How To Survive

It's episode 188...and we're doing anything to get into the top 50... It's Cam (2018), which sees Alice's world turned upside down by an imposter on her cam girl channel. The imposter looks and sounds like Alice enough to convince her carefully cultivated audience, but does things Alice would never do. Who or what is behind it? We talk about the cost/benefit of faking an orgasm on webcam; why the decision to destroy one's own nasal passage shouldn't be taken lightly; and the merits of removing your body from an electrical circuit before turning it on. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: If you get us into the top 10, we'll take all our clothes off. Next week, it's not a Cloverfield movie, it's Overlord (2018). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

It's episode 187...and if you wanna get crazy, we can get crazy! This week Jordan Peele, the new darling of horror cinema, returns with Us (2019). Us tells the story of the Wilsons, a lovely middle-class American family who one night find themselves confronted by menacing doppelgangers. Can they survive, and uncover the wider conspiracy threatening to turn American society on its head? We unpack the myriad delights of Peele's thematically dense horror movie, confront impossible underground tunnels and chew over rabbit starvation - at least, I think we do. Maybe we've just been posing as podcasters our whole lives...   All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: They won't stop until they kill us... or we kill them. Next week, we're (un)covering Daniel Goldhaber & Isa Mazzei's camgirl horror Cam (2018) available on Netflix.  Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

Hey, it's episode 186, and now you've got to pick up the phone! Happy Death Day (2017) tells the story of a human called Tree who finds herself in a timeloop. It's her birthday, but someone is out to get her, and every time they do, Tree wakes up and is forced to relive the whole day again. We discuss the importance of covering your tracks when it comes to murder; the best thing to do when you've got unlimited time on your hands; and Joe's marriage is put to the test by a certain time-travelling actress... All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Would you stop looking at me like I just took a dump on your mom's head?  Next week, who are the best podcast hosts around?. It's Us (2019) Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

It's episode 185, and we're back for more French fun and games. Revenge (2017) tells the story of Jen, an American socialite turned avenging angel who wreaks a terrible vengeance against three men who wrong her in brutal and bloody fashion. Seriously - it's brutal, bloody, and bloody brilliant. We discuss the supposed feminist inversion of the rape revenge genre, how much serious violence we can take seriously and whether too much villainous grandstanding can ever be a good idea? Plus there's a lot of chat about a man pulling glass out of his foot. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Your ass is like a juicy peach. It's like an alien from another planet! Next week, we celebrate a certain special someone's birthday with Happy Death Day (2018). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

It's episode 184, and we're on the continent for feel-good French fun... Martyrs (2008) tells the story of Lucie, a young girl who is kidnapped and tortured as a child, but is able to escape. Years later, she seeks revenge on her kidnappers, but she (along with her friend Anna) get more than they bargain for... We discuss the worst helmet design of any experiment ever; the sheer arrogance of undertaking massive medical procedures yourself; and the very clear need for surgeons to wear gloves when handing out savage beatings. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Martyrs are exceptional people... Next week, French Extremism / Revenge season continues with Revenge (2018). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

It's episode 183, and our memories are filled with every f*ck-up we've ever made. Upgrade (2018) tells the story of Grey, a mechanic who has his spine severed in a brutal mugging, in which his wife is killed. Now paralysed from the neck down, Grey is offered the chance to walk again when a shady tech wizard offers him a computer chip which can control his body. STEM is implanted, and Grey can walk again - but was it a bad idea to hand over control of his body to an artificial intelligence? (...Yes) We discuss the high risk, low reward of installing a shotgun in your arm; the importance of installing alarms in your opium den; and the best time to play your nanobot trump card. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I cannot allow us to be killed. Next week, it's French Extremism / Revenge season with Martyrs (2008). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

It's episode 182, and if anyone tries to stop me, the old geezer gets it! RoboCop (1987) is the story of Alex Murphy, a police officer in dystopian Detroit who gets shot to bits by thugs and rebuilt as a part-man, part-machine enforcer. He's supposed to keep the peace, but does OCP, the shady corporation who built him, have an ulterior motive? Yes. Yes they do. We discuss the importance of iterative design, the faulty logic of kicking the groin of a metallic man, and why it should be less Cop and more Robo when it comes to designing your perfect cyborg enforcer. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Dead or alive, you're coming with me! Next week, it's we continue Cyber-Modification-Body-Horror season with Leigh Whannel's splatter-tastic Upgrade! (2018). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

It's episode 181, and we are the things that were and shall be again! Evil Dead II (1987) is  Sam Raimi's cult classic follow-up to cult classic The Evil Dead (1981), and like all good sequels it doubles down on the splatter, chainsaws, and eyebrow-raising violence, once again starring the best eyebrow-raiser in the business: Bruce Campbell! We talk about maintaining basic sanitation in a remote, demon-plagued cabin; whether Raimi's style leaves us too busy laughing to ever be scared; and most importantly of all we discuss which power tools would make for the best prosthetic limbs in day-to-day life. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: He has fallen from the sky to save us from the deadites, he's a hero! Next week, it's the start of Cyber-Modification-Body-Horror season with action classic Robocop! (1987). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

It's episode 180, and good night darling. Say your prayers. Oh, by the way, your dad and I just torched some maniac last night. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987) tells the story of Kristen, a young girl who is haunted by a marauding maniac in her dreams. That maniac is Freddy Krueger - and when she is placed in a psychiatric home for teenagers, she realises all of the other patients are also haunted by Freddy. Luckily, the main one from the original movie is now a dream doctor and she can help them out. No, really. We talk about sartorial responsibility at funerals; the ultimate guide to lucid dreaming whenever you want to; and we try to get to grips on a franchise which has already spun wildly out of control.  All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: There will be no repeat occurrences of last night's events. From now on your doors will be locked during sleeping hours. We'll start a policy of evening sedation for everybody.

It's episode 179, and our mission is simple. We go in, and we take him out! The Raid (2011) aka The Raid: Redemption follows Rama, a member of a Jakarta Special Forces squad who embark on an ill-fated assault on a drug lord's compound. Twists and turns (of limbs) ensue, as well as punches, kicks, stabbings, shootings, bottlings, bannisterings, bulbings and defenestrations in one of the bloodiest and bloody-brilliant-est films we've ever covered. We talk about martial arts, musicals and Mad Dogs, why you should never antagonise a man with a gun who has a gun to your head (that's a fairly obvious one), and Joe reveals why, in the life and death game of Tekken, there's only one motto to remember: invite them to dinner, and feed them. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: They'll come here. They'll tear this place to the ground. Next week, we're back on our franchise bullshit with A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987) Get in touch

It's episode 178, and there is nothing we can hold onto in this world. Only by letting go can we truly possess what is real. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000) tells the story of Li Mu Bai, a fearsome warrior with 'last day on the job' syndrome, and Yu Shu Lien, another fearsome warrior who is in love with him. Before they can retire and live out their lives together, they must deal with Jen Yu, another fearsome warrior who is the daughter of a local official and Jade Fox, another fearsome warrior who killed Li Mu Bai's master (another fearsome warrior) and is now hiding as Jen's servant. We talk about one of the most compelling visions for an action movie ever; a potted history of wuxia; and the benefits of a chainmail snood. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: No growth without assistance. No action without reaction. No desire without restraint. Now give yourself up and find yourself again. Next week, we're fighting our way through

As a special bonus: a movie which wasn't worth a full episode. Did Glass (2018) live up to the hype? We talk about disappointments; missed opportunities; and a masterclass in turning interesting ideas into unadulterated boredom. All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Get in touch with your thoughts: Howtosurviveshow@gmail.com And we'll see you on Wednesday for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000).

It's episode 177, and all I know is that the boy was my charge. And if he was not the word of God. Then God never spoke. The Road (2009) paints a harrowing picture of a ruined world following some kind of unknown cataclysm. A man and his boy journey South, hoping in vain to find warmth, food and shelter, but must brave the elements, fellow survivors and even cannibals along the way. We talk about the most distressing vision of the future we've covered so far on the podcast with cannibals, calderas, and everything in-between, and strap in for the most miserable quiz around. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You look at him again, I'll shoot you in the head. Next week, we flying kick our way into martial arts movies with Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

It's episode 176, and that's something you can't unsee. Bird Box (2019) paints a post-apocalyptic world in which the mere sight of a mysterious supernatural entity causes people to die by suicide. Can Malorie, alongside her creatively named children 'Boy' and 'Girl', survive a harrowing 48 hour trip downriver in a raft, remaining blindfolded the entire time? Blindfolds at the ready as we discuss the vogue of sensory deprivation horror, the vagueries of Bird Box's world, the one time of day it makes sense to be blindfolded and the most important item to remember when embarking on a treacherous, water-based trip. Can you guess what it is? Joe couldn't. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Under no circumstances are you allowed to take off your blindfold. Next week, we're going on another miserable journey down The Road (2009). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

It's episode 175, and you're just a freak in a cheap suit. The Dark Knight (2008) tells the story of Bruce Wayne, aka Batman, aka The Dark Knight, aka The Caped Crusader as he teams up with Gotham's new District Attorney, Harvey Dent, to take on The Joker. Will they stop him before his diabolical plan is realised? We talk about human resourcing in major city police departments; the dangers of over-reliance on technology; and the strangest dinner party exchange in any movie ever (which wasn't in this one). All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain. Next week, keep an eye out for Bird Box (2018). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

It's episode 174, and am I not supposed to have what I want, what I need? What am I supposed to do?. Spider-Man 2 (2004) tells the story of Peter Parker as he adjusts to life as a young adult. Pete is stretched thin, burning the candle at both ends to keep up with the demands of studying, delivering pizzas, and being Spider-Man. Something has to give - and something needs to be done about the dreaded Dr. Octopus - New York's newest supervillain. We talk about the best setting for nuclear experimentation; the risks of throwing cars first and asking questions later; and we ask: who would make a better life partner - a rich, handsome astronaut who is the son of a newspaper mogul, or an unemployed, broke student who appears to have no interest in you? All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Now you know the truth about Peter, Avenge me... AVENGE ME! Let's put a smile on that face... next week it's The Dark Knight (2008). Get in touch! HowtoSurvi

Christmas may be over, but festive fever is still high at the How to Survive podcast. All together now: Download podcast, sesame. We're back once again, tackling our favourite movie series ever - one which is fast becoming a true horror franchise. It's Home Alone 4: Taking Back the House (2002). We talk about all the very slight problems of the film: Casting, costuming, scripting, cinematography, editing, pacing and much much more. And of course, the many positives of the movie too (you'll just have to listen to the show to hear about those). After all that, for one final time this year, we ask: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: The trouble with sports cars, there's no room for anybody else maybe one other person max. But if you want to take a real road trip luggage and all you don’t even have room for a friend I mean there cool and fast and all but who wants to be in a nice car when you're alone all. See you next week for Spider-Man 2 (2004).  Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail

It's the most wonderful time of the year, and that can only mean one thing - a bonus episode of How to Survive about a woefully inappropriate family-friendly Christmas film! This year we're donning our red and white hats and letting Rudolph guide our way through The Santa Clause, the 1994 classic family Christmas romp with an immensely sinister undertone of magical indentured servitude which robs hapless individuals of their lives in exchange for years of thankless service followed by total dematerialisation. There'll be podcasts for hosting and films to be roasting from Christmasses long, long ago and, of course, an exhaustive discussion of the ways in which The Santa Clause actually has an awful lot in common with Schindler's List. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! And when I wake up, I'm gettin' a CAT scan! Look out for a special podcast on Boxing Day in which we watch the worst film

It's episode 173, and you could be brilliant, but you're a coward. Black Swan tells the story of amitious but anxious prima ballerina Nina, who is preparing for the dual starring roles in a revolutionary production of Swan Lake. But as the stress of her impending performance takes its toll, Nina's psychological demons come to the fore. We talk about the subjective vs. the objective, unpack the best depictions of mental health crises in cinema, cringe over the most overbearing of overbearing mothers, and Joe dishes out some well-researched advice to anyone looking to loosen up a bit. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: This role's destroying you. Next week, ITTT'SSS CHRRRRIISSSSTTTTMAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

It's episode 172b, and we need guilt, Doctor. And shame. But not yours. As with the original, Suspiria (2018) tells the story of Susie Bannion, a young woman who joins a German dance school. Are the teachers of the school witches? Yes. Will the movie become increasingly and unrelentingly bizarre? You betcha. We talk about Tilda Swinton in the roles of a lifetime; the importance of understanding cause and effect; and the importance of timing your accusations of witchcraft. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: This isn't vanity! This is art! Next week, dance season draws to a close with Darren Aronofsky's 2010 classic Black Swan.  Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod