Your Mom's House With Christina P. And Tom Segura

This is our final gift to you in the year 2015, a visit from beloved guest, world prostitute chaser and medical lab rat, YOSHI! As always, no written word can prepare or describe what Yoshi bring to the table. Put in your ear buds, crank the volume and enjoy this one.  Thanks for a great 2015, MOMMIES! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Merry Jeansmas! Hope you all are snuggling and kissing and drinking cocoa by the fire. We have a baby jeans and will be doing all that, gurl.  This episode has magic: enemas, OMG Maria, Top Dog, Kim Ahn breaking it down HARD CORE, Would You Rather's and a whole lot more.  Please be safe and allow denim into your heart.  Please support our sponsors - MeUndies.com/mom and BlueApron.com/mom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is Baby Jeans here?! You'll just have to listen to find out! What happens when you get AIDS from someone and you see them on public transit? You gotta call them out, yo!  RIP Greg Giraldo Plus the KING has been in hiding for a while and now we have confirmation that he's BACK!  And Tommy insists that his DJing will pay off in the future, I mean, listen to what Paris Hilton is doing. You get to decide if its good.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What a Jeanstastic episode! The FedEx controversy RAGES on! Tommy has some damning evidence that may turn Christina's pronunciation on it's head. Um, do we have an exclusive interview with Throatzilla aka Orally Gifted? Yes, yes jeans we do! Also important Steven Segal update. Fill her up and seal her shut! What a BIG DAY! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Bond, Jeans Bond is the name or perhaps you're more familiar with Double 0 Denim as I'm known inside these walls. The mommies have a spectacular bonus clip of the new Bond movie and you are sure to love it.  Plus is a white boy claiming to be a crip the real deal or is he frontin in a red hat? We have the Farsi voicemails translated, the lamest dude ever in porn and a call from Tommy's Uncle Bill You got that sauce, mane? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Happy HatesGiving, MOMMY! As is tradition on this show we'll do our best to offend you for the holiday!  Do you have an incurable neurological disorder? Is English not your first language? Do you not look like us? Do you live somewhere that isn't Los Angeles? Hopefully we hit you below the belt! The Persian Lady who has left Tina countless messages about the desert and sharia laws has, you guessed it, left MORE messages. What the hell is she saying in Farsi?!? We encourage you to EAT WHAT YOU WANT for Thanksgiving. Is turkey not your thing? Push back against the man and get a steak or a hot dog - whatever you desire, Mommy. PLUS we have audio of TINA SNORING (LOUDLY), a crazy escort talks about her "job" AND a HUGE announcement that involves Tommy and one of the greatest rappers of ALL TIME.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yo Chuck! Yo, You got AIDS, YO! Aw, Damn, kid. Hope you got your Jimmy Hat. Tommy's done with the road for 2016, but he brought Guess My Brown home from the Big City! Will Tina guess correctly? Bunz has an idea for a new business to help support our growing family. If you need a nail trimming, please don't cut them! We're coming over.  Plus fashion has never been Tommy's strong suit and he's apparently really owning that now. Jeans has something to say about Bunzies new apparel.  And she rocked your world with last weeks Yellow/Brown/Yellow revelation. This week, Tina has a NEW insight into how browns and yellows sometimes mix.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Christina guesses Tom's brown! And a surprise game! Dunkin' Doughnuts vs Krispy Kreme. What side are the mommies on? Rachel Dolezal and Tamar Braxton. Tina has new voicemails and texts on her phone. The joys of a new phone number. If you borrow $20 from Linda, you'd better pay her back ASAP! Is Shaq hanging with Chuck Woolery? The most annoying girl in social media and more! Enjoy mommies.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you mad at your Mommy? Well, let her know! DJ Dad Mouth is working on his mad beatz and skillz. Is there really a lady out there wanting to lick Tom's b-hole? Turns out yes, yes there is. Christina is being challenged on her inventing the term "POS". Can she explain her way out of this one? Also, Mommy C raises a question that brings her to tears. Would You Rathers! Tom gives his insight into the new Matt Damon film.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you’re feeling hungry we have just the thing for you - a very special PICNIC. Make sure you bring your appetite because this is the kind of picnic that lets you keep on eating!  Did Christina come up with an expression that is very popular in our vernacular or has it been around for more than a decade? It’s time to break it down. Plus Tommy has seen Christina flirt for long enough with the mailman and the Whole Farts check out boy. Could he be getting to know a super market girl as more than a friend??!?!?  Diego AKA Thursday Lane set the podcast world on fire, but some people are saying “Too Much!” What will YOU say when he marries a fart?  Guess My Brown debuts and an NFL players has something to say about the Cincinnati Fart , you know what I’m saying? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you smell those jeans is when I feel the strongest. Those and of course grey sweatpants.  We missed you and this episode is almost a day late, but we promise that it's worth it. Of course there's porn being played in various California Target stores, but of course the Mommies have a good plan on how this rascal can up his game.  Plus more fun sex audio and rap songs that are simply delightful.  But we know why you're here this week and quite simply, yes, we have Diego AKA Thursday Lane and people are eager to help him smell man butt for hours and hours. It's all in these Jeans.      Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jeans Up! We got it all on this one and there's no way you are ready. Dumb hooker math? Yup! Greezy Chuck? Mm-HMM! Seagal nonsense? You know it! What about something that might blow all of our minds and even some of our butts? What about a gas man who really wants it, puts it out there and even TALKS to us about it? Well, just press play because no description can do this episode justice.    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tommy trimmed his beard and in doing so lost 40 pounds! Was it all hair or does he have an incurable disease? He thinks he knows and Tina doesn't agree! If you sweat at night you may want to get some blood work done today. Nothing seems quite as ridiculous as a sports fan losing his mind - especially if it's not in YOUR sport. Luckily, we have one of those guys and he has a wonderful accent. We are masters of accents on this show and will prove it.  We ALL know about King A** Ripper and his glorious skills - is someone ready to take the throne from him?!?! It appears that a PRINCE is near! Plus we finally put Peter Caine to rest and we top if off with an OMG Maria call for the AGES! Do NOT Kiss her P***y! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you feel something in your shorts and it feels like you should go to the bathroom, you probably should. Thankfully, we have audio of someone who didn't.  What about a Dad Jokes Only tour? Would you get tickets? Huh? C'mon, buddy! Multiple choice!! OKAY!!! Should a wipe ALWAYS be clean? We debate as ONE OF US believes that a little something on there is fine. I mean, why use paper AT ALL?!? Dental update: If you're old, be old. Teeth included. Veneers make you look INSANE.  Plus a Peter Caine update - he isn't happy with any of us. Is it because we don't own a Raven? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Drink Mountain Dew before bed! A riveting Dental Update from Tom - buckle up you will be shocked. Kamala Devi revelations (our favorite Poly-Bi couple). Safe Haven pooping locations. Christina is getting hit on by black guys now more than ever! Plus a special phone call with a YMH favorite - Peter Caine. Huge episode! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever just done it in a parking lot on the pavement? Were you drunk? We are still Poly and Bi and loving it! Will Tom appreciate Christina's farts this week? The Cincy fart lives on. Tom insists that Christina is flirting with both their post man and a local Whole Foods Employee. A very sad dental update. Lots of mommy mail and a call from Top Dog!! Is it heaven on earth? No, it's just Your Mom's House! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you jerk your meats in public? Only if you work late night at a gas station. But don't do it if you are surrounded by glass. John Cranley update - when will he listen to our demands for a Cincinnatti fart memorial?? Steven Segal revelations, intense fart conversations and football. Have you implemented a thumbs up system in your house yet? I hope so!     Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh Jeans, Jeans, Jeans - that's not an echo - don't worry, we fixed that! SORRY Sorry sorry. We have a new system in place for bodily noises and acknowledging them - one thumb up top and two for down below. Please join and use our system in your lives. A few weeks back Christina broke down barriers with what has been given the name, The Cincinnati Fart. Please help immortilize her accomplishment by petitioning the Queen City to memorialize this feat. Info on how in the episode.  We know a lot of people Style Suck us, but what a certain morning radio recently did just let us know that the Mom's are the talk of the town, Na mean? Lots of good audio in this one. (YEAH!) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you really think American politics are a joke well then maybe you should consider the platform that Deez Nuts is selling. It covers smells, hair and whatever that thing is that what's his name gave you yesterday. Plus, if you thought the Smith children were unbearable before you have no idea the new nonense they are spewing (yeah!).  What are the whore giveaways - Voice? Piercings? What about her feet? And dude, listen, you can't pull off that gear if you're not in the Rock 'N Roll Hall Of Fame. Let it go.  Chuck Woolery has a NEW endorsement. Is it GREEZY? Not really, but it sure does cost a lot. Can you imagine being married to Steven Seagal. If you can you probably just passed out.   We don't wear loose jeans in this one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever wanted a man goo shampoo? Well now you can hear what that sounds like! DJ Poly-Bi scratches some cool new jams. The jeans discuss car farts, a new movie pitch, relatives sending naked baby pics and tragic news about King Ass Ripper - WARNING - this will make your jeans low and loose. It's ALL HERE! Pull em up! Here we go.    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices