School Of Schlock

Halloween is upon us, and we've got a Vincent Price cult classic! A witchfinder is torturing townsfolk throughout east England in this folk horror flick; will he ever face retribution for his evil ways? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about the history of witchfinders, English Westerns, and using paint for blood. It's our review of Witchfinder General (AKA The Conqueror Worm). Time stamps: 0:05:55 - Background 0:34:00 - Summary 0:47:05 - Notable Scenes 0:54:45 - The Good 0:59:50 - The Bad 1:09:45 - The Ugly 1:14:40 - Final Thoughts

We've got another 50's cheapie monster movie under our belts. Explorers are searching the Himalayas for the elusive yeti...will they get more than they bargained for? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss eugenics, the many psuedonyms of Jerry Warren, and lots and lots of walking. It's our review of Man Beast! Time stamps: 0:03:50 - Background 0:19:50 - Summary 0:30:00 - Notable Scenes 0:32:35 - The Good 0:35:15 - The Bad 0:47:05 - The Ugly 0:52:20 - Final Thoughts

It's been too long since we watched the work of schlockmaster extraordinaire Ed Wood! This time a young man has fallen in with a bad crowd; can he be saved before its too late? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about wooden acting, plastic surgery, and flamenco guitar. It's our review of the 50s B-movie "classic," Jail Bait! Time stamps: 0:04:00 - Background 0:29:15 - Summary 0:43:50 - Notable Scenes 0:47:30 - The Good 0:48:40 - The Bad 1:03:35 - The Ugly 1:09:20 - Final Thoughts

Can Ice Cube save us from an interstellar menace from the safety of his office cubicle? Will humanity lose its most precious resource--its data? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about UI elements, facial reactions, Amazon gift cards, and private industry saving the day against the peridious government! It's our review of the 2025 streaming event of the summer, War of the Worlds! Time stamps: 0:04:30 - Background 0:25:40 - Summary 0:42:30 - Notable Scenes 0:47:10 - The Good 0:50:35 - The Bad 1:11:50 - The Ugly 1:17:50 - Final Thoughts

What's the most effective way to communicate an ecological message in a monster movie? Does it involve an unwashed hillbilly in overalls? What do you call a swamp-dwelling Bigfoot, anyhow? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss these questions as well as other pieces of pertinent information, such as condescending professors, blurry flashbacks, and a connection to Dirty Harry. It's our review of Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues! Time stamps: 0:05:10 - Background 0:14:35 - Summary 0:26:30 - Notable Scenes 0:31:45 - The Good 0:34:30 - The Bad 0:47:20 - The Ugly 0:49:40 - Final Thoughts

Do you have nostalgia for children's movies? What about children's movies from the 1950s? What about Japanese children's movies from the 1950s that are spliced together from episodes of a children's TV show? Well then do we have good news for you!! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about interplanetary chicken-men, useless weapons, pillow fights, and peat-based rocket fuel. It's our review of Prince of Space! Time stamps: 0:04:15 - Background 0:11:10 - Summary 0:17:55 - Notable Scenes 0:24:35 - The Good 0:28:20 - The Bad 0:40:20 - The Ugly 0:43:35 - Final Thoughts

It's Hammer Horror time, and if you're a British cinephile you know exactly what that means! It means blood, dread, and bare breasts! An evil countess is killing virgins to maintain her own beauty, but will her upcoming wedding be spoiled by those who know her secret? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about historical adaptations, inscrutable charatcer motivations, and uneven age makeup. It's our review of Countess Dracula! Time stamps: 0:03:40 - Background 0:30:30 - Summary 0:38:10 - Notable Scenes 0:48:10 - The Good 0:53:10 - The Bad 1:07:00 - The Ugly 1:12:30 - Final Thoughts

We're back to classic monster movies from the 1950s, and you'll never believe this, but we're dealing with giant insects! How original! Join Tom and Ryan as they watch a safari through Africa and discuss important topicsd such as The Producers, Raiders of the Lost Ark, and irresponsible environmental messaging. It's our review of Monster from Green Hell! Time stamps: 0:04:15 - Background 0:20:00 - Summary 0:28:30 - Notable Scenes 0:33:40 - The Good 0:35:15 - The Bad 0:49:35 - The Ugly 0:53:15 - Final Thoughts

This week we have an Itlian war drama that's low on both the war and the drama, but that's absolutely packed with Nicolas Cage! What haunts an Italian soldier as he makes his way through the Ethiopian wilderness? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about diseases, consequences, and exactly how to act like Nicolas Cage. It's our review of the 1989 film Time to Kill! Time stamps: 0:03:15 - Background 0:20:00 - Summary 0:35:10 - Notable Scenes 0:48:45 - The Good 0:51:00 - The Bad 0:58:55 - The Ugly 1:05:30 - Final Thoughts

Just how cool would a "cool dog" be? Would a cool dog be able to drive a car? Would a cool dog be able to save multiple people from death? Would a cool dog play the banjo? Join Tom and Ryan as they seek to answer these questions and discuss other relevant topics like the art of clowning, a reverse John Wick, and what crimes shouldn't be part of your exotic pet smuggling ring. Sit, and stay, for our review of Cool Dog! Time stamps: 0:03:25 - Background 0:21:50 - Summary 0:34:50 - Notable Scenes 0:41:35 - The Good 0:46:20 - The Bad 1:05:20 - The Ugly 1:12:30 - Final Thoughts

The Holy See is all over the news, so let's take a look at a movie from the 70s featuring the pope! This film dares to ask the question: woman pope good? Or woman pope bad? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about stoicism, sexuality, and angry mobs. It's our review of Pope Joan! Time stamps: 0:03:55 - Background 0:22:05 - Summary 0:39:35 - Notable Scenes 0:45:40 - The Good 0:53:25 - The Bad 1:09:25 - The Ugly 1:19:35 - Final Thoughts

We've got another all-timer of a B-movie that was featured in an episode of MST3K! This time, a runaway human flees cyborg and dinosaurs sent through time to track him down! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about cheap sets, whirring motors, and what it means to lack opposable thumbs. It's our review of Future War! Time stamps: 0:02:55 - Background 0:20:00 - Summary 0:29:45 - Notable Scenes 0:33:50 - The Good 0:38:30 - The Bad 0:56:00 - The Ugly 0:57:35 - Final Thoughts

George A. Romero is an icon of modern horror for his Dead series of films. But hackneyed remakes of those films...might be a little less iconic. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk screamers, immoral scientists, and vegetarian zombies. It's our review of the 2008 version of Day of the Dead! Time stamps: 0:02:50 - Background 0:25:00 - Summary 0:38:10 - Notable Scenes 0:45:30 - The Good 0:53:20 - The Bad 1:10:15 - The Ugly 1:15:20 - Final Thoughts

Start your engines for a Roger Corman cult classic! Who will win a futuristic and deadly cross-country race set in a dystopian America in the year 2000? And why is one driver named Frankenstein? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk satire, budget restrictions, and soulless remakes; it's our review of Death Race 2000! Time stamps: 0:02:30 - Background 0:34:50 - Summary 0:47:45 - Notable Scenes 0:53:20 - The Good 1:03:00 - The Bad 1:18:40 - The Ugly 1:23:50 - Final Thoughts

What happens when a Hercules-lite ends up in the land of the Amazons? A bottomless well of blatantly sexist comedy! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss Rube Golderberg machines, annoying parrots, and meandering plotlines in this sword-and-sandals stinker. It's our review of Colossus and the Amazon Queen! Time stamps: 0:04:05 - Background 0:22:40 - Summary 0:36:05 - Notable Scenes 0:40:35 - The Good 0:44:15 - The Bad 0:53:35 - The Ugly 0:59:05 - Final Thoughts

We're adding to our "decapitated head kept alive" repertoire with a film that dares to ask the question: what if Hitler hadn't died? What an original thought! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss added footage, melodramatic dictator faces, and brutal efficienct with grenades. It's our review of They Saved Hitler's Brain! Time stamps: 0:04:20 - Background 0:17:00 - Summary 0:31:20 - Notable Scenes 0:34:35 - The Good 0:41:15 - The Bad 0:51:55 - The Ugly 0:54:15 - Final Thoughts

What happens when you take two Hong Kong martial arts movies and smash them together? And what happens if you don't smash them together particularly well? You end up with this week's movie! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss English-on-English dubs, revenge quests, and hats that say "Ninja." It's our review of Full Metal Ninja! Time stamps: 0:03:40 - Background 0:12:20 - Summary 0:20:45 - Notable Scenes 0:28:05 - The Good 0:31:45 - The Bad 0:42:00 - The Ugly 0:46:50 - Final Thoughts

We've reviewed trucker movies. We've reviewed space movies. So it's high time we finally review space trucking movies! What happens when Dennis Hopper has to deliver some suspect cargo to Earth? And why is Charles Dance talking about his wang? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss killer robots, toilet robots, and half-man half-robots. It's our review of Space Truckers! Time stamps: 0:02:55 - Background 0:30:50 - Summary 0:46:35 - Notable Scenes 0:52:20 - The Good 0:56:55 - The Bad 1:11:10 - The Ugly

Roleplaying games, and Dungeons & Dragons especially, are so hot right now. Heck, they even made a movie! No, not THAT one; the one from 2000 with Jeremy Irons and CGI that was already ten years out of date when it was made. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss boob armor, Spirit Halloween props, and overacting vs underacting. It's our review of 2000's own Dungeons and Dragons! Time stamps: 0:03:10 - Background 0:25:15 - Summary 0:38:55 - Notable Scenes 0:46:30 - The Good 0:51:40 - The Bad 1:08:00 - The Ugly

2024 was yet another year of highs and lows on the never-ending rollercoaster of life. But were our podcast-reviewed films all lows? Which characters made our stomachs drop? Which movie moment felt like a rush, and which felt like we were slowly approaching our doom? And will a Christmas movie finally contend for our coveted awards? Find out in the 2024 Schlocky Awards! Time Stamps: 0:07:55 - Explanation, Film List, and Lifetime Achievement Award 0:16:00 - Worst Character 1:00:40 - Worst Moment or Line 1:40:10 - Worst Visual 1:56:50 - Best Moment 2:08:05 - The 10 Worst Films of the Year