Mothers Matter

Katharine Boddy discovered she had breast cancer in 2018.  In this podcast she patiently explains to me the details of the diagnosis and the lengthy treatment she went through, as well as the effect her illness had on her husband and four children.  I was very interested to hear how her friends were best able to help her and how her life has changed as a result of cancer.  A particular thread that we return to is what happened to her hair and when.  As we're in a pub, there is some background chatter.  In my media comments at the end the programme I refer to is on BBC Radio Four and is called Analysis: The Early Years Miracle?  And I should have said that the Duchess of Cambridge is more than welcome to join me for a podcast any time.  

Why is anxiety so prevalent these days, and how can parents help their children who suffer from it?  Erica Komisar, psychoanalyst and parent coach, answers these questions and many more.  We discuss the impact of social media on young people, how to help children and adolescents grow into healthy adults, and the best ways to encourage your young people into positive behaviours.  Erica is the author of the excellent book, 'Being there: why prioritizing motherhood in the first three years matters'.  You can also catch her on podcast 5: Mothers and Guilt.  Many thanks to James Ede of Be Heard Productions, who produced this in between coastguard callouts!  

Charlotte's faith and how she became a single mother are surprisingly closely connected.  As well as telling me about how she coped as a single mother, Charlotte and I discuss how our faith affects everything we do as parents, and the challenges connected with passing faith on to our children.  Should we make our children go to church?  How nice should we be about that loved child of God who is making our child's life hell?  Why does Charlotte only pray big prayers every 23 years?  It's all in here.  We talk as Christians, fully aware that many people, including many close to us, don't share our faith.  This is not a hard sell, just two mothers talking about what difference our faith makes to us, not least in the existence of Charlotte's daughter.  

At this bijou Mothers Matter Christmas party are two guests, Vicki and Kate, surnames withheld to protect the innocence/make sure the in laws don't listen, who join with Claire in celebrating the joys of present buying/allocating/receiving, Christmas catering, parties - or lack of, managing toddlers in the grandparents' house, cooking, puppies vs Christmas trees, midnight mass, and what the role of the husband/man of the house actually is at Christmas.  With special appearances by Vicki's husband and sons, given that we were recording in her house, we re-create the slight air of panic that many mothers feel when there are too few sleeps until Christmas.  This is a Santa-affirming podcast and is self-certified safe to listen to by all ages.  Merry Christmas to all my listeners.

Why is it so difficult to earn your way out of poverty?  Why do families on a single income often struggle financially? The first answer is the 90.6% METR (Marginal Equivalent Tax Rate) which anyone earning up to £30,295 will pay on each extra £1 they earn.  The second answer is the extra tax of at least £200 per month that a family with one income will pay in addition to the family on the same income with two earners.  Taxation is  the reason why so many mothers have to go out to work but still struggle to make ends meet.  Don Draper, who runs the website www.taxandthefamily.org lays out very clearly why it is the UK is one of the harshest tax regimes IN THE WORLD for families and what could be done to help families out of poverty and give families a choice to care for their children themselves. 

How does a mother's love shape and form her baby's brain and what happens if an infant is separated from his or her mother?  Diana Dean, Research Director of the charity What about the Children?, answers these questions by referring to the science behind the outcomes.  We also talk about the emotional and physiological issues the under threes face when they spend long hours in centre-based childcare, with a particular focus on the harmful effects of cortisol.  Childcare is usually portrayed as something that all mothers want more of and is rarely looked at from the point of view of the impact on infants and toddlers, perhaps because the subject is too painful or too inconvenient to consider, or just because of ignorance of the impact.  Diana is a very gentle, balanced and non-judgemental speaker who is passionate about explaining why it is under threes need to be in a loving, consistent, one on one relationship with a primary carer, who is usually their mother.        

What is a genuinely family friendly policy?  It is not giving more hours of subsidised childcare so children spend ever longer hours away from the loving care of their parents.  It is not ensuring families to spend less time together by 'encouraging' mothers out of the home to work because they are not financially supported to care for their children themselves. In this podcast Marie Peacock, an early years and social care specialist who advocates for those giving 'invisible' care in the home, including in her role as Honorary VP of Mothers at Home Matter, discusses a wide range of policies to strengthen family life, including fairer family taxation, access to housing, enhanced child benefit payments and other options.   Apologies for the contribution of Lola, my golden retriever, in the introduction.  She doesn't get involved in the main discussion as her grasp of UK politics is, frankly, poor. 

However many years you are able to dedicate to raising your children, the time will come when they (hopefully/eventually) leave home so at some point almost all mothers will return to paid work.  In this podcast Ronnie Cloke Browne of CareerBreak People helps mothers value the time they spend out of the workplace, not just in terms of the care they can give their children or family members, but also in terms of the skills they develop through being a mother. She suggests how to 'package' the time spent out of paid work, and how to approach re-entering the workplace.  Ronnie is full of practical and helpful tips and advice  As always in the Mothers Matter podcast, we discuss the mother who matters in this podcast as Ronnie reflects on the choices she has made as a mother,  the route that led her to set up CareerBreak People, and how she manages the demands on her time of her family and her business.

When children leave home to go to university or start a job, it's an exciting time for them but a deeply emotional time for their mothers and fathers.  It signifies the end of an era and a fundamental shift in relationship.  It is a time to reflect on the previous 18 or so years as a mother, which is what Sarah Sear does very lucidly and honestly in this podcast.  She examines the decisions she made regarding how to fit in work around her three children, and expresses the almost inexpressible emotions she felt when her eldest child started university last year.  

Philippa Nicholson is an enthusiastic advocate for the value of home schooling, having been home educated herself.  She home schools her four children, aged 4 to 12. In this podcast Philippa explains how she makes it work, both practically in terms of how she manages the different demands of four children, and personally, as she develops mental strategies to remain positive and cope with the relentless demands on her time.  The closing reflections after the interview include whether Sweden is in fact a great place to be a parent and whether a creche at work is a good idea.  

Sam Jackson,father of 4 and Managing Editor of Classic FM and Smooth Radio, author of the book Diary of a Desperate Dad, chats about the joys and challenges of fatherhood. We discuss the research which highlights the important ways in which fathers differ from mothers and the unique, essential role they play in helping their children to develop well emotionally and, particularly, in their relationships with the opposite sex.    Happy Father's Day!

Carolina Allen explains why she set up the lobby and support group Big Ocean Women. Applying the principles of maternal feminism, Carolina and Big Ocean Women work through groups of mothers to make a difference locally in their neighbourhoods across the United States, and internationally, through lobbying the United Nations to value mothers for all they contribute, not just for their potential earning power.  As a mother of 7 and an enthusiastic home schooler, Carolina shares her experience of how mothers can transform society together from the power base of the home.   P.S. the clicking noise at the beginning stops once we work out it comes from Carolina's earrings.  Please bear with!

Sarah Douglas-Pennant discusses bravely, eloquently and extremely poignantly the lives of her three children and how she has found the strength to live on after bereavement.  She has been forced to come to an understanding of the purpose of life and find some meaning in death. Sarah's wisdom on the role of mothers in the everyday business of bringing up children and the devastating experience of death is profound.  Please message me if you would like a copy of Johnnie's Poems.

Lynette Dudman's sons, Max and Fred, are top BMX riders with Fred (age 10) competing at an international level. Lynette is typical of so many mothers providing the emotional and practical support to help their children achieve their dreams, with her husband, Sean Dudman, a former motocross champion, providing the inspiration - and the finances.  With injuries, long journeys and outdoor race tracks in winter to contend with, Lynette talks about the challenges and joys of being mother to her two BMX-loving sons.   

Emily Tredget shares her experience of prenatal and postnatal depression (PND), outlining the devastating effect it had on her and her family and how she eventually managed to come through it.  Emily's experiences led her to set up the MummyLinks app, an invitation-only app which addresses one of the key issues faced by many mothers: loneliness.  Emily also runs a high profile social media campaign called #ShoutieSelfie to draw attention to maternal mental health.  

Erica Komisar, a New York psychoanalyst, parent coach and author, explains the essential role mothers play in their children's first three years, and beyond.  She explores the issue of maternal guilt and how to harness its positive effects.  Erica also outlines the opportunity that the brain's development between ages 9 and 25 presents, with helpful insights into how and why teenagers communicate, with some top tips as to how to survive the teenage years - for parents. Erica is the author of the brilliant book, 'Being there: Why prioritising motherhood in the first three years matters', available on Amazon.

Anne Fennell, Chair of Mothers at Home Matter and mother of six boys, discusses how important mothers are in their children's lives, why she got involved with Mothers at Home Matter and what life as a mother of six is like.  Anne attempts to remember the various groups she has set up and run and Claire throws in what she hopes are helpful comments about the effect on the frontal cortex of mothers and fathers of a baby's cry.  

Dionne John from north London is a mother of three who has started a campaign to address the dangers of knife crime in the Southgate Borough.  Dionne shares her insights into what she believes is behind the rise in knife crime and how schools, local businesses and parents can help prevent young people from committing knife-related crimes and can help protect their potential young victims.  Dionne also reflects on her life as a mother and how much her children are teaching her, particularly about grime and social media.    

Marie Peacock, Honorary Vice President of Mothers at Home Matter, mother of four and holder of an Early Years Professional qualification, discusses why it is that there is so much emphasis in policy-making circles on getting mothers into long hours in paid work at the expense of time spent with their children, why this is a problem and what the potential funding solutions might be. 

In this first podcast Claire tries to define mothers without using the terms 'working' or 'stay at home', has her first Media Moment where she comments on a recent interview with an 'absent mother', and discusses whether International Women's Day celebrates includes mothers in its #balanceforbetter banner.