Clarity On Fire

One of my favorite things about January is that I always get a few extra update emails from previous clients who have been doing some New Years' reflecting on their past year and want to share it with me. After reading a few of those, I can’t help thinking about how freaking much can happen in the span of just one year.  A lot has happened for me personally, of course, but I’m especially amazed by some of my clients’ stories about this past year. For many of them, their lives are nearly unrecognizable from this time last year! And yet, it’s equally possible for a year to float by without much changing at all. I know plenty of people who can hardly distinguish one year from another because they all tend to blend together in a blur of sameness. While it can be comforting to have a predictable, stable, consistent year, it’s also … well, frankly, it’s boring! As uncomfortable as we often feel about change and the unknown, I know for certain that what we’re all most terrified of is stagnation. We’re all secretly w

We all know how good it feels to get rid of actual stuff—clothes that are out of style, clutter that’s taking up space in your closet, décor that belongs in another decade. We’d argue it feels just as good, if not better, to get rid of your metaphorical crap—the beliefs that weigh you down, the assumptions that inherited from someone else, and the fears that are no longer relevant to the times we’re living in now. So, in that spirit, welcome to a new kind of podcast episode: Burn This. Every once in a while we’re going to go through some of our collective intangible garbage and give you, and all of us, permission to throw it in the burn pile! In this inaugural episode we came up with 8 career beliefs that we can burn before we haul them with us into the 2020s. We talked about… Why no one cares that much about your technical experience or gaps on your resumé. How many years is long enough to work at a job before you’re allowed to move on. Why having multiple careers (not just jobs, but careers) is the new nor

If you’re hanging ‘round these parts, you probably have an affinity for coaching and all the things that come with it: Personal development, self-awareness, growth, vulnerability, and asking big, existential questions. But the coaching world is as lawless as the wild west. Anyone can call themselves a coach and get away with it! In fact, we’ve met quite a few people who’ve come away worse than they started after working with a so-called coach. So, in this special non-blog episode of the podcast, we wanted to give you some pointers about what makes for good and bad coaching, so that you know what to expect and can avoid the occasional charlatan or swindler. We’re talked about… A couple stories of bad coaches doing more damage than good. Why giving advice is completed unrelated to coaching. Why good coaches don’t always take you seriously when you say you want something. How bad coaching gives band-aid solutions, while good coaching cures what ails you at the root level. After you’ve listened, leave a comment

If you hadn’t noticed, we’re big advocates for feeling your feelings. What’s the alternative? Being shut down, repressed, or so bent out of shape that the slightest twinge of anger or sadness causes you pain? Uh thank you, but next. But we realized we haven’t told you one of the most IMPORTANT parts about feeling your feelings in a healthy way: Not everyone can be trusted to handle you and your feelings. In this month’s brand-new side chat, we’re getting in to what to do when other people ignore, scorn, diminish, deride, and gaslight you and your feelings. We’re talking about… The long-term symptoms of not being allowed to express your feelings to others. How to process the pain of people minimizing, scorning, or gaslighting you. How to recognize whether someone can be trusted to meet your needs, emotionally and otherwise. After you’ve listened, leave a comment to let us know how this episode resonated with you! THE PPVE IS COMING BACK (ONE LAST TIME!) Our online group coaching program, the Passion Plan Vir

There’s a time and place for more grounded, astute, in-depth reflections about life and what to do about your problems (that’s what blogs and, you know, every other episode of this podcast are for). But sometimes you just need a good, righteous rant. It’s cathartic! So, every once in a while, instead of writing a new blog or republishing an old one, I’m going to spend a few minutes getting fired up about something, in the hopes that I’ll get you fired up, too, and maybe even snap you out of whatever daze you’ve found yourself in. Today I’m ranting about how obsessed we all are with getting it—every choice, big or small—right, and how screwy a notion that is. I got into… Why needing to figure out the “right” answer is like gasoline on an anxiety fire. My new favorite word, and why it’s a cure for the “must get it right” mentality. An analogy that will help you relax, trust yourself, and start taking your decisions a little less seriously. After you’ve listened, leave a comment to let me know what you think o

A few months ago, my client MaryBeth started our session with, “You’re never going to believe what I just did.” She began the call feeling utterly embarrassed, but by the end of the conversation was starting to see how the “embarrassing” thing she’d done might actually be exactly the right next step. When you’re so committed to your plan — for your career, your relationship, or your life in general — like MaryBeth was in that moment, it can blind you to other, potentially even better paths. In this month’s interview with a normal person, Kristen and MaryBeth talk about how to flow with the twists and turns life will inevitably throw you, including… What to do when life screws up your plans, and how to shift your mindset to see how that might be a great thing. How to determine when your reaction to something is coming from fear or intuition (MaryBeth has some great advice about this!). How to balance being a planner, while also being open to new possibilities that might disrupt those plans. A great analogy to

Whether you love partying until the New Years’ ball drops or turning in before midnight… Whether you swear by New Years’ resolutions or roll your eyes at them… It’s hard to fully avoid getting caught up in the energy of a new year (and in this case, a new decade!). I don’t know about you, but I can’t help feeling inspired to reflect on my life, dream about the future, and commit to making changes. I think it’s important to have built-in rhythms throughout the year that remind us to pause, reflect, and — if necessary — course-correct. So while I’m personally not crazy about new year’s resolutions (let’s be honest — they’re usually abandoned by February anyway), I do appreciate anything that reminds us to be a bit more intentional. That said, if you find yourself dreaming, visualizing, and intention-setting around this time of year, I applaud you! And … I also want to challenge you to dig a bit deeper this year, to get to the heart of why you want the things you want. Because the “why” behind your goals will de

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself. On this episode, we’re answering questions from: Sarah, who is distressed by how much she doesn’t like herself, and how all of her behavior reflects that lack of self-esteem (to the point where she says it feels like “her soul is screaming every day”). How does someone show themselves love when they’re not convinced there’s anything about them to love? D, who loves to dance but whose husband is not supportive of her passion. How can she get over the guilt she feels in pursuing something that her spouse doesn’t understand or particularly like? Christine, who says she recently sabotaged a very new relationship because she’s unsure that she wants to be a stepmom to his 3 kids one day. Did she jump the gun? Is it wrong for her to expect a life of “firsts” with a future partner,

To close out this month, year, and decade on a high note, Rachel thought it would be a nice, full-circle moment to sit down with Deirdre, one of her first clients ever and someone she’s known for nearly ten years! Deirdre has had her share of ups and downs in the last ten years, like most of us. And how this decade looks at the end—living in Scotland, running her own business—is very different than how it looked at the beginning. So, how did she end up quitting her job, moving to another country, and starting her own business? Rachel and Deirdre got into that in this year’s last interview with a normal person! They talked about… How lost, confused, and underwhelmed Deirdre felt in her first job post-college. The series of ill-fitting jobs and work environments she endured over the years. How she went out on a limb and put her money where her mouth was, quite literally, to invest in her potential. How she stayed patient and determined, despite plenty of failure, rejection, and crickets when starting her own b

First thing’s first—Happy birthday to Kristen! Given that it’s already a special day, and given that we’re less than two weeks away from 2020, we decided to do a special “decade in review” episode to really cap off the day/month/year/decade in epic fashion. We’re going back and mining 10 years’ worth of highs, lows, and wisdom, in the hope that you can take some of what we’ve learned and save yourself a couple years’ worth of angst, confusion, and misdirection in the 2020s! We got into… Who both of us were at the beginning of this decade, and who we are now (and the not-so-pretty journey in between those points). The “bitter pill” each of us had to swallow in this decade—AKA, the lessons we each had to learn, over and over again, somewhat against our will. A few major low points, high points, and one incredibly shocking moment. How we each found the light at the end of the tunnel, after many years of fear, hopelessness, and disbelief that things would change or work out. Our guidance to you, if you want your

If you’re at all familiar with the laws of the universe, you understand that being overly attached to an outcome is big no-no: When you cling to something you tend to push it further away. But does that mean we should all become Zen monks who have literally no attachments to anything?? No desires or preferences whatsoever? And what happens when you’ve tried but you just can’t let go of how much you want something? Does that mean you’ve doomed yourself to never have it? We’re getting into the fear of never getting what you want in this month’s new side chat! We talked about … How Rachel really struggled with this in 2019. Where to draw the line between wanting something to a healthy degree vs. being overly attached to it. Why thinking you need to be 100% unattached to your desires actually makes it harder to get the things you want. What to do when things aren’t happening in the timeframe you wanted. After you listen come leave a comment to share what you’re struggling to detach from, and how this episode re

I was sitting in a coffee shop the other day, doing some work on my laptop, sipping my after-lunch tea and enjoying the relative quiet, when a rush of people flooded in all at once. I looked up to see that my quiet little coffee shop, which had been practically empty just 10 minutes before, now was bustling with noise and had a line out the door. I checked the time — yep, the 2pm coffee rush. It got me thinking, what’s with the collective need for a caffeine boost mid-afternoon? I’m sure there are many explanations for why so many of us hit that 2pm slump (not enough sleep, heavy lunches that make you drowsy, sitting for too long, etc.), but I think the biggest reason is because most people’s work is much more draining than it is energizing. If you spend most of your workday doing things that slowly siphon off your energy, and you don’t have enough natural ways to replenish it, then of course you’ll feel the need to boost your energy reserves any way you can. Enter, the 2pm latte. Without some way to re-energ

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself. On this episode we’re answering questions from: Jessica, whose boss forgets or ignores every one of her birthdays and work milestones, even though that same boss gives thoughtful gifts, cakes, and cards to her co-workers. What gives?? Should she say something, or is it immature to complain about this? Victoria, a hard-working and exhausted mom who wants to take a break from working for a while. The problem is, her husband doesn’t understand or support her desire for rest. How can she make him see that taking a break would be good for her (and what happens if he says no?) JoAnn, who recently changed careers and is doubting whether she made the right choice. What happens next after you make a transition you regret? After you’ve listened, leave us a comment to let us know how

It’s a tale as old as time: Girl meets boy. Boy is kind of lame, or a bit of a jerk, or not super committed to the idea of a relationship. But ah, boy could be so much more! There’s a glimmer of ambition and wisdom and emotional availability under the surface, and girl is going to mine that for all it’s worth. Until, inevitably, she’s gob-smacked by reality when boy fails to change, reciprocate her efforts, or become the partner she built up in her head. Not for the first, nor usually the last time, she has to learn that not all that glitters is gold. And lest you think this is a stereotypical example (it is, and for good reason), keep in mind that people of all genders do this with everyone — bosses, coworkers, friends, family. It’s a near-universal human compulsion to see potential in people. And that reflects nicely on humans, in general. But that tendency is also easy to take too far. So, how do you stop torturing yourself with other people’s potential? And how do you know when someone actually does have

Calling all fellow bookworms, library nerds, and general lovers of literature — it’s time for another book club episode of the podcast! Whenever there are five Fridays in a month, we devote the extra Friday to a book that we can’t get enough of. In this episode we’re diving into the New York Times bestseller Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb. Lori, a therapist, goes through a sudden break-up in her mid-forties which sends her into an existential tailspin. The book is an examination of her experience being on both the giving and receiving ends of therapy. You not only follow along as she peels back the layers on what led her to her own rock bottom, but how a handful of her patients made their way out of their own dark nights of the soul, too. We talked about … Why so many of us believe that feelings are shameful, and why we hide them. How unreliable we all are as narrators of our own experience, and how to see yourself more accurately. Getting past the “presenting problem” (the problem you thi

Instead of a new blog, we’re taking 30 minutes to update you on two things happening (or about to happen) in the Clarity on Fire universe! First, for the cool part of the announcement: Starting Tuesday, December 10 (and ending on the 17th) we’re offering a holiday special on The Passion Profile Short Course! For that week, the course will be $50 off its usual price. Anyone who signs up in that window will get access to a LIVE online workshop with us in January (date TBD) where we’ll be answering questions and talking about how to set “anti-resolutions” in the new year (AKA, goals you’ll actually stick to). AND (this is a big one) anyone who signs up during that window will also get grandfathered into our 2019 coaching rates, and will get a chance to do coaching before we open enrollment again in March! The PPSC is the easiest place to get started if you’re new to Clarity on Fire and need help getting unstuck. It’s only 5-ish hours, which means you can sit down and find some career direction in as little as

Have you ever been guilty of “painting red flags green?” AKA, trying very hard NOT to see (and actively rationalizing and excusing) someone’s questionable patterns and potential deal-breakers so that you can go right on dating them? Or, as Rachel creepily likes to put it, “dating the same person over and over again, in a different skin-suit.” There’s no other way to parse it: Codependence is a B, ya’ll. Even if you can see yourself painting red flags green, or dating the same person in a different skin suit, doesn’t mean you can stop the pattern in its tracks. The compulsion for love, even if the attempt to get it is actively hurting us, runs deep. Carla Romo, a dating and relationship coach and this month’s expert podcast guest, knows a thing or two about that. So much so, in fact, that she recently published an entire book about breaking free from codependence for good! We talked with Carla about… What codependence actually is, and why most people (literally 90%!) are on the codependent spectrum. Signs tha

Have you ever wanted someone to let you off the hook for all the things you don’t want to do? You know, the things that keep nagging at your mind, that you know you should do, but for some reason you just keep procrastinating on. Wouldn’t it be nice if someone just swooped into your life and said, “It’s OK, you don’t have to do those things anymore. I’m granting you full permission to let them go.” I wish for that all the time. So, today, allow me to grant you permission to do just that. It probably sounds like I’m promoting mass laziness … like I’m giving you a free pass to ignore your responsibilities and essentially become a selfish, irresponsible, lazy sloth. But that’s not at all what I’m doing… After you’ve listened, come leave a comment over on the blog to let us know what you’ve been procrastinating doing lately. IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU’LL ALSO LOVE… Side Chat: How to stop procrastinating (January 2019) Blog: How to get out of Analysis Paralysis (October 2019) Blog: You will NEVER be done (August 2019)

Remember in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire when Mad-Eye Moody (well, the Death Eater who was impersonating Mad-Eye Moody using Polyjuice Potion) briefly turned Draco Malfoy into a ferret that he bounced around the Great Hall, much to the delight of Harry, Ron, and Hermione? In half a second Draco was transfigured from an unmanageable problem—a persistent bully and nemesis that the trio shared years of baggage and enmity with—to, as Ron put it, “a great, bouncing ferret.” And even though we can’t transfigure out problems that easily, it’s not for lack of trying! In this brand-new side chat, we’re getting into the tendency to fixate on a surface-level problem—AKA the smaller thing that feels more manageable—instead of the deeper, less tangible problem that you often feel helpless to solve. We talked about… Examples like fixating on getting a new job because your marriage is failing, or nitpicking your body/image when you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed. The 3 red flags that pop up when you’r

I’ll admit, a lot of what motivates me in my writing and coaching can be boiled down to something I’d call “professional outrage.” I know I’m supposed to be non-judgy and infinitely patient. And I am with my clients because they’re cool people and they deserve that from me, always. But there are some things that I straight up loathe. (As in, when I come across them, my eyes narrow and my nostrils flame and I acquire a Draco-Malfoy-worthy sneer.) And while there are many things I could hate on, for now I’m going to focus on only one. When it comes to looking for a job, here’s a sampling of things that ruffle my professional feathers: Career articles that purport to have the “5 best things to say” in your cover letter or résumé (or similarly phrased B.S. “list-icles” like this). Well-meaning but inexperienced people who give you advice that’s more about what they’d do in your situation, not necessarily what you should do. Bad career counselors who say they don’t know how to help you if you want to do something