The Trap Sodcasts

HO HO HO! Those are just three of the noises you’ll be making as you plough through this unpleasantly long Xmas self-indulgence which is fast becoming an annual tradition, nay, chore! So pull up a mince pudding and mull some cranberry sauce and join us by the fire as we look back at another bloody year of the Trap sodcasts. As well as the usual parade of Metro is shits, spotteds, blesses and hates we bring back some old favourites that have been allowed to sit in the corner of the Trap attic and gather rust. We think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. We are, of course, wrong.Anyway, as if that wasn’t more than enough, we round off the year with an ear-curdling Xmas episode of Event Horizon Crescent which features an extended and pithy reference to a film that is only 13 years old! JINGLE BELM!

Well this week’s podcast is short and sloppy. Which is how you like it. You pervert.Anyway, we cover a lot of ground and blow a lot of hot air and then piss off, leaving you gasping for Event Horizon Crescent. Which follows. Does anyone even read these bits? I mean I write em every time, but I don’t put much thought in so I wouldn’t blame you for not reading them. They tell you nothing, after all. I might stop bothering. Or just leave up that stupid cod latin that acts as a placeholder. You lot wouldn’t give a shit would you. Charming. Well thank you, thank you VERY much.

Well where the bloody hell have we been? Eh? No note! No phone call! Nothing!Oh what, so we think we can just breeze in and out of your lives without a care in the world, have our fun with your ears for an hour or so and then just up and leave for a month? Well we can forget it buster!Anyway, here we are, back again, the usual shit then EHC. Hope it makes up for our behaviour. You know we loves ya, right babes? You be the only audience for us.

Well it’s us again, swiftly abandoning any plans for a Hallowe’en special or a return to the happy days of Paul’s food poisoning tales. However, we do get a chance to catch up on some of the many reasons Metro is shit and give our own very special tributes to Norman Wisdom (although we forgot Manimal had also carked it so consider this bit in brackets to be his tribute). Also, stay tuned for what may well turn out to be the first ever episode of Event Horizon Crescent to win an Oscar! You know, cos it’s good. I know they don’t give Oscars to podcasts but I’m just saying... oh fuck you then, fuck you.

Welcome back! This week it’s business as usual as we start a fight with another ‘Sodcast’ and hear a wonderful whimsical tale of Paul’s anus. If you’re eating you might want to finish up before getting stuck into this week’s offering is all I’m saying.Anyway, you can wash your mouth out with another generous helping of Event Horizon Crescent. That’s the great thing about Crezzie, it hardly ever makes you retch.

We’re back!! Again. Unfortunately, we recorded this sodcast a couple of days before the comments for the last one went batshit so we only really scratch the surface of those pearls of wisdom but perhaps we’ll cover them next time.What we do cover will blow your fucking mind though. But not as much as... oh yes... the return of Event Horizon Crescent! It’s bigger, bolder and, most importantly, longer than ever. And you thought we’d done all the jokes, hah! Well... so what if we have?

We abandon hectic rehearsals for Bad Musical (Etcetera Theatre Camden, 27-29 August at 9pm, tickets £7.50) to record this very special rambling sodcast. Covering the most heated topics as always, we finally get round to recording Carla Lane’s In Atlantis and we swear perhaps more than ever so quite a treat for fans of barrack-room language.Anyway, stay listening to the end for a very special trailer for the upcoming return of everyone’s favourite space-based soap, Event Horizon Crescent.

We’re 40 today! To celebrate we deal with the most important issues of the day including a man who collects crisp packets like a tool and try to work out what the best thing Noel Edmonds has done is... could it be this: http://bit.ly/WCPF0 Have your say on our poll! No Event Horizon Crescent again this week as we’re still hard at work on Bad Musical (27-29 August at Etcetera Theatre, Camden). Buy tickets now from www.camdenfringe.org

After our Spanish superbness last time, it’s a bit of a dip in quality this week as we decide it’s high time we did a shit one. So we burble on about absolutely nothing and, in the process, libel a bunch of people. So it’s very important that we point out that everything we say about everybody in this weeks sodcast is entirely untrue and we apologise unreservedly to the offended parties. Sorry offended parties.

Ola! We’re in Spain this week, so it seems entirely appropriate that we perform a special Aveline from Bread tribute episode of On Buddy Holly’s Plane by Carla Lane. Otherwise that might have seemed in poor taste.

Raoul Moat will be sorry he missed this week’s Trap Sodcast as he’s namechecked a couple of times. At the time of recording, ‘Moaty’ as Paul Gascoigne seems to call him could still have sent in an mp3 for Event Horizon Crescent like so many of our other lovely listeners. So thanks guys for sending in your guest appearances, you’re better than Raoul Moat and we don’t say that lightly.Anyway, aside from that it’s the usual shit with Event Horizon Crescent tacked on the end. What did you expect?

Welcome to our Trap Sodcast Summer Special! It’s far too hot of course to do a sodcast in this weather but we don’t let that stop us, no sireeeeeeeee! So you lucky folk get to experience us sort of falling asleep. Also, Jeremy and Paul drink booze during it so you get to hear that too.We mention the football for a second, sorry about that, but we immediately abandon it. Until Event Horizon Crescent which is about nothing but. Come on England!

Yet another wallop of loud noises from everyone’s favourite ‘arseholes’ as this week we tackle the most burning issues in the news in a hard-hitting and uncompromising way. Then we do the podcast which is the usual shit. There’s an ‘exciting’ hiatus in the show this week as we have to stop to go for a job interview down a phone. Find out how it went! I think you can probably guess though.Anyway shut up because Event Horizon Crescent’s back and there ain’t nothing wrong with The Crez. Word.

On the eve of our final Los Quattros Cvnts show (til September) we gather together with Michael Legge in a pub like the cvnts we are and bang on about cvnty stuff. And Michael forgets that Frank Carson is the celebrity he spotted. Michael! It was Frank Carson!

Well we’re back! Yes, after yet another needlessly long hiatus, it’s time for another of these things, whatever they are. This week we grace your ears with a lovely new episode of In the Divorce Courts by Carla Lane, Jeremy hates a bunch of stuff again and we provide you with the last thing you needed: a pathetic commentary to the short YouTube film Pixels by Patrick Jean. I’d skip through that bit if I were you. But by all means don’t skip through this week’s Event Horizon Crescent whatever you do! Unless you’re not a fan, in which case skipping it would be totally understandable. You uncultured thug.

In our special Pik memorial episode we cover a fair bit of ground in honour of our late feathered friend. She alas misses this week’s instalment of ‘In A&E’ (by Carla Lane) which she would have definitely loved. But even sadder, she also misses the latest MIND-BLOWING instalment of our worldwide sensation sci-fi soap Event Horizon Crescent where this week things get a little political... space political. Pik would have loved that. She was all about the politics.

It’s an odd one this week. The first half is another OB, this time in a Starbucks in London’s lovely London. We briefly mourn the passing of Pik before falling back into our usual barrel of bullshit. It’s what she would have wanted.The second half takes place many months ago: having watched Doctor Who’s Waters Of Mars episode and got rather pissed, the three of us and Michael Legge decided it would be fun to watch some celebrated disgusting internet shock videos and record our reactions. It’s basically a lot of shouting. We weren’t going to bother putting it up but in the absence of an Event Horizon Crescent and to make up for the vast gap between sodcasts, we thought it was time to inflict the fucking thing on you lot. Sorry.

Back to our best this week without a shadow of a doubt, we hit the ground running and then we hit it again and again til it stops running. Stupid fucking ground.There’s the usual mix of shits and giggles (1 part giggles to 10 parts shits) and we find out what happens in Carla Lane’s latest sitcom ‘In The Centre Of Venus’.Anyway, it’s all just an excuse to give the incomparable 25th Anniversary episode of Event Horizon Crescent something to sit on. Bloody belm.

Well it’s taken some doing but we finally made it to number 30! And to celebrate this momentous milestone we decide to record the sodcast in two halves. The first half takes place round Paul’s and is the sort of thing you’ve probably come to expect from these affairs by now. The second half takes place in the pub... you don’t have to listen to it you know.Anyway, everything is made better by yet another GAME-CHANGING episode of Crezzie slapped on at the end. Thank fuck for Crezzie. And a very BELM 30th to us!

Everyone’s a-buzz here at the Trap Sodcast studios as we eagerly anticipate the special live episode of Event Horizon Crescent to mark its 23rd anniversary.In the meantime we keep ourselves busy with our usual roster of bullshit and whimsy. Plus we get a very exclusive sneak peek into Paul’s mind. You wouldn’t BELIEVE what’s going on in there.