Dire Weasels: A Real(ish) Play 5e Dungeons And Dragons Podcast

Some people sleep. Some people sleep well. Well enough so you can watch them sleep. Well enough so you can steal their breath. Okay, guy's something is wrong, but it will be okay. Everything will be okay soon. Very soon. We find our weaselest weaseltons in this Gerbo-damned place surrounded by racists... monsterist? surrounded by corn worshipers. How will our party escape when half of them look like freaks and no one wants to lay eyes upon them. Except for Mike, he has a thing for Grimgar. We're still not sure about... Doknoques(?) preference though so he could be into weird stuff. I'm sure he's had enough TIME to figure that out! Damn, I'm super tired. ANYWAY! ROUND 1, escape from CORNHOLE CITY! Ready! FIGHT! We are, and totally will forever be @Direweasels. Currently we are Forrest @walk6070 as your DM, John @absurdistkobold as Doknoques, Ivana @arcanevice as Mike, and Cody @codedude3 as Grimgar. Got any questions or comments that you want us to read on the show? Email us at direweasels@gmail.com. Keep For

Life happened and the weasels were unable to record an episode for this week, so John and Cody took it upon themselves to get together and apologize for missing, while also making an announcement about the podcast which has been in the works for a little bit. Also several tangents happen over the course of 20 minutes.   @Direweasels are @walk6070, @absurdistkobold, @arcanevice, and @codedude3. Before long, this list will include @eskimomo9. Send us email at direweasels@gmail.com, rate and review on itunes, and check out patreon.com/direweasels. We're sorry about the lack of a normal episode this week.

Mike and Grimgar try to figure out what to do after losing track of Madison. Also we meet my new character. The first thing he says doesn't really make any sense because Forrest and I didn't talk before hand about the particulars of the situation. I would say more about the new guy, but the timing is off. We also spend a surprisingly large amount of time talking about various pronunciations of things, and spend a little time remembering the departed Matt.   @Direweasels are @walk6070, @absurdistkobold, @arcanevice, and @codedude3. Look for @eskimomo9 to return soon. Should be a good time. Send us email at direweasels@gmail.com, rate and review on itunes, and check out patreon.com/direweasels. I haven't really paid that much attention to these things, but the descriptions are formatted differently every week. Not that it matters or is especially interesting, but I will leave this bit about it here anyway.

So we've stepped into some weird island-land and we do *some* things but really we just sing and make Forrest reevaluate his choice in hobbies and friends. We also discover jumping rules and Ivana giggles... A LOT. It was a fun episode and someone disappears at the end. Stop setting your expectations for anything other than drunken tomfoolery and enjoy the fucking episode.  The voices you hear are not imagined, they're the collective cacophany of @DireWeasels  @Walk6070 guides our shenanigans while @AbsurdistKobold, @codedude3 and @arcanevice do said shenanigans.    Tell us how much you love us: direweasels@gmail.com and stop being stingy with your stars and load us up with 5 on iTunes.

There is a house in Cloud City, They call the Yellow Cob, They think they're not that kind of cult, Soon they'll learn otherwise. You know in Mario, that underground theme? It's such a good theme. It goes along well with the atmosphere below, this type of unknown that on occasion pauses to let you hear past the drops of water to hear the void breathing, the wind sweeping through the caves. It's interesting. Being so far underground, I wonder if our heroes can hear what unknown plans our DM Forrest is cooking up for them? Mike, Madison and Grimgar come face to face with an armored man, the one who Madison punched in the face. Yeah that one. With the "Cult" taken care of, what else do we learn? What about this chicken Bob Blaw Blah, or however you spell the damn thing... What's going on with Grimgar? What about Sturella, how is she involved in all of this? Is Mike's underwear just splatted with jizz? Will Madison ever find somebody to love? We are, and totally will forever be @Direweasels. Currently we are For

We fight a group of cultists who worship some bullshit god. We meet up with an old friend, and we find out what John's Harry Potter house is. Also, we discuss the mechanics of casting while falling. Really. That's a thing that happened.   @Direweasels are @walk6070, @absurdistkobold, @arcanevice, and @codedude3.   Send us email at direweasels@gmail.com, rate and review on itunes, and check out patreon.com/direweasels (and that Oxford comma we just dropped like hot lava).

Grimgar, Madison and Mike travel down a weird little door into our DM's weird little world to discover the truth about a weird little cult. Join us as we, again, destroy Forrest's expectations on how a game should go. Your @Direweasels are @walk6070, @absurdistkobold, @arcanevice, and @codedude3.

The Nintendo 64 was a great system. It had a few problems, sure, but for the most part it was a pretty solid console. The naming convention of the games also was great, Wave Race 64, Super Mario 64, Star Fox 64 and so much more. Also gave me a real hard on because the whole significance of the number 64 in relation to computer science. Even that expansion pack looked sex, with that red top, felt good to upgrade. Don't get me started on Majora's Mask or Perfect Dark. Oh, dark... Yeah... Things got pretty dark last episode, like the text for it said. Things sort of start to look up? I mean there's barrels now! Your... heroes(?)... make their way to find this "Ged Chauner" near a green place. Have some laughs along the way and try to figure out what exactly is going on. Also, @walk6070 our illustrious DM gets pretty drunk, while the rest of the Dire Weasels, @absurdistkobold, @arcanevice, and @codedude3, make things.... interesting. If you like lumberjack log rolling, finding out the true meaning of the word gre

So... yeah. It got dark again this episode. Your wonderful, kind, loving dungeon master, @walk6070, tried to do some world building last episode, and he should have known that his crazy cast, @arcanevice, @codedude3, and @absurdistkobold, would teach him a lesson for trying to do some quality D&D. Anyway, they make a certain man regret his choice in pocket squares and make another man regret his choice in groups to DM for. Like I said, it gets a bit violent this time, so you've been warned.   We're the @DireWeasels, find us at patreon.com/direweasels and rate/review on iTunes!

Its praise day in cloud city. Our adventurers decide to attend, get away somehow with killing a robo cop and meet a man with an interesting pocket square. Also what's up with Grimgar? @DireWeasels are DM @walk6070, Mike @arcanevice, Madison @absurdistkobold, and Grimgar @codedude3 . Check out our patreon at www.patreon.com/direweasels .  Also, rate and review us on itunes (5 stars is the correct number of stars). Email us direweasels@gmail.com or tweet us @direweasels. Feel free to visit us at www,direweasels.podbean.com

Forrest had his 21st birthday right before we recorded this episode, so Mollie escaped tax hell and we played a game. Cody and Mollie bring the energy, Ivana does all of the work, Forrest runs the game, and I bring the lethargy (sorry about that). The timing gets fucked for a little bit around 70 minutes. We play a game and we talk about trains.   @DireWeasels are@walk6070, @arcanevice, @absurdistkobold, @codedude3, @chalupabatman27, and @eskimomo9   Check out our patreon at www.patreon.com/direweasels .  Also, rate and review us on itunes (5 stars is the correct number of stars). Email us direweasels@gmail.com or tweet us @direweasels. Feel free to visit direweasels.podbean.com

All of your kind, loving DM's carefully laid plans go to hell almost immediately when the adventurers decide to get a room for the night. Grimgar decides to do some 'extracurricular adventuring' and it just goes downhill from there. Join us for the carnage!   Your @Direweasels are @walk6070, @absurdistkobold, @arcanevice, and @codedude3.   Find us on Patreon at patreon.com/direweasels!

Everyone loves a sweet text adventure! Well, maybe not everyone, but most people... right? Fine, how about amusement parks? REALLY? You're not even amused by the prospect of wild rides and sweet snack truck food? Playing hard ball eh? What if there was 100 bucks in it for ya, huh kid? Maybe even more... Join John and Forrest as they traverse TRACTION PARK, a thrilling amusement park, with a little more insanity and humor than most parks.  Your @DireWeasels are Forrest @walk6070, Ivana @arcanevice, John @absurdistkobold, Cody @codedude3, Matt @chalupabatman27, and Mollie @eskimomo9! All rights to certain media go to their respective owners, Action Park Theme to whoever made it, and K. N. Granger for TRACTION PARK the Out Loud Text Adventure copyright by Goldfinch Games.   Check out our patreon at www.patreon.com/direweasels .  Also, rate and review us on itunes (5 stars is the correct number of stars). Email us direweasels@gmail.com or tweet us @direweasels. Feel free to visit direweasels.podbean.com

In this episode our adventurers continue to try and figure out the meaning behind the green and gray robes and quickly find themselves involved in an urban chase. The end result is about what you would expect, yet the party is surprisingly able to acquire and decipher some new clues! I put the song at the end in just for John. @DireWeasels are DM @walk6070, Mike @arcanevice, Madison @absurdistkobold, Grimgar @codedude3, Editor @chalupabatman27, and Sorely missed favorite @eskimomo9! Check out our patreon at www.patreon.com/direweasels .  Also, rate and review us on itunes (5 stars is the correct number of stars). Email us direweasels@gmail.com or tweet us @direweasels. Feel free to visit us  at direweasels.podbean.com

Some people are gone, and a new person arrives. Surprisingly little happens, unless you like squirrel magic and tangents. It turns out that I used the title, Nominally an Episode too soon. That being said, it is an entertaining listen. Also, it turns out that the title caps at 200 characters. I feel like that's new.   @DireWeasels are@walk6070, @arcanevice, @absurdistkobold, @codedude3, @chalupabatman27, and @eskimomo9!   Check out our patreon at www.patreon.com/direweasels .  Also, rate and review us on itunes (5 stars is the correct number of stars). Email us direweasels@gmail.com or tweet us @direweasels. Feel free to visit direweasels.podbean.com

The Weasels continue trying to figure out what the hell is up with the damn Robit... I mean those friendly Robits.. We love you Robits. Things happen. Crumbs are thrown and Ways are parted. They still have no idea what they're doing both in and out of game. ENJOY!   (Ivana did not procrastinate nor fall asleep multiple times while editing this episode...) The @DireWeasels are your DM, @walk6070, Mike Bagaducci, @arcanevice, Madison Fairfax, @absurdistkobold, Norville Glimmerbottom (Human Wizard), @chalupabatman27, and Starella Goldstein, @eskimomo9!

While the gang deals with the fallout of Madison jumping through the window back into his recently burnt, currently robot-infested home, Norville decides it's a good opportunity for some unorthodox home remodelling. What sort of shenanigans have they gotten themselves into this time?   (Forrest makes his triumphant return to editing with this episode, having used it as an excuse to hide from his family over the holidays.)   The @DireWeasels are your DM, @walk6070, Mike Bagaducci, @arcanevice, Madison Fairfax, @absurdistkobold, Norville Glimmerbottom (Human Wizard), @chalupabatman27, and Starella Goldstein, @eskimomo9!

Happy Holiday(s) of choice, ladies and gents! The Ghostbusters rpg got a little out of hand and we ended up with some tasty bloopers. Thanks to @maybehiroshi for running the game and editing the epic result.@direweasels are: @absurdistkobold, @walk6070, @chalupabatman27, @arcanevice, and @eskimomo9Check out our patreon at www.patreon.com/direweasels .  Also, rate and review us on itunes (5 stars is the correct number of stars). Email us direweasels@gmail.com or tweet us @direweasels. We have some new blurbs on the cast and characters page, which you can find at direweasels.podbean.com.

The gang (minus Forrest who was trying to better his life through passing his finals like a chump) get together and play the Ghostbusters rpg with special starguest/DM/guest editor Hiro (@maybehiroshi) with the participants displaying varying degrees of knowledge with the intellectual property involved. 47 hours of audio were trimmed into the tight 2 hours (or so) we ended up with here, thanks to his expert scalpel. Anyway, things happen, though I am about to give it the first listen (and it has been a couple of weeks) so I couldn't say for certain what. I could say that it will be a lot of fun.@direweasels are: @absurdistkobold, @walk6070 (not appearing), @chalupabatman27, @arcanevice, and @eskimomo9Check out our patreon at www.patreon.com/direweasels .  Also, rate and review us on itunes (5 stars is the correct number of stars). Email us direweasels@gmail.com or tweet us @direweasels. We have some new blurbs on the cast and characters page, which you can find at direweasels.podbean.com.

The gang reads a fairly large number of emails. Later they resume picking up the pieces after the events of the last episode (with all of that robot assed nonsense). Investigation checks get a new name and things ramp up at the end. Hopefully everyone enjoys the happenings.    @direweasels are: @absurdistkobold, @walk6070, @chalupabatman27, @arcanevice, and @eskimomo9   Check out our patreon at www.patreon.com/direweasels .  Also, rate and review us on itunes (5 stars is the correct number of stars). Email us direweasels@gmail.com or tweet us @direweasels. We have some new blurbs on the cast and characters page, which you can find at direweasels.podbean.com.