The Mating Grounds Podcast

In this week of Helping Joe, Joe continues to have the same ED issues and performance anxiety that he talked about in Episode 16. Nils Parker and Charlie Hoehn help him figure out what he can do to get hard again, how to talk to the girl he is having sex with about these problems, and why to work on enjoying sex together instead of just struggling by himself. They also talk about another awful shirt Joe wore (pics on the blog below), an update with a girl from his improv class, why sleep is so important, and how to get better sleep. 

In this episode of Bad Advice, Tucker Max explains how "just believe in yourself" is toxic advice that encourages delusional self-confidence, which doesn’t work for 90% of guys. It makes them feel worse because they can’t just believe in themselves. The empirical evidence shows that is not how confidence works.  Confidence comes from preparation, practice, and action (doing things). Start small with simple tasks, low stakes. We talked about this in our social anxiety episode. This is also how athletes build foundational skills and get better at their sport.    

First, it's important to mention that nearly all guys watch porn. In this Q&A, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils explain why men are into so many different types of porn (US map of top genres by state) and the many reasons why watching porn is good, from emotional self-improvement to decreasing crime. This caller may be using porn as a way to heal the trauma of a bad breakup. Tucker also tells a story about Dr. Miller's funny Amazon recommendations. 

  When you see a pattern in your life (something happens to you over and over again) it’s likely your fault, not that of those around you. In this Q&A, Tucker Max, Dr. Geoffrey Miller, and Dr. Carin Perilloux lay out many possible issues in your life that could be causing a pattern of women getting to know you and then prematurely breaking up with you. And some women make big dating decisions based on small things that most men don’t even notice.

In this episode of Helping Joe, Joe goes on two great dates with the girl he met from Tinder (see Episode 14), and he follows Tucker’s advice by going back to her place because his has no furniture. However, things quickly go downhill when Joe has problems in the bedroom. Tucker and Nils talk him through what happened, why he has shame around sex, and what to do going forward to fix these issues. They also share sad but funny stories of their own experiences with these problems. 

This is an odd call because it’s a classic problem that women usually have. In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoffrey Miller explain how this is a normal issue because both the caller and the girl he is sleeping with are young, inexperienced, and exploring. She just might not want to date him. They talk about how to figure this out and what to do if that’s the case. 

In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoffrey Miller explain how your family can impact a woman’s judgement of you and your mate value, but it’s not a major factor that women evaluate you on. If your family doesn’t accept you, it’s usually due to a family mistake or general toxicity and not your fault. Tucker came from an awful family but was still able to marry a fantastic woman. They talk about when and how to tell your girlfriend about these issues so she doesn't assume the worst. And remember, she's on your side.

In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Dr. Geoffrey Miller, and Dr. Carin Perilloux explain how genuinely connecting and NOT thinking about women as objects or thinking about sex as a separate thing or on a different level will actually lead to more sex with women. There are no right words or moves that work every time, but there are signs to look for if a woman is into you and wants to move foreward. For a good example of this, see Helping Joe, Episode 14 @ minute 55:00. 

In this week of Helping Joe, Charlie and Tucker talk to Joe about his second go at speed dating. This time Charlie went with him and some strange and hilarious things happened leading up to and during the event. Joe showed major improvements in confidence by owning his oddness, but his fashion choices are still atrocious. They dig into why this idea of trying to impress women by what you wear is ineffective for most guys and what you should focus on instead to make a good first impression and attract great women. 

In this episode of Bad Advice From The Internet, Tucker Max explains how sleeping with a lot of women to get good sexually is the opposite of the truth. Having sex with different women is great, but if you want to get better in bed it's much easier to do that by connecting with one woman and having sex with her over and over. The way you get good at any skill is by practicing and getting good at the skill of sex is about being comfortable and getting reps. That practice with one will help with all because women are more alike than different.

    In this special Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoffrey Miller have fun with a narcissistic caller who is upset that he isn’t dating women who he thinks are on his level. This is a case study of problems that come with being over-confident or arrogant. They give a funny reality check and explain why women are better at evaluating your mate value than you are, how high quality women can be very picky, and why it’s important to be honest with her about what you want. If  you have these problems with narcissism and overconfidence, see our past podcast episodes.

This simple answer is to just be honest and tell her because it is NOT a red flag to never have had a serious girlfriend at 25. In this Q&A, Tucker Max and Dr. Geoffrey Miller explain why this is not a big deal and how to be honest and tell her this effectively, including conversation scripts if you are totally lost. Also see past podcasts we’ve done on big changes in mate value former fat guy, Impostor Syndrome, and what to do if you have little experience.

In this episode of Helping Joe, Tucker, Charlie, and Nils help Joe figure out what to do after he blows it with another great girl. They explain how to improve his texting and communication to avoid this problem in the future. And while Joe continues to cripple himself by not opening up, he made big improvements by being a little bit vulnerable and connecting with a cute, smart girl he met on Tinder. They explain what Joe did right and why this was a fantastic date. 

In this episode of Bad Advice, Tucker explains how being unavailable, distant, or hard to get to signal that you are high status or high mate value is in general a terrible way to attract women. It works for a certain small % of women, but is a huge turn off to most.  This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Amazon for free shipping and sales this month.  

If a guy with cerebral palsy is going out and dating women, you have no excuse to not get out there yourself. In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoffrey Miller give many pieces of advice for meeting and dating fit, athletic women if you have a physical disability. One important point to think about is that overcoming a disability is a huge positive signal of effectiveness to women.  This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Amazon for free shipping and sales this month.  

We’ve done past episodes on mating markets in the past. This caller is from Charlotte, and in this Q&A episode Tucker, Nils and Dr. Miller dive into why Charlotte is a tough mating market for men. They explain how census data can be misleading (ex. Chicago), what Operational Sex Ratio is and why it matters, and how to test the market to see if the problem is you or your mating market.   This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Amazon for free shipping and sales this month.  

In this episode of Helping Joe, Joe finishes Level 1 of improv but has insecurities about moving on to Level 2 with his class. Tucker Max and Charlie Hoehn help him put his progress in perspective and convince him to keep going. They refer back to how meditation and journaling can change ineffective thought patterns and explain how with more demonstrated performance, real evidence of increasing success, Joe will build real confidence in his social life and with women. They also dive a little deeper into Joe’s personal history, friendships, and why he has no female friends.  This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Amazon for free shipping and sales this month.  

In this episode of Bad Advice From The Internet, Tucker breaks down the idea of "peacocking" or "dressing like you're somebody" and related ideas about male fashion and style. Very few women decide to date or sleep with you based on what you are wearing. If you dress in a way that isn’t who you are to attract women, you are sending dishonest signals (lying). Women will inevitably figure out who you are (from of everything else about you) and lose any good first impression they had of you.  Your first goal is to not exclude yourself through your clothes. This is why Tucker and Nils got so mad at Joe in Episode 9. Being plain is okay if you have other things going for you. Figure out your strengths and what you’ve got going for you, develop those strengths, and display or compete on those strong traits to genuinely attract women. You are better off being who you really are and going to places where people will value you for who you are. This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men.

This is a great question for Tucker to answer because he has been through this exact issue multiple times in his life. In this Q&A episode, he, Dr. Miller, and Nils, explain how if you are still dating someone because you think you should, that’s a bad sign. Be honest with yourself about what you want in life and in a woman. If you’re not ready for a long-term relationship, the perfect woman is still wrong for you.  This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Amazon for free shipping and sales this month.  

This is a bullshit question that we get a lot from guys: “Is it okay for me to feel [insert any desire or subjective emotion]?”  In this Q&A, Tucker Max, Dr. Geoffrey Miller, and Nils Parker talk about how whatever you feel and want is cool. Your emotions, what you are feeling, are always valid. If your girlfriend changes, you are not obligated to be attracted to her and those changes. In this case, his girlfriend is trying to shame him into ignoring what he feels. This is ridiculous for many reasons that the guys explain in detail here. This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Amazon for free shipping and sales this month.