What The Hell Were You Thinking

Show Notes Episode 317: It’s A Pirate’s Life For Me Part 1 Analog Days This week Host Dave Bledsoe attempts to charm the bartender with a mixtape he made for the bar consisting of songs about the drinks he would like to get for free, only to find his 80’s nostalgic gesture RUDELY rejected! (They broke his Walkman, throwing him out of Applebees. Again) On the show this week we take to the high seas of music piracy with all the ways we stole music before Sean Fanning freed the music in the year 2000! Along the way we learn a lot about Dave’s peculiar fondness for the song Goodbye Mary Lou from the Statler Brothers. (Mary Lou was the name of the first girl who knew better than to date him) From there we dive right into the history of music creation and the theft of music by the wealthy long before us peons ever dreamed of downloading I Want It That Way from Napster. (We love that song, but we refuse to PAY for it!) From there we learn how early music pirates swashed their buckles with sheet music and how sudde

Episode 316: It Is NOT A Commercial, It’s A Cartoon This week Host Dave Bledsoe demands recognition for his service in the Toy Wars of the 1980’s and at least 50% disability pay for the wounds he suffered. (He chipped his tooth while opening a beer bottle in his mouth.) On the show this week we talk about how in 1982 cartoons became toy commercials with toy commercials in them. (If you think Ronald Reagan had something to do with it, you win a prize!) Along the way we learn about Dave’s complex history with He Man and the Masters of the Universe. (He doesn’t like to talk about the time his parents yelled at them for playing He Man in the tub when he was almost 13! Hah HAH! They thought it was gay! HAH HAH!) Then we move right along to the history of the most influential toy company of the 20th Century and it is NOT the one you think it is, probably because this company didn’t make the Star Wars toys that made that other company so successful. From there we explain to you exactly how kids television went to

Show Notes Episode 315: Can’t Avoid THAT Noid! This week Host Dave Bledsoe found himself in a compromising position with a large plush doll he had assumed was an amorous Furry due to his state of intoxication. (Again) On the show this week, take a look back at the Cartoon Brand Mascots of the 1980’s in preparation for a whole other show we are planning NEXT week! (It's called FORESHADOWING PEOPLE! And it is a commonly used tactic in podcasting!)  Along the way we head back to the very first Brand Mascot in history, Wilford Brimley! Then we learn about how raisin growers in California tried to kill each over dried up grapes! (This was a thing that happened!) Then we get to the business of 80’s nostalgia with all your favorite commercial mascots, Chester Cheetah, The California Raisins and that Red Dot that we heard somewhere people wanted to have sex with. (Someone PLEASE tell us this is not just a product of Dave’s Brain, and there ARE people out there who want to Do the Dot!) Then, because you can’t avoid

Show Notes Episode 314: Check A Coin With Your Witcher This week Host Dave Bledsoe slaps a coin down on the bar and demands free drinks only to be told his useless memorabilia is not legal tender. (Again) On the show this week we are talking about the curious culture of the Challenge Coin! (COIN CHECK!) Along the way we learn what Dave had to do to earn his only Challenge Coin. (Fortunately it did not involve an Ookie Cookie as far as we can tell!) Then we dive right into the odd history and application of a military tradition that has somehow crept into the everyday life of America. From its humble beginning in the Roman Legion, where the Imperator would reward the Butchest Optio in the ranks, to its evolution over the skies of France in World War One, where the leader would press one into the hands of the butchest gunner in the squadron! (Oh Carl, you are SO virile!) Finally the modern incarnation that began with bullets and like most things involving the Special Forces grew out of control really quick! (

Show Notes Episode 313: I Would Smoke 500 Miles, And I Would Smoke 500 More This week Host Dave Bledsoe wakes up coughing from what he is sure is just cat dander and allergies, and proceeds to light the first smoke of the day! (We’re sure everything is fine!) On the show this week, we open up that one drawer in the kitchen with all the menus and a phone book from 2001 to see how many Marlboro Miles we can find in there! (25 miles, only 400 packs of Marlboro Reds to go to get that awesome windbreaker!) Along the way we learn of Dave’s formative years using an addictive chemical to give him the illusion of being cool. (Cigarettes, not alcohol.That came slightly later.) From there we dive into the history of cigarettes advertising in the 80’s and 90’s after Nixon kicked them off the television. (Someone must have failed to contribute to Dick’s campaign!) We learn how the Brands needed something new and exciting to capture that youth market, and cowboys were NOT cool in 1992! (Except for you Garth Brooks!) We g

Show Notes Episode 312: Oh, Oh, Here He Come, He’s A John Titor This week Host Dave Bledsoe constructs a time machine to travel back in time before he accrued these unreasonable bar tabs in order to drink them a second time. (He actually just forgot what bar he was drinking in and wandered back in for more booze. Third time this week) On the show this week we tune in Coast to Coast AM with Art Bell and try to remember our AIM password, because we are talking about Time Traveler John Titor!  Along the way we discover what Dave and George RR Martin have in common, besides procrastination and a heavy drinking problem. (allegedly) Then we head back to 1998 where Art has opened the wild card lines to time travelers to meet Mr John Titor! Chrononaut, American Soldier and fan of Ayn Rand. (Which is all you really need to know about John!) From there we learn about why Titor came back, his love of modestly priced Toyota station wagons (reliability AND fun!) and the temporal mechanics involved in utilizing a General

Show Notes Episode 311: The Truth According to Linda Hood Sigmon  Pt 2 of the Life and Afterlife of Elvis  This week Host Dave Bledsoe angrily insists he has photographic proof that not only is Elvis ALIVE, but Elvis personally paid this bar tab Dave allegedly owes! (This one surprisingly worked as it made the bartender laugh) On the show this week we provide you with incontrovertible PROOF that Elvis not only faked his own death, but is alive and well to this day and is keeping the truth of his life hidden from all of us! (We don’t, he didn’t and come on this is just fucking crazy!) Along the way we learn about how much Dave’s dad loved to drive from one side of the country to the other with his family in the back seat of a boring automobile! From there we present our “evidence” on how and why the King of Rock and Roll faked his own death. (It is actually logically constructed, if utterly batshit!) Then we meet Linda Hood Sigmon who has the receipts and will come down on you like the righteous hand of God

Episode 310: “Gladys’ Special Little Boy" Part 1 of The Life and Afterlife of Elvis This week Host Dave Bledsoe slips on his Blue Suede Shoes, a sequined jumpsuit and dark sunglasses so he can disguise himself in a bar he’s been permanently banned from drinking in. (It didn’t work, not even Fat Elvis was THAT fat!) On the show this week we bring you a show about the King of Rock and Roll, his life, his strange ways, and his dick! (This one is for the ladies!) Along the way we learn that Dave’s Mom might have loved Elvis more than him, (Which is totally understandable) From there we meet Vernon and Gladys who would go on to bring into the world it’s Once and Future King of Rock and Roll. From there we travel to Memphis where a young Elvis learns to appropriate Black Music from the best of Black Musicians! (It’s all just business!) Then we dive right into the very strange details of Elvis Presley life as the King of Rock and Roll, forget the stuff about record contracts and shady managers we're talking only ab

Show Notes Episode 309: Cult of Personality Test Pt 2 of Why Do You Believe This Crap? This week Host Dave Bledsoe administers a Bledsoe Booze Type Indicator and discovers his personality type is a DRNK, which is frighteningly accurate (And also entirely obvious.) On the show this week we continue with Part Two of Why Do You Believe this Crap with Myers Briggs. (This shouldn’t cost us listeners at ALL!) Along the way we learn about that time someone tried to kill Dave! (Surprisingly, NOT someone he was dating!) Then we dive right into the history of the most popular personality test of them all, the Myers Briggs Type Indicator! From its beginning as some bullshit Carl Jung was going on about to it’s creation by a Jung obsessed mystery novelist and her daughter in their kitchen! (Notice no mention was made of training in psychology!) From there we go on to see how this test is used in everything from feeling good nonsense to making sure you don’t accidentally hire a job candidate who isn’t white, male and neu

Show Notes Episode 308: Never Mind, I Didn’t See Your Sign  Part 1 of “Why Do You Believe This Crap?” This week Host Dave Bledsoe’s horoscope warns him that failure to pay outstanding bar tabs will lead to certain distress and emotional pain. (Like we needed an astrologer for THAT prediction) On the show this week we kicked off a series called “Why Do You Believe This Crap?” with Astrology. (And just when we started to get a few listeners too!) Along the way we learn that Dave once met a woman who hates him for leaving instead of hanging around. Then we dive right into the history of the Zodiac and Astrology, from its humble beginnings telling Babylonian Kings when to doink all the way through apps on our phones telling YOU when to doink. (The Stars say Thursday!) We find how newspaper horoscopes became a thing (The Royal Family) and why the Boomers loved shitty Age of Aquarius song. (Drugs) Then we learn why Millennials are all into astrology even if they pretend they don’t really believe in it. (Except the

Show Notes Episode 307: HIS NAME IS BUM FARTO! This week Host Dave Bledsoe cut his heel on a pop top and had to cruise on back home, meaning he got bombed off his ass drinking margaritas and listening to Jimmy Buffett. (again) On the show this week we go to Island Time as we head back to the era of the Cocaine Cowboys and learn the true tale of an American Hero: Bum Farto. (That IS his real name!)  Along the way we learn a little about what Dave thought he might do as a second career back in the 90’s, both of which were VERY bad ideas. (We are shocked he didn’t do them!) Then we head to Key West Florida for the true tales of the last pirate republic, the Conch Republic in the 1970’s when bales of weed floated up on the beach and enterprising islanders could make their fortune selling it. (Honestly, we are sure this STILL happens down there) Then we take a look at the rise of the cocaine culture in the States and how it was FUN to be a smuggler before Reagan came along and ruined it. (Like he did EVERYTHING!

Show Notes Episode 306: Dropped From Jupiter the Tale of Toynbee Tiles This week Host Dave Bledsoe is back in the atmosphere with drops of Jupiter in his hair after getting loaded on some grain alcohol and passing out in the dumpster behind a bar named The Jupiter. (Again) On the show this week we examine the mystery of the Toynbee Tiles and their strange messages stuck on the streets.   Along the way we learn how Dave wasted his education drinking in Washington DC dive bars. (He DID learn some things, just not useful things!) The dive right into the mysterious messages planted in the asphalts of roadways around the world suggesting we resurrect our dead on Jupiter. (It doesn’t make any sense, ever) We muddle our way through what they might mean, who may have placed them there and why they did so. (Basically we are just rip off a really great documentary film, that is the miracle of podcasting!) Our Sponsor this week is The Crazy Guy on Your Block, who wants you to know he probably won’t kill you. We open

Show Notes Episode 305: Looks Like Somebody Has a Case of the Mondays This week Host Dave Bledsoe wraps himself in protective wards and desperately sages the studio because it is time to clean the cat’s litter box. (How can such a small creature shit THAT much?) On the show this week we tackle an issue no one ever thought of because it is frankly ludicrous: Is Garfield Evil? (Yes, this really IS what we are talking about.) Along the way we learn that a young Dave used to do the cutest little voices for Odie when playing with little sister! (Man, he gets pissed when we bring that up!) Then we dive in the Darkness that is the Creation of Jim Davis, the fat, angry cat that has come to dominate the lives of millions across the globe and ask how this happened? (The answers WILL shock you and possibly get this podcast sued by PAWS Inc.) Then we learn the Black Secrets of the Inner World of Garfield, including sacrifice, muder, and yes CANNIBALISM! (Someone REALLY should run this show past a lawyer before it goes l

Show Notes Episode 304: Fly the Friendly Skyjackers Part 3 “Will the Real DB Cooper Please Stand Up?” This week Host Dave Bledsoe angrily denies he is the same man who ran up this exorbitant bar tab and demands the bar retract this outrageous allegation! (This...did not work) On the show this week examine some of the people who MIGHT be DB Cooper. (But probably aren’t.) Along the way we learn about some of Dave’s family history and their secret shame. (Surprisingly, not Dave!) Then we dive right into the most “likely” of the claimants to DB’s Briefcase, from the absurd to the “holy shit, this guy might actually be DB!” (We also rule out Gavin being DB Cooper definitively.) Finally, we announce our official editorial stance on who we think DB Cooper might be. Our Sponsor this week is Dream Gene, for when you want to be descended from somebody important even if you are not. We open the show with the trailer for our inspiration this week and close with Laurier LaChance asking for some clarity.   Show Theme:

Show Notes Episode 303: Fly the Friendly Skyjackers Part 2: The Ballad of DB Cooper This week Host Dave Bledsoe dons a white turtleneck sweater and corduroy jacket and offers to take photographs of large women. (He is NOT just like Leonard Nimoy no matter what he says) On the show this week, we meet the most famous Skyjacker of them all, Dan Cooper! (Yeah, that DB thing, totally made up!)  Along the way we learn that Leonard Nimoy is the only honest man in America for an entire generation. (And the sexiest!) From there we dive right into the exploits of the legendary DB Cooper, who took Thanksgiving travel to the ultimate extension of avoidance! (Honestly, who among us has NOT contemplated hijacking the plane just to get home in time for stuffing?) We check out everything we know about who Dan Cooper was (Turns out, CANADIAN!) and what evidence we have on his identity. (Slim and none, and slim left town) Finally, we talk about DB Cooper’s impact on pop culture and how he just MIGHT be either Tommy Wiseau or

Show Notes Episode 302: “Fly the Friendly Skyjackers Part 1: The Golden Years” This week Host Dave Bledsoe gets hammered on Cuba Libres and demands a Cuban Sandwich! (Only to pass out before DoorDash arrives) On the show this week we head back to the heyday of airline travel, when the seats were roomy and a lot of your flights unexpectedly arrived in Havana! Along the way we discover how astonishingly bad Dave was (and probably IS) at geography. From there we dive right into stories of desperados commandeering planes for the Communist Paradise of Cuba only to discover they were not wanted there. Then we learn the tale of a Hunky Marine who became an Italian folk hero because everyone hated America being in Vietnam. (Which was actually fair!) Then we learn how one particular skyjacking ended the Golden Years of American Skyjacking! (Threaten to crash into ONE nuclear reactor and everyone goes nuts!) This is part one of a series, next week we cover the Most Famous Skyjacker of All! (That will show Santa for fu

Show Notes Episode 301: “(Woo Hoo Hoo) It’s All Been Done Before” This week Host Dave Bledsoe reveals a plot by big bar owners to overthrow his right to rack up bar tabs like a True American! (Even the evidence is overwhelming, no one actually cares...so you know, just like real life!)  Along the way we learn that Dave only carried around Infinite Jest because he thought it made him look smart, but never actually read it. (Which is exactly why EVERY man carried around Infinite Jest.) From there we head back to 1932, a group of righteously pissed off veterans and a Marine General named, Smedley Darlington Butler. (If you giggle at that name in front of a Marine, they WILL punch you!) Then we will earn all about how a bunch of rich Republicans thought what America REALLY needed was our own Mussolini, and how they were going to get us one.   Our Sponsor this week is Plan A Putsch, when you want your coup to succeed! We open with a week in May and close with Tom Stitzer explaining it isn’t deja vu. Show Theme:

Show Notes Episode 300: 300 Pods of Heavenly Joy This week Host Dave Bledsoe tries to explain how expecting him to pay these bar tabs as an emissary to the Emperor is MADNESS, only to be kicked unceremoniously into a dumpster. (Again) On the show this week, we celebrate our 300th episode of this podcast by asking, you know, what the hell were you thinking? Along the way we learn the sad, sad story of a pathetic man and his struggles to even remotely resemble an adult human being. (Jesus, Dave, grow up!) Then we have a chat with the very real, not at all imaginary and probably not a Lizard Alien Jeremy Balon of the Seltzer Kings Podcast Network who explains why it seemed like a good idea to have this show on their network. (You know how these “celebration” episodes go, all Navel Gaze no content). Our Sponsor this week is Fast Eddies School of Podcasting, learn the arts and craft of podcasting by podcasters with at least three listeners. We open the show with, well you will just have to listen to it to believ

Show Notes Episode 299: “Good Love Is Hard to Find” This week Host Dave Bledsoe is a little lonely, so he decided to try his luck finding someone who will love him as much as he loves whiskey, only to find that whiskey was there for him all along. (Awww, sweet!) On the show week we head back to 1978 looking for love only to find the Dating Game Killer, Rodney Alcala! (All the good ones are either taken or are in the middle of a cross country murder spree!) Along the way we learn some unlikely “facts” about Chuck Barris, the creator of the Dating Game and maybe CIA assassin? (He wasn’t) Then we dive right into the very strange details of Rodney Alcala and his appearance on a television dating show. (It was strange because they never bothered to check if he was a convicted criminal, which he was!) From there we follow Rodney a decade of some of the sickest crimes of the 1970’s and that is SAYING A LOT! Our Sponsor this week is the Mating Game, who wants you know we know you are gonna fuck, so why be coy? We

Show Notes Episode 298: Big Bucks, No Whammies, STOP! This week Host Dave Bledsoe welcomes back our returning champion, a bottle of whiskey. To date, whiskey has won over $35,000 dollars from the show and shows no signs of stopping! (It really is like taking candy from a baby!) On the show this week, we talk about the day the Whammies Died on Press Your Luck!   Along the way we experience what the average day was like for the children or the 1980’s (and the unemployed!) as we take a tour through daytime game shows! From there dig into the creation of a comparatively short lived game show that has never really been forgotten by a generation of latchkey kids! (We never saw our parents!) Then we meet the man who beat the Big Board and took CBS for over a quarter million dollars in today’s money: Michael Larson. It all ends pretty much how you think it might end. Our Sponsor this week is The Match Game, teaching children about sex since 1969! We open the show with these lovely parting gifts and close with an en