Thriveology Podcast | Success | Personal Development | Self-improvement | Thrive | Resilience | Thrive Nation

All around the news, we are hearing about algorithms built into our social media.  It directs what we see and hear. It is how all social media decides what to feed you next.  If you like this video, then you might like this one.  If you know this person, then you may know this person.  If you respond to this ad, then you might respond to this one.  The task?  To keep you on the app or the website.  Because that is the thing about social media:  they want your attention and your time.   But guess what?  You have algorithms that are running inside of you.  They are your “Personal Algorithms.”  They are your habits that run your daily life.  And they don’t really function that differently than what the tech companies use. In essence, algorithms are simply If/Then formulas.  “If” this happens, “then” you do this.  In life, they represent your own daily habits and reactions.  The “If” is a trigger.  Something happens.  And when it does, you “then” do something.  If your stomach growls, then you grab a bite to ea

"Where should I start?", my client asked. Lots of times, we want to make changes, we want things to be different.  And sometimes, we want things to be different before we make any changes. We want a different starting point. If you've ever been at a park or mall, looking at the map to figure out where to go, you might notice that one very important feature, "You Are Here."  It points to the spot where you are now. Not where you want to go.  Not where you want to be. But where you are. If you are at the mall and see the store you want... on the other side of the mall, you might wish you were standing nearby, near the destination store.  Not all the way across the mall. But if you are on the other side of the mall, that is where you are.  Navigating to the destination from a closer point -- a point where you are NOT -- is not likely to be effective. You start where you are. And you might just find... it is a pretty good place to start. Listen to this podcast episode for how to start where you are, and

"Why don't they treat me the way I want to be treated?", my client asked me. So, I asked, "Have you taught them how to treat you?" The silence let me know.  But after a pause, my client said, "I guess it never crossed my mind I needed to do that." The fact is that people do not know how we want to be treated... unless we are clear about how we are to be treated.  Otherwise, we get treated the way THEY want to treat US, and not the reverse. In the end, that leaves people frustrated, defensive, and feeling mistreated. Your BOUNDARIES are what lets people know how you want to be treated.  They are your "NO's" of life.  Things you will not let people do to(wards) you. If your boundaries are solid, you are already following this rule.  But if you find yourself being treated in ways you don't want to be, time to start following this rule, "Teach others how to treat you." Listen to this week's Thriveology Podcast for yet another Rule for Living. RELATED RESOURCES Boundaries and Standards How to Deal with Dif

A few weeks ago, a coaching client noted her resistance to forgiving for fear that she would be vulnerable to being hurt.  I told her that was not at all true.  In fact, being alive leaves you open to hurt! But not forgiving?  It offers no protection.  It does, however, prolong the pain caused by some person or event. This client was not the only one who told me about her concern of forgiving.  I have heard it over and over through my three decades of counseling and coaching. Most people have fallen into a habit of hanging on to the hurt, of not forgiving.  They have a habit of UN-forgiving. Let me suggest that, just like any other habit, you can change this habit.  You can foster a Forgive Habit.  There, you more quickly work toward forgiving the hurts and pains you feel from events and others.  And in the process, you find freedom to move forward with a thriving life. In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I discuss The Forgive Habit and how to foster it. RELATED RESOURCES Why Forgive? How to For

Have you seen the meme that caught my eye?: I really wish I weren't living through a major historical event right now! I feel that!  But here is the thing I am realizing — historic events are happening on a very regular basis.  We aren’t living through the first pandemic (nor will it be the last).  This isn’t the first time we have had political upheaval and polarization (nor will it be the last).  This isn’t the first time an unpredictable war has rocked a nation (and unfortunately, it won’t be the last). I could go on and on.  But you get the point.  We are living through historic events.  As have others, through every other historic event. Sometimes, I wonder how future generations will look back on us, what we are going through, and how we went through it.  Will they believe they could have done better?  Will they think we learned anything?  I wonder…. We get caught up in worrying about events all around us.  And that can lead to anxiety, frustration, and inaction.  Nothing changes. As a client told m

Over the past 7 episodes, we have been building our Thrive Code.  The code to follow that allows us to thrive, and also the code that runs your system, like computer code.  And we are closing in on the finish line! We bring the series to an end in this episode. The final piece of the Thrive Code is all about how we feel about others.  Do we see others as “other” or as connected to us?  Do we use compassion or do we objectify? I have a built in belief that we are born with compassion.  Babies and children have a natural compassionate response to others in pain.  But many times, people are taught to not have a compassionate response.  We are taught beliefs about why others are having problems.  Often, those beliefs are based in blame and condemnation. It is no surprise, then, that we are living in a compassion crisis.  Both in terms of compassion for others and self-compassion. Is there a way back?  Yes!  And it starts with understanding exactly what compassion is, where it comes from, why we lose it, and h

Did you ever have one of those Magic 8-Balls when you were growing up?  I never had one, but a friend down the street did.  You were supposed to ask Yes/No questions of the ball, then turn it over and a die would float to the surface, revealing your answer. For whatever reason, we could spend lots of time asking a question, shaking and flipping the 8-Ball, and study our answer.  Of course, if we didn’t like the answer, we would just shake it again and get another answer. On a side note, I always wondered why an 8 ball from billiards was ever supposed to be “magical” in answering questions.  I recently read that Brunswick Billiards bought the rights to the toy as some point.  So, no, nothing magical about an 8 ball, except for the billiards company being involved! Anyway, there was this one answer that always left me frustrated:  Reply hazy, try again. Naturally, I would.  I’d just shake again and try for another answer.  But I remember this one time… I just kept getting the same answer — Reply hazy, try a

As we continue exploring your thrive code, the next topic is… are you curious? OK, that is actually the topic:  being curious. I’ve come to regard curiosity as one of the main paths to thriving.  In fact, in the absence of curiosity, we will have a hard time thriving. All learning comes from curiosity. All change comes from curiosity. New experiences come from curiosity. And growth comes from curiosity. I am a curious person.  And I work to stay curious, to build on curiosity. Learn why curiosity is part of the Thrive Code in this episode of the Thriveology Podcast. RELATED RESOURCES Challenge Control Community Contribution Create Lee’s Books  

I must admit, I have said it myself, “I am just not creative.” But that isn’t true. Not for me, and not for you. Perhaps you had some art teacher tell you that at one point. Or perhaps you were looking at the creative work of someone else. And perhaps you aren’t creative in that particular medium (although it may just be you haven’t put effort into that medium). But you ARE creative. And so am I. How do I know? Because we are human. And being human is being creative. We create thoughts all the time. Most of the time, jobs are creative in nature. When we are doing some hobby, it is likely to be creative. Yep, even if it is a sport. When I am rolling in jiu jitsu, I may think that I am just repeating some move I have learned. But in reality, I am trying to creatively respond to the actions of someone else. They move, and I respond, to which they respond, to which I respond. At every step, it is a creative response. Or when I am trying to work a problem on the climbing wall, I have to make a creative choice

When I talk about Thriveology, many people say, “Oh, that is more of that ‘being happy’ stuff, isn’t it?" My response:  No. Well, not just that.  Sure, being happy is fine.  No need to avoid being happy! But that is only one dimension of life. It IS the dimension of life that hedonism celebrates and pursues.  If it feels good, do it.  Enjoy life.  Have a good time.  Seek out pleasure and avoid pain. Except that doesn’t lead much to thriving. It posits your satisfaction with life externally to you.  It is THAT thing that makes you happy, brings you pleasure, makes life worthwhile. Eudaimonia was the counterpoint in greek thought.  This is the pursuit of life satisfaction by what things mean to you internally. It is how you bring meaning, enjoyment, and satisfaction into your life from within. And there is a cornerstone of that:  Contribution.  What we GIVE to the world, versus what we GET from the world. Giving versus Taking. Research has long pointed out the power of giving and contributing to the menta

It’s in our DNA.  We have a need to connect with others, to have connections and relationships.  We express that in close relationships and larger groups. And unfortunately, lately, we have often allowed tribalism into our connections.  When we slip into our tribal thinking, we work from a place of exclusion.  This leads to a greater illusion of connection.  In reality, that connection is based in being the same as others in the tribe. Community, on the other hand, allows others to include themselves.  It is not about differences.  Lines are not drawn to separate.  Differences have room for inclusion. And true connection can grow. Speaking of connection… we need connection in life to thrive.  Those who are caught in isolation suffer, both emotionally and in their health.  It is also deeply wired into our DNA. Where is YOUR community? Where is YOUR connection? Listen to this episode of Thriveology Podcast for why community and connection are so important. RELATED RESOURCES Challenge:  Thrive Code #1 Con

Many people make the Control Error — they attempt to control what they cannot control, while also failing to control what they can. Why? Because they don’t know what they can’t control and they don’t know what they can control. Humans have a desire to feel like they are “in control” of their lives. Most people hate feeling out of control. And yet, by making the Control Error, they constantly feel out of control (and work harder to control… what they cannot control). Thriving is tough when you feel out of control. And it is even more difficult when you are not controlling the areas you can control. There is a code to thriving. Think of it as the computer code behind all the things your computer programs can do. The basic assumptions and directions come from the underlying code. It allows the tasks to happen. Similarly, there is an underlying code to thriving. If the code is working, daily tasks and living go much better. You thrive in your life. One element of that Thrive Code, we discussed in the last

Life is a challenge, isn’t it? I don’t think I am saying anything that is a surprise these days. We’ve been dealing with a pandemic now for over 2 years. For many people, that has led to many challenges throughout life. Which brings me to my word for 2022. Each year, my family chooses one word to live into for the year. And this year, my word is Challenge. Not just to acknowledge the challenge of these days, but to claim that I am going to live into and lean into the challenge! Even without a pandemic, life would still be a challenge. Why? Because that is the nature of life. Life challenges us. We can see it as an obstacle. We can even stomp our feet and proclaim that “it shouldn’t be this hard.” But that won’t change the fact that life is just a challenge. So, philosophically, I just acknowledge and accept that it is a challenge. Not an obstacle; a challenge. Also, I need a challenge. If I don’t have something to take on, some challenge to work toward, I tend to get stagnant. I’ve learned this several t

And just like that, the Holiday season is upon us! All the hustle and bustle. All the events. All the demands… in the midst of a time that you want to be enjoyable, meaningful, and manageable! Why the stress? In a repeat of last year’s podcast (since we still have that holiday stress!), I discuss the causes of holiday stress. But more importantly, I cover the ways to cope with holiday stress. Don’t let stress rob you of the deeper meanings and connections of this holiday season. RELATED RESOURCES Why We Stress 5 Ways to Shift from Stressful to Restful Deepening the  Holidays Book: Thrive Principles

It's a trap.  And we all fall into it. Sadly, we set it up on ourselves, then step right into it. WHACK!  We are stuck... waiting.  And that's the trap -- the wait.  Life can't begin until.... What's the trap?  The "When/Then Trap."  You know, that time when you say, "When ____ happens, then I will ______."  When you finally get that great job, get that perfect spouse, make $$'s, win the lottery, etc.  THEN, life can finally get started.  THEN you can be happy, help others, find meaning, do... well, you get the point. It just seems that something has to change, (right?) before you can get to something else.  And so, we get stuck... waiting for that something to change.  Not realizing that there may be other ways to get there... or even other places to get to! There are alternatives to being stuck in the "When/Then Trap."  In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, we explore why and how we get stuck.  And how to get out of that trap.  Listen below. GRAB MY BOOKS ON THRIVING: Thrive Principles The Immut

I bet you hear it as much as I do.  You may even say it.  "I'm so stressed!"  The malady of the modern age.  Stressed out, exhausted, and frustrated. But what IS stress? As much as we toss that term around, sometimes almost as a badge of honor, you may not think about what that term is REALLY about. These days, I tend to push my body, physically.  I take a good long walk in the morning, usually do a workout after that, then go to jiu jitsu 3 to 5 evenings per week.  My body can, indeed, get stressed. When we talk about "stress," in everyday life, we are more talking about psychological stress.  Which is really just a term for something else.  Something we'd rather not claim. But once we recognize what it really is, we can do something about it.  So, let's figure out why we stress... and what we can do about it. Listen below to this episode of the Thriveology Podcast. RELATED RESOURCES We ALL Have Fears Your Thriving Body Dealing With Anxiety Dealing With Depression Thrive Principles Book

If you are in the States, we are on the cusp of the Holiday season, kicking off with Thanksgiving in just a few days. For me, the Holidays throughout the year are moments to step into gratitude.  Not just in a little "thank you for that gift," but in a gratitude for being alive.  For being here.  For experiencing life. Each morning, while walking the neighborhood with my dogs, Ziggy and Clementine, I reflect on 5 things for which I am grateful.  That starts my day with an attempt to shift my attention to thankfulness, to gratitude. Granted, some days, that feeling quickly evaporates when the work piles up. But I try to remember to be grateful on a daily basis. How about you? Did you know that research shows how simple gratitude habits can re-wire the brain... away from fear and threat?  Away from depression and anxiety?  Just by thinking with gratitude.  Just by focusing on things for which you are grateful. In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I discuss the power of gratitude to shift your thin

"How did I end up here?," my client asked.  He told me that for so long, he thought he was headed in the right direction.  Now, he thinks maybe it was the entirely wrong direction. I asked him, "Did you course correct along the way?"  He looked at me rather quizzically.  So, I elaborated, "If you are sailing, you point the boat toward some object in the distance, in the direction you want to sail.  You sail toward it.  But the winds push, the current pushes, and you end up a little off-course.  So, you course correct." But then, I added: "Sometimes, you realize that where you thought you wanted to go is not really where you want to go... or maybe it isn't safe to go.  Maybe a storm or something else.  But you have to go somewhere else.  So, you change course." And I continued, "Then there are the times when you don't course-correct as you go, and the small space of being off-course begins to broaden as you go.  What might have been just a course correction at the beginning is now a course change." Then I

Have you seen this picture in your FB feed or on Twitter?  It crossed my path a number of times. The first time I saw it, I was immediately uncomfortable.  But it took a little time for me to be clear on why. There is a point to it:  just because you apologize doesn't mean everything is okay. I like that point. But I worry about going the other way:  if someone hurts you, you are shattered.  With that, I disagree. Not just a little. A lot. I firmly believe that we are all built to heal from hurts.  I firmly believe that encoded within us is the capacity to not just move forward, but to thrive, even when someone deeply wounds us. We humans are natural story-tellers.  And we all LOVE to tell the "someone done me wrong" stories -- thus, 90% of country songs! And people do, indeed, do us wrong (and we do others wrong). The problem is not the stories.  It is our attachment to those stories.  When we begin to define ourselves by the stories of what happened to us, we become that story.  It no longer happe

A couple of episodes back, I discussed some lessons I have learned in my less-than-half a year in jiu jitsu.  One of my lessons was about "egoless learning."  Several people asked what I meant by my ego being involved.  And what's wrong with that... the ego? Well, the ego tends to trip us up, throughout our lives.  Why?  Because our ego keeps us focused on how we appear, what others think of us, what we look like.  And because of that, we try to keep up an image. And because of that, we trip. Soon after I learned to scuba dive, I decided I wanted to become an instructor.  Partly because I wanted to learn more, partly because I enjoy teaching. So, after some time of accumulating classes, dive time, and teaching experience, I was ready for my certification process.  It was supposed to be a learning event.  A place for me to learn more about teaching, got some feedback on how I was teaching, and demonstrated my capacity to teach. They weren't looking for me to be the best teacher.  I was at the beginning of