Clarity On Fire

It’s a tale as old as time: Girl meets boy. Boy is kind of lame, or a bit of a jerk, or not super committed to the idea of a relationship. But ah, boy could be so much more! There’s a glimmer of ambition and wisdom and emotional availability under the surface, and girl is going to mine that for all it’s worth. Until, inevitably, she’s gob-smacked by reality when boy fails to change, reciprocate her efforts, or become the partner she built up in her head. Not for the first, nor usually the last time, she has to learn that not all that glitters is gold. And lest you think this is a stereotypical example (it is, and for good reason), keep in mind that people of all genders do this with everyone — bosses, coworkers, friends, family. It’s a near-universal human compulsion to see potential in people. And that reflects nicely on humans, in general. But that tendency is also easy to take too far. So, how do you stop torturing yourself with other people’s potential? And how do you know when someone actually does have