Thriveology Podcast | Success | Personal Development | Self-improvement | Thrive | Resilience | Thrive Nation

"I expect you to _____" is the starting point to many dead-end conversations.  First, it is not a conversation -- it is a demand.  Second, it often leads to resentment, resistance, or both. And yet, it tends to be the default for many parents. Why? Because they don't see an alternative. Let me suggest one:  Agreement. "Can we agree ______?" is often far more productive -- and FAR more likely to actually happen. This is not abdication of parenting.  It is recognizing that expectations don't work in relationships.  But agreements can be built. Give it a try. Listen in to this week's podcast to learn how. Raising Thriving Children Series Introduction Eggs, Balls, And Turtles The Important Influence On Children Ingredients To Thriving Children Antidote To A Narcissistic World Teaching Thrive Principles To Kids

In my recent book, Thrive Principles, I provide 15 strategies for living a thriving life.  In that book, I note that this does not mean an absence of struggle and tough times.  I suggest, instead, that these tough times are the fuel for thriving.  They are the times we build our thriving muscles -- IF we understand how to thrive. Guess what? This is a great list of strategies to teach children and young people.  Imagine entering adulthood with those strategies and skills at the ready.  Imagine that when the tougher times come, young adults already know how to move through them -- and thrive! I've noticed that many people never learn to thrive.  And many learn to thrive only when they are at a tough point.  Then, when nothing is working, they finally have to find a way to thrive -- in the midst of struggle! Wouldn't it be easier to master those skills along the way, when we are just trying to figure out the skills of life, anyway?  What if we just learned the helpful skills -- not the unhelpful coping stra

Have you noticed that the world is getting more and more narcissistic?  More "Me-Me-Me" thinking is infecting society -- to the detriment to the environment, civility, and those at risk. We can't stay on this course. Is there an alternative? I believe there is a clear antidote to the narcissistic culture.  And I believe parents play a roll in inoculating their children from the narcissism. Let's discuss the family antidote to the culture of narcissism. Raising Thriving Children Series Introduction Eggs, Balls, And Turtles The Important Influence On Children Ingredients To Thriving Children

Have you ever made a recipe -- but forgot a key ingredient?  Or maybe put in the wrong ingredient?  One time, I left salt out of a cookie recipe.  It was pretty bad.  Another time, I accidentally put salt in instead of sugar.  It was awful. Ingredients are important. So, what are the key ingredients to help instill in a child?  To help them thrive? Let's face it:  we will be adding ingredients, whether we mean to or not.  That's just what happens in the parenting process.  The question is whether we are intentional about the ingredients -- and if we have the RIGHT ingredients to put in. Our goal:  A Thriving Person. The starting point: A child learning to thrive. Listen to this week's podcast for the 5 key ingredients to raising a thriving child. Raising Thriving Children Series Introduction Eggs, Balls, And Turtles The Important Influence On Children

There are so many influences on kids these days.  They are pulled in so many directions.  This has always been true.  The influences might change, but the fact that outside influences pull at kids is consistent. In the 1950's, resilience research started to emerge.  It came about because some researchers who were looking at societal ills noticed that some people managed to navigate the same difficulties, and move into normal adulthood. Once they had examined the societal problems, some researchers turned to the resilient people.  They wanted to know why the same problems did not cause the same outcome. Several factors emerged.  One factor is the basis of our discussion today.  It is the single, biggest influence on children -- and is an essential factor in learning to thrive. (Here's a hint -- you are a lot closer to it than you think!) Raising Thriving Children Series Introduction Eggs, Balls, And Turtles

Summer has flown by!  Here we are, already at Labor Day in the States.  That kind of marks the end of summer for many.  Most schools are back in session and schedules start to be a wee bit more important.  Structure returns. And parenting may be ratcheted up just a bit. It's a great time to be thinking some about your hopes and goals of your parenting.  I'm guessing that your hope is NOT to be the rescuer for life.  Maybe more like coaching from the sidelines while the kids run their plays. Or maybe like volunteer turtle patrols. Know what I mean? If not, maybe a listen to this week's podcast will clarify for you.  Remember, there are two models of viewing kids:  Eggs or Balls.  I'm leaning toward balls. Let's think about it in this week's podcast, below. Raising Thriving Children Series Introduction

If you are a parent, you know that hope/fear.  You hope to raise a wonderful human being, and you fear making a mistake on the way. This week, we begin a series on raising thriving children. During this series, we will look at the goals of parenting, the limits of parenting, and what a parent can do to help a child learn to thrive.  Thriving is not an innate skill.  It is learned. But it can also be lost in the shuffle of life. I believe there are two paradigms of parenting:  children are like eggs or children are like balls. Since eggs can shatter, they must be protected and insulated.  Balls, on the other hand, bounce. Which model do you see in your own life? (By the way, if you missed it, I challenged our common understanding of self-confidence just last week.  You can learn about that by CLICKING HERE.) Listen below for the two theories of parenting and an introduction to this new series.

Confidence.  We all want to feel it.  We are in a culture dedicated to the importance of strong self-confidence.  And yet, it always seems out of grasp. Why is that? Because we want confidence to be "there," already present.  We want it to be a preset of living.  You know, just an innate part of you. But it isn't. If you have self-confidence that you can do something -- regardless of preparation, training, knowledge, or skill -- that is false self-confidence.  And it will fail at the first moment of challenge. Which is the innate problem in our current model of raising "self-confident children" (and, by the way, next week is the start of a series on Raising Thriving Children). And it is why we keep hoping to feel confidence, first, rather than having to build it as we go. Listen to this week's podcast for the Thriving Tool of Confidence -- and we will be wrapping up the Thriving Tool Series with this tool. Tools of Thriving Series Introduction Thought Awareness Only Control What You Can The Responsibi

It's a hot topic these days:  Mindfulness. It has been touted as a stress reliever.  But it is far more than that (although it does relieve stress).  Mindfulness is really an awareness your experience.  In other words, instead of lost in thought or distracted, you are experiencing the world and you in it. When you are mindful, you are more engaged with others.  You taste the food you are eating.  You feel the environment around you. And you are not as lost in thought.  Do remember that your emotional state is a derivative of your thoughts (NOT your experience of your environment). Stress is really about fear.  Fear comes from thoughts.  Not the experience, but your thoughts and interpretations of the experience.  Reconnecting with the experience disengages the thoughts. Give it a try.  I give 3 simple mindfulness exercises in the podcast below. Tools of Thriving Series Introduction Thought Awareness Only Control What You Can The Responsibility Formula The Perspective Shift Your Built-In Importance Indic

Goals are great.  Except they give you no path to get there.  And goals can interfere with your happiness.  If you can't get there, you feel frustrated.  Once you do get there, you can feel let down, not sure what to do next. But you need goals, right? Well, they are a starting point. But what if you put "systems" in place to move you toward your goal? Some people believe they need habits that move them forward.  But habits are formed through systems you create to move you forward toward some goal. Want to write a book?  Don't focus on the book every day.  Focus on writing every day.  Set aside 15 minutes, maybe an hour, and write.  Or decide to write 500 words per day.  That is your system.  Follow it, and soon you have a book.  But then there is a system that moves you forward, past the goal. Make sense? Listen to this week's podcast for more info on "systeming" your life.   Tools of Thriving Series Introduction Thought Awareness Only Control What You Can The Responsibility Formula The Perspective

It happens automatically.  You don't even think about it.  Unless you choose to notice it -- or even change it.  And it's a good thing it happens automatically.  Otherwise, you would not last long. Breathing. Even if you don't ever think about it, your breathing will keep oxygen coming into your body and carbon dioxide going out of your body. In and out.  All day long. No big deal, right? Wrong. HOW you breathe determines whether your body acts as if there is a threat or whether your body assumes everything is alright.  One way causes stress.  The other way creates calm. One way is how you likely breathe on a regular basis -- and especially when there is a perceived threat or stressful situation.  The other way allows you to calm yourself down, increase your oxygen supply, and shift away from fear/stress. Ready to shift to a thriving breath?  Listen below Tools of Thriving Series Introduction Thought Awareness Only Control What You Can The Responsibility Formula The Perspective Shift Your Built-In Imp

Your brain is really only capable of being in one of two modes:  fear/threat or love/appreciation. Unfortunately, the fear/threat mode is pretty much the default and automatic. Fortunately, changing to manual and shifting to love/appreciation is not complicated. More than that, there is plenty of research to point to the specific benefits of that shift: Better emotional health, Higher pain tolerance, Higher sociability, Greater life satisfaction, More sleep, More exercise, etc., etc., etc. There really isn't much of a downside to gratitude and appreciation.  It just requires a shift in habits to get there. Got 10 minutes or so per day, just for the next month?  YOU can build your appreciation/gratitude  toolkit and add it to your Thriving Toolbox. Tools of Thriving Series Introduction Thought Awareness Only Control What You Can The Responsibility Formula The Perspective Shift Your Built-In Importance Indicator The Importance Matrix

Do you find yourself chasing after all of those "urgent" tasks, only to discover that they really don't matter? President Dwight Eisenhower said, "I have to kinds of problems.  The urgent and the important.  The urgent are not important and the important are never urgent." Sometimes, the urgent things ARE important.  They probably get done right then and there.  But then the urgent (but not important) tend to crowd out the important (but not urgent).  For example, those meetings and tasks at work that you take on can seem urgent.  But they might not be important.  On the other hand, relationships with a spouse or children can get pushed to the side because they are not urgent.  Yet they are important. The sad part is when the important (but not urgent) get shuffled off to the side for so long that they become no longer important.  Broken relationships, hurting spouses -- they drift away. The Eisenhower Box is named for President Eisenhower.  It is a powerful tool in your Thriving Toolbox, as you work to g

Wouldn't it be nice if you had a built-in detector that let you know when something is important?  Kind of like a treasure detector to point out when to pay attention and dig in? Guess what? You do! But you probably aren't using it the way it was designed.  Most people aren't.  In fact, most people use this indicator as an Avoidance Indicator -- using it to AVOID things, even important things. Used correctly, this built-in indicator will help you decide what is important and what is trivial.  It will also guide your choices.  Used incorrectly, and it will keep you stuck, small, and missing opportunities. Ready to learn how to use it?  Listen below. . .   Tools of Thriving Series Introduction Thought Awareness Only Control What You Can The Responsibility Formula The Perspective Shift

As I ran through the woods, I could only see the trees and path right in front of me.  I had no idea how far up the mountain I had climbed.  I had no idea about the turns in the trail ahead.  And I couldn't even see very far back, given all the twists.  My vision was only the few yards ahead. Sometimes, life is like that.  We are so close to something, we lose perspective.  We can only see the next little period of time.  Which means that some things seem bigger than they are, and some things seem insignificant, but prove important. Fortunately, one tool in your Thrive Toolbox is the capacity of changing perspectives when you want. This week, to equip you, I want to provide you with 4 perspective shifts you can use.  Then, you can see the forest, even when the trees are right in front. Tools of Thriving Series Introduction Thought Awareness Only Control What You Can The Responsibility Formula

E + R = O It's one of my favorite formulas.  And it isn't even math! Well, it kinda is.  It is the Responsibility Formula Dr. Robert Resnick developed, and Jack Canfield popularized. And it is powerful. Like most formulas, all the parts must be present. Many times, people assume that what happens around them determines what happens to them.  They miss a piece of the formula. Sometimes, people assume they have full control of life, that they can choose their path, without outside interference.  They also miss a piece of the formula. Master this formula and you will have a grasp on responsibility in your life -- and how to work the formula in your favor. Tools of Thriving Series Introduction Thought Awareness Only Control What You Can

Isn't it interesting how much time people spend trying to control what they can't control, and how little time we spend trying to control what we can control? Imagine what would happen if we could flip that.  What if we spent our time trying to control what we CAN control.  And what if we released the rest? There are really only 3 things that you can truly control.  After that, you are wasting your time and energy.  And you will likely frustrate yourself and others. This week, as we add another tool to the toolbox, let's look at the 3 A's you can control. Tools of Thriving Series Introduction Thought Awareness

The human mind is amazing.  It is capable of so much.  Thoughts that lead to great works of art, inventions, beautiful buildings, great literature, and everyday life.  Thoughts can also lead to destruction, pain, hurt, and anguish.  All from the same mind. Your mind and my mind does one thing all day long:  it creates thoughts.  Some are helpful.  Others, not so much. The fact that the mind creates these thoughts is not a problem.  The fact that we forget we are thinking, that IS a problem.  Because then we confuse a thought with reality.  And we act as if that thought is real. The first tool of thriving is Thought Awareness.  It is always within your grasp.  But it is a tool many people fail to use. Let's talk about how to use Thought Awareness to thrive. Tools of Thriving Series Introduction

Having the right tool can make ALL the difference.  Ever tried to drive a screw with a hammer?  I have.  It didn't go so well. A few years back, I was changing out some faucets.  After stripping the skin off my knuckles and muttering a few choice words, I decided there HAD to be a tool that would help me get those faucets loose. Turns out there was!  Once I had the tool, everything was easier. The other day, as I was taking my morning walk with Ziggy (my dog), it occurred to me that there were some tools that help you to thrive.  You might need these tools in your "thrive toolbox." Some are mindset shifts.  Others are processes.  And others are exercises.  They all help you build toward a thriving life. This week, we launch into a new series on these Thriving Tools.  What they are.  How to use them.  How they help you to thrive. Listen below.

In my latest book, Thrive Principles, one of my strategies is Accepting What Is.  Which has caused some readers to wonder how that fits into my ideas about constantly growing and changing. They are not mutually opposed.  Accepting What Is creates a beginning point, a starting line.  From there, you can move toward who you want to be.  You can build a life of meaning and purpose. Many people struggle with where they are.  But where we are is just that, our current spot.  Not a permanent place, but a starting point. This week, I discuss how to both Accept What Is AND plot a growth course to become the person you want to be.  Make your impact with both sides of the equation.