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Whenever I am playing a game, I like to know the rules... what I can do and can't do; what I can get away with, and what will get me into trouble. I have the same feeling about life.  The "rules" are principles or strategies to use when things are tough.  They give me a decision tree, to guide my choices. The rules keep me moving forward, toward what I want.  They also keep me honest and living within my virtues. I've gathered those rules together and want to share them with you.  I hope you find them helpful, even if you edit or alter them to fit for you. This week is Rule #1:  Let Fear Point, Not Direct I have discovered that fear is a powerful force for people.  It might protect us, sometimes.  But it can also hold us hostage from our dreams and aspirations. It gets in our way for one simple reason:  we use fear to direct our lives.  Fear is better used to point the way... to show us what's important. Let me explain further in my podcast this week, rule #1 of my Rules for Living series.

I admit it. Her words have stuck with me for decades now. She told me, "Don't waste it." She meant that I shouldn't waste my time... my life. Just before she died, she told me, "Make it matter." She wanted to make sure I knew not to waste the precious time I had, and to make my life matter. Her dying words to a young chaplain. And those words have lived within me in the 3 decades since. They still shape my work and my philosophy. I discussed not wasting life in a prior podcast episode. But what does it mean to Make It Matter? How do we make sure our lives matter, not for our own self, but for the world? How do we leave this place better for our being here? The MPI Triad helps to clarify. That triad holds Meaning, Purpose, and Impact. How we make sense of what happens, how we move into the world, and what difference it makes. Let me tell you a bit more in this week's podcast episode. RELATED RESOURCES Meaning & Purpose Impact Thrive Principles

Last week, I shared some lessons I learned while I was a hospital chaplain at the beginning of my career. In this episode of the podcast, I share another six. That makes a total of ten lessons. But they only scratch the surface.  My hope is to share some of the bigger lessons that emerged during that time. Few people spend the kind of time a chaplain gets to spend with people on the edges of life.  Medical staff don't have the time to spend, as much as they would like to.  Most others are only in those settings in the days of a crisis. My evening hours gave me time with patients, after the doctors and families had gone home, while the nurses were giving medical care.  I had the chance to sit with people, while they sat with the big questions of life.  I didn't always have the answers (often didn't), but I had the time to walk with them as they explored their journeys. Walking with them taught me the lessons I share today. RELATED RESOURCES: Lessons Learned, Part 1 Meaning & Purpose Impact Make It Count

It was in the early days of my Master's degree and my clinical training.  I spent a summer working as a chaplain intern.  Then I joined the staff of the hospital as one of the chaplains. I had the evening shift. Chaplains have a unique position in hospitals.  There to guide the tough times, celebrate the good times, and share in the spiritual journey.  And while I was there as a staff member, every day was a learning experience for me. In fact, I still look back at many critical moments in my learning about life, about caring for people, and the human struggle -- and many happened during just the few years I served as a chaplain. I thought I might reflect a bit with you about the lessons I learned in my years as a hospital chaplain, just to see if they offer anything for you and your journey. Listen below for part 1 of 2. RELATED RESOURCES: Meaning in Life Purpose and Impact Thrive Principles Immutable Laws of Living

I was watching television.  This one commercial, it spoke to me.  Not about what they were selling, but the story leading up to the product.  The product seemed irrelevant to the message. The message was about life.  About living.  About living long.  And living as if it mattered. Given my own history of a health crisis, it spoke to me.  And reminded me of a cancer patient in my chaplaining days years ago.  She grabbed my arm, pulled me down, looked me in the eyes and said, "Don't waste it." I think I did in the years after that.  Not completely, but enough that her words haunt me.  And call me to make it matter.  For as long as I can. That's what I discuss in my podcast this week.  The importance of making it last, and making it matter.  Your life, that is. RELATED RESOURCES: Thriving Body Making An Impact Finding Meaning Thrive Principles Book The Immutable Laws Of Living Book  

We need balance.  Tony Robbins notes that we have several human drives. The first two are where we need balance:  certainty and variety.  We need to be able to count on things in life -- that's certainty.  But we also need new experiences and a change of pace -- that's variety. Too much of one makes most of us crave the other... until we get too much of that. Balance. That doesn't mean that we find the space equidistant between certainty and variety, but that we have BOTH as parts of our lives. How is YOUR balance? I know I am out of balance when I get exhausted by too much busyness and unpredictability (too much variety, too little certainty) or when I am bored and energy-less (too much certainty, too little variety). In this week's podcast, I discuss how to find the balance and why it is so important.  It is also a great lead-in to this week's Save The Marriage Podcast, where I discuss how this can cause problems in relationships.  But it applies to everyone, single or in a relationship. RELATED RES

Oh, if only we could control things.  Everything.  Wouldn't that be nice?  Finally, a chance to change the outcome, keep your loved ones safe, rid the world of injustice.... But... we can't.  We sometimes get caught up in trying.  In particular, we often fall into the trap of trying to control other people.  Usually, with bad results.  Sometimes, with disasterous results. And yet... those concerns.  They might keep you up at night and fill your day with worry. Worry is one way we pretend to have control. So, if we can't control those things out there, what CAN we control? That is the topic of this episode of the Thriveology Podcast.  Listen in and discover the "spheres" in your life -- what you can control, and what you can't. Then, take action to shift your focus to what you CAN control. RELATED RESOURCES: The Thrive Principles Book The Immutable Laws of Living Book Thoughts  Worry

"But where do I start?", he asked. I was at a conference talking about thriving. I'd spent a good amount of time discussing some principles of thriving. But I could tell it was a bit overwhelming to my new friend. He challenged me, "You said I could thrive, no matter what life is throwing my way. So, where do I start if things are going well, and where do I start when things are not going so well?" I thought for a brief moment and said, "Either way, you aim at two targets. They both apply, whether things are going well or not so well. When you are at the top of your game or at the bottom, these two targets remain." "It can't be that easy," he replied. "Easy? I never mentioned 'easy.' I just said that there are two targets, no matter where you are," I offered. "OK," he responded, "I'm all ears. What are the two targets?" Gratitude and Growth. Those are the two targets. Targets... you aim at them. You may not always hit them. But you aim at them. When things are good, it is easier to remember to practi

Those thoughts, they get us into trouble, don't they? We keep looking for that thing that will make us happy. We think we know. We think that thing, that person, that place, that paycheck, position, etc., etc., will finally do it. Until we get it, get there, have that relationship, or whatever... only to find that it didn't quite work. Oh, sure, we might be happy for a brief time. But not the way we thought. That "shiny new object" just didn't do it. And back to the drawing board we go. Mostly because we keep thinking that that thing "out there" is going to do it. Notice that "happy" and "happen" share a root.  Something out there needs to happen in order for us to be happy. Which is not the path to happiness.  No matter what your thoughts are telling you. In this podcast episode, I discuss why our thoughts trick us, and what to do instead. RELATED RESOURCES: Thoughts are Thoughts Meaning  Making An Impact Happiness?

If you haven't heard it yet, let me be the first to say, "Happy New Year!"  I doubt I made the cut, but just in case.... One of my favorite things about school, way back when, was that the semester ended.  Each semester stood by itself.  No matter how poorly the semester had gone (and there were several), it was over.  Classes ended, assignments were in, tests were over.  Nothing I could do would change it. So, I might as well turn my attention to the next semester. It was nice to have a fresh start. Which, by the way, is available to any of us at any time.  We can always choose a fresh start. It won't wipe the past away.  But we do have the option of starting where we are and moving forward. In the moment, we have that option. Each day, we have that option.  We get up to a new day, and can start fresh. Every month, we can do the same, closing out the month and moving into something new. But the new year... that is when we really feel it! So, how do we make the New Year a Fresh Start? Let's talk abou

In the last episode, I discussed 3 ways we get stuck. This week, I cover 3 MORE ways we get stuck. As it turns out, we humans are pretty darn creative in how we get ourselves stuck. And how we manage to think it was someone else who did it! So, in this second round of ways we get stuck, I turn my attention to 3 ways that seem to be outside of ourselves, and outside of our control. Which is why they are such problems.  If you believe the problem is "out there," it is hard to know how to change things "in here." So, let's take a look at these three ways we get stuck, and how to turn it around.

We all get stuck. We want to move forward... but something holds us back. WE hold ourselves back. But WHY do we get so stuck? Well, we do it to ourselves. We don't mean to do it, but we just get in our own way. Which also means that once you understand WHY you get stuck, you can get OUT of your own way. You can get unstuck. Let's talk about 3 ways you get yourself stuck -- and how to get UN-stuck.  

And just like that, the Holiday season is upon us! All the hustle and bustle. All the events. All the demands… in the midst of a time that you want to be enjoyable, meaningful, and manageable! Why the stress? In this week’s Thriveology Podcast, I discuss the causes of holiday stress. But more importantly, I cover the ways to cope with holiday stress. Don’t let stress rob you of the deeper meanings and connections of this holiday season.

"You can't. . . ."  "I can't. . . ."  That pretty much ends the conversation. Which is unfortunate.  History is littered with people doing the very things someone else said, "You can't do that."  Turns out, you can. And many times, we do the same things to ourselves.  We start tell ourselves, "I can't," and then believe it.  We know we can't do it.  We just told ourselves we can't. In reality, there are 4 types of "I can'ts."  One is absolutely true.  The three others are not true.  They are about capability, timing, and. . . well, that last one is important enough that I cover it in this week's podcast. PRIOR PODCAST ON CAN'T  

In the United States, we turn our minds this week to being thankful. . . right before we turn our minds to sales, merchandise, consumption. . . and all the things we don't have. It always strikes me as ironic that on Thursday, we are likely going to share the things for which we are grateful, then on Friday, we will knock each other down for the next "have to have." Perhaps that is a metaphor of our daily life.  We know we should be thankful.  We know we should be grateful.  And we think we would be. . . if only x,y, and z were true.  If only we had the right job, person, money, or toys in our lives.  And in that instant, we are pulled back into a scarcity mindset. A thankful mindset shifts us to gratitude for what we DO have, takes us away from a focus on what we DON'T have, and helps us shift away from the scarcity threat. Let's be honest:  if you are able to read this post, you are among a fortunate group of people with resources.  But this isn't really about comparing ourselves to those with less (or

Do you ever hear yourself say (or just feel), "I'm just not happy"? What does it mean? What's keeping you feeling better?  It might be depression. But it might be something else. (If you are concerned about depression, CHECK OUT THESE RESOURCES.) There are some other reasons for "just not being happy."  In fact, in this week's podcast (you can listen below), I note 4 different reasons.  The good news is there is a path through each one.  But you can only follow the path when you identify it. If you are "just not happy," take a listen.  If you know someone who is "just not happy," invite them to listen with you!

Your mindset doesn't change what is happening "out there," but it can change how you perceive it "in here," in your mind and thoughts.  Which can also change your actions. The circumstances are the same.  But whether you feel stuck or empowered, that depends upon the mindset you carry. Over the years, I have worked to shift into more productive and useful mindsets when tough times hit. (And I promise, they will hit -- just part of life.  Not a sign that the world, the universe, God, or anything else hates you, is teaching you a lesson, or anything else.  Being alive means there will be tough times.) In this week's podcast, I try to compare some not-so-helpful mindsets with some better ones.  I want to suggest three mindsets for you.  And you can adopt them at any time! Mindset is up to you. . . once you realize it is up to you! RELATED RESOURCES Dealing with Roadblocks You and Your Thoughts Thrive Principles

You've got this muscle in you that you might not know about it.  Maybe it is strong, just naturally.  Or maybe you have built it on purpose.  Or maybe it needs a little strengthening. The muscle? Your "resilience muscle."  It helps power you through tough times, so you can bounce back from the struggles. Here's the problem:  many people don't know you can build it.  Many people do their best to avoid tough times and struggles.  And many refuse to let that struggle build the muscle. One problem:  the struggles are unavoidable.  But if you let that Resilience Muscle atrophy, those struggles are just tougher.  If you strengthen the muscle, future struggles are not so insurmountable. Let's get fit and build that Resilience Muscle! RELATED RESOURCES Damaged, Resilient, or Thriving? Thrive Principles Book What Thriving People Know About Tough Times

I noticed it sometime around September of last year. . . I was getting sucked into the news!  And for several years, I had done a pretty good job of limiting my exposure to the "news." It seems more like an addiction. . . one little taste. . . and you are pulled right back in! To be clear, I am not against the news.  I am not against reporters.  I am not against the networks.  EACH of us is responsible for how we take in the information.  It's just that too much news does little to inform, but lots to disturb. Which often leaves us feeling scared, stressed, and helpless.  None are necessarily true.  Just the way it makes us feel. In this week's podcast, I discuss how to deal with (and survive) Headline Overload. HELPFUL RESOURCES: Dealing With Anxiety You and Your Thoughts The Thrive Principles

Start with where you want to end.  Always a good plan for any trip.  Including the long-range trip of parenting.  We need to know where we want to go, if we want any hope of getting there. This week, we close out the series on Raising Thriving Children with a few reflections and final thoughts.  And the first comes straight from Stephen Covey:  "Start with the end in mind." And then course-correct as you go!  Because that is part of good navigation.  It isn't a straight path.  Clarity of the destination is important.  Being exactly on-track is not so important. As you are going through those stages, remember this:  Parenting is always toward your own obsolescence.  Your task as a parent is to make yourself unnecessary (not absent, just not needed).  We are here to raise self-sufficient, capable people.  And that requires recognizing that parenting is toward obsolescence. I provide 5 final thoughts in this week's podcast. Raising Thriving Children Series Introduction Eggs, Balls, And Turtles The Important