Clarity On Fire

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself. On this episode we’re answering questions from: Sharon, who realized that she feels threatened by opinionated women because she’s insecure about her own self-expression, and wants to know how to get comfortable using her voice. Robert, who’s torn about whether he should break up with his on-and-off boyfriend of 6 years and date other people, or stay committed. Grace, who’s been living at home and applying to jobs for a really long time, and is tired of nothing working out for her. She knows she’s in a rut and needs a way out, but can’t figure out how to make that happen. After you’ve listened, leave us a comment to let us know if our advice for these three people resonated with you, too. Want to submit a question for our August episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and

Something’s been coming up lately that’s clearly resonating with a LOT of people. It boiled over during a workshop Kristen and I were doing a while back. During a Q&A someone asked a question that, all of a sudden, prompted other people to chime in with variations of, “OMG, it’s not just me?!” The issue? It went something like, “How do you ‘break up’ with toxic people?” The person who shared her story said that she’d been trying to distance herself from a group of friends that were always making her feel bad about herself, never “got her,” and were actively harassing her over email (yikes). While hopefully most of you aren’t being actively harassed, I think it’s VERY worth addressing right now, don’t you? Because I know a lot of you have been there when it comes to funky or downright toxic relationships (be they platonic, familial, or anything else). And even if you’re blessed with non-toxic friendships, I bet you’d like to know how to handle generally difficult people, yes? On today’s blog I’m sharing 5

Where are all of our bookworms/nerds/fellow Ravenclaws at?? We figure you guys are probably just as obsessed with reading as we are, which is why we’ve got a special BONUS podcast episode for you this week—a book-club-style conversation about one of our very favorite non-fiction books, Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert! If we were to create a Life Syllabus, this book would be on the reading list FOR SURE. It’s one of those rare books that doesn’t just put a slightly new spin on stuff you’ve heard over and over again, but makes you see SO many facets of life (and especially creativity) through a completely new lens. We each pulled a few of our favorite parts to talk about, including: What the REAL definition of creativity is, and why most of us are totally wrong about it Why being “good” at something is overrated (and irrelevant) How to not get caught up in other people’s feedback (negative AND positive) about the work you create Why perfectionism is nothing to brag about (and is actually just fear wrapped in a

I should probably out myself, first and foremost, as a huge school nerd. When other kids used to dread the first day of school after a long summer break, I was secretly excited. In elementary school, I used to assign myself summer “homework assignments” — books to read, short stories to write, that kind of thing. (Yep, total nerd here.) I was so disappointed when college was over that within a couple of years after graduating, I applied for grad school four separate times … not because going back to school was the right next step for me (which is why I ultimately turned it down every time), but because I didn’t want to feel like my education was over. I was so good at learning when I was in school (if you could make a profitable career out of just being a student, I totally would’ve done that), but I didn’t know how to continue that into the “real world.” All of that is to say, it’s probably no wonder that I love this week’s topic so much. GET $50 OFF THE PASSION PROFILE SHORT COURSE THIS WEEK! Last week was

It doesn’t matter your age, gender, race, or body type – 99.9% of us know what it’s like to feel ashamed of how we look or uncomfortable in our body, in one way or another. A lot of us fall into a trap of believing that when our outer appearance is EXACTLY how we’ve envisioned, THEN we’ll finally get to be happy, successful, rich, and snag a hot significant other to boot. (Logically, we know this doesn’t work. But that doesn’t stop us from doing it anyway). When you’re fixated on trying to force your body into submission, you’re not really living. It’s almost impossible to find true enjoyment in anything you do. And that’s no way to spend your life. So to help us break the cycle and get to the root of our insecurities we sat down with Nina Blagojevic, a coach who helps people release guilt and shame so that they can (finally) feel at home in their bodies. In this episode we talked about: How Nina went from feeling completely disconnected from her body to having the confidence to pose nude for an artist. Why

I’m 22 and sitting in one of many orientation sessions for my first full-time job out of college. The training instructor, a really nice guy who I’ll refer to as Marty, was having us watch a video about coming to work with a positive, can-do attitude. The video was about people who tossed fish for a living. And weirdly, it wasn’t the first time I’d seen it. I remember watching it in my high school English class when I was a freshman, too. In short, it’s about the hardworking people employed at the famous Pike Place Fish Market in Seattle. Their job is cold, wet, long, and not to mention, smelly. It’s also a job done in front of an audience, given the hundreds of tourists who pass through every day. There’s every reason that you’d have a less-than-stellar attitude about a fish-hauling job, but that’s the point of this video — they don’t. They’re all happy and cheerful, and they’ve created a fun spectacle of tossing fish from place to place as they work. The way they do their job has become part of the attracti

Can we all be super honest with ourselves about what we secretly wish would happen? Namely, that the heavens would part and the answers to all of life’s biggest questions (particularly, “What am I supposed to be doing?” and “Where do I go from here?” and “What’s my passion?”) would fall into your outstretched hands. Don’t feel bad. We STILL wish that was the way life worked. On this episode of the Clarity on Fire podcast, we had a side chat about how to figure out what do with your life, particularly when you feel stuck and unclear and confused. We covered: Why we’re all so obsessed with figuring out our passion (even though that’s not the best focal point), and what’s a better starting point than “passion.” Why we don’t actually need a linear, logical career progression. How to warm up to the idea of your next move being for now, instead of forever. Why the most interesting people on Earth never really had a plan, and how to embrace life’s uncertainty. How to tell if you’re a “hummingbird” or a “jackhammer”

Most kids view themselves as invincible. It’s why they climb trees that are a bit too tall, or ride bikes way too fast, or otherwise put themselves in overly risky situations. Not me. I was an extremely cautious child. I much preferred the safety of my own imagination over the wild, unpredictable real world. I would cringe when the neighborhood skateboarder tried tricks on his new ramp, or when my friends would suggest a horror movie at a sleepover. Blame it on my sensitivity, or my old soul, or being an only child (until I was 13, at least) with too much alone time to think … but whatever the reason, my tolerance for risk and fear and the unknown was barely above zero. This showed up everywhere, including trying new foods. A lot of kids are picky eaters, but I was pickier than most. And it lasted well beyond my childhood, too. I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that I assumed I didn’t like all kinds of foods that I now LOVE (salmon, omelets, guacamole — what was I thinking??), when in reality I was just too a

I’m getting kind of meta with this blog today because, at the time I’m writing this, I DO NOT feel like doing it. (Sorry to anyone who thought that every time I sit down to write I’m inspired and brimming with wisdom! This is real life, and I’m in a funk today.) Blame it on lack of sleep and that time of the month, but I’m feeling grumpy and dull and lethargic. I wish I could wait to revisit this blog, but this is my only time this week to make it happen. And in a weird way, it actually aligns perfectly with what I’d already planned to write. The thing about being in a downward spiral (I’ve been riding this one for at least 5 days now) is that the lower you sink, the more real and believable all of your thoughts feel. When I’m in this state, it’s really easy to start thinking some pretty bleak stuff like: “You’re looking gross right now” and “Nothing’s ever going to work out for you” and “You’ll never make enough money to do X” and on and on. BUT, what’s critically important is that at this point in my life,

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself. On this episode we’re answering questions from: Kali, who can’t seem to stay focused and dedicated to her job, and wants to know how to find motivation when it seems chronically unavailable. Julia, who’s struggling to break out of a career pigeonhole and wants advice about how to find a job in a totally different field (when you’ve got no experience and feel unqualified). Reilly, who’s tired and offended from constantly being labeled “shy” and “quiet” by the people around her, and wants to know how to ignore it or let it go. After you’ve listened, leave us a comment to let us know if our advice for these three ladies resonated with you, too. Want to submit a question for our July episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q: http://clarityo

As far as career coaches go, I’m pretty unconventional. As in, I don’t care much about the things that “career experts” usually tend to obsess about. I’m not interested in helping you write the perfect résumé or the most professional-sounding cover letter. (I’d much prefer that you reveal your humanity and personality throughout all phases of the application process, rather than sound like a highly skilled robot.) I don’t believe in “best practices” when it comes to job searching. (I don’t care what worked for someone else. I care what’s going to work — and feel good along the way — to YOU.) I have zero interest in writing “listicles” about “The 5 smartest job search strategies” or “7 interview tips you NEED to know.” (Yawn … aren’t there enough of those online already? I’m not here to add to the overwhelm.) But there is one aspect of traditional career advice that I can fully get on board with: the informational interview. Although I may not like them for the reasons you think… In this week’s blog I (Kristen

The first step of recovery is admitting you have a problem. And to be frank – We’ve got a problem. And we’re pretty sure you do, too. Did you know that one of the metrics that measures phone addiction is if you can go 5 or more hours without touching it? Can you even REMEMBER the last time you did that!? ‘Cuz we can’t. GULP. Did you know that the average person thinks they’re LESS addicted than everyone around them, even though the average person is actually touching their phone over 2,000 times a day? Yes, you read that right. TWO THOUSAND. So, to help break us of our phone addictions we sat down with Kristen Kalp, a poet, writer, coach, empath, introvert, and most importantly, person-who-has-somehow-managed-to-only-be-on-her-phone-for-an-hour-per-day. On this episode of the Clarity on Fire podcast we talk about: The uncomfortable facts and figures that prove that you, like pretty much everyone else you know (except maybe like, your 85-year-old grandparents) is addicted to your phone Why we compulsively rea

I used to be a big fan of soap operas growing up. No kidding, when I was 4 years old, I knew all of the characters and plot lines of Days of Our Lives. To this day, even though I haven’t watched it in years, I could still tell you all about Hope and Bo and John and Marlena and the villainous Stefano. I loved how ridiculous they were … people “died” on a regular basis, and just as quickly came back to life. Shocking pregnancies were par for the course. Dramatic cases of amnesia happened every other day. And no one ever worked! They just looked fabulous and had intense conversations over lunch. And while I definitely wouldn’t recommend modeling your life after most of those plot lines, there’s something about the regular bouts of amnesia that’s worth considering. In this week’s blog I’m talking about why our memories are sometimes the ONLY thing that keep us stuck, and why administering yourself a bout of selective amnesia might be the most productive thing you could ever do. I originally wrote this blog nearly

As Samuel L. Jackson said in Jurassic Park: “Hold on to your butts.”  He was talking about dinosaurs, but honestly, we’re talking about something that a lot of people find equally as terrifying: How to let go of your compulsion to please everyone around you. In preparation for this episode we both read The Disease to Please by Harriet Braiker, PhD., and OH MAN, there is a lot to get into.  If you’re someone who feels impaired by the compulsion to put others’ needs first, to never say “no,” to strive endlessly for everyone’s approval, and to try to make everyone else happy, all while being as NICE as possible and avoiding conflict like it’s your job … strap yourself in and get ready to have your world rocked (in a GOOD WAY). On this episode we talk about: How to recognize ALL the signs of people-pleasing, even the ones you aren’t aware of Why people-pleasing is an addiction, and how you got the “disease” in the first place Why you struggle with saying “no,” being rejected, and feeling guilty 24/7 Why you’re s

If there’s one line I’ve heard from just about every client I’ve coached over the years, it’s this: “I really just want to help people.” Look, I get it. It’s human nature (well, the good side of human nature, at least!) to want to help and support and lift up other people. Life would be pretty unfulfilling if you never felt like you were making a positive difference for other people. Plus, it just feels good to help others. Who doesn’t enjoy the warm, satisfied feeling they get after doing something nice for someone? But being a nice, helpful, giving person can very quickly go too far. And it’s not pretty when it does. Over-giving is a fast road to burnout. And not feeling appreciated for all the things you do for others, or not receiving the same kind of support that you’re always giving, leads straight to resentment. In this week’s blog I (Kristen) am sharing how to balance your desire to help others with the tendency to over-give, so you can break the giving-burnout-resentment cycle once and for all. CHECK

Ever felt like you’re a ghost wandering the halls of your workplace? Sure, you’re physically there, but the REAL YOU is nowhere to be found. You’re mentally checked out, emotionally drained, and showing up as a watered-down, hollow version of yourself. In this month’s interview with a normal person, Kristen is chatting with Lana Jackson, who was all too familiar with that feeling. After years of feeling like a ghost of her real self, trapped by a boring, soul-sucking job, she decided it was time to get clear on what she *really* wanted out of her life and career. Now she’s a budding entrepreneur and personal stylist helping women express themselves from the inside out. She shares the whole journey with us, in this interview. On this episode we talk about: The heartache of feeling lost, directionless, and inauthentic The 3 questions Lana asked herself to figure out exactly what she wanted to do career-wise Lana’s advice for staying sane while balancing a full-time job and a side hustle Why making time for sil

OK, so you know that part in Back to the Future when Marty McFly gets on stage during the Enchantment Under the Sea dance? He straps on a guitar and starts playing so that his teenaged parents will dance, kiss, fall in love, and ensure that he eventually gets born. Well, one of my favorite moments of that scene is when he loses himself for a few minutes in a crazy electric guitar riff of Chuck Berry’s Johnny B. Goode. All the 1950s teens stop dancing and just stare at him, mouths slightly agape, before he comes to his senses and realizes they have never heard anyone play a guitar like that. Marty awkwardly gets up and mumbles, “I guess you guys aren’t ready for that yet. But your kids are gonna love it.” The joke lands because we, the audience, know how popular rock n’ roll will become. But to a 1950s teenager, Marty just looks sort of insane.  I love this vignette because it’s EXACTLY what happens to anybody who lives in a world that, in some way or another, isn’t ready for them—they’re misunderstood, labele

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself. On this episode we’re answering questions from:  Ashley, who’s realized that her childhood “dream” career isn’t for her, and wants to know if doing something unpaid (while continuing to work at a job she hates) will get her the experience she needs to change her direction for good. Frank, who wants to quit his job to pursue his passion in voiceover work, but has a family to support and isn’t sure if the risk is worth it. Sarah, who’s wondering how to be kind to herself after realizing she spent way too much of her life pretending to be someone she wasn’t (and ending up with a life that didn’t reflect who she really was). Jo, who’s curious about how to navigate her relationship with her spouse given that they have different Passion Profiles.   Want to submit a question for ou

I was taking a walk the other day, mentally replaying a couple of coaching calls I’d had that morning and thinking through everything I had to do the rest of the day. I turned the corner, and suddenly right in front of me was the most beautiful cherry blossom tree in perfect bloom. It was stunning. I reflexively stopped to admire it, and my mind went completely blank for a moment. It was just me and the tree and nothing else. I felt warm, content, and totally at peace. After a few moments, I snapped out of my trance and continued on my walk, but I couldn’t stop thinking about that tree. It felt like a little spark of beauty and joy in the midst of the hustle and bustle of my day. I started to wonder how many of those little moments of joy I was missing on a daily basis. I’d been so up in my head that I’d almost missed that moment of pure contentment that I’d felt admiring the cherry blossoms.  How many other moments just like that was I blind to every single day? How many opportunities for beauty and joy and

People, let’s get real. We are BACKED UP, emotionally speaking. We live in a culture that, by and large, is not super comfortable with feelings and self-expression. A lot of us have gotten REALLY good at numbing out, suppressing, and generally doing whatever we can to avoid having to feel anything difficult or uncomfortable. Except you can’t bottle it up forever. Eventually, something’s gotta give. And whether or not we realize it, a lot of us are paying a high price for all that suppressed emotion. To help us literally start flowing again, we brought on our fellow coach Joanna Platt, who is The Queen of Feeling All the Things. On this episode we talk about: How parents inadvertently make kids uncomfortable with emotions from a VERY early age Why people are so pathologically uncomfortable with feelings Signs and symptoms that indicate how emotionally constipated you are The case for why you need to feel your feelings (Hint: You can’t feel the good stuff if you aren’t willing to feel the gnarly stuff, too) Jo