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I've rolled and been rolled, tapped and been tapped.  My journey into jiu jitsu continues! Since my last post on lessons I have learned in jiu jitsu (LIFE lessons -- not just jiu jitsu moves and techniques), I've continued on my journey.  The first time I posted, I was just a few months into my study.  When I completed my Combatives belt (a Gracie standard), I added a second post. This past month, I hit another achievement, having been awarded my Blue belt.  So, it is time for a bit more reflection and thought. After 16 months of fairly intense study, I realize that the deeper I dig, the more there is to learn.  Kind of like life.  Something seems so simple... until you start in.  Then, things become far more complex. Mastery is the point when the complex becomes simple again.  And I am far from that. Join me as I explore 5 more lessons I've learned (and relearned) from my time studying jiu jitsu. RELATED RESOURCES Lessons Learned From Jiu Jitsu More Lessons Learned from Jiu Jitsu Growth Mindset Gracie

Sometimes, we spend so much time trying to think through a problem that we just get stuck.  Our minds tend to spiral on the same thoughts over and over... not really giving any new information or help. "What should I do?" is usually followed by an almost endless loop of "What should I do?"  Or worse yet, we take action, but then realize that our thinking was more limited than we thought. There HAS to be a better way, right? According to Greg Lee and Antonia Van Becker, there is!  We just have to shift from listening to our thoughts.  It is not shifting to listen to someone else... not a friend, spouse, relative, or even a therapist or coach (OK, you may want to consult with someone else, but that is not the only place). So, where do you turn?  As it turns out, not too far from your mind.  Just a bit, ummm, down. To your body. Let me freely admit that for lots of years, I chose to NOT listen to my body.  I lived from the neck, up.  It would seem that one day, my body decided to get my attention.  And let

We can fail in so many ways.  Often, it is just a matter of stumbling through, not looking for a better path.  We forge new paths to failure.  That is often "life on automatic." If someone has succeeded, though, they leave a trail.  The more people who succeed that same way just make the trail more clear, the path easier to follow.  Success always leaves a trail.  Everywhere in life. When I wanted to write a book, I knew I could stumble through... and maybe I would succeed. Or maybe I would fail. An easy way to fail?  Never figuring out how to start.  Never writing.  That would certainly keep me from writing a book.  But there were lots of other ways to fail at it. Or... I could talk to others who had done it. Success leaves a trail. Corey Poirier is a professional speaker.  But he has another distinction.  He has interviewed over 5000 high-achievers.  And over time, he noticed some common traits of high-achievers. I had a chance to interview Corey... while he was getting rushed out of his hotel room!

What is "reality"?  Is it "out there" or in us?  Or more importantly, is there something about us that creates our experience of reality?  And if so, can we somehow find a way to "re-write" reality in a way that shifts it to more of what we want and less of what we don't want? There are plenty of philosophical wonderings in there.  Lots of spiritual traditions have tried to tackle this one.  Are we dreamers or being dreamed?  Do we construct everything we experience?  Is there only what we see and experience?  Do we "cause" everything that happens to us?  Is this just one big hallucination/delusion/matrix? Big questions that can keep us thinking for a long time.  And yet, the thinking may not mean anything to our daily lives. In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I interview Carl Hunter.  At one point in his life, things were not going the way that Carl wanted.  He was adrift, unhappy, and frustrated that he couldn't make headway. So, he started searching.  Was there some way to make a shift?  To bu

Life is a fairly constant flow of goodbyes and hellos.  Sometimes, those goodbyes are incredibly painful.  The death of a loved one, the loss of a relationship, the loss of a job or role.  All can be painful. And sometimes, those goodbyes feel like the end of the story.  But many times, there is more.  More to the story, more to life.  More to live.  Those are the hellos. When you are caught up in the grief of a goodbye, it may seem like a hello is impossible.  It takes courage.  Vulnerability.  A willingness to live again. We can live behind a fortress, trying to protect ourselves from hurts.  But that also keeps us from connecting and loving... living. Sure, the goodbyes hurt.  But that is part of the deal with life.  Sometimes, the pain breaks us open to new possibilities and new people. In this Thriveology Podcast episode, I interview Terese Castellanos.  As a therapist, Terese helped people through losses and life struggles... and one day realized that she, herself, was faced with the same thing.  H

Do you find yourself a bit rebellious?  Maybe you just don't want to be told what to do.  Or maybe you just want to find your own voice.  I think we all have some rebellious place in there.  That rebellion can serve us or keep us stuck. Ilana Kristeva tells me she was born rebellious.  Colicky and anemic as a baby, Ilana just pushed back.  She reports lots of parent/teacher conferences, since she didn't much like directions.  Then, her body rebelled. As diagnoses started stacking up, Ilana lost more and more control of her body, finally ending up in a wheelchair.  Unhappy and frustrated, Ilana finally hit a wall.  Literally and figuratively.  Coming down the hall in her home, Ilana collided with the wall, finding herself stuck.  And suddenly laughing. That was the starting point of her healing.  In fact, she decided to take a stand-up comedy class (still in her wheelchair). Slowly, Ilana began to understand that every cell in her body had the potential to heal, grow, and regenerate.  She decided to honor

Many times, life just kind of, well, hits us.  We have a major transition. Or we just hit a plateau.  What if you know there is more... you just can't get there?  That's when we have to find our "untapped strengths." Angela Stillwell is the "Vulnerability Warrior."  Why?  Because she discovered that struggling with tough times can keep in in "survivial mode." Angela came from a dysfunctional family situation, with divorce and affairs, abuse, and the loss of her mother when she was young.  Yes, she "survivied" (as people would tell her), but that was not enough. She knew there was more;  passion, purpose, perspective, service.  And Angela set out to find it. As Angela shares with me, there are 3 steps to thriving: Connection Perfect imperfection Resurrection Sounds like a pretty good formula to me!  Listen to this week's podcast, as Angela shares her formula, step-by-step. RELATED RESOURCES: Meaning & Purpose Dealing with Tough Times Acceptance Vulnerability Warrior Quiz

? What if your "future self" can help your "current self?" And maybe even help you make sense of your "past self!" In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I chat with Valerie Lemme about her journey from painful childhood and struggling adulthood to thriving. Valerie discovered that by accessing her Future Self, she could move beyond the beliefs and stuck points she was experiencing. But in order to get there, Valerie had to go through mental, physical, and emotional pain. Through mood swings, insomnia, panic, high blood pressure, and horrible back pain, Valerie kept looking for an answer. She trained as a healer and hypnotherapist, but couldn't find healing for herself. On the verge of giving up, Valerie tuned into a webinar on FutureVisioning, and her life was changed. After that, Valerie decided to help others with that same process. And today, Valerie "pulls back the curtains" to share the 7 basic principles of the process. Her principles might be a challenge to what you believe. But if what you

My friend tells me, "Aging ain't for sissy's, but I ain't ready for the alternative!" It happens to every single one of us who are fortunate enough for it to happen.  We get older.  Moment by moment, day by day, year by year... and hopefully, decade by decade. Personally, I am planning on being around for a long time.  I'm already in what I refer to as "Bonus Time," after a health scare over 15 years ago. One of my things to do is look for "aging mentors."  These are people who are older than me, at varying levels, who seem to be doing it right.  Not so much in the fact that they are still alive, as in how they live. Ron Kaiser is one of those guys.  81 years old, still a full time psychologist, still doing yoga and exercising, still engaged in learning... still engaged in living. Recently, I had the good fortune of interviewing Ron.  He and I met at a conference and I said, "I have to get you on Thriveology.  Your information is important at any age!"  And now, I have. Be sure and listen in to the inte

How are you with your emotions? This isn't a question on whether you are "in touch with your emotions" or not.  It is how you process the emotions. Some people have, well, "emotional diahrrea."  Emotions just dump wherever and whenever. Others have "emotional constipation."  They just can't get them out.  Emotions get stuck, lodged in hurtful and painful ways. Maybe we all need a little "emotional potty training." When Rachel Kaplan was 14 years old, her boyfriend killed himself, leaving Rachel emotionally wounded.  She blamed herself and tried to make sense of such a tragedy at such a young age.  The emotional wound stayed with her for years. And it led Rachel on a quest of healing.  First, she wanted to find her own healing.  But over the years, she began to use her new knowledge and skills to bring healing to others.  Trained in Western and Eastern healing approaches, Rachel began to see her work as "emotional potty training." She helps people who have buried their emotions deep in a "basement of sh

It's never too late!  Until it's too late! We all have an expiration date!  But up until then... there is time.  But don't take up too much time not getting there.  The sooner you do, the better your life will be, for as long as it goes on. Isn't that a dichotomy?  It's never too late to make a change.  But don't put it off! Here's the thing.  If there are things you have wanted to do, but haven't... you can really be hard on yourself.  You can chastise and shame yourself for not having taken action.  All the while, you are putting it off even longer. OR, you can decide that the moment for change is NOW.  Not "someday."  Not "maybe tomorrow."  Today. On her 60th birthday, with a full day of celebration planned, Lorraine Hoving woke up in a panic.  It occured to her that if she was fortunate enough to live to 90, she was 2/3rds of the way through life.  And that was assuming she was headed for 90! That very day, Lorraine thought about all the goals, hopes, and dreams she had... and had not yet hit.  At t

Life can turn in an instant:  a phone call, a letter, a knock on the door.  Everything you thought you knew, everything that was "normal" is pulled apart and thrown upside-down. In that heart-stopping moment, you know life will never be the same.  And sometimes, it can feel like life isn't just changed... but over. For Nada Hogan, that knock on the door was a pair of police officers.  While Nada was trying to figure out what was going on, she noticed that one officer's badge said "Chaplain." Nada's 18 year old daughter had been killed in an accident. Her already-stressed life was thrown into a tailspin.  Some days, she could barely pull herself out of bed. Then, she decided to make a change.  To honor her daughter, Darah, in living a life of purpose. One little step at a time, Nada pulled her life back together.  She found a connection to something bigger than herself... and eventually, to a purpose bigger than her grief. Now, Nada helps others move through their heartbreaks to find healing.  She star

What happens when you do all the right things:  get the degrees, marry the "right person," and think you are living your dream... only to discover it is someone else's dream? You may just push on.  You may just run away.  Or you may stop and realize that YOU are the one who needs to change... to transform. Many times, that happens at midlife.  Call it a "crisis."  Or call it an "opportunity for transformation." Marie-Elizabeth Mali decided it was time for transformation.  Having taken on what Marie-Elizabeth refers to as an "inherited identity" (the one others want for you), she realized that she was not living her authentic self. So, she made a LEAP (which is also the acronym of her approach) to transformation. Listen in as Marie-Elizabeth and I discuss her LEAP approach to making transformations. RELATED RESOURCES: Grab Marie-Elizabeth's Resource Learn To Show Up Taking On Responsibility Book:  Immutable Laws of Living  

Over the last 2 episodes, we have been talking about YOUR Engaged Life. How to build a life of passion, purpose, and presence. Amplifying that life through gratitude, spirituality, and awe. Here's the thing... not to be a downer here... you and I, we are going to die.  Someday. Likely, you don't know when that will happen.  I don't know when I will die.  I just know that it is in my future. Why does that matter? That very fact is what makes life valuable, makes TIME valuable.  If you live forever, what you do today doesn't matter so much.  You could do it tomorrow or next year, or in a hundred years. But knowing we only have so much time... that changes things.  We have 2 tasks:  to live as fully as we can, in the time we have... and make that time last as long as possible. At least, that is MY task.  How can I live fully?  And how can I live fully? If you are thinking that might be YOUR task, listen in to the podcast below. RELATED RESOURCES 3 P's Of Engaged Life Amping Your Engagement Your Thriving

In the last episode of the podcast, I started a series on living The Engaged Life.  We continue that series in this episode. If you have focused on living those 3 P's of Passion, Purpose, and Presence, you can amplify your Engaged Life with attending to 3 areas.  All 3 come from within you.  You can bring more engagement, more connection, more depth, and more meaning into your life. Amplifying is all about adding Power to those 3 P's.  And all about enlarging that Engaged Life for yourself. Listen in to this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, so that you can amp your engagement. RELATED RESOURCE 3 P's of Engaged Life Your Spiritual Life Gratitude in Your Life Book:  The Thrive Principles

Do you ever that you are "playing small"?  That there should be more to life?  More for YOU to do in life?  More your life should be about? That life you are thinking about... that is the Engaged Life.  Living with more engagement, more depth, more meaning... more purpose. Over the years, this has been a fairly constant refrain from clients:  "There should be more to life than THIS."  There is.... Engaging in life.  Being engaged in life. Living a bit deeper... a bit wider. Over the years, 3 P's have emerged as the Path to living an engaged life.  Those 3 P's:  Passion, Purpose, and Presence. When you are focused on building those 3 areas, your Engaged Life builds. In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I cover the 3 P's of Living an Engaged Life.  Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES Meaning and Purpose in Life Showing UP in Life We Have Fears Book:  Thrive Principles  

I bet you hear it as much as I do.  You may even say it.  "I'm so stressed!"  The malady of the modern age.  Stressed out, exhausted, and frustrated. But what IS stress? As much as we toss that term around, sometimes almost as a badge of honor, you may not think about what that term is REALLY about. These days, I tend to push my body, physically.  I take a good long walk in the morning, usually do a workout after that, then go to jiu jitsu 3 to 5 evenings per week.  My body can, indeed, get stressed. When we talk about "stress," in everyday life, we are more talking about psychological stress.  Which is really just a term for something else.  Something we'd rather not claim. But once we recognize what it really is, we can do something about it.  So, let's figure out why we stress... and what we can do about it. Listen below to this episode of the Thriveology Podcast. RELATED RESOURCES We ALL Have Fears Your Thriving Body Dealing With Anxiety Dealing With Depression Thrive Principles Book

Like a broken record... or an endless audio loop.  Those thoughts that just keep turning in your mind.  Okay, in MY mind.  But I bet it happens to you, too. Let's say, hypothetically of course, that I get up to 2 emails.  One is complimentary, thanking me for resources, books, podcasts... things like that.  Then there is another email, critical and harsh, telling me how useless my info was. I read them both and head off to walk my dog. Do you think I ponder that kind one?  Or keep looping back to that unkind one? Yep, you guessed it.  And I bet you guessed it because it happens to you, too. And that thought... it isn't just a passing thought.  No.  I find my body tense up, the anger/hurt churning in my gut. The other day, I was out for my morning walk with my sidekick, Ziggy (our silver lab).  We were about half-way through and I realized my palms were sweaty, tightly gripping the leash (which is a waist leash, so I don't even need to be holding it!).  My chest is tight, my stomach is tight.  I ask myse

The gyms are emptying out.  The running shoes are no longer going out for runs.  Comfort food is replacing health food. What gives? February. Actually, it is just long enough that those resolutions made in January are starting to crumble. "I'll start exercising, start eating better, stop ______, stop ________."  You fill in the blanks.  Resolutions are usually starting something new or stopping something old.  Building new habits or beating old habits.  Or changing new habits for old ones. Many people get off to a good start.  They join the gym, throw out the junk food, buy some new clothes, a few new books, and... enthusiasm wanes.  Old habits kick back in. And it is back to square one. Don't blame yourself!  Habits are tough.  Tough to make, tough to break. We go back to the old habits because they are comfortable, easy, and the path of least resistance.  Even if they don't get us where we want to go! We just seem to fall right down the Habit Hole! So, what should we do? Listen in to this episode

I don't know about you, but I don't much enjoy feeling fear.  I'd rather it not be a part of my life. And yet, it is. Fear is part of our wiring, deep in our DNA and deep in the circuitry of our brains. It keeps us safe -- sometimes super-safe.  Which is the problem. There is a central life coaching question:  "Where do you want to be?"  (Few people seek out coaching because everything is great, they are happy, and life is where they want it to be.) The next question is "What keeps you from getting there?"  When I dig in with clients, that question often hits against external barriers.  Things the client can't change. But dig long enough and dig deep enough, and you hit fear.  Fear is what often keeps us from getting what we want in life, from getting the life we most deeply dream about. If fear is a fact of life (it is), then fear isn't really as much in our way as we let it be.  After all, other people (who also have fears) have made it. What breaks through the fear, to get us to the life we want? I