Thriveology Podcast | Success | Personal Development | Self-improvement | Thrive | Resilience | Thrive Nation

"Where should I start?", my client asked. Lots of times, we want to make changes, we want things to be different.  And sometimes, we want things to be different before we make any changes. We want a different starting point. If you've ever been at a park or mall, looking at the map to figure out where to go, you might notice that one very important feature, "You Are Here."  It points to the spot where you are now. Not where you want to go.  Not where you want to be. But where you are. If you are at the mall and see the store you want... on the other side of the mall, you might wish you were standing nearby, near the destination store.  Not all the way across the mall. But if you are on the other side of the mall, that is where you are.  Navigating to the destination from a closer point -- a point where you are NOT -- is not likely to be effective. You start where you are. And you might just find... it is a pretty good place to start. Listen to this podcast episode for how to start where you are, and

Kinda like taxes, tough days are unavoidable.  You may see the tough times coming.  But sometimes, they just roll right over us.  A conversation, a text, a phone call, or an event.  Something hits and the bad time is here. Some people will say that tough times are a sign that you are "off-course," not living right, not doing what you "should" be doing. But guess what?  One cost of living is dealing with tough times.  Illness, accidents, losses, and deaths -- they are all a part of life. You don't have to like the tough times.  But we do have to get through them. Which raises the question of how to get through the tough times. I cover handling tough times in this episode of the Thriveology Podcast.  Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES: Growth Mindsets for Tough Times Lessons Learned as a Chaplain Building Your Resilience Muscle Dealing with Roadblocks Two Targets to Thrive Book:  The Immutable Laws of Living

I always find it helpful to have some "rules" to live by.  Short statements that help keep me pointed in the right direction, ready to handle the challenges of life. And let's be honest:  challenges are an unavoidable part of life.  Those who tell you that having struggles, challenges, or illnesses is an indication that you are doing something wrong?  They are wrong and misguided.  Life is going to challenge each of us... right up until we die.  Which every one of us will do. So the question is how we live our lives.  Today.  Right now.  Regardless of what life is throwing your way. What we often do, in the face of a challenge:  Worry, Complain, Avoid.  All three keep us stuck, frozen in place and to the challenge ahead of us. So, I have decided instead, to adopt the rule of "Act or Accept."  I will either act toward resolution, or I will accept where I am.  And the acceptance?  It need not be permanent.  It is about where I am right now.  It may be waiting for a possible action. Let's talk about this ru

Anyone who tells you that you can go through life without getting hurt and feeling pain is either lying or hiding. Life is rough-and-tumble.  Pain is unavoidable. But there is a type of pain that we can leave behind.  That is more a result of our own thinking than anything external, any injury either physical or emotional. Call it "Dirty Pain."  Which is distinguished from "Clean Pain."  Clean pain, that is the initial hurt.  When you hit your foot, it hurts.  That is the bodily response to the injury.  When someone says something to you that is mean and spiteful, your feelings are hurt.  That is the emotional pain.  It is initial. But what if you chastise yourself about your being "clutsy," or about your "stupid action" that led to that foot injury?  Or what if you made that hurtful comment about you, and not about the person who said it?  What if you kept dwelling about it? Let me be clear:  it is fine to ask how you might prevent an injury in the future.  It is fine to listen to feedback from others,

The New Year.  It is upon us.  And along with the start of a new year is an opportunity for us to re-start.  To make some changes.  To find some ways to charge into the New Year, with a new approach.  Maybe even a new attitude! Many people make resolutions around this time.  And most of those resolutions are broken by February.  Gyms are full in January and quiet again in February.  Health foods fly out the doors in January, only to be tossed to make room for cookies and chips in February. Change is a tall order... unless you have some clarity to your change.  Some simple approach that makes your hopes and dreams a part of your life. Let's make a 4 step plan for charging into the New Year.  (And even if you listen to this episode at some other time in the year... guess what?  You can use the exact same 4 steps at any time!) Start the year right... by making a fresh start! Listen to the podcast episode below. RELATED RESOURCES: Your Word Gratitude What You Can Control Thrive Principles Book The Immutable

On multiple days each week, my wife and I play a game.  She points to a bruise and asks, "How'd that happen?" Fair question.  But I don't have a specific question.  All I can say is, "Rolling at jiu jitsu."  Yep, my 52 year old body has to tolerate my decision to take up jiu jitsu last January. A few months after I started going to jiu jitsu, I posted a podcast episode on Lessons I Learned At Jiu Jitsu. Well, here we are, some 11 months later.  And I have learned a few more lessons. Since I posted the first episode, I have continued going to class throughout the week.  And with continuing to go, I also progressed.  In the Gracie Academy framework, I earned my Combatives Belt back in November.  That means that... well... I am still a white belt.  Just an advanced white belt! Which means that I am now allowed in the advanced class, the Blue Belt Cycle. Which meant that everything I had learned up until then was met with a block or defense when I tried it on a higher ranked belt.  It had worked fine before

Have you noticed how we all like to keep things in a narrow band of comfort?  We keep our houses not-too-warm, not-too-cool.  Most homes, all year long, stay in a very narrow band of temperature. Most of us go to the same restaurants, listen to the same music, hang out with the same friends, and do the same activities.  Every now and then, something new.  And then, back to the comfortable. But not much growth happens in comfort. If you want to improve in yoga, you have to stretch a little bit further, hold the position a little bit longer... be uncomfortable. Discomfort accompanies growth.  Sure, you can be uncomfortable, and it just be that -- discomfort.  But if you are growing... if you are changing... there will be discomfort. If we simply avoid discomfort, we also avoid growth. Or, we could embrace discomfort.  See it as a sign of growth.  Use it as a potential sign that we are growing.  And accept that when we grow, we will be uncomfortable. I discuss Embracing Discomfort in this podcast episode.

For me, "We'll See" was my philosophy of survival when I was sick. The doctor gave me a diagnosis with a bad prognosis.  Lots of ways I could be sick and die.  Lots of ways my body could betray me. Oh, and this was 15 years ago.  WebMD was the "go-to" for facts on how we would die from any symptom or condition.  So, family and friends let me know all the ways my body could fail me, based on my diagnosis.  And shared the facts in excrutiating detail. I was not in denial.  I simply knew that there were many ways things COULD go wrong.  But that meant little on how things WOULD go wrong. It was overwhelming to face the "could's."  I had only space to deal with the "would's." So, I took to a single response, "We'll see."  For a bit, the tone and volume would go up.  Until the person realized that "We'll see" was where I was standing. I find it most helpful to deal with things as they happen, not trying to figure out all the many things that might happen. This is something I suggest for all of us.  So many

How much can any of us really know? But how often do we still choose to have an opinion on everything?  Someone asks about a topic, and we give an opinion.  Then, we have to back that opinion up. According to neuro-science, we look for evidence to support opinion we created, based on emotions.  In other words, our opinions often come first - based on emotions - and our reasons come second. That sounds a bit dangerous around complex issues, doesn't it? Not knowing is a great ending point or a great starting point. Maybe the question is about a topic over which you really don't care?  Knowing about it is simply not that important.  "I don't know" is a great way of admitting you don't know and don't care. Or perhaps it is something over which you care... but which you don't know right now.  "I don't know" can start the process of learning. The danger is in trying to know... when you don't. I discuss how to embrace "I don't know" in this podcast episode. RELATED RESOURCES: Growth and Change Dealing with

If you are in the States, we are on the cusp of the Holiday season, kicking off with Thanksgiving in just a few days. For me, the Holidays throughout the year are moments to step into gratitude.  Not just in a little "thank you for that gift," but in a gratitude for being alive.  For being here.  For experiencing life. Each morning, while walking the neighborhood with my dog, Ziggy, I reflect on 5 things for which I am grateful.  That starts my day with an attempt to shift my attention to thankfulness, to gratitude. Granted, some days, that feeling quickly evaporates when the work piles up. But I try to remember to be grateful on a daily basis. How about you? Did you know that research shows how simple gratitude habits can re-wire the brain... away from fear and threat?  Away from depression and anxiety?  Just by thinking with gratitude.  Just by focusing on things for which you are grateful. In this week's podcast, I discuss the power of gratitude to shift your thinking and re-wire your brain... just

Blame is rampant in today's world.  We all quickly point the finger at someone/something else, proclaiming, "It's not my fault!" Interestingly, I also notice how rampant it is for people to take the credit for successes. They/we claim credit for what goes right but refuse blame for anything that goes wrong. We live in a "culture of blame." Which is what often keeps us from growing.  From changing.  From learning from our mistakes.  If someone/something else is to blame, what could I (or you) do?  Not my fault... not my problem. Change requires us to change the equation.  To take responsibility, when we are responsibible.  To share credit when others deserve credit. Great leadership is about accepting ultimate responsibility for mistakes and problems, while giving credit for successes. So, how do we turn the equation around?  I discuss it in this week's Thriveology Podcast. RELATED RESOURCES Responsibility NMF Syndrome In Marriage Showing Up Thrive Principles Book Immutable Laws of Living Book

What do you do when you think your life is right where you want it... and then it all falls apart? That's what happened to Kristine Carlson.  Her husband, Richard, was traveling the world and sharing his message of Don't Sweat The Small Stuff.  Kristine was doing some writing in the series and raising their teen girls. As his plane was descending, on the way to yet another presentation, Richard suffered a pulmonary embolism and died.  He was 45. Kristine was left with life without her soulmate, and with the mantel of her husband's message. What did Kristine do?  She grieved.  She questioned her life.  She questioned "why?" and "what now?"  And then, she found a path through the grief.  She found herself on what Joseph Campbell called, "The Hero's Journey." And here is what Kristine realized:  we ALL suffer losses.  We ALL have struggles.  And we ALL have to make a choice about the path we choose. Many of us want to take that same journey, that path to our Hero-ness... but we don't know how. So, Kris d

Do you feel anxious?  Have anxious moments?  Maybe even struggle with anxiety attacks? If so, I want to offer some strategies to help you deal with those feelings... the emotional storm that can hit. Anxiety isn't a sign of weakness.  It is actually a sign of ancient survival strategies that have ramped up to the point of over-reaction.  Hyper-vigilance has taken the survival strategy of fear and caution to a level that can interfere in daily life. There are some strategies, though, that can help you cope, re-wire, and live with lower levels of anxiety. Don't let it run your life!  Learn to cope and move beyond anxiety. RELATED RESOURCES Dealing With Anxiety A Thought Is A Thought How To Beat Depression Dealing With Down Days The Immutable Laws of Living  

You apologize.  Now what? Are you finished?  Is it now up to the person to whom you apologized? Nope.  That is only one part of the process. Understand that apologies, forgiving, reconciliation, and trust are all separate functions.  Each is tied to the other, but independent.  Forgiving does not require an apology.  An apology does not mandate forgiveness.  You can apologize or forgive, and still not reconcile.  And in the end, it is a choice to trust or not. So, let's step back into what you can do, so that you can "clear the air" and move forward.  In other words, to make sure you do your part. I suggest 6 steps to this process, and I cover each one in this episode of the podcast. RELATED RESOURCES: Anatomy Of An Apology Forgive Resources Making Change Limiting Beliefs Responsibility The Forgive Process

Life can really dish it out, can't it? A sunny (metaphorically speaking) day suddenly gathers rain clouds.  And then, the storm (metaphorically speaking) hits! As I recorded this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, people were still trying to dry out from Hurricane Florence.  I had family in the path, so I had a vested interest in following it closely. Which reminded me of those other "storms of life," when something hits you... illness, loss, change... things you were not wanting or expecting.  They hit, though.  Sometimes, with some warning.  But sometimes, "out of the blue." What do you do?  How do you weather those storms of life? Because, guess what?  They WILL hit.  Not if they hit.  But when.  What do you do? I talk about some strategies for weathering life' storms in this week's podcast episode. Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES Dealing With Loss Live Each Day As THE Day Control What You Can Does Everything Happen For A Reason? The Forgive Process Book

Have you heard of Kaizen?  It is the principle of continuous improvement. Continuous improvement is a great model for change.  It is based on constant changes toward a better outcome.  No need for sudden upheaval or change (although that is sometimes necessary).  Instead, course corrections are made along the way, nudging something toward improvement. That "something"?  It might be a product (like Japanese automobiles, where Kaizen became the method of them becoming excellent automobiles), companies, or even individuals. But how, you might wonder, do you actually DO that continuous improvement? Let me offer a super-simple tool that you can apply to your own life, to your company or workplace, or even to a relationship or organization. SSC - Start, Stop, Continue Three benchmarks:  What do you need to Start?  What do you need to Stop?  What do you need to Continue? In this week's episode, I discuss how to apply SSC to your own life... and to other areas in your life. Listen in for a new tool. RELATED RE

Did you know that it is common to find a lost person with a broken compass?  No, they are not lost because their compass was broken.  They broke their compass because they didn't believe the compass.  They believed they were somewhere other than where the compass said.  And many times, they decided that the map they were using was also wrong... and they were right. Survival experts refer to this as "bending the map."  They are trying to force their map to match what they perceive, rather than letting the map inform their understanding of where they are. Guess what?  It doesn't just happen in survival situations.  We do it every day.  We bend our perceptions to match what we want to see... not what is there to be seen.  And we often find ourselves way off-course.  So far off that we might have just compromised our values. The good news is there are some simple ways to keep this tendency in check.  This is a skill we desperately need these days. Listen to this week's episode to learn how to not bend your ma

Let's just assume that you have decided to forgive other people.  You do it (maybe even following my 6 step process).  Things are going well.  You are getting unstuck. And then... snap!  You are pulled back, stuck.  Feeling bad. But this time, feeling bad about yourself -- your actions, your words, your inactions, or silence. You know that voice?  The one that starts with "How could you....?"  It reminds you of something you said or did... or something you didn't do or didn't say (but should have). "Why did I do that?? (or didn't)", you ask yourself.  And then, you replay the event all over again in your head... just like you have countless times before. Sometimes, we find it easier to forgive someone else that to forgive ourselves.  We just can't seem to clear it out, let it go, and release ourselves. Well, that is the topic of this week's Thriveology Podcast, just to get you to consider forgiving yourself.  This is NOT about ducking responsibility or denying what happened.  It is about moving beyond t

I've noticed that many times, when someone is stuck, it is because they have something that keeps hanging on to them, dragging them down.  They have something they need to release... someone they need to forgive. And when I note this, I often get a knee-jerk answer of "how dare you tell me to forgive! I have been hurt! That person does not deserve to be forgiven." To which I note that this has nothing to do with "deserve."  Because my suggestion to forgive really has nothing to do with the other person. Forgiving is for the person who is doing the forgiving, not the one being forgiven (at least primarily). In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I explore some reasons to consider forgiving -- some even being health reasons!  But most are about getting unstuck and moving forward in your life. Take a listen below! RELATED RESOURCES Book:  The Forgive Process Myths of Forgiving Responsibility

Have you noticed how we talk about time and money the same way?  You can spend time/money, waste time/money, or save time/money.  But never confuse the two. Money... we can always make more.  Time... it is passing moment by moment, day by day, not to be recaptured or held. We all have the same 24 hour days live.  The question is whether you feel like you have some time to "spend" as you want (Time Affluence) or whether all of your time is claimed and out of your control (Time Poverty). Research repeatedly shows that material purchases (buying stuff) does little to influence our overall happiness (once basic needs are met).  Interestingly, experiential purchases (doing something, going somewhere) has been shown to increase happiness.  But you can't do stuff and go places when there is no time left to do it. In a study a couple of years ago, over half the respondents said that they would give up a day of pay each week for a day of freedom each week. And yet, many times, we "spend" our time in ways that don