Again With This: Beverly Hills, 90210

The holidays have come again to Melrose Place, but they're generally not going to be very happy. Peter agrees to Amanda's request that he visit a therapist, but then gets angry and jealous when her professional obligations prevent her from participating in his treatment. Kimberly tries to help the Michael/Megan relationship along by sharing her plan to bequeath Michael a big life insurance windfall, but Megan is understandably upset that Kimberly intends to do it by faking her own accidental death. Matt starts to push back against Dan's attempts to control him with his money. The end of Sam and Craig's relationship has her up in arms about his refusal to return her courtyard painting, so Billy volunteers to help her get it back -- just as Sydney admits that another piece of Sam's work is up for auction at a charity event, and that Kyle's actually been buying all the "Kirov" pieces at the restaurant but that Sam hasn't seen any money for them because Kyle's on a payment plan that hasn't kicked in yet. Jane imp

When, as predicted, Peter learns he's out of contention for the Wilshire Memorial chief of staff job, he ponders a change of career. Amanda thinks transitioning into medical research would be fine, but actually, he's thinking golf pro! She's annoyed enough by that prospect that she doesn't even notice Taylor sneakily reserving him to join her in marking the anniversary of Beth's death, but lighting candles in her memory isn't all she plans to do. Also: Taylor's request for two nights off a week from the restaurant leads Kyle to the dangerous choice of hiring Sydney as her part-time replacement. Michael, conflicted about the divorce, decides to move out of the beach house and in with Matt, instead of Megan. This is just fine with Dan, who asks Matt to sublet his place to Michael and move in with Dan instead! Matt is wary, but is he wary enough? Craig uses the mere threat of exposing Arthur's as-yet-undisclosed misdeeds to get him to drop the lawsuit; however, this win in his professional life is cancelled out

Work continues to be a trial for both Peter and Amanda, although given their natural temperaments, he's having a harder time with it than she is. After choking in surgery at the end of the previous episode, Peter assumes -- probably correctly -- that he's doomed his chance to be Chief of Staff, and mopes that he's in a tailspin. Amanda's basically like, "You'll get yourself out of it, byeeeee," and takes off to D&D, where she continues manipulating Craig to achieve her own ends. The Craig era isn't great for Billy either, and two of his still-living exes are really showing him up: Alison is seriously mulling Jake's partnership offer, and Samantha's being showered with expensive gifts by Craig, Billy's mortal enemy. Jane returns from Chicago and shares her big news with Sydney, who is nearly as shaken by it as Jane was herself. Sydney is upset at the thought that Jane already doesn't consider them sisters anymore, partly because she needs to talk to someone about Kyle and Jane's all she's got. But Jane is

The promise of regaining Wilshire Memorial's Chief of Staff job has Peter re-energized about his career. He's even going back into the OR! Sadly, his good mood sours quickly, and when Amanda's not around to comfort him, he turns to...well, not the next best thing, but the thing that's around all the time: Taylor. Her contact with Peter is in direct contravention of Kyle's clear request that she stop spending time with Peter for the sake of her marriage, and is sick of her weaseling out of disputes by throwing his infidelity in his face. Meanwhile, Amanda -- the one who first alerted Kyle that he should be suspicious of the time Taylor spends with Peter -- is tied up with work stuff. Now that Craig has learned that he's the majority shareholder at D&D, he's ready to start making changes immediately. Since this means a huge demotion for Amanda, she goes behind Craig's back to the old man, who asks her to play along with Craig's big plans for the sake of Amanda's money, and Arthur's. Craig might not even not

Peter's got a lot on his mind this week: Michael's confidently claiming that he's about to be Wilshire Memorial's next Chief of Staff; Amanda's found out about the time he's secretly been spending with Taylor. And while he's pretty sure he knows how to deal with Michael's BS in a way that will benefit himself, his plan to tell Amanda about his secret ex-in-law falls apart when he...runs it by Taylor first? Somehow she's the only person whose motivations he CAN'T see through. When Michael isn't pursuing his career goals, he's pursuing Megan harder than ever. Kimberly having ordered Megan to stop seeing Michael, Megan tries to ankle him for about ten seconds. Kimberly really is not getting what she paid for. Matt and Dr. Dan go on one date, after which Matt is ready to bone and settle down, in that order; Dan is very interested in Matt, but he wants to TAKE THINGS SLOW and MAKE SURE MATT DOESN'T GET HURT. What could his deal possibly be? Billy lets Amanda know what went down at D&D while she was on her busi

Michael is more obsessed than ever with figuring out what Megan's trying so hard to hide from him, eventually memorizing her license plate number and finding out where she actually lives. She manages to stonewall him until he follows her to an appointment and she's forced into a confession. Elsewhere, Kimberly finds out what Dr. Stein found during her physical: she has an inoperable brain tumor, and a three-month prognosis. How will she tell Michael...or will she tell him anything at all? (Matt is also around, still trying to get things going with Dr. Dan.) Following her big disclosure at the end of the previous episode, Taylor convinces Peter to keep their connection secret from their spouses: Kyle can get so jealous, and it's not like there will ever even be anything for him to get jealous about! Amanda's work trip to Portland gives Taylor plenty of time to continue creeping on Peter, though now her creepitude is freighted with more meaning and history. She should possibly spend less time focusing on Peter

So Michael and Kimberly still aren't having sex, and her psychiatrist thinks there may be a physical cause. Will a complete workup reveal what the issue is, or is Kimberly perfectly content being celibate and having Michael as her best friend? Michael might be fine with that too, if it means he can keep having sex with the mystery blonde down the beach (Megan Lewis, it turns out), though he also may screw that up by demanding to know more about her life than she wants to tell him. Amanda and Peter are still snapping at each other, which Peter thinks he can fix by moving out for a while. And Taylor continues staring at him creepily whenever she sees him, though at least she FINALLY tells both him and us how she's connected to him. Jane is still determined to ruin Alison and Jake's lives. Jake reaches out to Sydney for help, and agrees with her that the right course is to ignore Jane and let her return to normal on her own; however, Alison refuses to get on board with this plan. Sydney herself, meanwhile, conti

The problems Amanda is facing in this episode are hardly the worst Melrose Place has ever thrown at her, but there are LOTS of them, and they're coming at her from all sides. D&D is toxic in a whole new way, and her choices for second-in-command are apparently limited to Billy or Craig. Peter just seems to be goofing off instead of beating the bushes for new patients to replace the ones he lost while he was incarcerated -- and every time she catches him being especially lazy, one or more of the McBrides is around. Our queen does not deserve this! With the restaurant's opening upon us, Kyle is interested in acquiring some original art for the walls, and takes a liking to the piece Samantha created for the window at Jane's; Sydney nominates herself to be Samantha's agent, and to make herself more available to Kyle, too. The love pentagon grows ever more accursed, with Jane escalating her hostilities from brick throwing to tire slashing. Jake and Alison remain convinced that their own exes couldn't be stalki

Amanda and Peter's decision to take a quick honeymoon in Santa Barbara causes a LOT of unexpected ripples! Taylor, overhearing Kimberly and Michael talking about it at the practice, rooks Kyle into going to the same resort so she can continue creeping around Peter. While Amanda's out of the office, her slimy boss Arthur installs his son Craig (David Charvet) and makes Billy show him the ropes, but it's immediately clear that both Field men have a bigger plan for the agency. Jane frees Jake and Alison from Alison's burning apartment, but seeing them comfort each other seems to send her around the bend: while assuring the new couple that she's definitely totally happy for them, she tries to get Billy to join her in a scheme to break them up (which Billy declines, since he's all about Samantha again). And Michael drops a resistant Matt off at rehab...but maybe once he gets there he'll realize it's not so bad...? Sing it if you know it: we've brought you a new podcast on "Un-Janed Melody"! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Who's having problems with their living situation? Who isn't! Peter assumes that, now that they're married, Amanda will move into his nice big house; he has no interest in even discussing the idea of moving into her pokey little apartment. But then some tough financial realities take the decision out of his hands. If anything were to convince Amanda to change her address, it would probably be Taylor constantly trying to ingratiate herself to Amanda -- this time, by asking Amanda to take the Kyle's restaurant account at D&D. Michael is disappointed to learn that Kimberly's decision to surrender her medical license will not mean she's more available to keep his home for him. And every time Matt leaves home, he seems to get into big, potentially life-threatening trouble. Billy reacts to the news of Alison and Jake's relationship by kicking his own door down -- which Samantha witnesses, and yet does not move her to find another apartment complex to live in. But Alison may need to find a new place soon, thanks

Things are looking bleak for Peter's defense: Kimberly still hasn't recovered her memory, and when she gets coerced into testifying anyway, her sketchy story only makes his case look worse. You know who sure is interested in all of this for someone who, officially, doesn't know Peter at all? Taylor, whose need to start sniffing around the courtroom draws suspicion from Kyle, and also sticks him with all the work of moving into their new apartment. Alison is moving too, and Billy is both eager to impose his assistance on her and strangely put-upon about participating in a process no one asked him to be involved in. Michael also gets wise to Matt's theft of his prescription pad, but his threats come too late for Matt to have attracted the suspicion of his attending physician. Out in the woods, Richard is about as well prepared for his murderous activities as Jane was -- which is to say, not at all. All the confusion ends up requiring Samantha to get embroiled, again, and while she is starting to worry about thr

Peter tells Amanda it doesn't matter what the cops think about Beth's demise, or what her diary said: he definitely did euthanize her. Amanda's not bothered, nor is Det. Wylie when she confronts him about knowing all along that Peter had been exonerated: he's feeling good about the case now that Kimberly is in the wind. For...about ten minutes, until Michael finds her walking down the street. Kimberly admits that she can't talk to the cops about the night of Bobby's death because she doesn't remember what she was doing. When Amanda's newest tenant, Taylor, is surprised by the arrival of her husband Kyle in the city, she has to start doing some fancy footwork to convince him that she really just came on a lark but that now she thinks they should leave the running of their Boston restaurant to the guy who's handling it now, and open a second location in Los Angeles. He agrees, and is not remotely suspicious about how quickly she finds them a great apartment in a complex with a pool! But Amanda is keeping an eye

Amanda doesn't want to believe that her brand-new husband Peter has been living under an assumed identity literally the whole time she's known him, but she also can't help finding Det. Wylie pretty credible. So she gets him to spill what he knows and follows the trail to Kansas City, to find out what went on there before he came into her life. Michael continues his vigil at Kimberly's bedside (Matt and his new ultra-quick speech patterns -- his speedy speech, you might say! -- aren't much help.) Everyone sure does hope Kimberly will wake up soon and confirm Peter's alibi, because the news of Peter's arrest is spreading far and wide -- why, it's even front-page news in Boston, where a Taylor McBride (Lisa Rinna!) gasps at the report and ditches her husband Kyle (Rob Estes!) to follow up. Jane and Sydney are trying very hard to plant a plausible cover story about Richard's disappearance and get back to their lives. But strange occurrences, from muddy footprints in Richard's hallway to a shove left outside Jane'

Before launching into Season 5 of Melrose Place, we're taking a quick break for something very silly: Thunderdome! You all know Thunderdome from the feature film Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome, right? If not, it's an arena where combatants are sent to fight to the death. So we're engaging in a thought experiment where we throw in 18 90210 side characters, talk through who would probably prevail in several rounds of combat, and eventually winnow the list down to one ultimate champion. Which of your faves (or un-faves) did we select and how will they fare? Listen and find out! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Obviously, Sydney knows her bargaining position is weak, but she really attempts many different arguments to convince Jane not to follow through on her whole Richard-killing plan. None of them works. A Hail Mary to get JAKE to talk to Jane and urge her not to make any "funky" decisions -- not that she specifies what those might be -- does bring Jake to the design studio just in time to see Jane trying to distract Richard from his (accurate) suspicions about her financial malfeasance by making out with him. So Jake's out on Jane -- and while you'd think that would just cause him to take Alison up on her advances, he's just too good a pal and doesn't want to betray Billy, who's trying even harder to woo Alison back than Alison is trying to seduce Jake. What a mess! Speaking of which: Willowbridge. Amanda and Michael are swiftly apprehended breaking in, but it's no big deal to Betsy, who simply locks both of them AND Peter in a boiler room and lets her staff know that all three of them are going to get lobotomie

Peter is down bad at Willowbridge, but not out: he decides to try to work his magic on the soft-hearted, lonely, apparently horny Nurse Benson (Priscilla Presley!), offering to "make [her] happy," wink, if she'll just help him leave the hospital -- even just for one night! Meanwhile, on the outside, Amanda and (to a much lesser extent) Michael make pretty decent amateur sleuths, as Amanda tracks Kimberly's ATM use to the vicinity of Willowbridge, and the two hit the road in search of their troublesome loved ones. But with Betsy in control of Peter's care and the hospital, will it all be in vain?! Jane happens into a clothing boutique that's about to close, and spontaneously decides she wants to take it over. But when she goes to Michael for some quick cash, trying to guilt him into giving it up, he tells her that actually her sister's the one she should be trying to avenge herself on financially -- you know, because of that whole thing where Sydney drugged and paralyzed her? (That was this season, btw, can yo

Peter gets a lot of bad news right away: Alycia's dead, Kimberly's in the wind, and all evidence points to him as Bobby's murderer. At least he convinces Amanda that he didn't kill her ex, even though she, you know, obviously knows he definitely DID try to kill AMANDA HERSELF. But never mind! He's very pleased when Kimberly appears at his house out of the blue, but despite criticizing MICHAEL earlier for not noticing wild swings in Kimberly's personality, Peter does not interpret the headband and sister-wife dress as representing one of Kimberly's alters. Betsy pretends to agree to corroborate Peter's alibi to the cops, but then enacts her own scheme to get him out of her way. Will amateur sleuths Michael and Amanda crack the case in time? After Alison gets between Richard and Jake (or rather Jake's murderous rage), she manages to talk Jane into meeting with a friend of Alison's at the DA's office (?) about pressing charges against Richard -- and Jane does seem optimistic and energized in Alison's pal's offic

How do you follow up an episode that closed with one partner in a medical practice getting arrested for sexual misconduct while the other -- who was actually guilty of the crime -- was left unconscious and possibly dead from a hammer blow by one of his wife's Dissociative Identity Disorder alters? It seems unlikely but "MELROSE UNGLUED ACTUALLY TOPS IT." Amanda finds a way to buy Peter out of his legal trouble, just as Kimberly decides to kick Michael out of the beach house for his own safety. Bobby accidentally discovers Sydney's new porn-producing sideline, and while she's dismayed that he feels so betrayed by her lies that he doesn't think they can EVER be together now, she doesn't back out of the movie, which is how she's the one to find out -- from Jimmy -- that Vincent wasn't behind the cable company double-cross. Her attempt to use this information to get back in Bobby's good graces does not go the way she had hoped! Jake asks Alison to find out why Jane, who's been stonewalling him, has seemed so dist

Teri has decided to sidestep charges and just sue Peter over the Brandi affair. Almost everyone is telling him to settle -- like Michael, who offers to pitch in, and Alycia, who...is representing him despite their rather recent and quite acrimonious breakup; only Amanda is urging him to defend himself. Perhaps given all this trouble, he's a bit distracted when Kimberly begs for his help with her mental-health issues. Richard has arranged a meeting for himself and Jane with the biggest retailer on the east coast, but Jane is wary of traveling with him to see the client in New York, given her history with Richard. After celebrating a successful pitch together, Richard almost immediately proves her fears were very well-founded. Jo continues worrying about Tyler, involving Matt so that he can connect her with a prof of his who's a child abuse expert. How many boundaries will Jo break to confirm her suspicions about Laurie? Billy is surprised that Alison isn't making herself available to help him with his pitch to

Though we might find it impossible to imagine D&D without Amanda, it seems that her jerk boss Arthur Field doesn't think she's so integral: he still hasn't renewed her contract, even though she's still boning his golden boy Billy and fending off Peter's advances. Stung, Peter agrees to do Kimberly a favor by getting Michael out of town for a few days, and brings him to San Diego to judge a beauty contest (...sure?), where they meet Teri and Brandi, a mother-daughter team (Loni Anderson and Denise Richards!) who are determined to go to any lengths -- sexually speaking -- to assure Brandy's victory in the pageant, despite both doctors' attempts to remain chaste. Meanwhile, Amanda insists to Billy that she doesn't want him to speak up to the board on her behalf, but can he possibly follow such an order, given how he feels about her? Sydney's old friend Laurie (Justine Priestley, as in Jason's sister!) descends on the complex with her son Tyler, looking for a place to crash. Since Sydney is all caught up with