Transforming Monday

We've all felt that way...that we're the only ones keeping a positive outlook while everyone else around us is spewing negativity like a 76 Datsun burning oil. Admittedly, it's difficult. That's where the power of visualization and the encouragement of sharing your story with others who are now going through, or have been through, what you're dealing with right now. Misery loves company, that's true. Yet it can also be the strongest foundation to build community on.

A special Independence Day Weekend episode of Transformation Radio. The year is half over, and where are you on meeting your goals, your New Year's Resolutions? Are you still stuck in the same routines? Did you start out like gangbusters but fall back into your old patterns? Well, take this weekend to declare your independence from all the bullshit in your past, from having to be someone everyone else expects you to be, from all those things holding you back.

I'm gonna share a little secret. I'm not perfect. I screw up from time to time, but recently I screwed up...big time...that sort of life altering screw up. Hear how badly I screwed up, how I got to the point I screwed up, and how I, and you, can begin to repair the damage, learn the lesson, and discover how to recognize when you're headed for disaster.

Eventually we're all going to run into periods where we begin to doubt our growth, our change, when relationships that are very near and dear to us cause us to doubt ourselves. Grieving the change in or even the loss of those relationships is a very real thing. Listen to hear my story about grieving the change in my relationships with my parents and how I'm dealing with it.

When wondering why we're treated so horribly by bosses, coworkers, family, friends, significant others.... it's often because we've taught them it's ok to treat us that way. Our standards are too low, we demand too little of ourselves, and we allow ourselves to be treated poorly. In this episode, I share how I allowed myself to be treated like someone's "Plan B" for years, how I got out of it, and what awesome stuff happened once I demanded more of myself and from others.

Control freaks and micromanagers. We all know one, live with one, work with or for one, or are one. The question is "why is controlling how things are done a bad thing?" Well, it's demotivating to your family, your employees, your friends. It erodes trust in the superior/subordinate relationship. It builds resentment between spouses or between parents and children. Is your need to have things done "your way" more important than the relationship you're trying to control? If it is, then you're doing it wrong. Listen as I talk about my own experiences working for micromanagers, overcoming my own need to control, and how you can salvage sanity in times of "control stress".

Conflict is unavoidable. Parent/Child, Supervisor/Subordinate, all relationships will inevitably face conflict. The question is, how can you manage conflict without it destroying or damaging the relationship. Listen to Christian explain some simple rules and simple techniques for managing conflict and dealing with people looking to be confrontational.

Analytical types typically suffer from paralysis by analysis. They always need more data, more comparisons, more thing to think about before they make a decision. Naturally, the decision rarely comes and the thinker believes they're making progress as long as more data is collected. The problem is that this isn't progress, it's imaginary momentum. Momentum only comes from action, not from analysis. The best way to get momentum is to start making decisions, taking action, and following through. Even if it's just deciding what you're going to eat and taking the action to eat it, that creates more momentum than thinking about it.

The ability to reframe, or repurpose, negative events in your life is a skill everyone should learn. Being able to reframe the "crap" that happens to us allows us to get beyond defining ourselves as those events, and turn them into learning experiences. On this episode, Charlotte and I teach you what happens subconsciously when an event happens, how we end up defining ourselves as those events, and how and what you can change. This is a skill that can be used for events caused by our choices, events caused by other people's choices, and by events completely out of our control. It's a skill that adults and children should learn.

Don't try to win over the haters...You're not the jackass whisperer! As you continue along your personal development journey and continue to grow, continue to gain confidence, continue to become more decisive, more self assured, you're virtually guaranteed to pick up some haters. Whether they're friends, acquaintances, or even family, there are going to be those who are resentful of you because you aren't who you used to be. Don't try to win them over... you can't. All you can be is who you are, and that's not the jackass whisperer.

Saying NO is the hardest thing for us to do. It causes us to commit to things we don't want to do and builds resentment for ourselves and for/in others. In this episode, I teach you how to say no for two reasons: 1) Maintain healthy relationships 2) So you can be/do what you want to be/do.

If you want to be successful, you have to surround yourself with successful people. You become what you're most around, and if you're around people who specialize in soul crushing negativity, you're never going to be who you want to be. By surrounding yourself with winners, you begin to become more congruent between what you believe and what you live. This adds credibility to you and will propel your success even further.

Before you can make any progress in life, you have to kill, maim, and utterly destroy your limiting beliefs and replace them with positive affirmations. Limiting beliefs are like the trolls under the bridge that refuse to let you pass from your old life to your new. Learn a quick exercise that will allow you to become the troll that won't let your limiting beliefs follow you into your future.

It's been a helluva week. The news is full of horror and sadness, and the world is full of fear, anger, and angry words. In all times, especially the emotional times, we need to be aware of the words we use, the power they really have, and the damage they can do. As we become aware of our communicative skill level, we can realize that we've gone around for years offending people and not even knowing it. The challenge this week is to be aware of the words we use, the power they have, and not only what we say, but how it can be interpreted by those we're communicating to.

Every generation has its own language, its own dialect...but something is different about the upcoming generation. Perhaps due to the overstimulation of the world around them, kids today seem to speak in sentences of 140 characters or less.. no context, no reference, and no flow. Join Christian and his wife Charlotte as they talk about their own teen age kids, their communication breakdowns, and how they are teaching their kids the lost art of conversation.

It's extraordinarily rare that you or I can pick up a new skill, a new tool, a new technique, and instantly be an expert. That's ok. In fact, it's perfectly natural to not be good at something new. Learning through application helps to make a stronger imprint of what were learning on our neural patterns and muscle memory. The important thing when learning a new skill, etc., is that you don't give up right away. Naturally we all want to be experts right out of the gate. However, what you'll find is that what you learn along the way to becoming a "natural" can be more powerful, more impactful for you and others than simply what you've learned.

All the tools, strategies, and personal development in the world isn't going to change your life unless you apply it and get off your a$$ and do something. We all know someone like my coworker who is always complaining about how horrible everything is but doesn't ever do anything about it. Those people prefer to be miserable and it's fear that keeps them from getting off their a$$es and taking charge of their life. In 2012, I decided to get off my a$$ and ended up moving from Arizona to Florida and hitting every single outcome I set for myself. In 2013, buoyed by the success of 2012, I'm shooting for even bigger things. It can be your year, too... if you want it.

One of the not so glamorous parts of changing your life is the inevitable death of your old life. Whether it's personally, professionally, physically (health-wise), emotionally, spiritually, or relationship-ally, there are parts that are going to have to die for you to keep growing. In some cases, letting it die won't be enough, you'll have to kill them.... like wooden stake to the heart, shot with silver bullets, making a garlic necklace, put some concrete shoes on it kill it. These things won't be easy, but if you want to get to where you want to go, you're going to have to go through hell.

Everyone knows an Eeyore, someone who can suck the life out of a room, who always sees the dark cloud instead of the silver lining...someone whose outlook on life is negative and it's reflected in the words they use. Getting rid of your inner Eeyore and Eeyore tendencies is as simple as making a decision. Daily affirmations can assist you in shifting your mindset and your focus from the negative in life to the positive.

For the two transitory weeks between Arizona and Florida, I was unemployed and homeless. It was the most liberating two weeks I'd had in forever. The freedom that comes with with knowing that no matter whether or not the decision you make works out that you can always make another choice is one of the keys to a creating an abundant life.