Dear Hank & John

How do we move forward post-Election Day? How do you know when/if to have kids? Why does the space bar sound like that? And more!

Who is the foxiest founding father? How do I convince my boyfriend to not go to Mars? Is all my sister's stuff mine now? And more!

Are quesadillas sandwiches? What is the ideal OK Cupid match percentage? How much of another person's food am I allowed to consume? And more!

Should I ghost out of my job? Are bubble baths a hobby or an interest? How do I not feel like a forever foreigner? And more!

How do I keep enjoying music I enjoyed with an ex? How do I recover from being doused in bull semen? What are my responsibilities when people ask me to watch their stuff? And more!

Should we fear a locust apocalypse? Will listening to Japanese while I sleep help me remember it? How do I remain confident in my art around older, more experienced artists? And more!

Why won't people accept my tissues? Should half-wolf children be vaccinated? What do I do when I see a stranger crying in public? And more!

What do I do while people are singing "Happy Birthday"? What are mushrooms even? Is it okay to want people to not be wrong? And more!

How do I go about my secret fiddle long con? Why do almost all zippers have the letters YKK on them? Do bugs ever have a destination in mind when they walk around aimlessly? And more!

How do gas planets work? What is proper door etiquette? Is Hank going to put the lime in the coconut and drink it all together? And more!

Where all all the dead birds? Should I really live each day of my life like it's my last? Am I a fraud for being a social chameleon? And more!

What is my actual favorite color? At what point in the day do I switch to "have a good night" as my go-to courtesy? What do I do when The Big One hits? And more!

Why are there holes in crackers? What is proper hot tub etiquette? Can I snapchat politicians about immigration reform? And more!

How do I organize someone else's books? How do I justify the money allocated to extending my life? How does tug of war work? And more!

How do I dad? Are expiration dates just suggestions? What do I call the people I work with? Do I really need to get drunk on my twenty-first birthday? And more!

Should I sell cold, fresh potty water? Why don't we write phonetically? Why do I like all this sad stuff? And more!

Are bell peppers airtight? How do I quit smoking? Why is that new baby smell so good? And more!

Do fish swim? Is Hank snapchatting? How do I stop my earphones from getting tangled? How do I deal with a job that I hate? And more!

Will my laptop sterilize me? Do you like (or write) fanfiction? Where is the rest of the lizard whose tail I found in my room? And more!

What are nerdfighters fighting? How do I learn to enjoy physical activity? How do I stop talking about Mars in my sleep? And more!