The Flop House

Han Solo vs. Commissioner Gordon sounds awesome, until you realize the star of Paranoia is actually a Hemsworth brother. And not the good one. Meanwhile Elliott doubles down on the size of Gary Oldman's penis, Stuart disturbs us by talking about intimate times and Dan introduces the notion of a California Raisins fetish. A note: in this episode Dan confuses Baba Yaga with Strega Nona. Movies recommended in this episode:The Grand Budapest HotelThe VisitorThe Sweet Smell of Success

Uh, one question, boss: Doesn't Gangster Squad kind of sound like WE'RE the Gangsters?We return to a big, old-fashioned Hollywood flop with Gangster Squad, the movie that takes a bunch of good actors and a promising director and churns out a film thats absurd and deadly dull by turns. Meanwhile Elliott gives Hoagie Carmichael gift advice, Stuart comes out for cast awareness, and Dan is tired and really doesn't keep up his end of the co-hosting duties. This episode brought to you by the letter "H."Movies recommended in this episode:The Roaring TwentiesThe Friends of Eddie CoyleManhunterGrand Piano

The solution to "Devil's Kidney Stone." In which Dan makes the mistake of thinking that, because Renny Harlin directed Devil's Pass, it would be crazy and weird, rather than draggy and significantly more boring than reading the Wikipedia page about the real Dyatlov Pass incident. Then, we forgo letters and recommendations to offer a condensed version of our usual Awards Floptacular, because no one (including us) really cared much about the Awards Floptacular anyway.

Sort of like M*A*S*H, but not about the army and terrible.Consider our debt to "He's the Housecat (Arthur's Theme)" music video contest winner Dan Costales paid in full! Was it worth it Dan? Was if worth the pain you caused, making us watch the pre-Oscar Halle Berry racist stereotype comedy "B*A*P*S?" Meanwhile Elliott continually implies Martin Landau is a vampire, Stuart reveals how all males are sexually threatened by him, and Dan suggests that the Crypt Keeper should've come up with a better B*A*P*S twist. Movies recommended in this episode:The LEGO MovieBeauty is Embarrassing The Sea WolfThe Professionals

Ryan Reynolds' abs are RIPD like lettuce. We ease Elliott back into the Flop House groove with a movie right in our wheelhouse: the Men in Black/Ghostbusters-lite disaster R.I.P.D. Meanwhile Dan introduces the concept of ghost hats, Elliott uses the new recording space for its foley possibilities, Stu rails against shark-drummer racism, and the whole gang does their impeccable Boston accents.Movies recommended in this episode:Who's That Knocking at My DoorSudden DeathRay Harryhausen: Special Effects TitanCaptain Phillips

First confession: she peed in the pool. Hallie closes out her monthlong residency subbing for the newly-dad-ified Elliott with a doozy. It's Tyler Perry's Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor. Meanwhile Stu can't seem to pronounce Kim Kardashian correctly, Dan advertises his new calendar concern, and Hallie outlines a proper musical exercise routine. Media recommended in this episode:True DetectiveYou're NextLovelace

It's the Flop House crew vs. the Dream Team in an all-out dance/bad movie fight to the finish, as we discuss Battle of the Year. Meanwhile, Stu challenges our missing co-host for synopsis supremacy, Dan discusses Vincent Van Gogh's battle with his own body, and Hallie drops the world's best rooster pun.

Go away, Getaway Hawkey Holidays to all the little Flop House boys and girls. Your present is the movie-length chase scene Getaway.  Meanwhile,  Dan takes on the liberal media, Stuart gives one of his patented Flop House asides, and Elliott reminds us all of Dorf's amazing performance in Don't Look Now.Movies recommended in this episode:The Hobbit: The Desolation of SmaugThe GetawayRoninThe Ballad of Cable HogueOur Town

You can have my Christmas when you pry it from my cold dead hand. Hey, remember when we all used to celebrate Christmas? Last Ounce of Courage takes us back to that magical time.  Meanwhile,  Stu is upset at the way Wolverine treated his Christmas gift, Dan fails to have perspective about his knee, and Elliott reveals the Jesus/Ducktales crossover. Movies recommended in this episode:TargetsStokerMy Name is Nobody

JAYDEN WILL BE RECOGNIZED. It's the movie they tried to pretend M. Night Shyamalan had nothing to do with: After Earth.  Meanwhile,  Elliott introduces us to the Crypt Keeper's brother, Stuart meets his Phantasm hero, and Dan just needs to explain a few things first. Movies recommended in this episode:Bad MiloBlue is the Warmest Color99 River Street

Two is the Cloneliest Number The three peaches spend this episode cloning around about Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones, as part of a podcrawl with Read it and Weep (who took on Episode I) and Proudly Resents (who will be taking on Episode III).  Meanwhile, Dan's space gaydar is misaligned, Elliott explains the proper way to steal a cake, and the greatest secrets of Stuart's nerdiness are revealed. Movies recommended in this episode:War WitchInside Llewyn DavisNightwatch

Simulates a real Foodfight, in that it leaves you pained, sticky, and wanting to vomit. Hey, you guys ever think to yourself, "I like Toy Story, but I wish it could be more commercial, ugly, and frenetic?" Welcome to Foodfight! Meanwhile, Dan points out the movie's one "goof," Stuart brings it back to "Just One of the Guys," and Elliott introduces his new "Southern Tin Tin Enthusiast" character. Movies recommended in this episode:GojiraThe Last UnicornWalker

Sequel to "The Binge" Hey guys, who do you think you're gonna murder during The Purge this year? Meanwhile, Dan argues for greater creativity in purge-crime, Elliott introduces "Spoiler Alert Rod Serling," and Stuart makes us all uncomfortable with his sudden surge in the perv ratings.Movies recommended in this episode:The Phantom of the OperaNight of the DemonsThe GrannyGravityMad Love

Really captures the boredom of waiting at the ATM. Thank you ATM for blowing the lid off the all-too-common crime of ATM serial killing. Meanwhile, Stuart discovers the concept of the spoiler alert, and Elliott and Dan trade impressions of one of the most oft-imitated voices in Hollywood usurping the signature role of another most-imitated-voice in Hollywood.Movies recommended in this episode:BelowAmerican MaryPersonaIn the Mouth of Madness

Help, Olympus Has Fallen, and it can't get up! (No detailed notes this week, because 2/3 of the Original Peaches are in Los Angeles this weekend, including the one who writes the show notes and really should be packing RIGHT NOW.)

Unfortunately not the sequel to Topsy-Turvy. Upside Down is a movie about two young lovers from planets with reverse gravity, and we somehow make it through the whole episode without making a joke about 69-ing. Meanwhile, Stuart gets his annual review, Dan can't stop getting all science-y, Elliott discusses auto-erotic time travel, and... we'll let you enjoy the surprise.

More accurately, bullet "in" the head, and then quickly "out" of the head. Walter Hill has made several great movies in his career. Is Bullet to the Head one of them? Meanwhile, Stuart unveils a new impression in his repertoire, Dan inspires a discussion about the horrors of gorilla sex, and Elliott keeps missing our special celebrity guest.Movies recommended in this episode:Big Brown EyesThe Queen of VersaillesClose Up

The prequel to Teen Witch (we assume). Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters was produced by Adam McCay, so it was clearly meant as a goof, but is that enough? Meanwhile, Elliott makes an indecent proposal, Dan reveals a startling breadth of knowledge regarding Misty Mundae's acting career, and Stuart lays down the pun laws. Also, the OP's receive the GREATEST GIFT IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND.

We hope the psychic damage we endured was worth it do you guys: we finally caved and watched Marmaduke. Meanwhile, Elliott reveals Marmaduke's historical shenanigans, Stuart's Pacific Rim review gets scatological, and Dan would be indulging in blatant Parade-pandering with his Howard Huge reference, if we hadn't recorded before they endorsed us.0:00 - 0:30 - Introduction and theme.0:31 - 41:38 - Wait, this ISN'T a movie about a duke made out of marmalade?41:39 - 42:17 - Final judgments.41:18 - 43:47 - Some brief shout-outs to our podcast friends.43:48 - 55:06 - Flop House Movie Mailbag55:07 - 1:05:42 - The sad bastards recommend.1:05:43 - 1:07:31 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Ebert was right about you. 0:00 - 0:29 - Introduction and theme.0:30 - 8:00 - We take a long time to reveal something that's revealed in the episode title.8:01 - 40:09 - Nathaniel Hawthorne's timeless classic about bath voyeurism.40:10 - 42:01 - Final judgments.42:02 - 1:00:534 - Flop House Movie Mailbag1:00:35 - 1:05:53 - The sad bastards recommend.1:05:54 - 1:08:11 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.