Don't Do It Yourself

Today we actually give our most actionable advice. For instance, the best way to insult someone you are going to fight? Read their facebook statuses out loud. Best way to have a horse? Don't, just work for Horse Minutes. Do you know how many HMPG (Horse Minutes Per Gallon) you get? We have a very convoluted mathmatical solution for you that involves worm seconds and dog years. Want to make sure your grandma is ok? Send her to the Panopticon Retirement Home and rest easy that there are always eyes on her. Always.