Thriveology Podcast | Success | Personal Development | Self-improvement | Thrive | Resilience | Thrive Nation

How do you build a thriving year?  By having thriving days. How do you have thriving days?  By focusing on how you start your day and end your day.  What happens in the middle tends to take care of itself -- IF you start strong and end strong. Do you have a morning plan or ritual? How about an evening plan or ritual?  Are you still looking for a way to start and end each day? I'm not sure my plan is perfect.  And I don't follow it perfectly.  But it is working for me.  I do my best to follow it.  My intention is to do better this year.  My plan is to continually improve my plan. Listen and tell me what you think.  Let me know what YOU do in the comments below. (Here is an earlier podcast on mornings and an earlier podcast on evenings.)  

"You can't take my joy!"  What a great line.  And it fits so many times.  You are having a great day -- and then that one person, that difficult person. . . .  They try to rob your joy! So, how DO you deal with difficult people?  Because they are all around.  At work, in your community. . . maybe even in your own family! You can't escape them.  You need a plan on how to deal with them. Let me tell you my 6 steps for dealing with difficult people. And if you need to upgrade your boundaries, CLICK HERE for free training.  If you need to upgrade your personal standards, CLICK HERE for free training. (Listen to How To Deal With Difficult People training below.)

In the midst of my own serious illness years ago, I had friends who were more than willing to share with me the many ways I might die from my illness.  They seemed to have missed the fact that I had the same information. But they also missed the fact that I refused to play through every potential scenario.  Not because I was in denial, but because it did not benefit me to focus on it. In reflection, I used three specific phrases to stay focused on my life (and not my potential demise). And in fact, these same thoughts and reflections are strong sources of me thriving to this day. Let me tell you about the thoughts I held and continue to hold when dealing with life circumstances. Are there other thoughts YOU use?  Share in the comments below.

If there is one thing clearly evident:  we do not have a choice in what life sends our way.  Sometimes, things happen.  Good things, bad things, in-between things.  "Stuff" happens. Sometimes, we have zero control over what happens.  Sometimes, we have some influence on what happens.  Sometimes, we have control.  But what about the things that just happen? We have no choice about that. But we do have a choice in how we live it out. After the initial shock of adjusting to something, we get to choose how we move forward.  We can choose how we respond, who we choose to be, and what it teaches. Listen for more details on how to choose your living when "stuff" happens. (Learn more about Responsibility HERE.)  

When I look around, it seems that everything has a design, a purpose.  Trees have a design of making leaves and fruit.  When the design fails, the tree fails and dies. I believe humans have a design built in.  We are designed for making an impact.  The impact can be helpful or harmful.  We can look around and see plenty of harmful impacts humans have made.  And we can also look around for helpful and positive impacts. Then there are people who don't seem to be making any impact. But what if we decide to make a positive impact?  We discover our purpose.  We discover meaning. While we are designed for impact, it is up to each of us to discover our own unique point of impact -- and make that impact! Let's talk about your "impact design" and why you need to make that impact. (This is the final episode of the Immutable Laws of Living Series.  The rest of the series is linked below.) Immutable Laws Of Living Series: Life Isn't Fair Life Has Challenges Life Isn't About Happiness A Thought Is A Thought Every P

Have you ever wondered whether your brain controlled your mind or your mind controlled your brain?  Here is the answer: YES. Your brain certainly affects your thinking. But your thinking affects your brain. . . and you can CHOOSE where your thoughts dwell. Brain chemistry is much more complicated.  And we know very little about how that chemistry works, anyway. What we DO know about the brain is there are three layers.  The most primitive and deepest part of your brain scans the environment for threats -- locking you into a fight/flight mode when it is activated.  The next layer is all about emotions.  And the top layer is about thoughts and reason.  We like that part.  But we often forget about the other layers.  Those other layers can keep us stuck, though. Let's talk about your brain and your mind.  Let's discuss how to shift to Love/Appreciation -- or you default to Fear/Threat. Where do you want to spend your time? (If you missed the earlier parts of the Immutable Laws Of Living Series, the links

How do you spend your time?  What an interesting phrase.  You are, whether you realize it or not, spending a commodity.  In fact, the most valuable commodity.  Because you can't get it back.  You spend an hour on something.  That hour is gone.  Spend some money on an outfit, and you can make more money.  But you can't make more time. Do you treat your time as a precious commodity?  Or do you find it leaking away? As a Chaplain, I spent years talking with people at the end of their lives.  Their regrets seemed never about having not spent more time at work.  Really, there regret was most often about not treasuring the time.  Perhaps they wished they had traveled more or spent more time with family or contributed more time to help the world.  Some wished they had laughed more and enjoyed life more.  But the biggest regret was simply not treasuring their time. Time is the most precious commodity.  Let's talk about why that is and what to do about it in this week's free audio podcast. (and if you've missed ot

Do you ever find yourself "lost in thought?"  I am willing to bet your thoughts are pulling to the past, the future, or an alternate past.  In other words, you are thinking about what happened (or you wish had happened) or about what might happen. But life is flying by right NOW.  And being lost to the past/future of your mind. We humans are blessed and cursed.  We are blessed with the capacity of imagining and remembering.  We file memories away through language.  If I said, "What did you do last Saturday?", you would search your memory database by wondering, "What DID I do last Saturday?"  Then, you would recall the party or event you attended.  As far as I can tell, my dog doesn't recall much when I ask about our walk yesterday.  Language. You can also imagine what could be through imagination.  I could ask, "What do you want to do next summer?"  Off your mind would go, imagining what next summer might hold.  Asking my dog about his thoughts for next summer is likely not creating much of a mental though

Here's a concept that trips up many people:  Forgiveness. Oh, sure, you know you should forgive.  But you just don't know if that is the best idea.  Maybe you believe you just can't forget what happened (myth:  "forgive and forget").  Or maybe you don't think that person deserves to be "let off the hook" (also a myth).  Or perhaps you don't want to have anything to do with that person (forgiving and connecting are 2 different things). In this week's podcast, I discuss the myths of forgiveness -- and how important it is to practice forgiving.  And if you need a process to follow on how to forgive, check out this earlier podcast or you can check out this one. Immutable Laws Of Living Series: Life Isn't Fair Life Has Challenges Life Isn't About Happiness A Thought Is A Thought Every Perspective Is Limited Change Is Inevitable People Do The Best They Can We ALL Have Fears Life is YOUR Responsibility "What Is" IS What Is Control What You Can (Release The Rest)  

Control.  We all want it.  We all try to have it. And yet, we usually try to control things we cannot control (like, say, other people).  At the same time, we often fail to control the things we can (like, say, ourselves!). Which tends to pretty much keep us spinning around.  Frustration and desperation come on the heels of feeling out of control. One important issue:  we have to discern between those two things:  what we can control and what we can't.  THEN we can commit to controlling what we can, AND releasing the rest. In this week's podcast, we discuss controlling the things we can control (I'll name them) and releasing the things we can't (I'll name those, too).  Take a listen! (And if you have missed out on earlier episodes from the ILL series, the links are below.) Immutable Laws Of Living Series: Life Isn't Fair Life Has Challenges Life Isn't About Happiness A Thought Is A Thought Every Perspective Is Limited Change Is Inevitable People Do The Best They Can We ALL Have Fears Life is YOUR Respon

Ever notice how much time and energy we spend (waste) struggling with "what is?" We want things to be different than they are.  We want things to have happened differently than they did. Yet here we are, and those things DID happen. And we still spend time and energy thinking about how things "should" be different, trying to somehow "make" them different.  All to no avail. We are better served coming to terms with "What Is," and then choosing how to move forward. Do you find yourself struggling with What Is?  Do you find yourself struggling to accept where you are and what has happened? Let's talk about how to stop wasting that time and energy.  What Is IS what is. . . Immutable Laws Of Living Series: Life Isn't Fair Life Has Challenges Life Isn't About Happiness A Thought Is A Thought Every Perspective Is Limited Change Is Inevitable People Do The Best They Can We ALL Have Fears Life is YOUR Responsibility

100% All you. Your life is 100% your responsibility.  (Notice I did NOT say 100% your fault.  HUGE difference between fault and responsibility.) Your life and how it goes is YOUR responsibility.  That would be your "Ability to Respond."  You get a choice in that. Many times, we like to pretend we don't have choices, we are pushed by forces beyond us.  And yes, things do happen.  We then have a choice on what we do.  That is the responsibility piece.it isn't o Let me explain further in this week's podcast episode.  Hit the "play" button below! Immutable Laws Of Living Series: Life Isn't Fair Life Has Challenges Life Isn't About Happiness A Thought Is A Thought Every Perspective Is Limited Change Is Inevitable People Do The Best They Can We ALL Have Fears

Fear is wired into our brain.  And there isn't any way to unwire it! Which is probably for the best.  Sometimes, fear keeps you from doing something foolish.  It helps to keep you alive. But it can also keep you stuck. In many coaching sessions, I ask, "Why didn't you do that very important thing you know you need to do in order to have a better life, a thriving life?" (OK, I usually condense that to asking why they didn't do X, whatever X was.) And the #1 most common response? "Because I was afraid!" Fear does not serve us well when it holds us back. (Here's a little secret:  we ALL have fears.  What you do about them determines whether you are thriving or stuck.  Your choice.  Listen below for some help.) Oh, and here are the links to the other episodes in the Immutable Laws of Living Series: Immutable Laws Of Living Series: Life Isn't Fair Life Has Challenges Life Isn't About Happiness A Thought Is A Thought Every Perspective Is Limited Change Is Inevitable People Do The Best They Can

Other than a few people who were being self-critical and a bit harsh with themselves, I have yet to have someone say, "You know, I am just not trying.  I am kinda sliding by, not really doing what I think I should." Almost everyone (other than those few who were really just sharing their personal self-criticism) tells me how they are doing the best they can. . . and not getting where they want to get to. Over the years, I have decided that people really do the best they can, given where they are.  That is a life precept for me -- my way of viewing people.  Admittedly, I have times when I have to remind myself of this little belief.  Not because I stopped believing, but because I lost my empathy.  Then I step back, see it again, and reaffirm that people do the best they can. To be clear, that does not mean that we are all operating at optimal functioning.  Far from it.  "Where we are" is what keeps us from operating at a better place.  It is just my belief that people are truly doing the best they (we) can,

There is one constant in life:  Change.  It doesn't matter if you hate change (most people) or love change (a few people -- but usually, only when the change is going their way!).  The change happens. Watch the seasons of the year go by.  Summer just blew through.  Fall is, inescapably (at least north of the equator) coming in.  Watch your kids.  Like it or not, they keep right on marching toward adulthood.  And (painfully, I might add), watch as your body continues to age -- no matter what you do to stop it.  It just keeps on coming. Change. It is inevitable. So, do we ignore it?  Do we hate it?  Or do we accept it and learn to grow with it? Listen below for my (thriving) opinion. Immutable Laws Of Living Series: Life Isn't Fair Life Has Challenges Life Isn't About Happiness A Thought Is A Thought Every Perspective Is Limited

You've probably heard the story about the group of blind men describing an elephant, all touching a different part of the elephant.  Not surprisingly, they all have a different view of what an elephant is. . . because they have a limited perspective. We ALL have a limited perspective.  We ALL only partly see reality -- then promptly pretend/believe we see reality clearly.  We don't.  None of us. Which may be part of the issue with our world today.  Politics, science, religion, education, diet, social issues. . . we tend to each believe our own view is the correct one.  So, there is an inadvertent amount of energy spent trying to fix the "other person's" viewpoint. . . forgetting the limits we all have on perspective. In our higher moments, we can easily see that we only see partially.  In calm times, we understand that we all have limitations, imperfect views and attitudes.  But when we fill challenged or stressed, we forget, and we start to believe we see things as they ARE. Which is, perhaps, why we str

Pretty much all day, you are thinking.  That is built into our design.  We think, ponder, consider, worry over, dream about, and pretty much run everything through our thoughts. That isn't really a problem.  Except when we forget we are thinking. When we forget we are thinking, we confuse those thoughts with reality.  And we start responding to reality from the basis of our thoughts -- which are always at least a little faulty. When we forget we are thinking, we assume that what pops in our head is reality and must be pondered.  So, we think and think, stirring thoughts into anxiety.  Then, we assume that, too, is true. You can't stop the thinking.  You can recognize a thought is a thought. Listen below and let me know what you think! Immutable Laws Of Living Series: Life Isn't Fair Life Has Challenges Life Isn't About Happiness

OK, before you kick me to the curb and tell me you want to be happy, hear me out.  I don't want you to be miserable.  But I also don't think life is simply about being happy. In fact, that assumption is often what leads people to some pretty bad places of addiction, consumption, debt, unhealthy behavior -- and unhappiness. So many times, people have said to me that they are guaranteed happiness in the Declaration of Independence.  I first remind them that they are given the "unalienable right" to the "pursuit of happiness."  Not to be happy. Second, I point out that our founding fathers did not have the same idea of "happy" that we seem to find in popular culture.  Their idea was a bit deeper -- and tightly tied to the Greek idea of Eudaemonia, a term that was about living a life of virtue a "Good Life." Let me say again, I do not think life is about being unhappy or miserable.  But I tend to think the more we chase happiness, the more it eludes us.  Because life isn't really about happiness. Listen belo

Last week, I discussed the fact that life isn't fair.  That is the first immutable law of living.  Because when you struggle against it, trying to make life fair, you lose.  When you accept life isn't fair, you shift.  Life isn't about fairness. In fact, one of the reasons we believe life isn't fair is because tough things happen in life.  Challenges and tragedies strike.  We believe these are anomalies, things that shouldn't happen.  So we start struggling against those challenges. Which leads us to the second Immutable Law of Living:  Life Has Challenges.  No way around it.  Challenges come our way. We have no choice about the challenges.  We do have a choice on what we do when the challenge comes our way.  We can protest that "this shouldn't be happening," even continuing that "this isn't fair."  And yet, those things still come our way. How do we respond, then, to the challenges that come our way? Immutable Laws Of Living Series: Life Isn't Fair

If you follow my marriage podcast, you know I am in the midst of a series on the "Immutable Laws of Marriage."  These "laws" are violated at the expense of the relationship.  There are also Immutable Laws of Living.  And this week, we start looking at those laws. No, you won't be in legal trouble if you violate these laws.  You will be in thriving trouble, though.  These are laws that help us to thrive, if we abide by them.  And these laws hold us back, if we push against them. The first "law" is also a cry I hear from many people, "Life isn't fair!"  Indeed, it is not.  And that is not the point of life.  Life is not about "fair" or "unfair."  People cry out about the unfairness of life, hoping that will change things, shift things to be fair.  That shift doesn't happen. But instead of shifting views, people continue to proclaim and protest, "Life Isn't Fair." They are correct, and that is OK.  Here's how to abide by this law.