Thriveology Podcast | Success | Personal Development | Self-improvement | Thrive | Resilience | Thrive Nation

Have you ever wanted something... just knowing that if you had it, you would be... happy? And if you got it, did you find yourself happier?  Not just for a few moments or days, but long-term? Sometimes, the "buyer's remorse" sets in right after the purchase, with you realizing that no, that shiny new object didn't make you happier (and may have even become an instant burden), and no, happiness did not suddenly appear. The term for our wanting those things that don't actually lead to satisfaction or happiness is "mis-wants."  The wants we have that aren't as significant as we thought.  We literally "miss" when we aim at those "wants." And guess what?  That is MORE often true than not.  Rarely does that thing get us the effect we want and expect. What DO we want?  We think it is happiness. But it isn't. Not really. Listen to the episode for more on those Mis-Wants. RELATED RESOURCES: It's Not About Happiness Purpose and Impact The Happiness Trap The When/Then Trap Book:  The Immutable Laws of Living  

My coaching client was wanting to thrive.  He told me he was constantly studying about self-growth.  But he wanted to really transform his life.  And, he told me, so much of what he was reading was, to quote him, "woo-woo stuff."  He used that term as a reference to ideas he thought were "out there." So first, let me just say, what is "out there" to one person is commonplace and sensible to another.  But I knew what he was saying.  He wanted to change things in his life... but he wanted it based in research and reliability.  He wanted to get it down to the basics. I told him we could easily look at the "low hanging fruit," the easy things to accomplish -- the ones that give the biggest bang for the effort... pretty much guaranteed. In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I outline 4 areas to improve, all in very "non-woowoo" ways... and very simple ways... so that you can get the biggest bang for your efforts. Listen in for the details! RELATED RESOURCES Fueling Your Body Exercising Your Body Resting

It's a trap.  And we all fall into it. Sadly, we set it up on ourselves, then step right into it. WHACK!  We are stuck... waiting.  And that's the trap -- the wait.  Life can't begin until.... What's the trap?  The "When/Then Trap."  You know, that time when you say, "When ____ happens, then I will ______."  When you finally get that great job, get that perfect spouse, make $$'s, win the lottery, etc.  THEN, life can finally get started.  THEN you can be happy, help others, find meaning, do... well, you get the point. It just seems that something has to change, (right?) before you can get to something else.  And so, we get stuck... waiting for that something to change.  Not realizing that there may be other ways to get there... or even other places to get to! There are alternatives to being stuck in the "When/Then Trap."  In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, we explore why and how we get stuck.  And how to get out of that trap.  Listen below. GRAB MY BOOKS ON THRIVING: Thrive Principles The Immut

It seems to be a specialty of mine... getting people UN-stuck.  Which means I spend a fair amount of time noting what gets people stuck in the first place.  Makes sense, right?  If you want to get un-stuck, you need to know why you got stuck. There are some clear reasons why people get stuck.  For example, when you violate one of the 16 Immutable Laws Of Living I highlight in my latest book, you will end up stuck.  Guaranteed.  Which is why I try to spell them out for you, so you can get unstuck. One area that consistently gets people stuck is fear.  And the way to get un-stuck is not to eliminate fear.  Mostly because it is impossible to eliminate fear.  It is wired into your brain.  Just part of being alive. But, and this is the good news, you only have to do a little pivot in order to let fear help you. Before I go into how you can pivot, though, I clarify three primary ways that fear can get you stuck (and keep you stuck).  Listen to learn the three ways, and the one necessary pivot. RELATED RESOURCE

Have you noticed how many books there are in the bookstore on how to be happy? Which raises the question on why, in a recent poll, only 1/3rd of Americans claimed to be happy. We have fallen into the "happiness trap," chasing after happiness as if that is the goal of life. It isn't. Over the past few weeks, I have been doing lots of interviews in lots of places about my new book, The Immutable Laws of Living.  In just about every interview, they ask me about the Immutable Law, "It isn't about happiness."  Some have even asked how that can be so, since the forefathers of the United States noted the right of "pursuit of happiness." First, their concept of happiness was far deeper than our current definition of a feeling of elation -- usually about something that "happens."  But second, pursuit is different than having. When we chase happiness, it stays just out of reach.  Keeping us trapped in the chase... trying to find the next thing that will finally do it... only to find that it fails, too. What's th

A couple of episodes back, I discussed some lessons I have learned in my less-than-half a year in jiu jitsu.  One of my lessons was about "egoless learning."  Several people asked what I meant by my ego being involved.  And what's wrong with that... the ego? Well, the ego tends to trip us up, throughout our lives.  Why?  Because our ego keeps us focused on how we appear, what others think of us, what we look like.  And because of that, we try to keep up an image. And because of that, we trip. Soon after I learned to scuba dive, I decided I wanted to become an instructor.  Partly because I wanted to learn more, partly because I enjoy teaching. So, after some time of accumulating classes, dive time, and teaching experience, I was ready for my certification process.  It was supposed to be a learning event.  A place for me to learn more about teaching, got some feedback on how I was teaching, and demonstrated my capacity to teach. They weren't looking for me to be the best teacher.  I was at the beginning of

We always start at survival.  You have to survive to do anything else.  Surviving is based in dealing with scarcity and threats. Sometimes, people get stuck in survival mode... whether it is necessary or not.  For most people, survival mode is less a necessity and more a habit. Then, we live.  Living is about finding comfort.  People to support you, work to do, things to enjoy.  And for many people, this is the stage that feels like success.  The paycheck and opportunity gives enough comfort to enjoy life. So, many people get stuck in the live mode. But then, there is the opportunity to thrive. Survive >>>> Live >>>>> Thrive What makes the shift?  Realizing that the living isn't enough.  There is something more.  Something deeper and more satisfying.  It's about finding your purpose, finding your deeper meaning, making an impact in the world. It requires taking on the challenges, looking for the opportunities... growing and stretching. While surviving is about scarcity, living is about comfort, thrivi

Let me be clear:  I can claim NO expertise in jiu jitsu.  I have only been involved since January.  So, what can I possibily tell you about jiu jitsu after just 6 months of practice? Nothing. But I CAN tell you some lessons I have learned from those 6 months.  Not about jiu jitsu, but about living, about starting new things, and about learning. This is not my first foray into the martial arts.  It is more a lifelong interest. During my teen years, I took tae kwon do.  Lacking in natural coordination and strength, I was gangly and a non-natural.  But I took classes for years.  I even advanced through the ranks. When I left for college, I packed up my gi and belts, and I didn't take any further lessons.  Although I threatened to many times.  I just let life get in the way. Until this year.  I turned 52 in March.  But before the new year, I decided that I would give jiu jitsu a try... at least while it was cold and I couldn't be outside as much as I would like.  After waiting to make sure our insurance pol

Forgiving is an important skill.  When we forgive people for hurts and slights in the past, we get to free ourselves from those events. (That skill is so important that I wrote a book about the process I created.  That book comes out in October.) But what about forgiving yourself? Why would you need to do that? Because we all do thing, say things, fail to do and say things, that we regret. And those regrets can haunt us.  They can keep us stuck in the past... in events that are already over. Sometimes, if another person is involved, they might not even remember what happened or what was said.  But you might continue to torture yourself, chastising yourself for what you said/did, didn't say/didn't do. This requires another skill:  self-forgiveness. Not just a way to get yourself off the hook.  Not just a way to gloss over what happened.  But a way to move forward. How do you forgive yourself?  Listen to this week's episode to find out! RELATED RESOURCE: Finding Self-Confidence Building Self-Esteem How

Schools have based their teaching model on it.  Little league sports have revamped their approach on it.  Parenting has changed to help it. What is IT? Self-esteem. Which is a great concept, at least in the way Nathanial Branden first proposed it.  Not so much in the way we have come to see it as "feeling good about yourself."  Yep, Branden did want people to feel good about themselves, but not as the end point.  It was part of something bigger. And when we use the current popular definition, research shows that self-esteem matters little in success, health, wealth, or happiness. Does that mean we should give up on self-esteem? Nope. We just need to return to the original idea.  There is plenty we can do (and need to do) to build self-esteem -- in a way that matters for happiness, meaning, purpose... and yes, success. Learn how to build your self-esteem, in a way that matters, in this week's podcast episode. RELATED RESOURCE: Finding Self-Confidence Happiness Isn't the Goal What's Your Purpose? Make

We all want confidence -- SELF-confidence.  We want to be confident before we act.  In other words, I want to feel confident of myself before I move toward something. Or maybe that's just me!  :-) But I think that comes at it from the wrong direction.  FEAR seems to be between us and action.  Mostly because of the order we have for action: Confidence ==> Action ==> Success. But instead, we have: FEAR ==> Wait for Confidence ==> Keep Waiting If you understandt the real flow, then you can step aside and let fear pass you by, letting you take action AND gain confidence. Listen to this episode of the Thriveology Podcast to learn more. RELATED RESOURCES: Getting Un-Stuck Fear Is A Given New Book:  Immutable Laws Of Living

Ancient Stoics and Latin Christians believed that every day we should "memento mori," we should remember our death.  This practice was not to contemplate how you might die, but that you will die.  As will I.  And everyone else. Which is what makes life so precious.  And which is what gives value and power to the choices we make in how to live this day.  Not how we lived yesterday or last year, nor how we plan to live tomorrow or next year.  But how we live today.  This is THE day you have.  The only one. This moment. We live our lives, spending our time (our most precious resource) moment-by-moment.  Sometimes, time slips away... with us making little progress (or maybe even some regress) toward what we want in life. This moment. We move toward our hopes and dreams... we carry out our life purpose... we make an impact in the world in this moment, this day. It is the only one we have. In this podcast episode, we talk about living life more fully, more in the moment -- today.  In this moment. RULES OF L

Some people feel that they are at the whims of the world, unable to make a difference in their own lives.  (They often fall into blame and helplessness.) Other people believe that they are fully in charge, their lives entirely in their control. (Ironically, they also often fall into blame -- self-blame -- and frustration.) The fact is, life is a combination of things that happen and what you do about them -- your you respond to the situations life throws your way.  Events, good and bad, are unavoidable.  Your choice is how you deal with them, how you choose to respond. And if you are trying to get somewhere... if you have some hope or dream... then the process is to keep moving forward, making your choices and taking action.  And at the same time, you wait for the timing to be right. It is more likely that the timing will be right when you keep taking actions in the direction of what you want.  Luck follows action. Listen to this week's podcast for how you might use an equation to get to the outcome you

It was interesting to see how much my client seemed to relish her self-diagnosed "issue" when she smilingly told me, "I'm a bit of a control freak. I just want things my way.  Mostly because I know how they should be." So, I asked that tough question, "How is that working out for you?" The smile turned to tears as she told me how much pushback she was getting from people.  "They just don't know better," she assured me, letting me know that she just needed some better ways of getting people to follow her lead (ummm, demands). My client was making a common mistake.  One that leads to misery -- on her part and the part of others around her.  She was trying to control things she could not.  AND she was failing to control things she could. The desire to control comes from fear.  We fear things won't go well, won't work out.  So, we innocently try to control things... the wrong things. There are only a few things we can control. But when we switch from trying to control the things we cannot to the things we ca

"Why don't they treat me the way I want to be treated?", my client asked me. So, I asked, "Have you taught them how to treat you?" The silence let me know.  But after a pause, my client said, "I guess it never crossed my mind I needed to do that." The fact is that people do not know how we want to be treated... unless we are clear about how we are to be treated.  Otherwise, we get treated the way THEY want to treat US, and not the reverse. In the end, that leaves people frustrated, defensive, and feeling mistreated. Your BOUNDARIES are what lets people know how you want to be treated.  They are your "NO's" of life.  Things you will not let people do to(wards) you. If your boundaries are solid, you are already following this rule.  But if you find yourself being treated in ways you don't want to be, time to start following this rule, "Teach others how to treat you." Listen to this week's Thriveology Podcast for yet another Rule for Living. RULES OF LIVING SERIES #1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct #2 Be Pres

Have you ever had that moment when you were doing something or saying something, and there was that other voice in your head... the one questioning why?  Maybe you already knew you were acting in a way you would not want to, or perhaps you were saying something you knew would be hurtful.  But you found yourself doing or saying it anyway.... Your Higher Self was talking.  Were you listening? In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, we talk about listening to that Higher Self.  It is far more resilient and wise than that other voice, the Ego, that gets our ear (and our actions) lots of times. But when we make a shift... to that Higher Self... our lives make a shift, too.  We make better choices, treat others better (along with ourselves), and work from a place of courage. This week's Rule?  Listen to your Higher Self.  Listen to this episode for more. RULES OF LIVING SERIES #1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct #2 Be Present In The  Present #3 Accept the Past and Revise the Future #5 Forgive to Live

Have you ever noticed how many times, we get dragged into the past and the pain, even when those hurtful times are over?  Those remnants of the events can keep us stuck, frozen in the hurt and pain. Unless we forgive. That's a big word, I know.  One that is packed with meaning... and not always helpful meanings. In another podcast, I highlight my process for actually forgiving.  It is important enough that I have a book coming out on the Forgive Process (actually, the name of the book) in October. In this episode, we discuss why it is so hard to forgive, why you should do it anyway, and why this is so important as a rule for living.  If you struggle with forgiving, please take a listen.  It might just change your mind! RULES OF LIVING SERIES #1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct #2 Be Present In The  Present #3 Accept the Past and Revise the Future #4 Grieve Losses and Celebrate Gains

Losses are painful.  No way around it.  They are also normal. Or to say it differently, loss is a normal part of life.  Not an anomalie.  Part of being alive. And loss leads to grief.  That is our natural reaction to any loss.  Big grief or small grief -- that is simply how we process a loss, so that we can re-weave life and continue. Sometimes, we get caught up in the "unfairness" of a loss, and we get stuck in the grief. In the process, we lose out on life.  We fail to celebrate the gains that also are a part of life. Think of these three stages throughout your life.  We have a certain orientation to life -- we understand what life is about... until something changes -- a loss or a gain.  And then, we experience disorientation.  The process of grieving and celebrating brings us to a new orientation -- a re-orientation.  Not the same as before.  But not necessarily worse than before.  Just different than before. So, rule #4 is to grieve your losses and celebrate your gains.  Listen for details below. RU

Time is an interesting thing, isn't it?  How often do we keep reliving the past, and imagining the future?  Unfortunately, when we are caught in the past and the future, the present suffers. As I have watched myself and others, I have noticed the tendency we have in trying to change what has happened.  We try to find some way to re-do what has already been done.  We want to find a revisable past. And simultaneously, we don't do what we can to revise and re-envision the future.  If only we could swap those two approaches! What if we accept the past and revised the future, versus trying to revise the past and giving up on the future? As we continue our series on the Rules for Living, this week, we look at how to accept the past and look toward the best possible future. Listen below RULES OF LIVING SERIES #1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct #2 Be Present In The  Present

Last week, we started in a new series about my own Rules for Living.  These are the rules I try to follow in my efforts to live a thriving life. This week, we head into rule #2:  Be Present In The Present. These days, the buzzword is "mindfulness."  In reality, our minds tend to be much too full.  And mindfulness is really about being present -- really being in the experience of this moment. But how do you do that?  First, you have to really show up.  Second, you have to make sure that you "distract-proof" yourself.  Third, it is all about understanding our thoughts -- and letting them just be thoughts that pass on. I cover some reasons why this rule is so important... and how to improve your "presence in the present" in this week's podcast episode.  Listen below. RULES OF LIVING SERIES #1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct