Heightscast

The art of mentoring is not just for teachers and coaches, but also parents—who can never really be out of mentoring mode. In a recent Substack article, Alvaro de Vicente named five pitfalls for our attempts at mentoring young men. This week, he talks us through some of the takeaways, reminding us that mentoring is not a profound lecture but an ongoing conversation, and the goal is not to modify but to form. Chapters: 3:49 What mentoring is 4:35 Conversation as the basis 8:55 Parents: always in mentor mode 10:13 Presence over “meaningful content” 16:01 Weighty conversations 18:25 Daily conversations 21:24 Love unlocks a child 30:48 Urgent conversations 33:34 When to mandate 35:36 When to end the conversation 37:33 Formation is a game of inches Links: Men in the Making, Alvaro de Vicente’s Substack Five Conversational Temptations Mentors and Parents Commonly Face by Alvaro de Vicente Peace Like a River by Leif Enger Only the Lover Sings by Josef Pieper Also on the Forum: Having Better Mentoring Conversations

In the broader society, mistrust increasingly defines the parent-teacher relationship. But it doesn’t have to be this way. As a Heights parent and seventh grade core teacher, Kyle Blackmer shares a practical vision for sound parent-teacher relationships. It begins with understanding parents and teachers in their true, cooperative roles for a child’s good. And it ends with developing real friendship between parents and teachers as they pursue this good together. Chapters: 1:29 Decline of the parent-teacher relationship 4:51 Parents’ true role as primary educators 10:18 How teachers relate to parents 13:40 How parents relate to teachers 18:28 Shared understanding of the goal 20:52 School as a community 26:39 Building parent-teacher relationships Links: We Need to Talk About Parent-School Relationships by Daniel Buck Also on the Forum: Partnering with Parents: Some Implications for Parents as Primary Educators by Michael Moynihan Communicating with Parents by Kyle Blackmer The Role of Parents in the Conspirac

“One of the best places to cultivate a Catholic worldview in the hearts and minds of young people … is in the backcountry,” writes Fr. John Nepil in his recent release, To Heights and unto Depths. Fr. Nepil, who has led dozens of group treks through the mountains of Colorado and said Mass atop every fourteener in the state, joins us to talk about adventure and a young man’s theological education. The backcountry, he says, is rich in lessons of creation, dependence, suffering, and beauty—restoring our sense of being created and loved by a self-giving God. Chapters: 5:18 What draws us to the mountains 9:04 “Nature” vs. “creation” 13:16 Fatherhood 16:00 Dependence 20:44 Cultivating a worldview 25:54 Guiding the conversation (or not) 28:13 Redemptive suffering 31:23 Starting with beauty 38:59 Physical vs. metaphysical limits 46:46 Men doing hard things together 48:29 The backstory of the book 50:39 A habit of reading Links: To Heights and unto Depths by Fr. John Nepil Rethinking Mary in the New Testament by Edwar

How many times a day do I tell my son what to do next? In this rebroadcast from 2015, our Head of Middle School Andrew Reed offers his ideas on cultivating an environment at home (and in the classroom) where boys can develop their own academic will. This entails not only greater freedom but also—just as necessary—a close and reliable family bond. Mr. Reed explains how this counterintuitive pair works together to teach a boy to choose the good for himself. Chapters: 6:32 The will: a marker for success 9:02 Overmanaging: telling them what to do 10:54 Boys grow from experience and challenge 12:33 The indifferent boy 14:43 Prompt the will with a question 17:31 Create an environment of freedom 20:16 But keep a close family bond 22:33 Manage the influences 24:21 A parenting examination of conscience 27:10 Patience and optimism 29:00 The will, freedom, and good academic habits Links: Developing Academic Habits: A Guide for Parents by Andrew Reed The Key to Success? Grit, a TED Talk by Angela Lee Duckworth, May 201

To help our seniors synthesize the many ideas, events, and texts they’ve surveyed across high school—and to help them better understand their own cultural moment—Heights teachers have developed a senior core class titled “History of Western Thought.” In this episode, Upper School Head Michael Moynihan and long-time teacher Austin Hatch discuss the course and its guide-text: Carl Trueman’s Strange New World (2022). HOWT covers essential texts from Plato’s Republic to Pope Benedict XVI’s “Regensburg Address.”. Its goal is not only to prepare students for college work but to prepare them to meaningfully engage with the culture they will inherit, understanding its origins and its underlying assumptions. Chapters: 00:02:31 History of Western Thought course 00:08:10 The “HOWT” syllabus 00:11:31 Strange New World, a primary source guide 00:14:13 Teens and the intellectual tradition 00:16:39 Seeing ideologies in motion 00:18:48 Pairing philosophical threads 00:27:26 Understanding our cultural moment 00:29:25 Pushing

Properly understood, the imagination is not something you escape to; it’s something you draw upon every day to make decisions, understand events, and communicate. This week on HeightsCast, Dr. Matthew Mehan explores the purposes of the imagination and the habits of wit and wisdom that help us insightfully process our world. We may think of the imagination at odds with reality. But, he says, cultivating the imagination actually makes us more capable, “wittier” thinkers about reality. Chapters: 00:03:05 Defining the imagination 00:05:31 “Good mother wit” 00:08:25 How LLMs undermine the wit 00:11:05 Beyond the “moral imagination” 00:15:33 Imagination of the Founding Fathers 00:20:03 Aesop and governing your animal spirits 00:24:28 The mistakes of Naturalism 00:27:57 18th century ABCs 00:32:13 Role models for the civic imagination 00:40:38 Who chooses what goes in 00:43:26 Reality educates us 00:46:39 Recommendations for parents 00:52:24 Metaphor control: guarding your hope 01:02:33 Humor and joy Links: mythical

“… the more I found that while it had established a rule and order, the chief aim of that order was to give room for good things to run wild.” G. K. Chesterton   This week we feature a rebroadcast of a 2021 talk from our lower school head, Colin Gleason. Mr. Gleason addressed the topic of discipline using decades of experience in the Valley, converting the lessons he shares with his homeroom teachers into ideas for parents at home. Ultimately, his guidance is all about bringing a long-term vision and great love into our attitudes of discipline, willing the good for our boys with all earnest humility. Whether you’re thinking the kitchen or the classroom, Mr. Gleason encourages us to foster a culture of respectful dominion. Chapters: 3:54 The parenting crisis 7:04 Defining discipline 9:20 Boys, immaturity 14:44 Raising them to our level 16:30 Unanxious leadership 18:53 Things Valley teachers don’t say 20:47 Freedom via boundaries 24:10 Prudent corrections 27:47 Give options 28:47 Establish a culture 30:40 R

In 2008, Tom Vander Woude died saving the life of his youngest son. But this radical self-gift was really the culmination of a quiet life of daily virtue with a heart of faith. Chris Vander Woude, the fifth of Tom and Mary Ellen’s seven sons, now carries the story of his father’s life and death across the country, as well as sharing the process towards canonization that began this year with the assignment of a postulator in Rome. Chris joins us today to speak about fatherhood and the extraordinary man who exemplified it for him. Chris invites you to reach out to him at 5thvwson@gmail.com or info@tvwguild.org. Chapters: 00:04:50 The life of Tom Vander Woude 00:07:34 His sacrificial death 00:17:17 His character 00:23:23 Physical strength: one’s readiness for action 00:28:52 Faith: one’s trust and mission 00:39:18 Fatherhood and Down syndrome 00:50:52 Father of seven sons: tandem work 01:00:10 Tom’s discipline: priorities and good humor 01:04:39 Hosting and friend culture 01:07:44 Tom as a husband 01:13:03 Bala

They know we love them; but do our children sense that we like them? And how does that relate to their formation? In the intense season of togetherness that is summer break, headmaster Alvaro de Vicente recommends four practices to help us live more in the present and enjoy our children—even when the anxieties of life come knocking. Chapters: 00:02:17 Distinction between loving and liking 00:06:49 Four tools for cultivating “like”: 00:08:02 1. Express triple-gratitude 00:10:45 2. Spend unnecessary time 00:15:25 3. Find the humor 00:17:15 4. Pray for the grace 00:18:38 Why liking them matters 00:22:59 Living in the present: an antidote to anxiety 00:29:12 The “four tools” for teachers 00:35:42 Whether humor belongs in bad situations 00:41:14 Don’t take the bad too personally 00:46:03 Emotional stabilizers: marriage, friendship, prayer Links: I Believe in Love: A Personal Retreat Based on St. Thérèse de Lisieux by Fr. Jean C. J. D’Elbée Peace Like a River by Leif Enger The Mysterious Case of Rudolf Diesel: Gen

Months ago, Heights teacher Joe Lanzilotti took up a prodigious project: reviewing the body of popular literature on boys’ education. Partway through his journey, Dr. Lanzilotti catches us up on the diversity of scientific, biological, psychological, and moral perspectives—and how they cohere into a bigger picture of boys and where their developmental needs differ from those of girls. Framing the evidence with papal guidance from the last century gives us a solid starting-point to consider the education of boys according to their nature. Chapters: 00:04:09 The timeline of research on boys 00:08:26 Why attend to the sex difference 00:10:36 Definition of a man: fatherhood, sonship 00:15:06 Sex differences manifest early 00:21:05 The secular evidence supports natural law 00:28:51 The importance of role models 00:32:10 Single-sex education 00:34:55 Athletic trials 00:36:10 Male friendship 00:42:11 The collaboration of men and women 00:50:25 Parents, teachers: be not afraid 00:59:40 Educate boys according to their

The ever-changing tech landscape and the ever-growing research on interactive screens means that the topic must come up anew year after year. For parents trying to keep pace, Clare Morell has compiled the most up-to-date research into her recent release, The Tech Exit. Armed with the facts and interviews with dozens of Tech Exit families, she encourages parents that it’s never too late to reverse course on smartphones. United with other families trying to do the same, we can replace the new “smartphone milestone” with real milestones that emphasize the goods of the real world. Chapters: 00:03:56 Getting the metaphor right 00:08:32 The myth of time limits, parental controls 00:11:24 Boys and online extortion 00:14:23 A culture inherent to smartphone use 00:17:51 A parent’s willpower vs. Big Tech 00:22:30 The alternatives: feature phones, landlines 00:31:25 Not your mama’s internet 00:34:43 Brain drain: new research on attention, making memories 00:39:41 How to reverse course with teens 00:43:01 The 30-day dig

In 1858, six-year-old Edgardo Mortara is forcibly removed from his family’s home in accordance with civil and canon law. His Jewish family’s legal appeal invokes, to great effect, the theology of St. Thomas Aquinas. Dr. Matthew Tapie and former Heights teacher Dr. Lionel Yaceczko join us this week to pull apart this difficult case with the assistance of St. Thomas, who gives a theological basis for parental authority in accordance with natural law—a useful perspective for our culture today. Chapters: 00:04:06 The Mortara Case (1858) 00:11:12 The personality of an original document 00:15:23 The Mortaras’ appeal to Thomas Aquinas 00:17:13 Handling difficult history 00:21:36 Thomas Aquinas: natural law and parental duties 00:33:39 Parallel roles of educator, translator 00:39:07 Gradual handoff of parental authority to the child 00:46:06 Why the Mortara Case resurfaces today Links: The Mortara Case and Thomas Aquinas’s Defense of Jewish Parental Authority by Dr. Matthew Tapie Dependent Rational Animals: Why Hum

In a world competing for our attention, our guest this week admits: “It’s probably harder to read novels now than it ever was.” But their value cannot be overstated. The novel’s unique humanity, its careful and open treatment of the human experience, helps us to develop a sympathetic imagination, tuning our hearts and minds in a way that non-fiction argument simply cannot. Christopher Scalia, author of 13 Novels Conservatives Will Love (but Probably Haven’t Read), makes the case that it is a distinctly conservative interest to explore the Western tradition through fiction. Recommendations in hand, he invites adults to refresh their reading list with novels—from the very inception of the form up to the present. Chapters: 1:47 The great book rut 4:11 Novels: the medium of recent Western tradition 5:30 The 18th-century bildungsroman 9:47 “Conservative” themes 16:18 The American dream in My Ántonia 22:39 Miraculous realism in Peace Like a River 29:02 Acknowledging the existence of evil 31:44 Wonder and encounter

As we conclude the school year, parents are turning their sights to summer and the much-anticipated family vacation. We bear such hope for rest and connection on these trips—but we can too easily end up chasing a bucket-list. Head of Mentoring Joe Cardenas offers a timely intervention for our vacation planning, reminding us to plan for people before places. Bringing his own family traditions and Crescite Week experiences to the question, he offers a new set of questions to help us plan and enjoy a truly transformative, restorative vacation for all members of the family. Chapters: 00:02:57 The anti-bucket list approach 00:08:23 “You need a change of soul” 00:10:11 Rest 00:13:46 Linger at table 00:15:18 Soak in a limited itinerary 00:17:10 Build in time for reflection 00:19:53 Better vacation planning questions 00:23:27 See it as a pilgrimage 00:28:33 Plan for people before places 00:34:55 Naturally layer in meaning, traditions 00:42:08 Share the highs and lows 00:45:12 The key: to plan ahead of time Also on th

As more families scrutinize their post-high school options for virtue and value, the field has perhaps never been wider. Choosing a path carefully, with the right balance of priorities, should be the goal for every high school graduate. Before serving as our headmaster, Mr. Alvaro de Vicente was the Heights college counselor. Over the last few decades, he’s witnessed an exciting shift in the way students and their parents can evaluate, prioritize, and choose a path after graduation that serves the whole person well. And while colleges are responding more and more to these good demands, Mr. de Vicente also explores how high schools and employers could keep pace with the changes. Chapters: 2:32 Am I on the education treadmill? 4:16 Purposes of college: personal growth, financial growth 8:32 Keeping the two purposes in proper proportion 12:20 The wider field of alternatives 15:42 How high schools must respond 19:35 Peer groups on the alternative path 24:22 If virtue and value aren’t in balance 27:33 The future g

Human reason: what is it? How does it cooperate with faith and the will? How can we distinguish between authentic reason and its counterfeits—particularly in an age of relativism, pluralism, scientism, and artificial intelligence? Here to unpack a heavy topic is Fr. Gregory Pine, a Dominican friar, instructor at Dominican House of Studies in Washington, DC. You may recognize his voice as a frequent contributor to podcasts like Godsplaining and Pints with Aquinas. Following a talk with our juniors, Fr. Pine graciously joined us in the studio to offer a wealth of ideas on this natural capacity and inclination to understand God’s world. Chapters: 00:05:19 Defining human reason 00:08:23 Modern preference for practical reason 00:12:17 Modern preference for relativism 00:17:18 Faith, reason, and the will assist each other 00:24:05 Teaching apologetics today 00:28:26 Finding truth in a pluralist world 00:34:59 AI: a counterfeit of intellect 00:41:30 AI: an anthropology 00:44:36 Closing thoughts from Arthur Brooks,

Prayer is not prescriptive. So how could we hope to teach our children a practice that St. Thérèse called “a surge of the heart”? Lower school head Colin Gleason suggests that it’s about creating opportunities and options, so that our sons can naturally make a life of prayer their own. In his talk from our Parenting Conference in April, Mr. Gleason lays out ten very practical ways to sow the seeds of prayer into our family’s daily routines—in formal and spontaneous ways. He ends by reminding us that prayer is not a program. It is an orientation. And whatever we parents approach with consistency and sincerity, “the house will be filled with the fragrance of it” (cf. John 12:3). Chapters: 00:05:28 Prayer as a relationship 00:09:53 A family plan for daily prayer 00:12:30 Introducing them to mental prayer 00:15:00 The Psalms: a handbook 00:20:37 Making opportunities and options 00:24:20 Asking them to pray for us 00:26:57 Stories for the prayer imagination 00:29:52 Prayer journals 00:31:07 Discussing prayer 00:3

We often speak of a pedagogical friendship between teacher and student: the earnest desire for the student’s good, the collaborative adventure through difficult material, and the trust built thereby. But we shouldn’t oversimplify this friendship: it’s not merely to be liked by our students. From rookie teachers to decades-long veterans, we can all feel that pull to be the “favorite teacher.” But what kind of frameworks should we keep in mind as we serve our students well? This week, Heights Headmaster Alvaro de Vicente unpacks the very human desire to be liked, the perils of seeking popularity, and what our students really need from us. Chapters: 00:03:16 The student is not for your gain 00:05:18 Including social-emotional gains 00:11:10 Practical pitfalls of seeking popularity 00:15:31 Why we want to be liked 00:19:21 Give the respect you want 00:21:46 Like your students 00:26:03 Where to find stable satisfaction Featured opportunities: Parents Conference: Fostering Our Sons’ Faith at The Heights School (A

“Offer it up!” Do we receive that invitation with a wince or a nod? Heights Assistant Headmaster Tom Royals invites us to examine our approach to Lent and “offering it up”—with an emphasis on offering. Mr. Royals reflects on the “happy obligation” that is the habit of sacrifice, and he considers the liturgical seasons of Lent, Passiontide, Eastertide, and ordinary time as gifts from the Church. Chapters: 4:21 “Offer it up” 8:37 Look to the cross 10:59 Offering it up as a pattern and practice 12:47 Keeping the Lord company 16:22 Our reactions to setbacks 20:57 History of Lent: an ecclesial framework 23:22 Our Lent so far 25:44 Lent in the family culture 28:24 Easter: the feast of feasts 32:02 These next ten days Links: Holy Rosary (with images) by Josemaria Escriva Featured opportunities: Parents Conference: Fostering Our Sons’ Faith at The Heights School (April 12, 2025) Teaching Essentials Workshop at The Heights School (June 16-20, 2025) Convivium for Teaching Men at The Heights School (November 13-15, 202

As a Valley veteran, Tom Steenson has seen patterns emerge from his two decades of parent-teacher conferences. He invites us to sit down for a not-so-hypothetical conference featuring the recurring advice he offers to the parents of his lower school students. In short, Mr. Steenson hopes to encourage parents in their parental authority and to help them identify (or sometimes even invent) opportunities for growth in their young men. Chapters: 3:25 Encourage parental instincts 7:03 Trust in the long game 9:02 “Better late than early”TM 11:38 Exercise his accountability 20:05 Let him help others 22:48 Don’t eliminate friction 24:05 Beware the schedule 26:36 Help him want to read Featured opportunities: Parents Conference: Fostering Our Sons’ Faith at The Heights School (April 12, 2025) Teaching Essentials Workshop at The Heights School (June 16-20, 2025) Also on the Forum: A Guide to Parent-Teacher Conferences by Kyle Blackmer Partnering with Parents by Michael Moynihan Communicating with Parents by Kyle Blac