How To Matter

(Roger Fisher and William Ury) You can change the game. You start by changing your attitude. Separate the people from the problem. Attack the problem and never the people. Focus on interests, not on positions. Invent options that benefit both sides. What is your Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement, your BATNA? (Dr. Norman Vincent Peale) Always play with abandon. The next time you're faced with a problem, try a new approach. Make up your mind to win and nothing else. It is always too soon to quit. All the resources you need are in your mind. Failure comes most often to people who are unable to focus themselves. We tend to become precisely like that which we habitually imagine ourselves to be. … (Robert M. Bramson) Do not automatically respond by trying to solve difficult people's problems. Do not automatically agree with difficult people even if you think they are right. Never argue with difficult people. Always feed back the difficult person's main points before you do anything else.

If you are serious about wanting our relationship to work well for both of us: Help me get what I want and need, help me succeed. Assume I am trying to do well, trying to succeed. Do not assume you are a better judge of how things are for me than I am. Do not use yourself as the standard for how I should think, feel, or behave. Hold me responsible only for what I can actually do and can control. Value who I am, my style and personality. Assume I believe what I say and do not intentionally misrepresent anything. Respect my feelings and opinions. Be sensitive to my motivations and interests. Give me the benefit of the doubt when things are not clear or certain. If you value me and our relationship: Make time for me. Accept me as is without trying to change me. Respect my ideas and opinions. If you want me to be comfortable with you and with our relationship: Be someone I can depend on. Do not expect me to think, feel and behave just like you. Spend more time telling me what you think I am doi

Note that these 20 Reasons To Be a Democrat in 2020 are in no particular order and that it is not necessary to sign onto all 20 reasons. If you agree with or at least lean toward most of the reasons and don’t strongly disagree with the rest, being a Democrat in 2020 is likely the right choice for you. Reason 1: You believe that it is important for business to flourish, but also believe that there are other aspects of society that deserve and must receive equal and sometimes greater consideration, when formulating government policy and regulation. Reason 2: You believe that whether to carry a pregnancy to term is and should be the woman’s choice. Reason 3: You believe that the accumulation of wealth by individuals and companies is an inevitable product of capitalism and should be limited and to some extent redistributed through regulation and taxation. Reason 4: You believe that the nation’s natural resources and public areas should be protected from unsustainable use or exploitation through legislation

Note that these 20 Reasons To Be a Republican are in no particular order and that it is not necessary to sign onto all 20 reasons. If you agree with or at least lean toward most of the reasons and don’t strongly disagree with the rest, being a Republican in 2020 is likely for you. Reason 1: You believe that what is good for business is good for America. Policies and regulations that are pro business are acceptable, while those that are not should be eliminated. Reason 2: Abortion is eval and immoral. Reason 3: The accumulation of wealth by individuals and companies is a natural product of successful capitalism and should not be limited or penalized by undue regulation or taxation. Reason 4: The nation’s natural resources are vast and should be available to and accessible by those who are in a position to maximize their use as a key driver of the economic engine. Reason 5: You believe that buying, selling and possessing guns is an unqualified Constitutionally guaranteed right of every American adult and s

Step 1: Be sure I know who you are, who you represent and who you expect to benefit from the time I spend with you. The first step has three important parts. First, I am more likely to trust you if I know who you are. It may seem not to matter but it always does. At a minimum, unless you are sure I already know, tell me your name. Add more information about who you are if you think it will help me to better know who you are or if I ask. Second, tell me who you represent. It may seem obvious given the context, but don’t just assume. This is most important when you are representing more than yourself and your own interests. Third, make it clear who you think will benefit if I spend this time with you. Do you think I will personally benefit? Do you think my company or business will benefit? Do you think some third party or organization will benefit? Do you think specific people will benefit or perhaps the community more generally? Who benefits? Step 2: Give me a way to verify that you are who you say you are

I’m wondering if you are finding the state of politics as confusing as I do. Maybe you have it all figured out, but I sure don’t. It’s a lot like peeling an onion, but only sort of. When peeling an onion, I take off one layer and am not surprised that the next level is still an onion. There is not much to be confused about as I peel away to the core. The onion is still an onion. When peeling away the layers of politics, I suppose it’s all still politics. I can’t figure much else. On the surface, we have the Repubs and the Demos. As best I can tell, the Repubs want as little government and government interference as possible. Since they haven’t always been in charge, government has gotten out of hand, from their perspective. The best they can do is to refuse to support any new regulations or government funded services and eliminate or at least limit as many existing regulations and services as they can. The Demos Believe that the Repubs are wrong. They believe that government is here to make sure that each o

I resolve to be more thoughtful about when and if people are taking advantage of me and to be more cautious about my tendency to go along to get along. My issue here is twofold. First, an unfortunate element of human nature is that letting people take advantage of me simply encourages them to repeat the behavior in the future. The more people take advantage of me, the more people will take advantage of me. Second, being taken advantage of evokes anger, frustration, resentment, and related energy draining emotions and feelings. Along with being unpleasant, these emotions and feelings are unproductive and divert my attention and energy. For me, the bill associated with letting people take advantage of me is quite simply too high. I still want to be cooperative and helpful but not at the cost of my sense of well-being. I resolve to be less willing to argue with anyone about anything. I know that people who argue with anyone, anywhere, at any time are attempting to manipulate and control others by confusing them

I resolve to be more positive as I demonstrate my respect for and pleasure with the successes and accomplishments of other people. The key here for me is to respect the achievements of others and actively demonstrate my respect and the pleasure I experience when they do well. Respect in this context includes holding the other person and the action or accomplishment in high esteem, feeling delighted, and actively expressing approval. I resolve to resist the temptation to expect others to always do as well as they sometimes do. I know that is both unreasonable and counterproductive. The unspoken or perhaps spoken message is, "You aren't giving it your best effort. You should always do as well as you did before. This applies to a sales person making an unusually big sale, a scientist making a new discovery, a team winning the big game, and so on but also applies to less consequential events and activities. It's appropriate to expect excellent performance but I know that expecting exceptional or perfect performa

I resolve to be even more accepting of and tolerant with people with differing personalities, traits and characteristics, personal styles, individual values and beliefs, and for their idiosyncrasies. I will also work at better managing fluctuations in people's moods, points of view, and interests. I resolve that especially with friends, co-workers and family, I will always assume that they will succeed, assume that they will do things correctly, assume that they will give everything they do their best effort. I'm surprised when other people make mistakes, give things less than their best effort, don't succeed. Since I expect success, I'll take on some degree of personal responsibility for mistakes of others, lackluster effort, non-success. My first take on the situation is that I haven't been smart enough or skilled enough to effectuate the right outcome. For that reason, I'll work with the person to identify the deficiencies. When possible, I'll modify my performance so that I can facilitate the other per

I resolve to quit avoiding dealing with conflict, disagreements, and difficult issues for fear of upsetting someone. That doesn't mean that I'll just start charging ahead insensitively or inconsiderately. It means that I'll be dealing firmly with whatever the issue or concern is while remaining sensitive to the feelings and interests of others. I resolve to take the initiative more and to be less cautious and more willing to take a chance on me. I'll still be cautious but without becoming paralyzed by the potential downside of speaking up or taking action. I'll pursue my goals and interests continuously but incrementally, testing and evaluating my progress. I think this approach will better assure moving toward my goals without exposing myself to unnecessary and avoidable jeopardy. I'll no longer simply play it safe but will play it cautiously. I won't proceed haphazardly or impulsively, risking not giving myself time and opportunity to process, analyze, predict, evaluate, and modify actions and circumstance

Most all of us know Twas The Night Before Christmas and like to be reminded of our childhood and Santa. Do you have three minutes to listen again? If so, Oliver’s reading is a fun reminder.

Please join me and Kevin for a Relaxing time beside the hearth. If you want, you can download the MP3 file at GaryCrow.net to add to your Christmas collection.

WOW! A tree in the house, excitement everywhere, and Santa is coming. Yes indeed, the jolly old elf himself. Christmas is indeed a magical time of year. But when did we start to doubt, begin to loose the faith? For most of us, it was about the time we got to kindergarten. A question here, an overheard comment there and our confidence began to crack. But that isn’t the most important point. Let’s listen and learn.

Sometimes it is nice to fix a beverage of your choice, sit back in your favorite easy chair beside a quiet fire and just think about Christmas and all that is good in our lives. If that is accompanied by Kevin’s meditative music, life is nearly perfect. Give it a try.

Yes indeed, it's time for that list again. Yes, that list. You know the one. It's the one that tracks naughty and nice. Well, as it turns out, not everyone is happy about that list. Let's hear from Ryan who has what may be some reasonable objections.

There are many ways to say Merry Christmas and even more who have shared their thoughts and perspectives on Christmas. Merry Christmas in Three Parts shares many of those snippets of wisdom for our thoughtful enjoyment. In addition, the music is worth a listen all by itself. Merry Christmas!

Thanks Giving is a time for family, turkey, fun and tediousness intertwined with joy. It is also a time for a gentle thought or so in the midst of the confusion. Please relax and enjoy.

This episode of Audio Tidbits is merely a conversation among the podcast team, sharing their perspectives on this and that. The episode concludes with a really nice, quiet tune that will leave you relaxed and ready for whatever comes next for you. Enjoy.

Is it ancient wisdom or merely silly silly talk? Perhaps a little of each. Give it a go.

Welcome to Audio Tidbits. For more tidbits, check out GaryCrow.net. In this episode, the first piece focuses on how jerks excel at being jerks and, by implication, how we can avoid being seen as jerks – a good outcome for all Tidbiters. The second piece explores why some children grow up to be leaders while most don’t. It really does have a lot to do with us. Of course, there are a couple of tunes from Kevin, as usual. Click play and give it a listen.