#millennial

We're back from break and recap our -- Thank God -- smooth Thanksgivings with the family. This discussion prompts some memories of our closeted pasts. Dictionary.com reveals their Word of the Year, and it's a word that isn't in Trump's vocabulary. It looks like we're about to lose Net Neutrality, and we can't understate how bad this is for the future of the internet. Here's some sample language that you can use when writing to the FCC via their website: “I support the current Net Neutrality rules under Title II of the Communications Act of 1934. Net Neutrality is a core principal of the internet, which protects all of us by preventing ISPs from throttling service to benefit the highest bidder.” There's been a terrible attack in Egypt. Also terrible: The latest man accused of sexual misconduct towards women. A couple of our top Patrons want help with their careers. Where do they go from here when their jobs suck? In The Confessional, another listener comes out as a conservative! :O This week, in Afte

Australians show us how voting is done. Congrats to the LGBTQ community down under! Literal. Fucking. Nazis. show up to protest in favor of a "white Europe" -- 60,000 of them, to be exact, because fuck this whole year. Want to stop your nudes from being posted online? Send 'em to Facebook, who will only post them to their cork board.  "Obesity is about to hit you across the face." Too late. One Show to Rule Them All. One Show to Fuck Us. One Show to Bring Them All, and in Your Roku, Depress Us. And on this week's Thanksgiving Special version of After Dark: How do you handle being horny over the holidays? Is it acceptable to have sex in your parents' house? We discuss and play Devil's Advocate. Holiday Horror: Families. We relive our childhood traumas.  What are we LEAST thankful for this year? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We say goodbye to Kevin Spacey as he says goodbye to his career. The stomach-turning shooting in Texas has us grieving yet again. But we have reason to hope. Popular conservative Twitter accounts, like @Jenna_Abrams, have been outed as #FAKE. They were found to be created by the Russian government -- which isn't, by the way, only targeting conservatives. Papa John's goes apeshit and Amazon apparently doesn't consider the fact Americans have dogs??? Submarine-ing is a thing. A brave listener writes in to warn us of Andrew's treachery. And in After Dark: "It was enough to butter a bagel." Andrew regales us with a thoroughly unsavory tale about his genitals. Matt asks us a series of oddball questions that expose us for the idiots we are. Stairs are a challenge. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kevin Spacey fucks up bigly. (Since recording, HOC has now halted production) November 1st: be there, or be stuck with whatever health coverage you currently have.  New voicemails prove that regret is a universal feeling. News kicks off with #MuellerMonday and we. are. here for it. Twitter and Facebook announce they'll start labeling political advertisements to help users identify propaganda.  Hidden from the Headlines: Nestle is IN YA NEIGHBORHOOD ONTARIO. GET 'EM THE FUCK OUT. The Confessional comes back with a bang. Heh heh. Recommendations: Bigelow Apple Cider Tea and Until Dawn And in this week's After Dark: Halloween Special: We share more of the scariest, weirdest shit that's happened to us. One guess who's got the most fucked up story.  The Confessional continues with three more crazy ass confessions. Breakups = take your dick with you.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Andrew goes full fuckin fanboi, Laura signs up for NaNoWriMo, and we all warn against the dangers of cucumbers. PSA: FOOD DOES NOT BELONG IN YA SNATCH Surprise, bitch! takes us to the scorching hellfire that is SoCal. The Distraction Game: a new and twisted kind of "leadership." A new study out of Yale uncovers at least one reason why socially conservative people are conservative - and how it's possible to change their minds. Hidden from the Headlines gets real on the largely unreported truck bombing in Mogadishu. This song's for you, ladies. And in this week's edition of After Dark: The Confessional opens a discussion on the unique challenges bisexual folks face. What if you're gay, but don't fit in with gay culture? The question hits close to home as we seek advice from Andrew. We all learn a lot about bears. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Take a step back into time in lovely Pennsylvania, where sewing machines and malt shakes still = viable business model. Oh and btw 3 million Americans in Puerto Rico still don't have power or water.  California goes full Captain Planet on puppy mills. STOP USING ANTIBACTERIAL SOAP YOU'RE LITERALLY DESTROYING MODERN MEDICINE How are JFK and spontaneous human combustion related? Find out live, October 26. "Me too." The merits and the caveats. The Confessional asks us how to deal with racist relatives. Doubly fucked: the family in question has people of color in it. MuggleFuck, A History: available now. In this week's After Dark: Planning for Apocalypse: nuclear war edition 20% joking but 80% DEAD SERIOUS The best countries to run to, the best states to hide out in, and tips for if something goes wrong near you We formulate a plan. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to a special edition of The LANDY Show. Our other two bitches have lives, and we have podcasts, so who’s the real winner? Rape culture is insidious and present at all levels of of culture. WHO KNEW? (Harvey Weinstein sure did.) Every year is en election year and no one wants the hot potato of bump stocks to land in their hands. Nuclear winter is comin’. Ya know nothin’ Don Foe. Since we can’t take care of our own citizens, Elon Musk is coming to the rescue with a proposal to rebuild Puerto Rico’s power grid with solar power. Have we found jobs in our respective fields? Nah fam. Is Jeremy the scientist vaccinated? Stay tuned to find out! And in this week’s edition of After Dark: Friend of the show Sarah shares with us another reason why many Millennials don’t have paying jobs: unpaid internships. Sarah is a baller with a PhD and 5 years experience in the field, and still gets asked to work pro-bono. Young people are expected to live on a shoe string in exchange for experience just to get into colle

Our hearts ache for Las Vegas right now. And we would send them our thoughts and prayers, but thoughts and prayers are worth approximately nothing. We need gun control. Now. Help us, Justice Kennedy-- you're our only hope. The Supreme Court just heard oral arguments in a historic gerrymandering case and there seems to be room for optimism.  Is it possible for a show to have too many Trump jokes? The return of Will & Grace answers that question. As well as the hopes of dreams of 90s gay kids everywhere. Not even God is awake at 6 AM, but we expect our kids to be. A new study proves early ass school days are bad for teenagers' health. FUCK OFF, CUPID. The segment makes a harrowing return with the help of several crushed dreams. #ForeverAlone  And this week's After Dark is available to ALL Patrons: WTF News edition. Now there's a throwback. "YESSS." German ecstasy pills in the shape of Dear Leader.  Semen-laden flutes.  Cow farts.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Andrew witnesses casual sexism up close and personal in a hotel elevator. Ruh roh. Surprise, bitch! digs into the uncomfortable dynamic between family, politics and Facebook. #triggered  America's predominant religion, football, comes under attack by President Fuckwaffle and we are NOT HAVING IT.  GANDHI WASN'T PROTESTING THE EFFIN FOOD YA'LL Tax reform, schmax reform Twitter announces it's considering changing the very thing that makes it Twitter. Water is wet, the sky is blue, and PUERTO RICANS ARE AMERICANS WTF Hidden from the Headlines: Gill v. Whitford, the upcoming Supreme Court case about gerrymandering, is set to decide the very nature of our democracy.  And in this week's After Dark: A new national poll shows today's teenagers aren't driving, drinking or fucking -- what's going on? What were WE doing at 16?  Spoiler alert: exactly this. Exactly... fucking... this. Our kids are gonna be ballerz. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

With two more natural disasters this week, Andrew predicts The Big One is finally upon Los Angeles. West Coast Patrons: Please make sure your credit cards are up to date. Surprise, Bitch: Detroit ain’t so bad after all. A Canadian confesses that she’s jealous of America’s student loan systems. ~You can’t always get what you want…~ In the news: A White House lawyer makes a major mistake, and Toys R Us files for bankruptcy. Plus, there’s a tragic story out of Georgia Tech. In AP Choice we debate what CDs we’d take to a remote island, and offer tips on how to save money. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Introducing... the LANDY Show! Happy birthday to our favorite national tragedy. Where were you when Matt turned 16? Surprise, bitch! Can... can you hear us? We lament the end of the summer and all that makes life worth living. u say wot m8? this iphone is a wot? da fuq u mean there's too Go cut your teeth somewhere else, n00bs. Keep your filthy hands off Star Wars. Chocolate company Mars (M&Ms, Skittles, Twix) is STEPPIN UP to kill the climate change game. Well done. And here's why their involvement matters.  Laura's feeling so fresh and so clean clean. In this week's After Dark: What are Millennials killing? Matt has a... comprehensive list. We don't LIKE this, we just have no other CHOICE.  Long live bar soap.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

-FUCK IT. WE'L DO IT LIVE. But seriously we're doing this live, buckle up. -We've completely revamped our Patreon benefits so that they're simpler, but better, than ever before. Example: personalized, handwritten letters from one of the hosts are coming your way. Check it out at Patreon.com/Millennial -Surprise, bitch...es! -The sky is blue, water is wet, and Russia fucked with our election. -Star Wars director Colin Trevorrow is giving us all anxiety about the future of the saga with his mysterious departure. -President Trump has officially rescinded DACA, the program that allowed undocumented people who were brought here as children to stay. In related news, has anyone seen this country's soul? Anyone? Hello? -Hurricane Irma is on the move, and we take listener feedback from Texans with a bit of knowledge on the subject. -Google That Shit makes a weird but glorious comeback. "Why is Trump's..." And in this week's After Dark: -Micah and The Chair: the Untold Story of the Muggle Who Doesn't Move. -"Thank yo

It's ladies night! And the girls outline a newly-revamped Patreon. MuggleFuck: A History. Coming to a theater near you. Hurricane Harvey breaks records as the largest and most intense hurricane in Texas history. We discuss the ramifications and encourage everyone to donate: The Houston Food Bank  The SPCA of Texas Texas Diaper Bank Who is Sheriff Joe Arpaio? Why did he get a pardon? When will he assume his final form as a factory reject dildo? Fact: if you blame children for the decisions of their parents, you're a self-righteous piece of shit. #DACA On this installment of After Dark: AFTER DARK: GAME OF THRONES EDITION. Spoilers are coming. What the fuck was up with the time travel this season?! WHY IS EVERYONE EXCUSING IT So wights can't swim... except when they can. Dat finale tho...  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

BLIIIIIINDED BY THE LIGHT, wrapped up like a douche you know the rumor is you're tight. (Nailed it.) BANNON. IS. OUT! But T-Swift is about to be back in. Bigly.  Remember that place "Afghanistan"? Where we've been at war for 16 years? Yeah, that's still happening. "War is peace" and "climate change is 'weather extremes'," according to Big Brother. And you love Big Brother.  Disney is divorcing Netflix and, as usual, the kids are the ones who suffer. Surprise, bitch! makes a grand re-entrance to the show as we call not one, not two, but three listeners... all of whom are too mature for their own good. Associate Producer's Choice and Listener Feedback make us think more critically about the removal of confederate statues, and how to handle dating someone who's religious when you're not. In this installment of After Dark: What. The fuck. Was that. Trump's rally in Phoenix, Arizona revealed the most unhinged, incoherent and tone-deaf president in modern times. Explain It Like I'm 5: Laura's new game for us, wh

"In the end, we will not remember the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." -Martin Luther King Jr. imparted wisdom that still speaks to us today. So let's not stay silent.  Charlottesville, Virginia was a repugnant display of violent racism. We try to break down what happened, why, and what the real takeaways should be.  THERE IS NO "ALL SIDES" HERE. THERE'S THE NAZI SIDE AND THEN THERE'S THE SIDE FIGHTING THEM. FULL STOP. ZERO ROOM FOR NUANCE. GTFO. We want to hear from people of color and Jewish listeners, so we place some calls and get some insightful remarks.  A new round of The Confessional lightens the mood slightly, and Andrew promises to turn over a new leaf.  And in this week's After Dark: David from London writes in with his insight into last week's conversation about women in the tech industry. There's sexism, for sure, but it's often misplaced.  Associate Producer's Choice asks us to conjure Harry Potter-themed pregnancy announcement ideas.  Announcing: a new service that lets

Who the hell gets married over Facetime? After only dating for 3 weeks? Well, let us tell you. It's the end of the world as we know it, and we feel like it's a good time to cleanse our souls. We discuss rising tensions with North Korea and take a BUNCH of your pre-apocalypse confessions. Say it with me now: FREE SPEECH DOES NOT = CONSEQUENCE-FREE SPEECH. FREE SPEECH DOES NOT = CONSEQUENCE-FREE SPEECH. Hawaii becomes the first state to ban texting while... crossing the street? What the fuck kind of micromanaging shit is this? Thanks Obama.  Trump TV: The next spiraling slope down our descent into fascism.  Listener feedback reveals Andrew is not above slutting up our listeners. And in this week's After Dark: Get up close and personal in our private lives, including a new (and relatively major) relationship development.  Pro-tips: do things apart sometimes. Have hobbies and a life outside your partner. Always flush the toilet.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Pay for Bae: how should couples split things like dates and bills? Is it okay for that dynamic to be lopsided? How are trends (and gender norms) affecting this discussion? AP Choice asks us how to start a new podcast. We have literally no good advice. And in this week's (long) After Dark: We air out our guilty pleasures and learn about some… weird ways of making sure you're all clear to poop. AIM is a treasure trove of embarrassing, 10-year-old conversations between the hosts back in their tender teens. We read through some and regret it instantly. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey what's going on guys? Anything new? Been a pretty slow news week?  NOT. But first, listener feedback spends some time sucking Laura's dick. Trump announces... via tweet... a ban on transgender troops. #FUCK. #YOU. What's worse: Trump shitting on Sessions, or Sessions gleefully smearing it all over his own face?  "It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right - I hope you had the time of your liiiiiiiife." Goodbye Spicey.  The CDC releases a new study finding that half of all female homicide victims are killed by their partners. The girls, sadly, aren't surprised.  Devil's Advocate begs Spicey to come back. And in this week's After Dark: HOW. DEEP. IS YOUR LOOOOOVE? Trump might take his relationship with Putin to the next level. Andrew dishes the details on Kyle.  A very... personal game of "Never Have I Ever" engenders some raw confessions about phone sex, break ups, SPITTING???, and uncomfortable secrets. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

ANDREW. MEETS. KYLE!!! And the crowd roars. (See photo below) Ten years after the release of Deathly Hallows, Laura reflects on her life choice. Andrew airs those life choices for all to see on Patreon. MySpace struggles with a serious security flaw that lets you log into someone's profile with just their birthday and email address. In related news: the hosts learn MySpace still exists. "If I'd known he wouldn't be a willing pawn in my sham government, I wouldn't have picked him!" said the President of the United States. ALMOST VERBATIM. LIKE REALLY. Obamacare lives... for now. Don't drop your guard. And don't pretend you're never gonna fly United again cause you fuckin will. Hidden from the Headlines: our own imminent death. Surprise, bitch! and AP Choice make comebacks, with a question about the Founding Fathers that was divinely inspired just for one of us. And this week in After Dark: We parse the ramifications of John McCain's cancer diagnosis and pray to all that is holy he'll be all right. Voicemail

America is all "ain't no party like a covfefe party cause the covfefe party don't stop" or some shit like that. - The found footage nightmare of our favorite haunted house is coming soon to a Patreon near you. - Donald Trump Jr, the little engine that colluded: when life gives you Russians, rig an election. - Net Neutrality is in danger and why you should care. Tweet @AjitPaiFCC and let the FCC director know you want to stream that Japanese Bukake in HD without being throttled because Pornhub can pay for a faster connection. - A confessional by a millennial about millennials rankles some of the hosts. And in this week's episode of After Dark: - What to do about douchebag relatives? No really, tell us - we're actually asking. - How relatives can put strain on your marriage, and some advice for remaining a unit in the face of familial fuckery. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices