How To Survive

  It's Halloween, and a special treat for our favourite Halloweenies! This is the How to Survive: Trick or Treat Extravaganza 2016. This is the 'Treat' episode, and we're talking about one of the best modern horror movies of the past five years. Check back later today for the 'Trick' episode.

It's episode 63... and the greatest hitman horror ever... Kill List (2011) tells the story of Jay, a hitman who has been out of work for some time. Convinced to return to the job by his wife and his business partner, Jay's life is soon turned upside-down when he becomes embroiled in the world of the occult. We talk about the benefits of gun modification; the benefits of acting like a Hackney crack addict; and how to become a hero of the working class. All of which leads to one big question:  How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... No more guitar, mate. Not in restaurants. There is a time and a place. And your time and place is in a very isolated location, where no-one is likely to be for about a hundred years. Ok? Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 62... and a lesson in the world of love... The Lobster (2015) tells the story of David, who lives in a society where anyone incapable of finding love will be turned into an animal after 45 days alone. David finds himself at an intensive relationship-building course at a hotel, with his deadline fast approaching. We talk about the animals best equipped to survive; the benefits of being a cold-blooded killer; and how to set up the most generic dating profile in the world. All of which leads to one big question:  How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... If you encounter any problems you cannot resolve yourselves, you will be assigned children, that usually helps. Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 61... and he's still out there... waiting... Friday the 13th: Part VII The New Blood tells the story of Tina, a young woman with psychic powers (no, really) who has returned to Camp Crystal Lake to recover from the memories of killing her father there using her psychic powers (no, really) many years ago. The rest of the film is Jason Vorhees killing teenagers. We talk about just how far the limits of psychic powers can be tested; the greatest Friday the 13th based quiz you'll hear this week; and we catch up on one of the most successful movie franchises of all time. All of which leads to one big question:  How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... KING TUT... RISES FROM THE TOMB! Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 60, and are you seeing what I'm seeing? Don't Breathe (2016) tells the story of Rocky, a young girl who attempts to rob a blind man's house in the dead of night along with her friends. They soon learn that being blind doesn't make this particular man any less mean, and the tables are quickly turned... We take survival advice from an old video game; dust off some old survival favourites; and discuss the limitations of living in an area which lacks social mobility... All of which leads to one big question:  How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... just because you're blind, doesn't make you a saint... Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 59... and a movie to remind you why The Blair Witch Project was so good... Blair Witch (2016) tells the story of James: a young man whose sister went missing during the events of The Blair Witch Project (1999). Twenty years later, James heads into the woods to find her, taking his hapless friends and a bunch of high tech video equipment with him - but predictably, things don't pan out as he'd hoped. We discuss one of the simplest ways to survive against one of the deadliest enemies; how to cope when a movie becomes too terrifying; and we uncover perhaps the greatest story of intrigue in the history of film marketing. All of which leads to one big question:  How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... this is "one of the scariest podcasts ever made". Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 58... and the deepest, bluest episode yet. Deep Blue Sea (1999) tells the story of an off-shore research facility which becomes overrun by super-smart, super-strong, super sharks - and it's up to Dr. McCallister and her team to try to fend them off. We discuss the risks of using rescue equipment to celebrate birthdays, the benefits of even the most rudimentary fail-safes in coast guard machinery; and the importance of a measured approach when using your own blood as bait. All of which leads to one big question:  How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...Grab hold of a hot pan, second can seem like an hour. Put your hands on a hot woman, an hour can seem like a second. Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 57... and our gnarliest episode yet!  The Shallows (2016) tells the story of Nancy, a surfer who travels alone to a secluded beach in Mexico and is attacked by a shark. She then spends the rest of the film trying to survive against the shark.  We compare notes from around the web on shark survival tactics; confuse two factory-made British Girl Groups; and establish once-and-for-all the key difference between sharks and cats. All of which leads to one big question:  How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... It's okay... No Sharks Come Here. Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 56... and a lesson in gardening... The Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1976) tells the story of a Matthew Bennell and Elizabeth Driscoll, two officers at the Department of Health. The pair become embroiled in a fight for their lives when the population of the earth begin to be replaced by alien invaders. We discuss the relative merits of living in an emotionless society; the benefits of a quick escape from danger; and the importance of avoiding comedic timing when delivering a joke which needs to conceal your emotions and reveal others' emotions. All of which leads to one big question:  How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... The rest of the world is trying to change people for fit the world. I'm trying to change the world to fit people. Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 55... and we're having an identity crisis... The Thing (1982) tells the story of a group of researchers in the antarctic who are infiltrated by an alien which can take on the form of any living thing it comes into contact with (but not before killing them first). We discuss the difficulties of discerning between Scandinavian nationalities; the intricacies of the world's most advanced data analysis software; and just why a scientific research team has the weapons capabilities of a small country... All of which leads to one big question:  How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... I'd rather not spend the rest of this winter TIED TO THE F*CKING COUCH! Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 54... and we're trying to cover the fact that we're actually cold, dead robots with a look at one of the coldest robots in modern cinema... Ex Machina (2015) tells the story of Caleb; a young man who travels to visit the home of an elusive genius in order to carry out a turing test on the world's first fully intelligent robot - but all is not what it seems... and before long Caleb is plunged into a puzzle that causes him to question his ethics, his sanity and even his humanity... We stress the importance of moderate alcohol consumption; the difficulties of data security in the digital age; and above all, the risks of falling head over heels in love with machinery. All of which leads to one big question:  How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... Isn't it strange, to create something that hates you? Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 53...which means How to Survive has been going on every week for a whole year, and we will not stop, ever, until you are dead. This week we confront one of the most emotionless, mechanical, soulless creatures in Hollywood history - James Cameron! But wait, it's back when he was good! That's right, it's The Terminator (1984), with Arnold Schwarzenegger making his How to Survive bow as the titular technological terror. We debate the questionable sleeping habits of technophobic time-travellers, wonder why the T-101's deadeye aim abandons him at the crucial moment, and ask ourselves just how much celebratory alcohol can two men drink before the podcast becomes completely nonsensical? All of which leads to one big question:  How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...there's a storm coming. Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 52...but have no fear little ones, we are here to protect thee! This week we're diving into British horror classic The Omen (1976) to tackle cinema's most enduring troublesome tyke. US ambassador Robert Thorn is happily married with their child Damien in tow, but is the boy in question all he appears? Could he, or possibly an international satanic conspiracy dedicated to him, be responsible for the sudden and grisly deaths of Robert's friends and associates? We debate nature vs nurture theories of child rearing, query whether political correctness really has gone mad and confront maybe the greatest terror we've ever faced - elevators in 1970s Italian hospitals. All of which leads to one big question:  How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...it's all for you Damien! Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 51... and a welcome return for cinema's greatest character! Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI (1986) tells the story of Tommy Jarvis (again) and his fight to overcome a hockey-masked murderer for the third time in a row. It will shock you to learn that some teenagers die in unbelievable ways, but it will shock you more to learn that the franchise has finally grown a sense of humour... We talk about the greatest silent movie hero since Buster Keaton; the benefits of yoga in preventing a broken spine; and the benefits of using a lifejacket around open bodies of water. All of which leads to one big question:  How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... I've seen enough horror movies to know any weirdo wearing a mask is never friendly. Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's The How to Survive Survivor's Hall of Fame 2016! It's episode 50, so we're looking back over all the movies we've covered and deciding who should enter the How to Survive Hall of Fame for 2016. Keep the Tweets coming in: @howtosurvivepod Email us at: howtosurviveshow@gmail.com Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's The How to Survive Survivor's Hall of Fame 2016! In this episode, we discuss a spotlight survivor. Someone who defied expectation and stood out as a model for everyone else in their movie, but didn't go quite far enough to make it into the Hall of Fame. This is the third runner-up: Mark Watney Keep the Tweets coming in: @howtosurvivepod Email us at: howtosurviveshow@gmail.com Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's The How to Survive Survivor's Hall of Fame 2016! In this episode, we discuss a spotlight survivor. Someone who defied expectation and stood out as a model for everyone else in their movie, but didn't go quite far enough to make it into the Hall of Fame. This is the second runner-up: Chev Chelios Keep the Tweets coming in: @howtosurvivepod Email us at: howtosurviveshow@gmail.com Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's The How to Survive Survivor's Hall of Fame 2016! In this episode, we discuss a spotlight survivor. Someone who defied expectation and stood out as a model for everyone else in their movie, but didn't go quite far enough to make it into the Hall of Fame. This is the first runner-up: Rose DeWitt Keep the Tweets coming in: @howtosurvivepod Email us at: howtosurviveshow@gmail.com Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's The How to Survive Survivor's Hall of Fame 2016! In the run up to the official Hall of Fame episode, we're releasing a series of mini episodes where we discuss our criteria for entering the Hall of Fame, and take a look at some of our favourite survivors. This is the first episode: The Losers. Keep the Tweets coming in: @howtosurvivepod Email us at: howtosurviveshow@gmail.com Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 49... and time to kick some alien ass! Independence Day: Resurgence (2016) tells the story of the brightest and bravest minds alive on planet earth as they defend the planet from another alien attack. Set 20 years after the original film, they can expect a bigger threat from a bigger, badder enemy. Without Will Smith... We debate whether the movie is 'good fun' or 'unforgiveable rubbish'; the ethics of keeping prisoners of space wars; and the relative flaws in doing a job yourself when you have literally thousands of people to do it for you. All of which leads to one big question:  How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... it's definitely bigger than the last one... Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.