Clarity On Fire

Well, this was supposed to be a normal person interview, but Kristen got sick and then our normal person got sick, so apparently the Universe wanted us to do something else this month! So, have you heard about the 36 questions that lead to love? They’re based on a psychological study that explored whether or not intimacy could be accelerated by having strangers ask a set of personal, sometimes probing questions. (Spoiler alert: One professor married the guy she tried this with!). Obviously we’ve known each other for a decade, and we’re not trying to fall in love, but hey, it’s always fun to get to know your friends better! A lot of these questions are the type you could ask anyone—family, friend, co-worker—that you’d like to know on a deeper level. We asked each other questions like: Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else

Kristen and I are pretty seasoned in the ways of job-quitting. In my first three years of working post-college, I had three jobs and quit them all. And Kristen quit her very first job after 5 weeks (though they deserved it for having a series of meetings about whether or not to start a LinkedIn page for the company. I mean, come on now). Maybe it’s our mutual rebellious attitudes, but we’ve both been pretty YOLO about quitting (which has likely done nothing to help correct the notion that Millennials are entitled and disloyal, but that’s a matter for a different day). The way we see it, if you don’t advocate for yourself then you can’t expect anyone else to step up to the plate. But not all of you are so c’est la vie about quitting. In fact, most people we coach have a lot of hang-ups about it, like: I don’t want to disappoint my co-workers. I can’t leave if I’m in the middle of something. People will think I’m disloyal. What if they just can’t operate without me? What if they can’t find someone else to do m

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself. On this episode, we’re answering questions from: Larry, a Thriver who struggles to give people a good response when they ask about his job, which he isn’t passionate about. How can he talk to people without sounding like a downer? Single Dimple, a hair stylist who’s scared that promoting her services will make her look like she’s begging (or worse, downright sleazy). How can she get over her fear and sell herself without being salesy? Chris, who has a boss that’s TERRIBLE at running her business. They barely have enough clients to stay afloat, but her boss isn’t willing to hear any feedback. Is it better to secretly job hunt or nicely tell her boss that this isn’t working? Michelle, another woman with a terrible boss! When business got slow her boss promised her a minimum ba

My dad is fond of teasing my mom about how, back when they were in college, she would buy all of her school books, take them home, and immediately flip to the back of each book. As she glanced through the final chapters of each textbook, she would get more and more anxious. Eventually, fighting back tears, she’d throw her hands up and say, “I don’t understand any of this! I’m never going to make it through these classes.” My dad would always chuckle and reassure her by saying, “Of course you don’t understand the stuff in the back of the book. That’s why you’re taking this class! So that by the time you get there, you DO know how to do all of it.” We all laugh about this story now. It’s one of those Thanksgiving-table stories that gets told over and over again. But as I’ve gotten older, I realize that this story isn’t just a funny family anecdote. It’s actually a great analogy for what most of us do all the time. We’re all peeking into the “back of the book,” trying to figure out what’s coming and how we’re go

Calling all fellow bookworms, library nerds, and general lovers of literature — it’s time for another book club episode of the podcast! Whenever there are five Fridays in a month, we devote the extra Friday to a book that we can’t get enough of. This time we decided to have a conversation about a brand-new book by an author you may recognize (because our last book club episode was also about one of her books!), Tosha Silver. This one’s called It’s Not Your Money: How to live fully from divine abundance. If you like the idea of exploring the intersection between money, spirituality, and practicality, you’re going to love this conversation. We talked about: If it’s not “your money,” then whose is it?? How to let go of the illusion that you’ve got to figure out how to make money all on your own. How to accept where you are right now, even if you’re broke. Fun, practical tools for letting go of your money fears and becoming a magnet to more abundance. How to trust in divine timing and believe everything is going

I was sitting on the floor with my 4-month-old black lab puppy in my lap, sobbing. She was happily chewing a bone, oblivious to the fact that I was heartbroken because I was planning to give her away. Scarlett, my puppy, was a bit of a hellion. She had a habit of attacking your feet when you weren’t looking, and she would bark at you for what felt like hours without stopping. She didn’t care for kids, or scooters, or skateboards, or anything that darted around in an unpredictable fashion. If you rolled her over on her back, she would shriek and fight like a chimpanzee being murdered (I swear I’m not exaggerating. I have witnesses!). This dog was nothing like the sweet, loving, cuddly puppy I had imagined. She was completely unmanageable. So obviously I brought in professional help. The dog trainer who came to my apartment only visited a few times before she pointed at Scarlett, who had been busy attacking my feet again, and said, “That is NOT normal. You will never be able to trust this dog. She’ll have to we

Some of you are probably very familiar with the unique stress of being at a career crossroads. You feel called to make a change, but you’re overwhelmed with fears and hang-ups—Is it even possible to go in a new direction? What will people think of me if I do?? What if I make zero dollars and end up back at square one?! (Cue standing frozen at the intersection like a deer in headlights). That’s why we sat down with our friend and fellow coach, Marissa Burdett, to talk about how to move through your fear of making a major pivot. We covered: What to do when you’re afraid that leaving your job will mean letting down your parents/boss/co-workers. Why it’s totally possible (and never too late) to transition to a creative profession. Why the idea that you need to have a side hustle or personal brand is totally wrong. The fear of not being good enough at something to make a career out of it. What to do if you think you’ll need to take a massive pay cut or go into debt in order to make a career pivot. After you’ve l

I don’t know if it’s my face (whatever the opposite of ‘resting bitch face’ is, I have that) or my overall demeanor or what, but I must have an invisible sign hanging around my neck that says, “Hello stranger! Please strike up a conversation with me.” This happens to me everywhere, including (no kidding) while I’m changing in the women’s locker room at the gym. I can’t even avoid it when I’m half-dressed! The other day at yoga, I was in a crappy mood and I actively tried to put off a “don’t talk to me” vibe because I just wanted to be left alone. Three women separately approached me after class to strike up a conversation. I had to laugh. So I give up! I accept that this is just the way I am. And mostly, I don’t mind it so much. I like hearing people’s stories (I mean, it’s what my entire job is centered around, after all!), and I’ve met some really cool people because of this superpower/curse of mine. The only real problem is that I hate small talk. Having endless polite, surface-level, meaningless conversat

This one goes out to all of the caring, compassionate, empathetic, concerned people who just want to help others. Especially if, in your altruistic mindset, you deeply believe that you know what’s best for someone, and that if they’d only listen to you, you’d be able to solve all their problems. Dudes, from a couple of (recovering) fixers, YOU GOTTA CUT THAT OUT. In this month’s Side Chat, we’re getting in to what to do when you want to fix someone, but can’t. We talked about: The ways (including the less-than-obvious ones) that the compulsion to “fix” can show up. How people-pleasing and being a highly sensitive person relate to the desire to fix others. Why over-giving and over-doing tend to backfire in spectacular fashion. Why letting people struggle is often the kindest thing you can do for them. Better ways to respond to someone who needs fixing, and how to encourage people to change in a way that actually works. After you’ve listened, leave a comment to let us know how called-out you feel, and which p

Last month we got a Dear Krachel question from Kate, who asked: “What do you do when you're bored with life? Job, relationships, everything seems like such a drag.” Well, Kate, I see your Dear Krachel question and raise you an entire blog post (I have no idea how to play poker, but I’m all in on this question). I’ve personally been bored with life many times (and to a degree, STILL feel bored with a few aspects of life that feel stubbornly unchanging). So, do we blow everything up and start over? Wait for inspiration to strike? And is being bored with life OK, or is it problematic? I’m diving into that, as well as sharing my best ideas for how to bring your life back to, um, life in this week’s brand-new blog. After you’ve listened, leave a comment and share which of my approaches you suspect is the most accurate for you, and what ideas you have for banishing boredom. LAST DAY TO TAKE THE SURVEY! Thanks in advance for taking our short survey! Anyone who completes it by 11:59pm EST TODAY, March 12, 2019, will

I knew Jes was a soul sister the moment she told me that, as a kid in gym class, she was the one who couldn’t pass the presidential fitness test. You know that rope attached to the ceiling? The one other kids shimmy up and down easily? Yeah, she was the sad kid hanging at the bottom. (As a tween who couldn’t even pass the sit-and-reach, this resonated at the core of my being). So, how does that kid—the one whose childhood diet consisted of white bread, butter, cheese, and Pepsi; who never saw an avocado until she was in college and pronounced “quinoa” wrong for years—become a personal trainer, health coach, and habit change specialist? I dug into that, and lots more, with Jes Binder in this month’s interview with a normal person. We talked about: Why she didn’t initially think it was possible quit her job and start her own business. How she got over the fear of doing something “abnormal,” in a small town where no one had ever heard of a health coach. How someone who “wasn’t even a natural at drinking water”

I want to start this by outing myself as an absolute school nerd. As in, I used to “assign” myself summer book reports in elementary and middle school. I would gladly be an eternal student — if I could get paid just to go to school and learn for the rest of my life, I’d be in heaven. So when I hear my clients saying things like, “I’m not really sure what I’m passionate about or what kind of career I want, so I’m thinking about going back to grad school to figure it out,” I’ll admit that my first split-second reaction is, “Yeah, school!” But even I have to admit that going back to grad school isn’t always the right answer to the question, “What am I supposed to do with my life?” To be honest, more often than not, I see people going back to grad school simply because they don't know what else to do. Plenty of people use grad school as a way of feeling productive and directed, when unconsciously it’s just a way of postponing the scary step of figuring things out in the “real world.” So how can you tell if more e

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself. On this episode, we’re answering questions from: Broke Girl, who deeply fears becoming a “slave to work,” but she has a ton of debt to pay off. Should she keep her freedom (but not make much money), or suck it up and do something she hates for a few years to pay off debt? Frustrated Firestarter, who fears she’s a “dilettante;” a dabbler who loves variety and can’t seriously commit to anything. Does she need a little tough love so she’ll finally focus, or is this not actually a problem? The Forever Student, who’d sign up in a heartbeat if being a student was a paid profession. No “real” job has ever interested her as much as school, so what’s a girl to do? Should she get (yet another) degree or submit to a job in the real world? After you’ve listened, leave us a comment to l

Pardon me while I dust off my soapbox and get fired up about something (Ha! As if my soapbox ever gets dusty…). I’ve got a bone to pick when it comes to introverts and extroverts. There’s a huge misconception about what both of those words mean, and I used to fall prey to it. In fact, I spent a big chunk of my life feeling like I was broken because of how widespread this false interpretation is. For some reason, we’ve gotten the idea that being an introvert means that you’re shy. A wallflower. Quiet. Hesitant to share your opinions. Demure. And on the other hand, we assume that being an extrovert makes you loud, outgoing, talkative, and opinionated. So, because I’m loud and opinionated and not particularly concerned with what others think of me, most people are surprised to find out that I’m not an extrovert. I’m actually a huge introvert. But they shouldn’t be surprised at all. Because that’s not what it means to be introverted or extroverted. Quite simply, introversion and extroversion are about where you d

This is one of those conversations that’s going to be applicable to 99.9% of you, because who hasn’t experienced a toxic workplace at some point in their life?? Whether you’re a college student folding clothes at the mall or a Senior VP at a large firm, toxicity ABOUNDS—In the form of cattiness, disengagement, resentment, and groupthink, to name a few culprits. It’s about time we tackled this subject, so we invited Stacy Campesi, one of our very best friends, to share her well-earned advice about how to navigate a toxic work environment. We talked about: The relationship between toxic workplaces and “good girl syndrome” Why “toxic” is a misused word, and why using it makes the problem worse How we can identify an unhealthy environment ahead of time, before we ever make a commitment When to stick it out, and when it’s OK to bail What steps YOU can take to improve your environment, based on what Stacy has seen work for herself and her clients After you’ve listened, leave a comment to let us know how Stacy’s a

A client of mine, Molly, is burnt out. She’s got two jobs that have her working at least 50 hours a week (usually more like 60-65), including night and weekend shifts. Sometimes after working 6 days in a row, her boss will ask if she can fill in for someone on the 7th day … and she usually agrees, even though it means she doesn’t get a single day off in a week. She’s also involved in multiple social groups, and she gets roped into helping plan and coordinate events, even when she can’t make it to the event (because she’s working so much). I pointed out that this is not a sustainable pace, and she fully acknowledges that. She’s constantly sleep-deprived, and her naturally sunny personality is slowly being replaced by a grumpy, snippy, unmotivated person who she barely recognizes. Molly knows that something’s got to give, but whenever she considers backing out of a commitment or saying no or taking something off her very-full plate, she becomes consumed by guilt. Recently she told me, “I really wanted to tell m

We doubt there’s a person on earth (well, maybe excluding the sociopaths who walk among us) that doesn’t feel that they’re either “too much” or “not enough.” You know what we’re talking about: “You’re too quiet. You’re not interesting enough. You’re too weird. You’re too intense. You’re not attractive enough.” We’ve all got a silent-but-insistent inner monologue that’s terrified we aren’t EXACTLY who we need to be in order to be liked, loved, and respected. In this month’s Side Chat, we’re coming at this from opposite ends of the spectrum and meeting in the middle: Kristen shares her experience with feeling “not enough.” Rachel talks about how she’s always identified as “too much.” We break down where this comes from and why all we do it. And we get in to how to let this deep-seated fear go, as well as how we personally stopped buying in to those fears. After you’ve listened, leave a comment to let us know whether you resonate as “not enough” or “too much,” and what parts of this episode stuck with you the

I once knew somebody who was excellent at deluding herself. Her M.O. was to spend many thousands of dollars every year (money she certainly didn’t have) on courses and personal development programs and fancy wellness retreats in Europe. What was pretty genius was that it was easy to justify pulling out the credit card for these things because, on the surface, they all looked like really positive, empowering, self-loving investments. But she often came back without much to show for her investment, and would quickly jump into the next pricey course or event. So … is that the most loving thing she could have done for herself? I’m obviously skeptical. I could make the case that a better route would have been not to dig herself deeper into debt year by year in an attempt to find self-love and self-acceptance. Maybe the tougher, but more compassionate, approach would have been to take a good hard look at how she was spending her money, and find a more cost-effective and less glamorous way of caring for herself. (A

A little over 10 years ago, Lauren’s life was thrown into total chaos. Her relationship ended in a shocking, dramatic, and heartbreaking way, and she found herself a single mom to four kids, barely getting by while trying to navigate an intense emotional rollercoaster. In the years since then, she’s gone through multiple stages of redefining herself, first through external factors (her struggle, her titles, and her accomplishments), and later by going inward to figure out who she is at her core, when all the external stuff is stripped away. Lauren will be the first to tell you that she’s still a work-in-progress (as we all are!), but she’s come a long way in building a life that’s filled with lots more peace, love, support, and faith than she ever thought would be possible for her. She’s sharing her story and some of the wisdom she’s gained along the way in today’s interview with a normal person. Listen in as Lauren and Kristen talk about… How to process the grief, shame, and utter overwhelm that threatens t

Instead of a new blog this week, we’re doing something special that we’ve never done before — releasing our latest live workshop as a bonus podcast episode! Technically the video replay of this episode expired last Friday, but we’re giving it a second life on the podcast. So if you didn’t get a chance to watch it the first time around, then you’re in luck! This workshop was called “How to find your passion in 2019,” but in hindsight we really wish we could have named it “The Amorphous Golden Blob.” You’ll find out why when you listen. ;) We talked about: Why so many people are both desperate to find their passion and also completely clueless about how to do it. What exactly brings on an existential crisis, and why your career is NOT an answer to that problem. What “passion” is and isn’t, and how to pursue it the RIGHT way. How to create a filter system for your life so that you can get unstuck and make decisions easily. The two major first steps you need to be taking before you try to find your passion or ma