School Of Schlock

It's time for a dose of classic schlock in the form of a 50's monster movie. How are a series of murders linked to a carnival hypnotist and a monster that seemingly died out millions of year ago? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about unscrupulous rich dads, soul transmigration, and lobsters with boobs. It's our review of The She-Creature! Time stamps: 0:02:25 - Background 0:22:15 - Summary 0:37:30 - Notable Scenes 0:46:55 - The Good 0:54:25 - The Bad 1:06:20 - The Ugly 1:10:05 - Final Thoughts

We don't often get to review award-baiting, well-shot historical dramas on this show, but when we do we make sure they contain at least 50% Nicholas Cage. This time an Italian officer falls in love with a young woman on a Greek island in the middle of World War 2. But will the war tear them, or at least parts of them, apart? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk beautiful cinematography, less beautiful accents, and the difficulties of adapting novels to the screen. It's our review of Captain Corelli's Mandolin! Time stamps: 0:04:15 - Background 0:26:00 - Summary 0:41:25 - Notable Scenes 0:47:20 - The Good 0:54:30 - The Bad 1:08:45 - The Ugly 1:17:40 - Final Thoughts

It isn't every day that you encounter a spaghetti-western martial arts action adventure comedy...but when you do, make sure it isn't this one! Can a kung-fu warrior and a snake-oil salesman save a town from an evil businessman? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk loose fighting styles, tonics and tinctures, and one of the most controversial actors they have yet encountered! It's our review of The Return of Shanghai Joe! Time stamps: 0:04:10 - Background 0:19:00 - Summary 0:29:30 - Notable Scenes 0:34:50 - The Good 0:38:05 - The Bad 0:47:15 - The Ugly 0:52:00 - Final Thoughts

Cheap 80's fantasy is eating good with this cult classic sword-and-board adventure! Can a prophesied warrior save a kingdom from an evil tyrant and a demonic spellcaster? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss bloody sarcophagi, projectile sword blades, and poorly done crucifixion! It's our review of The Sword and the Sorcerer! Time stamps: 0:03:30 - Background 0:21:45 - Summary 0:42:45 - Notable Scenes 0:47:30 - The Good 0:51:10 - The Bad 1:05:30 - The Ugly 1:10:45 - Final Thoughts

2025 has come and gone like the wind. But did anything fill our sails? Which characters were airheads? Which movie moment blew us away, versus ones that simply blew? And will we be awarding anything to Charles Dance? Find out in the 2025 Schlocky Awards!   Time Stamps: 0:02:15 - Explanation, Film List, and Lifetime Achievement Award 0:09:45 - Worst Character 0:48:30 - Worst Moment or Line 1:33:35 - Worst Visual 1:42:30 - Best Moment 1:56:05 - The 10 Worst Films of the Year

What's the best way to remake a holiday classic? Update it with clips from Mortal Kombat, of course! It's the Christmas season, but Santa isn't feeling in the spirit in this live-action re-imagining. Can anyone convince him to un-cancel Christmas? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about SNL cast members, low-budget sets, and of course goth dolls. It's our review of The Year Without a Santa Claus (2006)! Time stamps: 0:04:05 - Background 0:26:55 - Summary 0:38:20 - Notable Scenes 0:44:55 - The Good 0:48:25 - The Bad 1:03:00 - The Ugly 1:10:00 - Final Thoughts

Sherlock Holmes is back for more mystery-unraveling! This time his nemsis Moriarty wants to see him undone, defeated, and dead. Can Holmes use his sleuthing powers to combat the dastardly villain? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss half-baked schemes, slow-mo explosions, and funeral antics. It's our review of Hands of a Murderer: A Sherlock Holmes Mystery! Time stamps: 0:03:40 - Background 0:22:05 - Summary 0:34:00 - Notable Scenes 0:41:35 - The Good 0:46:40 - The Bad 0:56:50 - The Ugly 0:58:55 - Final Thoughts

A large-thumbed woman finds herself, her power, and love at a ranch in the American west. But do we find this film watchable? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss adapting novels into films, racist character names, and the similarities this movie shares with zen filmmaking. It's our review of Even Cowgirls Get the Blues! Time stamps: 0:04:25 - Background 0:29:55 - Summary 0:42:25 - Notable Scenes 0:49:55 - The Good 0:52:50 - The Bad 1:05:55 - The Ugly 1:11:15 - Final Thoughts

Alien invasion narratives may be old hat by now. And the same goes for stories of living brains in jars. But what if we combined the two? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about alien brains with eyes, calling loved ones idiots, and one of the worst closing lines to a film we've ever heard. It's our review of The Brain from Planet Arous! Time stamps: 0:03:45 - Background 0:17:30 - Summary 0:31:50 - Notable Scenes 0:38:00 - The Good 0:43:20 - The Bad 0:53:35 - The Ugly 0:58:35 - Final Thoughts

Halloween is upon us, and we've got a Vincent Price cult classic! A witchfinder is torturing townsfolk throughout east England in this folk horror flick; will he ever face retribution for his evil ways? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about the history of witchfinders, English Westerns, and using paint for blood. It's our review of Witchfinder General (AKA The Conqueror Worm). Time stamps: 0:05:55 - Background 0:34:00 - Summary 0:47:05 - Notable Scenes 0:54:45 - The Good 0:59:50 - The Bad 1:09:45 - The Ugly 1:14:40 - Final Thoughts

We've got another 50's cheapie monster movie under our belts. Explorers are searching the Himalayas for the elusive yeti...will they get more than they bargained for? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss eugenics, the many psuedonyms of Jerry Warren, and lots and lots of walking. It's our review of Man Beast! Time stamps: 0:03:50 - Background 0:19:50 - Summary 0:30:00 - Notable Scenes 0:32:35 - The Good 0:35:15 - The Bad 0:47:05 - The Ugly 0:52:20 - Final Thoughts

It's been too long since we watched the work of schlockmaster extraordinaire Ed Wood! This time a young man has fallen in with a bad crowd; can he be saved before its too late? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about wooden acting, plastic surgery, and flamenco guitar. It's our review of the 50s B-movie "classic," Jail Bait! Time stamps: 0:04:00 - Background 0:29:15 - Summary 0:43:50 - Notable Scenes 0:47:30 - The Good 0:48:40 - The Bad 1:03:35 - The Ugly 1:09:20 - Final Thoughts

Can Ice Cube save us from an interstellar menace from the safety of his office cubicle? Will humanity lose its most precious resource--its data? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about UI elements, facial reactions, Amazon gift cards, and private industry saving the day against the peridious government! It's our review of the 2025 streaming event of the summer, War of the Worlds! Time stamps: 0:04:30 - Background 0:25:40 - Summary 0:42:30 - Notable Scenes 0:47:10 - The Good 0:50:35 - The Bad 1:11:50 - The Ugly 1:17:50 - Final Thoughts

What's the most effective way to communicate an ecological message in a monster movie? Does it involve an unwashed hillbilly in overalls? What do you call a swamp-dwelling Bigfoot, anyhow? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss these questions as well as other pieces of pertinent information, such as condescending professors, blurry flashbacks, and a connection to Dirty Harry. It's our review of Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues! Time stamps: 0:05:10 - Background 0:14:35 - Summary 0:26:30 - Notable Scenes 0:31:45 - The Good 0:34:30 - The Bad 0:47:20 - The Ugly 0:49:40 - Final Thoughts

Do you have nostalgia for children's movies? What about children's movies from the 1950s? What about Japanese children's movies from the 1950s that are spliced together from episodes of a children's TV show? Well then do we have good news for you!! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about interplanetary chicken-men, useless weapons, pillow fights, and peat-based rocket fuel. It's our review of Prince of Space! Time stamps: 0:04:15 - Background 0:11:10 - Summary 0:17:55 - Notable Scenes 0:24:35 - The Good 0:28:20 - The Bad 0:40:20 - The Ugly 0:43:35 - Final Thoughts

It's Hammer Horror time, and if you're a British cinephile you know exactly what that means! It means blood, dread, and bare breasts! An evil countess is killing virgins to maintain her own beauty, but will her upcoming wedding be spoiled by those who know her secret? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about historical adaptations, inscrutable charatcer motivations, and uneven age makeup. It's our review of Countess Dracula! Time stamps: 0:03:40 - Background 0:30:30 - Summary 0:38:10 - Notable Scenes 0:48:10 - The Good 0:53:10 - The Bad 1:07:00 - The Ugly 1:12:30 - Final Thoughts

We're back to classic monster movies from the 1950s, and you'll never believe this, but we're dealing with giant insects! How original! Join Tom and Ryan as they watch a safari through Africa and discuss important topicsd such as The Producers, Raiders of the Lost Ark, and irresponsible environmental messaging. It's our review of Monster from Green Hell! Time stamps: 0:04:15 - Background 0:20:00 - Summary 0:28:30 - Notable Scenes 0:33:40 - The Good 0:35:15 - The Bad 0:49:35 - The Ugly 0:53:15 - Final Thoughts

This week we have an Itlian war drama that's low on both the war and the drama, but that's absolutely packed with Nicolas Cage! What haunts an Italian soldier as he makes his way through the Ethiopian wilderness? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about diseases, consequences, and exactly how to act like Nicolas Cage. It's our review of the 1989 film Time to Kill! Time stamps: 0:03:15 - Background 0:20:00 - Summary 0:35:10 - Notable Scenes 0:48:45 - The Good 0:51:00 - The Bad 0:58:55 - The Ugly 1:05:30 - Final Thoughts

Just how cool would a "cool dog" be? Would a cool dog be able to drive a car? Would a cool dog be able to save multiple people from death? Would a cool dog play the banjo? Join Tom and Ryan as they seek to answer these questions and discuss other relevant topics like the art of clowning, a reverse John Wick, and what crimes shouldn't be part of your exotic pet smuggling ring. Sit, and stay, for our review of Cool Dog! Time stamps: 0:03:25 - Background 0:21:50 - Summary 0:34:50 - Notable Scenes 0:41:35 - The Good 0:46:20 - The Bad 1:05:20 - The Ugly 1:12:30 - Final Thoughts

The Holy See is all over the news, so let's take a look at a movie from the 70s featuring the pope! This film dares to ask the question: woman pope good? Or woman pope bad? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about stoicism, sexuality, and angry mobs. It's our review of Pope Joan! Time stamps: 0:03:55 - Background 0:22:05 - Summary 0:39:35 - Notable Scenes 0:45:40 - The Good 0:53:25 - The Bad 1:09:25 - The Ugly 1:19:35 - Final Thoughts