Dull Crayons

Please enjoy this bonus segment with our newest co-host: Willy on the Car Phone.

Everyone at the Mendelsohn Studios has been rocked by the not so sudden death of Toys-backwards-r-us, and we felt we needed to process our stunned grief on the air. Also, Morgan Freeman stops by the studio to plug his pick for snack of the year, and the Dull Boys talk Magic the Gathering, Tower Records, and other things that have fallen from this mortal coil. You too can vote for your pick, Smartfood White Cheddar Popcorn or, Mr. Freeman's favorite, Fig and Honey Triscuit by writing your vote into dullcrayons@gmail.com

This week, BX Tony and Gabriel discuss what it takes to get your kid into the top preschools in New York (HINT: a letter of reference from Jesus would be just a good start). Then they take a trip into the world of conferences and translate some commonly used language by the professionals. Parents will not want to miss out on these insider tips of the trade. And of course remember to vote for your snack of the year at dullcrayons@gmail.com . Winner to be announced on a future episode. Loser to be purged from supermarkets everywhere and burned from our memories forever.

Whoever wins, we all win. ***Send your votes for the final winner into dullcrayons@gmail.com Keep Dull, Carry Snacks

A continuation of her first recording, Dazzling Diana takes us on an EPCOT-like ride through the world of Disney. A tour of the parks around the globe, a run down of acronyms, but mostly this is a discussion of why we all hate Frozen - deservedly, of course - and the many failures of Disney. Also, join the Dull Crayons Challenge: steal a Maui costume! Write us a review, contact us at dullcrayons@gmail.com, and follow us at twitter.com/DullCrayons https://www.facebook.com/dullcrayons/ Keep Dull, Carry Snacks

Those of you who have yet to be bracket busted, be warned: these snacks are pushing the Dull Boys to their breaking point and nothing will ever be the same. Rules will be broken, decisions will be contested, chaos will reign and hilarity will ensue. Also, Dazzling Diana joins the show to blow NYC Teaching Fellows out of the water, address making friends at grad-school (Spoiler Alert: that’t not a thing), and signs a verbal contract to organize all of Gabriel’s classrooms every September — you’re all witnesses. This is but the first part of a much longer conversation had with the first female of the pod, so stay tuned for Part B coming soon.

In our continuing coverage of the highly anticipated March Snackness, the Dull Boys dissect the world of chips. From potato to tortilla to taki, chip has long been a favored snack among Americans. We’ll find out who is doing the most in this contentious quadrant. Also, Julian and Gabriel take a hard look at the banned book list and find out what's really at the heart of American censorship (HINT: it's not what you expect).

In the A and C blocks, that's right, live coverage of the 2018 Snack Bracket. Who will emerge from the Cracker Quadrant and go onto the final four??? And in the B block, Julian and Gabriel share a heart to heart about the awful power of nicknames. Contact us at dullcrayons@gmail.com, and follow us @dullcrayons and facebook.com/dullcrayons Keep Dull, Carry Snacks

The moon is made of cheese, teachers hate cell phones, and "Billy-Madisoning" is now a verb. Also, the FINAL PREVIEW OF THE SNACK BRACKET. Plus, the guys patent Kool-est Ranch tortilla chips. "Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul." ~James Downey as Principal in Billy Madison Write us a review, contact us at dullcrayons@gmail.com, and follow us at twitter.com/DullCrayons https://www.facebook.com/dullcrayons/ Keep Dull, Carry Snacks

BONUS: Welcome to the Gun Show BX Tony drops by to talk lockdown drills, safety protocols, and creative solutions to school shootings. Gabriel manages to make it through the ep without cursing and screaming the whole time, so that's a win; and if you make it through the first half there is lightness on the other side. "But what of the courage to stand in a room of little kids knowing all that is keeping you safe is a bookshelf and a reading table? In your heart a hope that our leaders will enact laws that will protect our kids, our schools and our teachers from guns that were made to execute vast numbers of people in an instant." ~Brett Bigham Write us a review, contact us at dullcrayons@gmail.com, and follow us at twitter.com/DullCrayons https://www.facebook.com/dullcrayons/ Keep Dull, Carry Snacks

Dinosaurs, Goomba's and Bamba, oh my! Also, Julian confuses famous American painter Ed Hopper with famous American spousal abuser Dennis Hopper for a good five minutes (Official Dull Crayons' position: Easy Rider Sucks!), reveals his plain pizza eating habits, and Gabriel's great shame comes out: he memorized the number to Domino's as a kid. Plus, extensive, in-depth coverage of school lunch. Stay tuned, stay dull. "God creates dinosaurs, God destroys dinosaurs, God creates Man, Man kills God, Man brings back dinosaurs." (Jeff Goldblum as Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park) Write us a review, contact us at dullcrayons@gmail.com, and follow us at twitter.com/DullCrayons https://www.facebook.com/dullcrayons/

Prior to the Snack Report break, BX Tony and Gabriel have the rawest, realist convo that has ever taken place on the pod: proper sunblock application. Folks, this one gets uncomfortably real. To lighten the mood, they then got tipsy and free style children's literature over hot beats. Also, Gabriel gets a little too toasty and confuses verklepmt with chutzpah, and he'll never forgive himself. You don't want to miss this one. Write us a review, contact us at dullcrayons@gmail.com, and follow us at twitter.com/DullCrayons https://www.facebook.com/dullcrayons/

It's a banger, people, and a podcast first: guest host in the studio! Tony from the Bronx and Gabriel sit down to drink some Dew and Macallan, discuss WeWork's ill-advised venture into education, the trauma of Chopped Jr., and kids growing up to damn fast. Period. "A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animas and you know it." ~Kay, Men In Black Write us a review, contact us at dullcrayons@gmail.com, and follow us at twitter.com/DullCrayons https://www.facebook.com/dullcrayons/

BREAKING NEWS: Oklahoma is in a fiscal and schooling crisis and only the Dull Boys can help. Well, actually, they can't do anything about it. But Gabriel does give a hot take on Star Wars and nothing will ever be the same again, and he sells away teacher's summer vacations for a three day weekend. Write us a review, contact us at dullcrayons@gmail.com, and follow us at https://twitter.com/DullCrayons

I mean really? Doesn't the title just say all you need to know? ... Fine. This week, the Dull Boys dig deep into the bag and reveal their love affair with BD Wong, defective food stuffs, and Brandeis. Also, there's a buncha Die Hard dissection. Something for everyone. And don't miss the very special reading at the end of the show.

No, this will not be the nostalgia-orgy that Stranger Things is, but it is significantly funnier. This week we look at strange ass schools around the globe, what even defines a school as a school versus a museum or a waste of time, and our upcoming project: Mall-Bratz!!! Also, Harley Quinn Smith: if you are listening, we want to have you on the podcast. Write to us at dullcrayons@gmail.com

The Dull Boys finally reveal their Wonderlic scores (sorry Gabe), discuss the mass banning of dodgeball around the country (#freedodgeball???), and marvel at the new sport craze that kids are just ga-ga over: GaGa! Note: show producer Scotty was asleep at the wheel for this one, ignoring the radiator hissing at the mid-point. He has been corporally punished for his negligence. If you have other suggestions as to how Scotty should be disciplined, send them to dullcrayons@gmail.com

This week, Julian teaches us all a thing or two about football--because that's how many things he knows on the subject--and we discuss the infamous Wonderlic test and read out sample questions. TEASER: on next week's show, we reveal our own Wonderlic scores. You can find the free sample of the entire test here https://samplewonderlictest.com/, and send us your scores and associated profession or football position at dullcrayons@gmail.com

This week, Adam and Jamie tackle the myth of the Mozart Effect and other popular psychological bunk. They also unveil a new solution to the energy crisis, theories of evolution, and... well, you'll just have to listen and find out.

Santa has his list of kids (creepy), Judah Maccabee had his list of Seleucid's to slaughter (slay all day, Judah), and the Dull Crayons have their holiday list: inductees to the Toy Hall of Fame. In this bonus holiday spectacular we also rhyme words, discuss sport halls of fame, and we unveil our new catchphrase: "Make Me a Pizza!"