Your Mom's House With Christina P. And Tom Segura

If you don't have teeth, why don't you sing a song? ALL black people can sing...is something a lot of white people believe. We're a couple of only a few who know this is a great mystery. After this episode you will also know the truth. We give you a FULL REPORT on how the THEO fundraiser was an overwhelming success. We are forever grateful to our friends, fans, Theo, and jeans. Memorable dumps are just that - great memories. We recap some of our fondest brown moments. REAL TALK - Gigolos is back!!! That's right, welcome BACK to Braceland! We have clips of the show and of Nick's NEW Sh***y song! Sex sounds! Fill Her Up and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Mommy Dome got a little more Mommier this week with our very special guest, Mary Lynn Rajskub (also a REAL mother). Rajskub definitely wore her jeans extra high for us and we couldn't be happier about it. She shares stories of starting out in the cold, hard streets of THE D. After standing up for herself against neighborhood toughs and winning multiple rap battles, Rajskub moved to San Francisco before working on iconic shows Mr. Show with Bob and David, and 24. We also cover a Dental Update, Tom's never-ending cough/illness and a revisit from OMG Seriousalahhh Maria. Yes, she gets fired up! Get ready to MOMMY OUT. It's so cold in the D! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Baby Jesus was born and so we celebrated and now we give you this: More laughs and good times with Canada's finest, Ian Bagg! We play amazing audio of two of the dumbest women alive - YEAH! Ian also shares what it's like to live where the sun never goes down - CRAZY. We talk about the state of comedy and we read the craziest email ever sent to us by one of Christina's family members! FYI - it's pretty offensive! Merry Christmas, bright light jeans! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is Sum Ting Wong? Me no no? When news organizations air racially offensive names we're the ones that say, "Thank you. Can we have some more, please." Do you need mo' PWESSHAH? Also, if you don't crash planes then you don't get pranks like this pulled on you. Aunty FeeFee is back letting the lord speak thru her heart. Her pen hits the paper and some unoriginal song comes out of her mouth. A Very DEEP and gripping BROWN TALK that will leave you wiping for days (down, of course). NEW Real Talk and the mommies discuss possibly doing additional episodes in the near future.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Nothing can prepare your ears for the Mad Flavor that is Joey "Coco" Diaz. Christina and Tom are elated to sit back and have their Uncle Joey share stories of crime, Hollywood, sex, and most importantly, taking dumps outside. You will only wish this episode never ended as Joey has us laughing for the entire duration. Pull your jeans up! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

International Jeans can be worn comfortably in this episode as we welcome world-traveling funny man and all around charming lad, Tom Rhodes into the Mommy Dome. Rhodes puts us at ease immediately and an easy-going conversation about anything and everything develops. We cover his amazing success in Holland including his television show, why the Dutch are not impressed with celebrity, Tom's family and their black voices, butt flutes, Fill Her Up, plane sharts and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Pull your jeans up over your shoulders - it's Mommy time! Tommy and Tina cover all the bases in this one. The duo talk trash about their producer, Blueban, they bring back fan-favorite, The Dick Detectives, read RESULTS from Fill Her Up/Seal Her Shut, give you a Where The Dudes At update, discuss their interest in Holocaust literature, play NEW Top Dog audio and much more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ryder Bones AKA Skyler Stone is in the building. We explore one of our favorite topics - crazy people! They're everywhere an often undiagnosed. Have fun out there! Skyler talks about his new movie, Walking with Dinosaurs and the show that got him started, CON. If you never saw it you missed out on the drive, dedication and manipulation that took Skyler from unknown to TV star in no time. Skyler's awesome voice inspires Tom and Christina to pursue voice over work themselves. Will they go for it? Plus, Dental Updates, Fill Her Up, an almost-Tom or Black and much more. Don't sleep on Mickey Streets! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tommy and Tina announce a big plan for international shows! Get ready, Africa! They talk Top Dog as well as Tom's sister and mother complete with tons of impressions - hold on to your nuts, fans of impressions! Dental Update galore with your listener emails including one that includes a breakthrough innovation (that will surely earn him billions)! We talk about sober braggers - who never shut up about their soberness - smoke some crack already, will ya?!? AND the moment you've all been waiting for, will we finally find the answer to the question that philosphers have been asking for YEARS - Where The Dudes At? Casey joins us for a very emotional conversation. Would You Rather makes a return! Grab some tissues and rejoice in your mommyhood!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ohhhh jeans, your jeans, how bright they are to have more jeans like mine! If you make it to 100 years of age chances are you'll wish you had some d**k or p***y, but will you have the courage to say that? One 100 year old lady made it clear that that's the only thing on her mind and it's glorious! Lucky for all of us the great TOP DOG joins us again and this may be his ALL-TIME greatest appearance. What begins as a discussion about public restrooms and which airports are the best to dump in soon becomes a discussion about the effects of war - and the thrill of killing the enemy. Top Dog talks about the bond formed from being in combat with one's fellow man and the joy of finding another man's head blown off. It's amazing to the 10th degree! No Loose Jeans Allowed! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Can someone fit their D**K AND Balls into a woman at once? It's something we explore at length in this very special Friday release episode. If you haven't yet figured it out this episode is very much NSFW or for those of you that listen on speakers in public places - this audio will definitely lead to you getting fired or losing friends/family. If every one knows that you're bald then when you wear a wig we all know that's not your hair, Jason Alexander. Pretty girls will always be annoying if you allow them to be. When you ignore the stupidity that oozes out of their mouths you're helping them become more interesting. This is the secret to life.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Put on your lovey jeans, Jeans! It's ValenTIMES day! Today is the official kissy face day in America according to the US constitution Abraham Lincoln and Benjamin Franklin were kissing in a bathtub when George Washington walked in on them and said "Less war, more Kissies, guys." And that's how that happened. This episode covers the jammy jams that are now all about droppin some D in warm, welcoming place (the essence of Valentimes). The Mommy's also try to make a love connection happen in the real world! Comedian and friend Erik Lundy is looking for love and we want to help him. Listen and perhaps, PERHAPS, love him! Run a bath, light some candles and get ready for the love from both of us!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Happy Birthday, Lady America! Today Mommy United States pushed our country out of her HOO-hole! Set a sparkler on fire to celebrate! We happily welcome Ari "Bear Jew" Shaffir into the Mommy Dome. We talk exercise and how much we like/don't like doing it, embarassing moments on stage, how censoring curse words from your children is fucking stupid and also how adults who are offended by cursing are cunts. An impromptu Dick Detectives comes out of nowhere! Fill Her Up/Seal Her Shut athletes addition! We tease the return of Casey "Where The Dudes At?" and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jeans! We hope 2014 is treating you well. I mean, if it isn't, that's terrible because it literally just started. This episode/momisode we are giving you what would normally be a bonus! It's LIVE from San Diego. Hope you enjoy it! Sharkeisha, NO! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And what is your name, little mommy? Tommy and Tina talk about names that must be difficult to live with, most of which are not suitable for print. The myth that West Coast "dry heat" is tolerable and not as bad as humid heat is addressed with passion! We revisit the legacy of Michael Jackson - greatest entertainer who also definitely molested kids and we share audio about him that states that Michael also "did some dancing." We Fill It Up and Seal It Shut with super heroes and Sci-Fi characters, we explore why in the world softcore porn exits and we finish things off with more Top Dog audio! Set it off in this muthafucka!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Mommies are back from MIA! We recap our trip which included a fun sitdown with Top Dog and Charo (audio included)! One of the greatest documentary films of all time that is near and dear to our hearts, Stevie, is discussed, complete with incredible audio selects. Watch out for Snake! Stevie, whom the documentary is based on is also a piece of shit. This leads us to a conversation about molestors including former PSU coach, Jerry Sandusky. We conclude that nobody would care if all child molestors were set on fire! Get your mom on! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Blue jeans, Blue jeans, oh where are thou Blue jeans? If you liked the first bonus ep we released get ready to lose your mind with the second one. Christina's dad came into our studio for nearly 2 hours and dropped so much science we both have degrees. It's heartwarming, hilarious and incredible insight into what made Tina mommy who she is today (she's like a dog - you'll see). Plus we visit the new Weiner scandal and read some of his hysterical (creepy) texts and NEW Fill Her Up/Seal Her Shut and for the first time ever we take YOUR calls. Sorry for the call waiting beeps. We're figuring it out, but we loved hearing your love issues. We love her! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Rejoice! Our neighbor wasn't cooking for the hour in which we recorded this show! We discuss the horror that is the sound of an old man climaxing (WARNING: audio example is included!). We talk about the world's greatest sport - competitive eating! How many episodes of Your Mom's House can you fit in your stomach!?! Real Talk - Virgin Diaries! Ginger talk is back! Are you ready for some Red? A special Fill Her Up/Seal Her Shut and so much more! Crunchy Black, stay up!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Awwww yeah, just a couple of mommies sittin around with their jeans up. We get right to it quick on this one. Breaking down the White Tigress takes time and we didn't get to do that last time, so we really give her her due on this one - she really wants her reward! Tom and Sushi seem to be a recipe for Shirleying himself that the Asians see coming and we appreciate that. We discuss the hilarious comedy Human Centipede that we hadn't seen until recently and we also visit why Sweet Brown never made it on the show until now - IS SHE EVEN REAL?!?! Plus Tog Dog drops science about his weightlifting days and more! Be The Best Mommy You Can Be. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're the man now, dawg! Tommy and Tina talk about their recent travels and how lame it is to watch old dudes hit on young girls by trying to sound like they're young too. The lesson: act your age or better yet - just do you, dawg. Christina admits to knowing nothing about current affairs and especially about Kennebunkport. The real treat here is Top Dog gives gold. He talks farts, brown, toilet paper, and how he used to pick up chicks. Guys, you're going to want to take notes cause you're about to start getting laid way more. Bankers beware! And the official Podcast T-shirt makes its debut! Wipe Down! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices