Late To The Table

How is this movie not called Rambo?  They guys delve into the 80s action-classic and are surprised to find a tender heart underneath all the muscles.  They’re also surprised by how much they talk about dicks.  Jesus.  It’s like we were going for a world record or something.

The real twist in this M. Night Shyamalan movie is that it’s not a horrific piece of garbage.  It’s pretty good!  Hear me out!  Who doesn’t love Bruce Willis? Demi Moore I guess…and Kevin Smith…and…others.  Listen it’s better than you think.  Sam Jackson is in it!

America’s premier 3 man hip hop group talk about everything except the 1993 classic The Fugitive.  

Two idiots lose another episode of their weekly podcast and are forced to record and episode of inferior quality.   It’s still Monday!  It’s not late!  Suck it world!  2 Fast 2 Furious for you….listeners….yeah…deal with that….I guess?

In their first music episode the guys check out one of the most beloved albums of all time and talk about simple carbohydrates and super heroes.  Sorry.  Sorry.   I don’t know how this happens every week. 

Mike tries to become the most hated podcast in America by disliking the movie Spaceballs.  It’s just not for me!  I’m sorry!  It’s an 80’s comedy thing I swear!  This episode brought to you by papa johsn, ykk zippers, and parody law.

Can you believe we made it through the entire episode without making a need for speed joke?  Can you believe they made it through the movie without doing that?  That’s as crazy as Dennis Hopper.  In the movie…or real life.  Take your pick.  In honor of Keanu and John Wick 2 the boyz watch the 90s classic Speed.  Does it hold up as well as Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock do?

The boyz take on a modern horror classic, The Babadook.  Turns out the real monster is grief, or mental illness, or was inside us all along?  You know what else is a monster?  These guns *flexes* yeaaaah.  YEEAA.  Get into it!

America’s foremost classic movie podcast attempts to inject positivity into their dark, dark lives by watching the feel-good movie Requiem For A Dream.  Yikes.

What do Richard Linklater’s coming of age masterpiece and Angel Grove from the Power Rangers have in common.  Nothing.  They have nothing in common.  That doesn’t stop nostalgia experts* Mike McKellis and Rich Arlok from making stupid connections.  I mean that’s what I love about Power Rangers, I keep getting older and they stay the same age.     *nope

The Late to The Table crew pretends they’re a real podcast by juxtaposing Grease and George Lucas’ teen classic American Graffiti.  Just kidding they still talk about Hitler and sex stuff.

The guys watch the musical equivalent of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.  What I’m trying to say is that there are old people in it.  Does Grease hold up?  Is Grease still the word? Who knows?!  Mike and Rich spend most of the time reminiscing about high school and questioning scientology/societal standards of the 50s and 70s.  Fun right?

2017 babies!  It can’t be worse than the last year, right?  The guys break in the new year with the 1988 cult classic Willow.  Does it hold up from a modern perspective or is it the exact moment in history where George Lucas lost his goddamn mind?  Val Kilmer’s pretty great though.  Screw it, this show is now the Kilmercast, all Kilmer, all the time.  Next week we’re doing Tombstone!   I mean we could…I’ve never seen Tombstone.

The guys walk home drunk from 2016’s house wearing last night’s party clothes and carrying their fancy shoes.  In a shitty year we watched some good movies, some great movies, and some shitty movies.  This is that story.

In a stupor from a long week of working/watching Star Wars, the guys phone it in and get easily distracted by minor plot elements.  Like werewolves and boobs.  I mean, they’re pretty distracting and omnipresent in this movie.  Can you imagine omnipresent werewolves?  Holy shit that’s terrifying. 

The boyz get on track with a classic movie that they’ve never seen.  Does the 1984 sports drama The Karate Kid hold up?  Is Rich distracted by the size of Elizabeth Shue’s head?  Is Mike distracted by his own sense of self satisfaction/laundry baskets?  Is EVERYONE distracted by Cobra Kai’s get ups?  That shit is TIIIIIIIGHT.

The guys shamefully turn in their most racist, sexist, and highly edited episode in months.  If this is the stuff they left in what the hell did they cut out?  Turns out there were some hot button issues in 1960s New York.  Turns out Robert De Niro made a movie about ‘em in 1993.  Crazy.

To combat the unbearable misery of Donald Trump’s America the guys watch an  unbearably beautiful movie.  Is The Grand Budapest Hotel a modern classic?  Does it meet Late To Table rules?  Is anyone at home keeping track?  Does anyone still play the drinking game?  Mel Gibson, Capitalism.  There. Take two shots.  You’re welcome.

Can you believe this movie is not about hair dryers?  Me neither.  Did you see Nic Cage’s hair?  Sweet lord.  On today’s episode the gang discusses uber producer Jerry Bruckheimer and finally apologizes for 9/11.

The guys meekly venture forth into the nightmare that is Donald Trump’s America by watching the prophetic scroll known as Idiocracy.  Will they survive?  Do they have the skills needed to become warlords of this new wasteland?  Will they just continue to make dumbass jokes and avoid responsibility?  Is it that last one?  I bet it’s the last one.