Help Me Be Me

Hi peeps! This is an oldy but a goody. I posted this on my blog like 6 years ago but since someone requested, I thought I would throw it out again and also do the challenge myself. This is appropriated from a TedTalk by Shawn Achor - if you want to hear more about it you can watch that here: https://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work?language=en For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com Join me - this is my Day 1! xoxoxo! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi friends, this is a special power-up episode – it’s basically a list of my favorite and most frequently used tools as of late. I’m just going go through them in list format. If you’re in need of some tools for happiness, compassion, self-awareness, confidence, and energy-tuning – this is an episode for you. For anyone interested, here are the books and authors I mentioned: A book where you can find more of John Gottman’s principles: https://amzn.to/2vM4fGb A book about Loving What Is: https://amzn.to/2vN7z3K A book for fun and joy-tuning by Pam Grout: https://amzn.to/2OBeFzj If you want to check out more of my work and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode I talk about why people are afraid of intimacy and commitment – and I do it for both sides of the relationship: the fearers and the chasers. So this is for anyone who was in a happy in a relationship and then their partner started distancing as soon as things got close. It’s ALSO for anyone who can’t seem to stay in a committed relationship and you don’t know why you find yourself bailing as soon as someone starts to like you. This is something I see often in my One-on-One’s and I thought it warranted a podcast episode. And because I am directing this at two audiences, I jump back and forth between who I am identifying with. So sorry in advance if that gets annoying. I don’t want one side to feel left out. As per usual there are three parts: the what, why and how the tools. To make a donation and see more of my writing head to YayWithMe.com My references and your recommended reading: For Huskies: Mindsight https://amzn.to/2AjEkKN The Self-Sabotage Cycle https://amzn.to/2LsQrds For Cubs: Attach

Hi friends, today I answer two questions – the first is about dealing with a partner who has boundary issues with a person who is infatuated with them. The second is about dealing with unrequited love – basically, how to confront saying goodbye to someone if you’re friends and in love with them. If you’d like to ask a question or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is for anyone who feels not good enough, like a failure. Maybe you feel like you wasted your life, money, time, heart, career, 20’s, 30’s, fill in the blank. This feeling of not knowing who you are – not knowing why you’re behind everyone else, why you can’t seem to build a life that makes you happy – and it comes with an itchy state of discomfort with self. A constant narrative of self-judgment – the voice that isolates you and makes you feel worthless and like you need to escape social situations or at the very least have something expensive or exotic to talk about otherwise everyone will see what a loser you are. Maybe you’re one of those people who feels like their skin is crawling when they’re around happy and beautiful people: you look at other people and think – they’re so much skinnier, smarter, funnier, happier or ____than I am. Whatever the voice in your head says, this one's for you if you're hating on yourself and your life path. For more of my work and to make a donation head to YayWithMe.co

Today I answer two audience questions: the first from a guy who caught his BF sexting on Grindr, and he doesn’t know how to move forward. The second, a girl who got ghosted by her love of her life right after semi-losing her job – now she’s overwhelmed and panicking about life and where to go from here. Hang in there guys - I hope this helps and the book I mention for Fred is linked below: https://amzn.to/2IEh5ib For more of my writing and to make a donation head to YayWithMe.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is all about how to deal with the loss of a person who has been very difficult in your life: the pros and cons of getting “closure” and if that’s right for you. Hi friends, today I am talking with one of my besties, Leila, about loss and impending loss – and basically, how to prepare yourself mentally for the loss of someone you have a lot of mixed feelings about. I am going to loosely structure this in 3 parts – since it’s more of a conversation. So in short, a relationship you have protected yourself from – because it’s toxic, and now you have to deal with the fact that you are losing this person – and that brings up all the unfinished shit from growing up. Hope it helps!! If you have any questions, or to make a donation, you can find me at YayWithMe.com xo! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi peeps! This is a “Digital Diet Challenge” all about creating mental space for yourself and checking any harmful habits you might have around smartphones and social media. I challenge everyone to take a stab at this. I want to preface this by saying this isn’t about removing smartphones and social media – it’s just about becoming aware of how you are feeling in reaction to it. I hope this helps! For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo! The study I mentioned is here: http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/2167702617723376 A podcast about this topic is here: http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/allinthemind/the-kids-of-today/9637570 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is for anyone who’s going through a stage in life when they are necessarily dealing with a shit-storm of really difficult responsibilities. Like life has demanded you put yourself on “managing mode” and you have to take care of others for an extended period of time. Or maybe you can’t attend to your normal self-care routine and haven’t been able to for a while, and you’re barely just dealing with the day to day – as of now. This is really for you to listen to, to remember yourself and remember where you are and feel your own hands and feet and feel okay. And more importantly – ways to take a breather and check in with yourself, in the hopes of bringing a tiny bit more balance back into the equation. This one was a request from a listener from a while back - hope it helps! For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com or visit me on Patreon.com/SarahMayB xo! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi friends! This one’s about building healthy friendships and relationships and how do you know if a relationship is healthy or toxic. This one’s for Heather! This is a great topic, it’s something I had to think long and hard about at one point in my life so I made you all a list of what to look for. For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo Sarah May B. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode I answer three different audience questions. The first, how to stop obsessing about a person after a single date – and the other person doesn’t want you back. Second, how to deal with feeling empty and lost – like the shell of a person. Third, how to stop forcing instant closeness with new friends – including oversharing. This one’s for: “Hijacked with infatuation,” “Lost” and “Instant Besty.” The links I mention in this episode include: The book The Depression Cure: http://amzn.to/2F9PCPv The fish oil I take in DHA: http://amzn.to/2tecCvb and EPA: http://amzn.to/2oIX1iH The Lily Pad podcast episode: https://soundcloud.com/helpmebeme/episode-44-personal-priorities-pond-a-self-esteem-building-exercise And to make a donation or read the blog version of this podcast, head to YayWithMe.com xo! Sarah May B. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a request I got from a couple of female listeners, and I address their issue directly – so heads up, this is based on hetero relationships between a guy and a girl and the guy is the one who doesn’t want to have sex. That said, I believe you can translate this to your partnership based on the traits you share with the examples I will discuss. If you want to know more about something I do not address, reach out with an email and I’ll tack it onto the next episode (info@yaywithme.com). Most importantly, know that this is not intended to be reductive to anyone or their lifestyle – it’s meant to be helpful. Also, there’s not a whole lot of reading on this subject that I could find, so if you have some recommendations, please also reach out and lmk! I will announce up front that this deals with gender roles and therefore it’s going to generalize. I know that in my reading I found myself getting angry at several valid ideas. I am not trying to make anyone feel worse, OR tell you what is “right” “correct” or

Listen to this one with your journal in-hand! This is similar to the one I gave last year, but it’s basically a super fun journal exercise to help you focus your attention on what you love and want more of in the new year, moving forward. And yes – it’s intentionally not something I posted new years day! Hope you enjoy it! If you want more of my writing or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In honor of the new year, this is all about finding your passion – facing feelings of anxiety and anticipation about the future and also what factors to consider when choosing a career path. This one is for Seema and Aja. Thanks for the topic suggestion! “The Passion Test” book I mentioned is here: http://amzn.to/2mkWYre The slashies episode I mentioned is here: https://soundcloud.com/helpmebeme/episode-51-we-are-the-slashies-5-ways-to-grow-as-a-working-creative The Freakonomics episode I mentioned is here: https://www.wnyc.org/story/how-become-great-just-about-anything/ For more of my writing and to make a donation head to YayWithMe.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi friends, in this episode I answer two questions. One: "How do you trust your gut if you struggle with anxiety and perfectionistic overthinking - if your thinking gets you into messes all the time? Should you believe what other people say about you - even if you don't agree with them?" Two: "How do you stop focusing on the expectations of others, while in a relationship? I find that I neglect my needs and often focus on what I think I should do to make another person happy." For more of my work and to make a donation visit YayWithMe.com The Melodie Beattie book I mention in this episode is here: http://amzn.to/2k3jvZm The podcast I mentioned is here: https://soundcloud.com/helpmebeme/episode-44-personal-priorities-pond-a-self-esteem-building-exercise Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is for anyone who is coping with the aftermath of finding out they have an STD and what that means for you as an individual. There are some great articles on this topic – some from people who seem to be super successfully living with STD’s. I will link to those in the blog version of this post, all of which live on YayWithMe.com – along with The Break-Up Album – a breakup coach in a podcast album. There are some tools about how to have that conversation with a potential partner. How to still believe you have a chance at finding your happy with a partner. I wanted to also cover the side of this topic that has to do with your personal feelings about yourself. Because I think that’s one of the hardest parts. How we change this moment into a major meaningful milestone that somehow redefines who we are. This one is for a listener. Thank you for request! It’s a great one. With that there are 3 parts: the what, why and how – the tools! References: https://goo.gl/xff7Mw https://goo.gl/e47UYF https://goo.gl/QUAB4

This is an episode answering two questions – the first: how do you deal with real fears and awareness of imminent pain, for example – the pain of a future loss of a loved one, or the fear over the current situation in the world. The second question: how do you deal with the pain of wanting someone who has broken up with you multiple times. Is it okay to go on Tinder and hookup with other people – just to help get over them? For more of my writing, to make a donation and to purchase The Break-Up Album, head to YayWithMe.com xo Sarah May B. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How to take constructive criticism well, specifically, when it comes to creative endeavors. That means hearing it, taking it in and doing something with it, without it triggering you emotionally – which can change what the criticism means to you. Like when you feel you should defend yourself, or you automatically feel like a failure, or your desire to please the person outweighs the creative truth. So if you are a creative of any kind and you have a hard time hearing constructive criticism this one’s for you! This is a topic request and heads up it has some baby ambient noise as it’s recorded from my maternity leave. This one’s for Catherine. Thank you for the request and your generous donation. It’s truly how I am able to do this work. People like you. xo For more of my work or to make a donation you can visit Yaywithme.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a power-up for ambivalence about a big life decision – like leaving a relationship, trying a new career or having a baby! This is a power-up episode structured like a conversation between you and me. This is about how to decide whether or not to have a baby, but I also think it could apply to any issue. So if you’re on the fence about kids and you’re running out of time – this is for you. And I know that this is a polarizing topic – so if you listen to this, know that it’s a personal opinion, not a "should" – and i do not believe my opinion is better than others. So don’t take offense to anything I say and if it doesn’t feel right for you, leave it. It has the potential to bring up some weird feelings in some people – especially if you have issues with childhood and parents – so that is my big fat caveat. Heads up - this topically leans more toward women! For more of my writing or to make a donation, check out Yaywithme.com xo! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is about when life becomes unmanageable – for example there’s a condition that threatens your sanity and it gets to the point that you are in serious discomfort. This is when you are feeling hopeless and overwhelmed and in a state of action-paralysis. When you don’t know how to help yourself, you are in a state of fretting. Feeling overwhelmed and unable to think past how bad things are. So if you are in that state – feeling dread and hopelessness, this is for you. Hopefully the short increment will allow it to be applicable to you in those moments – so first things first. I want you to grab a paper and a pen. From this moment right now, you cannot see the solution but no matter how bad things are or have been for a long time – something that will help – exists. Part of the paralysis is believing in the sense of hopelessness because when actions don’t impact your outcome repeatedly, we learn to believe it. We believe it’s hopeless until it’s not. The trick is to take the pain ONE notch down from what you