video about how to spot a Jew. But, like we said, he's a Jew. We don't know what he's up to but it feels really Jewey.  The Master Of Accents is BACK! Will he finally be defeated by an inimitable cadence?  Plus FAN MAIL, PATREON, and TINA JEANS is hitting the road again. Get those JEANS ON!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

PATREON, I told you to put that down! Also, sign up for Patreon, ya'll! You'll get extra bonus content, inside denim access, personal shout outs and more!   WOW! say it again! WOW! Open your mouth so the whole dog can fit in the bathtub! Today we discover which gender we are (it's really changing at every moment). Plus Bert Is Fat and Why Is Bert So Fat really took off! We have all the fat comments.  Dental Updates, dating inflatable animals, Joey Diaz being a SAVAGE and more! NO LOOSE DENIM ALLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Morning news is the best. It opens the doors to grown up jokes about "Salad Tossing" (with real salads!) PLUS DJ Dad Mouth gets to muck around and have some fun! If you're gonna talk that ISH before you arm-wrestle, make sure you, you know, WIN.  Unbelievably, the girl who was defending Hitler on YouTube was kicked off for HATE speech. Weird that YouTube doesn't know that Hitler watches YouTube all day.  This episode is completely non-binary so please use proper pronouns. It's not a preference, it's a REQUIREMENT.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices