Headline Books

Paul Merson's wonderfully moving and brutally honest memoir of battling addiction for three decades. For 21 years, Paul Merson played professional football. He won two First Division titles with Arsenal and was one of the finest players of his generation. But for 30 years, Paul Merson has also been an addict. Alcohol, drugs, gambling: a desperately unenviable cocktail of addictions and depression which has plagued his entire adult life and driven him to the verge of suicide. 'I've come to realise that I'm powerless over alcohol...I'm an alcoholic. My drinking and gambling have left a lot of wreckage.' Until recently, the drinking and gambling were still raging. 'I wanted to kill myself. I couldn't go on anymore. I just couldn't see a way out.' Then something clicked. 'One day, I was walking home from the pub late on a Sunday evening, and I thought to myself: I've had enough of feeling like this, every day of my life. I rang up Alcoholics Anonymous the next day, and since then I haven't had a drink.' Ho