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Can you be addicted to love, or sex, and - if so - what does that mean? How does the way that your parents raised you - especially when you were really young - affect your sex life? How do you define your own version of healthy sex - so that you’re not just following along with what culture has handed you? And finally - how do you step away from the dopamine and novelty-seeking of dating - and, when you find someone, make the switch to a monogamous relationship? In today’s episode, we are speaking to one of the world’s experts on sex and neurobiology - and especially the treatment of Sex and Love Addiction - Dr. Alexandra Katehakis. Alex’s book, Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation, is a must-read for therapists looking to understand the latest on how to approach sex addiction treatment in therapy, and her work at the Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles fosters a sex-positive approach to re-discovering sex in a way that’s right for you. Alex is also the author of Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot, Healthy

Does perfectionism get in the way in your relationship? How do you navigate the gap between how things are - and how you'd like them to be? What do you do if you find yourself being judgmental of your partner - or if they're judging you? In this week's episode, we talk about how to get related to the imperfection in your relationship in a way that will foster deep connection and compassion. Rather than getting lost in shame, and blame, discover a way to bring vibrancy to your relationship by getting clear, courageous, and vulnerable about who you truly are. Also, in this episode we are starting a new series, featuring the music of talented, lesser-known musicians as a way of diving even more deeply into the experience of whatever we're talking about on the show. If you know an amazing song by a local, regional, or independent act that's relevant to the conversation about relationships, communication, dating, sex - etc. - let me know! If it feels right (and the musicians would like the exposure of being on th

If you’re going to seek help from a therapist (or coach), then how do you set yourself up for success? How do you find the right therapist? And how has the process of therapy evolved to achieve better and better results? To answer these questions and more, we have a return visit from Dr. Jeffrey Zeig, the Director of the Milton Erickson Foundation. Along with having been a student of Milton Erickson, and being an incredibly skilled therapist and trainer in his own right, Jeff is also the architect of the Evolution of Psychotherapy conference, which pulls together the top minds in the field of psychotherapy to discuss what’s working, what isn’t, and to collaborate on enhancing what’s possible through the art and science of psychotherapy. As a bonus, we also chat about how you can change your negative habits and addictions into positive habits and addictions! Our goal with today’s episode is to give you the best sense of how to get the most out of a decision to seek professional support for yourself and your re

When things get tough in your relationship, how do you get through it, to the other side - in a way that leaves you better than you were before? Whether it's an everyday conflict, or a true crisis - there's a way to find the healing that will keep you from repeating unhealthy patterns, and allow you to experience an even deeper intimacy with your partner. In this episode I explore, in practical terms, how to find your way to the light at the end of the tunnel. Just because you find your way into some darkness doesn't mean that things are over in your relationship. Instead, it might just be a temporary stop on the way to a destination where you find yourself more capable and healthy than ever before. Today we will cover the important ingredients that will help get you there. Resources Free Guide to my Top 3 Relationship Communication Secrets. These communication secrets will help you build connection in challenging moments – and are helpful in relationship, as well as in your communication with friends, coll

Have you ever received an apology that didn’t quite cut it? That made things even worse? Plus, let’s face it - life can be messy. Despite your best intentions, it is nearly impossible to avoid causing harm or hurt every so often. So - when is an apology necessary? How do you apologize effectively? Isn’t “I’m sorry” enough? What are the key ingredients to be able to repair a relationship in a way that makes your connection stronger? And what is the place of forgiveness in all of this? In today’s episode, we’re chatting with Dr. Harriet Lerner, author of the bestselling The Dance of Anger. Her new book, Why Won’t You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts, is a direct, insightful guide on the art of the apology - with some surprising truths that can help you create healing when you need it most.   If you’re interested in checking out our first episode together, here is a link to Episode 12 - How to Turn Your Anger into a Force for Good with Harriet Lerner. It is never too late to apologize: The

Do you ever feel alone in challenging times? There's an art to weaving a web of support for yourself, so that the people in your life know how to show up for you. And so that the people showing up for you actually do it in a way that truly supports you - and helps you move towards a more positive, life-affirming way of being. In today's episode, we talk about how to ask for help, how NOT to ask for help - and how to figure out exactly what you're asking for. We also address how to answer when someone is asking you for support. You don't have to do it alone, and in today's episode, you will discover ways to strengthen your connections to get through the tough times - as well as to celebrate the great times. Resources Free Guide to my Top 3 Relationship Communication Secrets. These communication secrets will help you build connection in challenging moments - and are helpful in relationship, as well as in your communication with friends, colleagues, and family. Sponsors This episode is sponsored, in part, by

How can you use the techniques of tantra in your everyday, busy life? How do you get off the “getting off” grid when it comes to sex, and find deeper, more satisfying connection with your partner? What is “relaxed entry” - and how can that revolutionize your sex life? In this episode, we receive a return visit from Diana Richardson, one of the world’s experts on tantra, and author of The Heart of Tantric Sex (among many other books on tantra). We talk about how to make tantra practical - along with a discussion of “relaxed entry” - which can revolutionize your sex life whether or not you’re dealing with erectile dysfunction. We talk about tantra in same-sex relationships, how to have sex without it being focused on “excitement” - and...much more! If you’re interested in hearing my earlier episodes with Diana Richardson, please check out: Episode 2 - Discover the Power of Slow Sex Episode 10 - How to Get Off the Rollercoaster and Get Back to Love Cultivate body perception: Our overarching cultural educat

Is it normal to have conflict in your relationship? How do you know if what you're experiencing is OK - or a sign of doom? And, even more importantly - what do you do when conflict occurs to lead to an even deeper connection with your partner? In this episode, I cover what NOT to do when you dive into a fight with your partner - and what you CAN do to keep yourselves from heading into a downward spiral of disconnection. You'll also learn how to avoid the trap of just sweeping conflict under the rug - which is a good short-term solution, but over the long term will deepen the rifts between you and your partner. Yes, it's normal - but what you DO about it is what matters most!

Does it seem like the only time that things get intense in your relationship is when negative things happen? This kind of experience, repeated over time, can literally train your brain to be in a hyper-vigilant state when your partner is around. So how can you rewire your brain to experience your partner as intensely positive? And how do you switch from a pattern of complaining to a pattern of wish-granting with your partner? In today’s episode, Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt return to answer these important questions. We cover one particular exercise that you can do with your partner (that Chloe and I experienced in their Getting the Love You Want workshop at Kripalu) that they’ve never talked about in an interview! We also discuss tips from their new book, The Space Between, which offers a succinct explanation of how to apply the fundamental lessons from their work in your relationship. Additionally, if you’re interested in hearing our first conversation together, you can do that here: Episode 22

What's an amazing source of energy for your relationship? The TRUTH! Are there moments when you're not telling the full truth? Or does it seem that your partner is holding back? If there's energy and vitality missing from your connection, it could be that there's not enough honesty in your relationship. Building on episode 105, where we talked about small changes that can make a big difference in your relationship, in this episode we're going to talk about how to make small shifts in the way you communicate that will help bring you back into balance with the truth. We'll also revisit some of the concepts from Episode 24 with Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson - on why lying happens in a relationship, and how to tell if you're actually encouraging your partner to lie to you! All in today's episode of Relationship Alive!

Are you a “nice guy” - or are you in a relationship with one? While there’s nothing wrong with being nice, it can create problems - especially when you’re so focused on pleasing others that you move further and further away from your true, authentic self. How do you reclaim masculinity without becoming a stereotype? How do you consider others, while still maintaining healthy boundaries? In this episode, we’re talking with Dr. Robert Glover, the author of No More Mr. Nice Guy, about how to find a healthy way to uncover your true self - and to bring your authenticity to your life and relationship. Are you a Mr. Nice Guy? Do you find yourself frequently frustrated in your relationships or wondering why they just don’t seem to be working out? It could be that you are in fact, a Mr. Nice Guy. You may be holding onto an internalized belief that in order to get what you want in love and in life you have to hide or alter who you are. Nice Guys tend to 1) struggle to make their own needs a priority, 2) avoid conflict

How do you get from where you are now - to where you want to be? If you keep doing more of the same, then you're going to experience...more of the same. Sometimes, when you're trying to achieve different results, it does make sense to make BIG changes. However, in today's episode, we discover how to find the tiny places in your life where you can easily make a shift - the kind of shift that will ripple out into everything else. Once you identify these leverage points, you might find that the bigger changes...take care of themselves.     

Do you feel like there are some things that you just can’t ask for? How do you get what you truly need in relationship? And how do you navigate to true win/win solutions in a relationship where you and your partner feel excited by what you’ve created together, instead of feeling drained by compromise? In today’s episode, you’re going to learn a unique approach to getting your needs met, and getting your partner’s needs met. Instead of using a psychological approach, today’s guest, Max Rivers, is going to show you how to use the skills of mediation to breathe new life into your connection. In addition, through Max’s unique application of Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication (which he calls “Embodied Nonviolent Communication”), you’ll discover another secret ingredient to effective communication within your relationship. Max Rivers is a trained mediator who teaches these skills to couples in a series of six classes. His forthcoming new book, Tired of the Same Old Argument, makes his concepts easy to un

How do you know if you're being codependent? What happens if, in the process of trying NOT to be codependent, you stop considering your partner? How do you find the balance? And what is the antidote for resentment in a relationship? In this week's episode of Relationship Alive with Neil Sattin, you'll discover the essential difference between being codependent and being considerate - and you'll learn how to find even more freedom AND connection with your partner. 

How do you grow into something new and greater with your partner? How do you foster feelings of love, passion and connection - no matter how long you’ve been together? How do you evolve beyond what you even know to be possible for yourself in relationship? This week we welcome Dr. Jeffrey Zeig to the Relationship Alive podcast. He has authored and/or co-authored more than twenty books on psychotherapy, and he is the architect of the Evolution of Psychotherapy conference, one of the most important conferences for therapeutic professionals. His work is on the cutting edge of helping us evolve what we know about what’s possible in the science of helping people change, as he is in a unique position to survey the entire landscape of what people are doing in the field of couples therapy.   Stages of Love: Love is a biological phenomenon that has three different stages, each with their own neurobiology. The first is the Stage of Attraction; this is when we discover someone who we feel drawn to. The next is the Sta

How do you know what you *really* want in relationship? And how can you help your partner truly understand what makes you tick - so that they can speak the language of love in ways that are meaningful for you? In this week's episode, we cover a way for you to not only help your partner show up for you - but also for you to discover hidden truths about what you truly desire. Learn how to create the first draft of your Love Map (as John Gottman calls it) - the User Manual for You. Also don't forget to check out last week's episode, featuring both John Gottman and Sue Johnson on the topic of Attraction - how to sustain it, and how to revive it when it's gone.

How do you sustain attraction in your relationship over the long term? What can you do if you no longer feel “the spark” with your partner? And, what can you do if your partner no longer feels attracted to you? In today’s episode, we’re going to cover the mysterious force that brings us together when it’s there (and sometimes tears us apart when it’s not there): Attraction. And to celebrate the 100th episode of the Relationship Alive podcast, we are joined by two very special guests: John Gottman AND Sue Johnson. John Gottman and Sue Johnson have both been with us here on the podcast before, and our conversation today will reveal to you some surprising, well-researched truths about what fuels the spark in your relationship. The good news: While most relationships go through difficult times in which one or both partners can feel disconnected, the good news is that desire and connection can be rebuilt. This is almost always the case, even after a major betrayal. That said, while most couples can go from disint

Are you too busy for sex and connection? What if sex just isn't happening, or isn't happening enough in your relationship? While there are many reasons that this could be happening (or not happening, as the case may be) - sometimes all you have to do is to get it on the calendar. That being said, simply scheduling sex on your calendar isn't always enough to turn things around. In this week's episode, we're going to cover how to schedule sex, why to schedule sex, and...most importantly...how to successfully navigate any pressure, or awkwardness, that comes from putting something so precious...on the calendar. Along with the secrets of how to schedule sex successfully, you'll also learn a bit more about how to create intimacy with and without sex, why connection is so important for having an amazing sex life, and the benefits of nurturing your sexual and sensual life with your partner. Also, get ready for next week, which will be the 100th episode of the Relationship Alive podcast! Joining us next week will  

When it comes to the success of your relationship, how much are you standing in your own way? How do you get really clear on your part in the dynamic? And how do you work some magic in the way that you communicate, to connect no matter how challenging the moment? Joining us this week is Dr. David Burns, a Stanford emeritus professor who is also the author of Feeling Good - one of the most popular self-help books (dealing with depression) of all time. He is one of the chief popularizers of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and has recently been developing TEAM therapy, which addresses some of CBT’s shortcomings. David Burns is also the author of Feeling Good Together, which applies his practical approach to relationships: how to thrive, as well as how to turn a troubled relationship around.   Changing the question: When it comes to relationship difficulty and challenges, many of us are quick to point fingers at THEM. We believe it is the fault of the other person, and we spend a lot of energy blaming them.

Find out what's in store for the upcoming 100th episode of the Relationship Alive podcast! Also, this week is an opportunity for you to get caught up on episodes you've missed, or to revisit ones that have had an impact on you. Looking forward to seeing you next week with David Burns, author of Feeling Good and Feeling Good Together.