Blended Family Podcast

melissa@blendedfamilypodcast.com www.blendedfamilypodcast.com Every parent hopes and wishes all of their children get along.  Biological children are built with a special bond with their siblings, whereas step siblings do not automatically have this.  In the blended family, we want to encourage the step siblings to form bonds and relationships with one another for a strong family dynamic.     Depending on the ages of the children, there are different ways to accomplish this.  You want to first try to find common ground between them, and arrange activities they can do together that they enjoy.  Sports are good, playing games, or doing projects together are just some ideas. You can also plan family activities that include everyone, such as a trip to the beach, or a picnic.     The process of bonding can take years, and it is not something that can be forced.  The more opportunities they have to be together, the better the process should be.  There are times when children just will not like one another, and if

melissa@blendedfamilypodcast.com www.blendedfamilypodcast.com   This episode is all about maintaining intimacy with your partner while managing a blended family.  It can be so hard to do!   Listen to my conversation with Sibel Guelseren. Sibel is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Board Certified Addictions Professional, Board Certified Sex Therapist, and Life Coach with over 15 years in Experience.  Sibel earned a Master of Education Degree and a Specialist in Education Degree, both specializing in Marriage and Family Therapy from the University of Florida. She is also a Graduate of CoachU's 3-year prestigious Coaching Program and works with clients on various life and work issues. She is an Approved Supervisor for Marriage and Family Therapist Interns.        Sibel and I talk about many issues that blended families face sexually, such as   high stress levels interfering with sex life scheduling sex how to manage privacy issues how to keep things exciting and fun communicating about sex

melissa@blendedfamilypodcast.com www.blendedfamilypodcast.com It is so important to bond with your stepchildren.  Your stepchildren will always be a part of your partners life, therefore will be a part of yours.  We are all built with an innate quality to love and cherish our children unconditionally.  We don’t have the same built in feelings about stepchildren.  The relationship with our stepchildren needs work to grow.     Age plays a big role in how we bond with stepchildren.     Elementary school kids are easiest to adapt to their parents new partner.  At this age, children are less judgemental and more willing to give and receive love.  The best ways to bond with children this age are to do a lot of talking and listening.  Discipline is also essential at this age to help establish respect and boundaries.  Other ideas are to play together, take part in their daily rituals, or bake something in the kitchen.  Love, interest, and attention is what they need to help form a bond.   Pre teens and teenagers are

melissa@blendedfamilypodcast.com www.blendedfamilypodcast.com   Healthy communication is an essential part of any relationship, not only those in blended families.  However, in the blended family, communication is key to success.  It is important for all members of the family to communicate, not just the parents.  I have three tips for healthy communication, which are Communication is NOT Confrontation Be open and honest Listen   1. Communication is not confrontation.  This means that when you communicate, it does not need to be a fight, but rather a discussion back and forth.  It is important to bring down those defensive walls and allow the space for calm talking.     2. Be open and honest.  This seems simple.  We need to tell the truth, to ourselves, and our partners.  Hiding one’s true feelings only builds anger and resentment.  We need to be able to tell the people we love what is on our mind so we can resolve any issues.  When it comes to the children, it is also important to keep the lines of c

melissa@blendedfamilypodcast.com www.blendedfamilypodcast.com   Dont miss this great interview with Heather Rampolla!   Heather Rampolla is stepmom to two teenage daughters, host of Fresh Eats Radio and creator of Fresh Eats Detox. She helps busy moms, wives & entrepreneurs rid of overwhelm when trying to eat healthy… you know, like picky eaters, or fitting in real foods when you’re managing a busy schedule. She teaches you how to easily add in more of the good stuff so you can look good & feel good. Heather has been featured in Mind Body Green, Kris Carr’s Crazy Sexy Wellness Revolution, Organic Eats Magazine, Real Foods Witch, The Mogul Mom, and more.   Blended Families face extra challenges when it comes to feeding a family and being healthy.  Kids are bouncing back and forth from home to home, which makes it really hard to establish rules when it comes to food.  Teaching your children to make healthy choices is a challenge and so is getting everyone on board.  Heather has some great advice on how

melissa@blendedfamilypodcast.com www.blendedfamilypodcast.com   All siblings fight, and this is a natural part of the process of growing up.  In a blended family, it doesn’t seem so natural when the step siblings fight.  This causes of lot of stress and unease on the parents.  It is actually one of the biggest problems blended families will face.  There are many reasons why the kids will fight, and there are right and wrong ways to deal with it.   An obvious reason why the step siblings fight is that they just may not like each other at all.  When two people get together and create a life, we cannot control all of the family dynamics and relationships of all involved.  They may not like one another because they haven’t gotten a chance to get to know each other better, or they may never like each other at all.  Either way, you and your partner cannot ruin your relationship over this.  The kids will grow up and have lives of their own.  Help them through by talking about it, and if things don’t improve, you can

melissa@blendedfamilypodcast.com www.blendedfamilypodcast.com   Parents in blended families face extra stress and difficulties, which can create some tension on the relationship. This can lead to excess fighting between the adults, and this can be damaging to your blended family.  Some of the most common causes of arguments could be ex partners, children, money, and scheduling.   There are ways to overcome this by learning healthy methods and strategies.  You want to make sure you are fighting fair.  There are good and bad ways to resolve conflicts. First step is to stop using the word fight, which is defined as battle, or combat.  Let’s replace that word with “argument,” or “disagreement.”   You and your partner may have very different styles of handling a conflict, and this in itself can cause a huge problem.  Start paying attention to the way you speak to each other.  Avoid using hurtful and negative language.  Avoid yelling and being accusatory.  Instead try replacing with more positive language, and lea

melissa@blendedfamilypodcast.com www.blendedfamilypodcast.com Almost every divorced couple deals with a disrespectful ex at some point or another after their divorce.  If you haven’t, then chances are your new partner may be dealing with it.   Some of the most common issues you may face with a disrespectful ex are an ex who is trying to turn the kids against you an ex who refuses to honor your new partner an ex who is all around difficult to try to hurt you   If your ex is trying to turn your children against you, you want to first make sure you do not retaliate by trying to turn the kids against your ex.  Two wrongs don’t make a right.  Try to get to the bottom of the situation by determining what exactly is being said and why.  You can have age appropriate conversations with the kids about what has taken place so they can hear the truth from you.  Always be honest with them, but if you feel they aren’t ready to know the details, by all means, do not share them.  Explain to them that you will be ab

www.blendedfamilypodcast.com melissa@blendedfamilypodcast.com   Dealing with finances is an issue that every couple must face.  However, it is much more difficult in a blended family.  There are usually more issues in a blended family, such as child support, separate debts and assets, and financial involvements with exes.   The issue of finances is best discussed early on in the relationship to avoid pitfalls in the future.  Some topics to discuss are handling of income handling of expenses handling of bank accounts future financial planning   You must decide if you are sharing your income, and a lot of that will depend on how much you each make and what each of your financial obligations are.   Expenses are a much more tricky topic.  You both need to figure out who is handling what expenses.  How will you divide home expenses and debt? Who is going to pay the bills? Are you going to take care of your previous debts together or handle that separately?  These are all issues you must face and talk abo

www.blendedfamilypodcast.com melissa@blendedfamilypodcast.com   There are a lot of factors to think about when determining your visitation schedule for your blended family.     You and your partner will already have a divorce agreement set in place that determines your basic schedule or agreement on visitation.  Once you blend families, you will need to decide how to make that work for everyone.     The big question is, should you have all of the kids from both sides share visitation or keep them separate.   First you want to look at how all of the kids get along together.  If they fight excessively and cannot resolve their differences, you may want to keep them separated.  However, you must keep in mind that in order for them to get over their differences, they need an opportunity to get to know each other better.  If step siblings do argue, you must remember that this is just as normal as biological siblings fighting.  The main thing is that you don’t let that come between you and your partner.   Also consi

When you move in together, It is really important to have a guideline of rules for the home.  This will insure that everyone knows what is expected of them.  There are rules for parents, rules for children, and general house rules.   Everything starts with the parents.  You and your partner need to first figure out your own rules, as a couple, in the home.  There are a few standards which should be a given.  This would include keeping an honest and open communication between the two of you.  Also, you should stand united when it comes to issues with the children.  If you do disagree, take it away from the kids.  When you are in front of the children, you must present yourselves as being on the same team, or they will drive a wedge between you both.  Other things you should discuss, is each of your responsibilities in the home, such as who will handle certain tasks, like cooking, cleaning, lawn care, bills, etc.  Last for you as parents, is to decide your own rules for disciplining the children.  You need to f

www.blendedfamilypodcast.com melissa@blendedfamilypodcast.com   Moving in together and forming a blended family is a big decision.  There are some key factors to look at to determine if you are ready, and what steps to take. How do you know if the time is right? Deciding which home to move into, or where to move. How to tell your children. How to tell your ex partners.   When deciding if the time is right for your family to move in together, you must take everone’s feelings into consideration.  If any of the children are mourning from the divorce, that is something that may need to be worked through first.     Think of your current relationship with your partner, and their relationship with your children.  If there are any problems, they will be magnified when you all actually live together.  Jumping in too quickly can cause permanent damage to your relationship.     The question of where you will choose to live depends on many factors.  This is a big decision, but you will want to take certain fact

www.blendedfamilypodcast.com melissa@blendedfamilypodcast.com   Blended families face many struggles during the holiday season. There are things you can do make this time less stressful and more peaceful for your family. The four topics are Religion Traditions Keeping things fair Holiday time sharing   Religion When the family is divided into two religions, the best practice is to allow celebrating both holidays.  Parents and children can learn from one another and expand their culture.  If this is against your religious beliefs, there needs to be an open honest discussion about this.  All parties must respect one anothers beliefs and come to a place of compromise.   Traditions When two families come together, even if both the same religion, many times have an entirely different set of traditions and rituals they follow.  Sit down with your partner and make a list of each of your traditions and decide which are important to each of you.  You can most likely find a way to incorporate them all togethe

www.blendedfamilypodcast.com melissa@blendedfamilypodcast.com   This shows topics How long should you wait to date after a divorce How to figure out what type of partner you are looking for How to navigate this terrain with your children   How long you should wait to date depends on specific circumstances and your mental state.  Before moving on, you should be in a place where you are stable, and not actively grieving over your divorce.     Before you date, you need to work on breaking old patterns.  Determine what patterns existed in your marriage that were detrimental.  In some instances, such as abuse or addiction, a good therapist can help you with this.     When you are ready, work on your self esteem. A good diet and exercise program can help you feel healthier.  Do something for yourself to make you feel good.  Positive affirmations and self encouragement are essential.   Make a realistic list of character traits you are looking for in a new partner.  Also make a list of deal breakers, or trait

www.blendedfamilypodcast.com melissa@blendedfamilypodcast.com   Having a healthy divorce is essential, as it is the building block of a new relationship and important to the well being of your children. Four steps to a healthy divorce are    1. Evaluate  2. Stop the Hate  3. Communicate  4. Appreciate   Evaluate means to take inventory of your relationship with your ex, to determine what went wrong.  You want to also figure out what is wrong with the relationship at this current time.  A good way to sort this out is to write down the following questions and answer them     * What led to the divorce?   * How do you get along now, on a scale of 1-10. Has this number been improving or not?   * If you had to choose one word to describe your feelings towards your ex, what would it be?   * What do you think needs to change in order to move forward to a more positive place?   Occasionally revisit, and rewrite this list.  You are looking for a steady improvement over time.   Stop the Hate.  An example of the

www.blendedfamilypodcast.com melissa@blendedfamilypodcast.com   A blended family is a family that includes children from a previous relationship or marriage. One or both partners may have children.   40-50% of today’s marriages fail, and new relationships formed after are often blended families.   The purpose of this podcast is to create a community to help these struggling families develop methods to make it all work.     This show is for you if you have a blended family you are a single parent looking to date or already dating you are single and dating, with no children of your own, but open to dating someone with children   Some topics we will discuss divorce communication establishing rules fighting family bonding much more   Send in your ideas for topics to melissa@blendedfamilypodcast.com   This will be a weekly, 20-30 minute solo show, released every Monday.   About the host Melissa has had a blended family for almost eight years.  She lives in Florida with Shawn (her almost husb