Late To The Table

The Late To The Table crew makes it through another 365 days having learned nothing. They managed to ignore all personal growth and professional problems to bring you their top and bottom 5 movies of the year. If we DID learn anything from 2017 its this: don’t give anyone a bottom five. That’s a butt slap. You know what the sexiest thing in the world is? Consent. Yeaaaah baby show me some of that sweet, sweet consent!

Lethal Weapon is KIND OF a Christmas movie! Late To The Table is KIND OF entertaining! Does Lethal Weapon hold up? Who cares! I’m getting too old for this shit.

THERE ARE SPOILERS! SO MANY SPOILERS. ALL OF THE SPOILERS. Everyone else in America watched The Last Jedi and so did Late To The Table. You’ve heard what the critics have said, you’ve heard what the fan boys have said, now hear what two OTHER straight white males think! It’s the outsider perspective YOU NEVER SAW COMING!!!!!!

The guys make the podcast equivalent of the actual Titanic: too big, too long, and an unmitigated disaster. After avoiding it for 20 years does James Cameron’s Titanic hold up? Is it difficult to keep focus during a three hour movie? How off track can two men get? Find out over the course of an unreasonable amount of time! In the time it takes you to listen to this episode you could get a certification in first aid…or cook a roast…..Jesus.

I can’t stress enough how important the 1978 next to the title is. It’s so, so very important. Really. It affects a lot. Does Ralph Bakshi’s 1978 animated version of Lord Of The Rings Hold up? Will the guys ever win a Peabody? Why is the episode so long? Find out now!

The gang breaks new ground by talking about Hitler AND putting stuff in your butt. Meta taggin’: Julie Andrews, Christopher Plummer, The Sound of Music, World War II, movies, musicals

In their three year anniversary(!) episode, Mike and Rich examine a classic musical like consummate professionals.

Two men talk loudly into a microphone. meta taggin’: Wonder Woman, Gal Gadot, Chris Pine, Giraffes

In the most heavily edited episode to date, the guys manage to cut out all of Mike’s socialist rants but leave in a whole lotta butt stuff. WHOOPS. Metataggin’: The Shawshank Redemption, Time Robbins, Morgan Freeman, Andy Dufrene, Red, Butts, Butt stuff  

The spooktacular concludes! The Blair With Project is a movie I wanted to hate. Does it hold up? Does the Blair Witch poop in the woods? I mean…I’d imagine right? It lives there. Where else would it poop? And don’t say it doesn’t poop. I once read a novel which posited that EVERYBODY poops.

Why does google drive keep changing the image it uses for audio files? That’s the real mystery man. I can’t figure that out at 5:45 in the morning, too early. Does the original The Texas Chainsaw Massacre hold up? Is Leatherface the least competent villain of all time? Is black mold the real killer? Find out now!

Two serious movie buff critically analyze the 1976 horror classic Carrie. Just kidding! It’s Late To The Table ya’ll! Butts ahooooooooooy!!!!!!

The guys finally reach episode 150 and are forced to enact their murder/suicide pact. Stay tuned for next week, Late To The Table: The Zombie Years! It’s like saved by the bell except I think Dustin Diamond is in jail now and no one is getting paid. By the by, 12 Angry Men! Does it hold up? Probably! But listen to this GD episode to find out babies!

The guys watch Flash Gordon due to popular demand and answer some of life’s deepest questions.

In which two self-absorbed assholes ignore one of the greatest movies of all time by talking about nonsense. This episode starts of Raiders Of The Lost Ark quality, transitions to Temple Of Doom quality, and then bottoms out at Crystal Skull quality.

The guys are diagnosed with werewolf fever and their families must watch as they slowly succumb to the symptoms. Does the 1985 “classic” Teen Wolf hold up? I mean, guess. What do you think? It’s no Citizen Kane.

You know what’s messed up? Not nuclear war. Not the cold war. The fact that we wake up everyday to an alarm clock. Never get to wake up naturally. Makes you think right? Right?! Whatever. You people. Blah blah Dr. Strangelove blah blah hold up? Blah blah Star Fox references.

The guys are completely surprised by the 1908s cult classic Heathers. So surprised they mostly talk about Game Of Thrones and poop vampires. Unused Jerry Seinfeld Unabomber joke: Why do they call it a LOSS of LIFE? You’re not going to find it again!

The sequel that no one asked for. The podcast that no one likes. Late To The Table bravely ventures into the world of Gremlins 2. Marvel as they discusses the finer points of the time space continuum present in children’s dessert snacks.

Action* Movie Month begins! See the pulse pounding dystopian robot thriller Her! Action juggernaut Joaquin Phoenix turns in a bone breaking performance in the best shoot ‘em up this decade! *All lies