What The Hell Were You Thinking

Show Notes Episode 282: Play Me Some Mountain Madness The Yuba County Five Part 1 (Spooktacular 2020!) This week Host Dave Bledsoe returns to his old stomping grounds in Northern California only to find several outstanding bar tabs and at least one paternity suit. (This is why he can’t go home again.) On the show this week we kick off Spooktacular 2020 with part one of a two part story about the missing Yuba County Five! Along the way we learn rather more about the weather in Yuba County California than we could ever possibly want to know! (Hot in Summer, wet in Winter would have sufficed!) Then we dive right into the story of five slightly developmentally disabled young men (well four developmentally disabled and possibly a violent lunatic anyway) as they vanished one night after a basketball game. We trace their steps from one unremarkable small town to another, (this pretty much describes most of North Central California) and then follow the trail of witnesses and lucky finds deep into the mountains of S

Show Notes Episode 281:Get Me the HELL Out of Here Part 2, Planetary Zillow This week Host Dave Bledsoe decides he is ready to find a new bar to drink at, because they kicked him out of the one he was just in. (He is running out of bars) On the show this week, it is part two of two part series about getting the hell off this dumb, dumb planet! Along the way we explore all of our “local” options for a whole new world, a new fantastic point of view! (Admit it, you are singing it now!) We look to The Moon, our nearest neighbor and ask what it would take to LIVE there! (Billions and billions of dollars) From there we step out into the Solar System to the Red Planet, the place all the rich nerds seem to believe is the Destiny of Mankind, for no adequately explored reason. (We suspect it was the books they read as a kid.) Then we look toward the Sun, and Venus (if you will) and honest to god cloud cities just like in Star Wars! (No seriously, that is the plan!) After a whirlwind tour of The Belt and the Outer Pla

Episode 280: “Get Me the HELL Out of Here Part One: Flight Options This week Host Dave Bledsoe stares into the void hoping against hope to see the traditional green livery of the Betelgeuse Trading Scouts only to discover he is no Ford Prefect.  (Don’t worry, we didn’t get it either.)  On the show this week we examine our options for permanent relocation to another, more understandable planet so that we do not have to cope with all the horrible news we’ve experienced this week alone.  (We admit, we are really grasping at straws with this solution.) Along the way we discover why Dave wouldn’t be a good fit for The Shire.  (Turns out Hobbits are easily offended by profanity!) and why Dave drinks as much as he does.  (He claims he is from another planet, but really he needs rehab.)  From there we dive right into our options for leaving Earth for a Better World which is presumably what this episode is about.  (We are not entirely sure).  We delve in the Drake Equation (with obligatory Seinfeld references) only

Episode 279: Warning, Challenger Jokes Ahead This week Host Dave Bledsoe volunteers to be the first podcast host in space thinking it might convince people to buy him free drinks. (It doesn’t.) On the show this week we are somehow topical and yet entirely outdated as we talk about the Challenger Disaster. (Yes, sadly, he DOES do the jokes.) Along the way we learn that most of what people SAY they remember about The Day Gen X Died is kinda wrong. (Kinda like Dave trying to recall last Tuesday!) From there we jump right into the grim and stupid tale of the Shuttle Challenger disaster, mostly gleaned from the Netflix docu-series Challenger: Final Flight. (We are not afraid to let others do our research for us!) We learn why someone thought it was a good idea to send an untrained civilian into freaking Space. (Reagan was doing badly with teachers.) We meet the starry eyed optimist teacher who erroneously believed no one would be so STUPID as to send an untrained civilian into space if it were at ALL dangerous. 

Special Edition 10: Inflection Point In this Special Edition Podcast we reflect on the dire situation the passing of Ruth Bader Ginsberg places all of us in, and mourn how her passing will be eclipsed by the coming shit storm. Don’t come looking for hopeful words about the enduring legacy of a mighty champion of freedom and justice, because those are the first two things to go when she is replaced. Special Editions of the What the HELL Were YouThinking Podcast are quick reactions to breaking news events where Host Dave Bledsoe offers insight and analysis on their ramifications and offers helpful advice on how to craft an armored refuge from a recreational vehicle as you flee Red America in the coming months.   Show Theme: https://www.jamendo.com/track/421668/prelude-to-common-sense The Show on Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheHell_Podcast The Show on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/whatthehellpodcast/ The Show on Soundcloud https://soundcloud.com/david-bledsoe-4 www.whatthehellpodcast.com Give us your m

Show Notes Episode 278: No One Cares About Your Baby’s Penis, Bob This week Host Dave Bledsoe reveals that he is a MAN, baby! in an anatomically graphic and utterly repulsive manner! (Mostly by burping and farting.) On the show this week we examine the peculiar phenomena of burning down a state to let people know about your children’s genitals. Along the way we learn more ways Dave was a deep disappointment to his family. (They have no appreciation of Charles Nelson Reilly!) Then we learn ALL the ways Gender Reveal Parties are bad, not just for the children but for society! We examine the kind of people that think parties about their crotch fruit are good ideas in general and letting us know about their penis status in particular. From there we learn the history of baby showers, gender reveals and how men in America just really wanted their Dad to hug them ONE TIME! (Why don’t you love me DADDY?) Finally, we just say it, stop fucking up your kids with your stupid ideas about them, and not just their gender!

Show Notes Episode 277: The Stranger Danger Is Dangerously Strange This week Host Dave Bledsoe is offered free whiskey and foolishly climbs into a white panel van. (They soon kicked him out when he became drunk and abusive.) On the show this week we Save the Children from all the people who want to save the children. Along the way we talk about Stranger Danger in the 80's, including what happened to the milk carton kids. (Not the kids themselves, but why they aren’t on milk cartons anymore.) We visit Dave during his good years, helping the good people of the time keep track of their kids. (Don’t worry, he was supervised) and then we shamelessly begged for a plug from our sister shows on the network by gratuitously name dropping them for no reason whatsoever. (Call us Danny and Mike!) Finally we get down to the meat of the show namely what the hell is up with all these people protesting about child trafficking and why they should honestly be protesting something else entirely. (Don’t worry, they are white lib

Show Notes Episode 276: “Ooh What a Cucky Man, He Was” This week Host Dave Bledsoe proves once again he has no shame by revealing WAY too many intimate details about his life. (If it makes you uncomfortable hearing them, imagine being in the same ROOM with him knowing what we know?) On the show this week, we tell you the gripping story of a pair of religious hucksters and the hunky pool boy! (From our forthcoming children's book!) Along the way we learn the life story of Jerry Falwell Jr, his rise from the eldest son of rich evangelical scam artist bilking money from the believers and demonizing everyone who doesn’t believe as they do, to his eventual downfall for doing exactly the sort of thing his Daddy and he demonized people for. (It’s called karma, bitch!) Then we take on all the people out there shaking their fingers at those of us who are delighting in calling out Jerry Jr for being the little, little cuck boy he actually is! (Cuck a doodle doo!) We explain in large words and many profanities we are

Show Notes Episode 275: New York City? We Heard You Was Dead! This week Host Dave Bledsoe demands Snake Plissken return the President to New York, we would like to have a LONG talk with him.  On the show this week, we discuss the premature obituaries of The Big Apple.  (Just like Snake, we ain’t dead!) Along the way we learn about Dave’s similarity to an Abe Vigoda character the youngs never heard of, about the exodus of the rich and douchey, white women whining about Brown people in their neighborhood and of course James Altucher’s “essay” declaring New York City dead forever.  (Hey, Jimmy, why don’t come back up here and say it to our face!  Fuggedaboutit!) Finally we explain AGAIN, why New York is nowhere NEAR The Bad Old Days.  (When the whores in Times Square aren’t owned by corporate management we can talk!) Our Sponsor this week is Money Movers, getting the useless rich out of town as fast we can!  We open the show with the obligatory John Carpenter film and close with Joe Purdy reminding you that N

Show Notes Episode 274: “Wait A Minutes Mister Postmaster!” This week Host Dave Bledsoe finally hears back from Santa Claus about that GI Joe USS Flagg playset he asked for so long ago, only to be told Santa doesn’t deliver toys to forty eight year old dudes. (And that Dave was also VERY naughty that year!) On the show this week we lick it, stick and push it in the box.! (The mailbox you pervs!) Along the way we learn all the ways President Diminished Capacity is destroying the post service because he knows his ass can’t win without cheating. Then we learn ALL about the Post Office with a visit from Old Mister History! (Oh, god, he is trying to get you LEARN again!) Finally we discuss whether or not we even NEED a postal service anymore (Hint: YES!) and some ways you can fight back against the tiny flaccid fascists attempts to stay in power. (It means you are going to have to actually DO something, so get ready.) Our Sponsor this week is Fast Eddies Super Duper Discount Parcel Service, when it absolutely, p

Show Notes Episode 273: School’s Out FOREVER This week Host Dave Bledsoe wonders what if we DIDN’T need no education? (Our best guess is you wind up the Host of a low rated podcast.) On the show this week we take a look at an issue that does not concern us in the least, yet could actually kill us: should we reopen schools. (Probably not, but they will do it anyway.) Along the way investigate all the arguments for both sides of the issue, which in a rare twist of fate, both sides are right. (Don’t worry, it’s still America, both sides are also wrong!) We look for advice from experts and find that they are as divided and clueless as we are. (Great, maybe they will start a podcast too.) From the CDC, who we could trust once upon a time, to educational scholars to Edna Blumenthal, Dave’s 4th grade teacher. (Who wants you to know Dave was a pure horror to teach, and had lousy penmanship.) Finally, out of frustration we turn to our old friend history to tell us what to do. (Turns out, history has no fucking clue e

Episode 272: Every Single One of Us the Devil Inside This week Host Dave Bledsoe hits the town looking his own Demon Lover only to find even the Devil won’t have sex with him. (Satan has SOME standards, please!) On the show this week we talk about Trump’s newest medical professional “Doctor” Stella Immanuel and her interesting ideas about medicine! (Where does he keep finding these doctors, outside a Wakuesha Walmart?) Along the way we find out how Stella got her groove back in some highly entertaining quotes from her sermons, and what you hear might surprise you. (If you recently emerged from a decade long coma.) Then we dive right into the psychology of this latest iteration of the Satanic Panic. (Turns out the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was hiring a REALLY good public relations department!) We dig around the brains of the folks who believe that Satan is doing more than producing some kick ass Heavy Metal Albums. Then we sift the history of Satanic Panics going all the way back to the Knights Te

Episode 271: “Q Can It Be Now?” This week Host Dave Bledsoe uncovers the truth about the conspiracy keeping him from paying his tab at the liquor store! (Hint: He’s a deadbeat and you should never give him a tab ANYWHERE!)  On the show this week, we take a fresh look at the Q Anon Conspiracy only to find, somehow, against all odds, it’s gotten dumber. Along the way we learn how JFK’s 1960 Presidential run alienated the good folks of the rural South by making them fear being forced to eat at Long John Silver on Friday! (The fish was really quite tasty!)  Then we dive DEEP into the latest doings of the good folks who believe that Chrissy Tiegen and Tom Hanks are cooking babies at their pedo cabal Zoom Calls.  (HOW DARE YOU PEOPLE ATTACK TOM HANKS!)  Then we take a quick look at the Q Candidates for elected office this Fall and find to our utter lack of surprise, they are ALL Republicans!  (Where they go dumb, they go all the way in!) We take a gander at overpriced cabinets and how they are really just young g

Show Notes Episode 270: Donwanna Be An American Idiot This week Host Dave Bledsoe has a reading by a noted astrologer who predicts he will stiff her on the fee. (Uncanny how accurate that was!) On the show this week we talk about how everything is just so damn dumb right now. (It’s a recurring topic.) Along the way we visit an article from UK Vice who takes men to task for not liking popular things, and we take the popular things to task for being really stupid. Then we spend some time with the newest contender to the office of President of the United States, Kanye West. (We are totally serious, we are not Kanye is.) While the idea sounds absurd, we remind you that we all thought the current occupant was absurd when he came down that escalator! (Remember how we laughed? No one is laughing now.) To further demonstrate how stupid things are, we then dig in with a Twitter hack that was so transparently a hack that no one could possibly believe it was true. (So naturally a bunch people thought it was true.) The

Show Notes Episode 269: A Snitch Fairy Gets Her Wings! This week Host Dave Bledsoe reminisces about that one time he thought about committing a crime but totally didn’t. (As opposed to all the times he thought about a crime and then DID.) On the show this week we examine the strange and not all suspicious life and deeds of Jeffery Epstein’s Lady Goon Ghislaine Maxwell. (Women can be Goons too, people! Stop being sexist!) Along the way we learn about her early life as a London socialite in the 1980’s and how she traded it for the life of a Manhattan socialite in the 1990’s (Different club names, same cocaine!) Then we learn how she met, fell in love and eventually began procuring grooming and exploiting young girls for the carnal desires of her #1 Dude Jeff! (Let’s not forget all the times she joined in with all the sexual assaulting!) From there we discuss her whereabouts over the past year, her capture and eventual “accidental” death in the Manhattan Correctional Facility later on this month! (Keep your cal

Episode 268: Dude, the Preferred Nomenclature is Orcish American This week Host Dave Bledsoe dusts off his 1st Edition Monster Manual and confirms Orcs are in fact. Lawful Evil. (We hope this settles the controversy once and for all) On the show this week we examine the latest in our endless series of profound and yet profoundly silly cultural wars: are imaginary creatures from a game racist. (Answer, yes and no.) Along the way we discover the violent history of pre-teen boys and that most of them are deeply terrified of girls. (Dave certainly was.) Then we dig into why Wizards of the Coast, the publishers of Dungeons and Dragons decided to announce that “evil races” would be phased out of 5th Edition and the reactions on both sides of the cultural aisle to this news. (We are sure everything progressed in a calm and rational manner!) We move on to freely acknowledge the problematic nature of some elements of the game and the people who created said game. But we also point out that much of original mythology

Show Notes Episode 267: Boom Boom, On Come the Lights This week Host Dave Bledsoe revels in the fact that he may be a drunk with no sense of self preservation, but even HE won’t shoot off fireworks from his crotch! (Unless you pay him.) On the show this week we ask the same question all of you are asking: WHO THE FUCK IS SETTING OFF FIREWORKS AT THREE AM!?!? Along the way we examine such hot button issues as using Irish Spring soap to taunt white people and why white people can’t mind their own fucking business. (Y’all are gonna get the Spring again!) From there we jump to the cultural implications of fireworks and why Americans just love to blow bits off their body off for funsies. We check in on a new conspiracy theory popular in the Blue States for a change and examine all the ways they are wrong about the Summer of Boom. (Come on Libs, you are supposed to be better than this!) Then we wrap up with how YOU, podfriends, could get your OWN illegal fireworks in the big city. (In a purely hypothetical and le

Episode 266: Partridge Family Bus Full of Antifa This week Host Dave Bledsoe explains why you can’t go home again. (Turns out, no one wants him there!) On the show this week we examine why Reuben Kincaid and the Partridge Family want to burn down small town America! (Fucking HIPPIES!)  Along the way we talk of the panic in Frog Fart as imaginary buses filled with black clad (and possibly Black) people swarm the Walmart's and Bait Shops of the Heartland! (Won’t someone think of the night crawlers!) We travel to all the spots where brave Camosexuals gathered outside guns stores and bowling alleys to prevent Antifa from burning down a place they never heard of could care less about if they had (Honestly, NO ONE is visiting Crotch Rot Arkansas willingly.) Then we learn the secret history of Antifa, from it’s ill fated beginning fighting ACTUAL Nazis in Germany to busting Skinhead skulls outside out of Slash’s House of Punk in Poughkeepsie in the 1990’s all the way to punching fucking Richard Spencer in his smug

Episode 265: The Pig Was Cool This week Host Dave Bledsoe explains how his life coach has always been Jimmy McNulty from The Wire. (Yeah, we can see it.) On the show this week we tackle the idea of a world without police. (Imagine that!) Along the way we learn how Dave wandered into his early life career as a cop. (The same way he wanders into a dive bar, apathy and laziness.) Later we learn how he wandered right back out of the job. (Ironically, it was the same way he LEAVES a dive bar, by being thrown out!) Along the way we learn about one of the Bad Dave's in the world who “trains” cops to treat citizens like insurgents. Then we examine in detail what people mean when they say “Defund the Police” only to learn it isn’t the scary idea the cops want you to think it is. (Kinda like how Black people are not scary like the cops say they are!) Then we offer some actionable ways to implement real change in the police without scaring all the white folks with “crazy ideas”. (Which will make young progressive call

Show Notes Episode 264: Citizen Soldier This week Host Dave Bledsoe descends into his bunker for everyone’s safety, the bunker being his private bathroom far, far from everyone else. (There is not enough Lysol in the WORLD!) On the show this week we talk about Shitty Caesar wading across the Rubicon wearing rubber ducky floaters. Along the way we go back to the 90’s where we discover Dave was not NEARLY the badass he thought he was. (Or is!) Then we bring back an OLD favorite and climb aboard The Wayback Machine to learn why the Founders decided a military dictatorship was a BAD idea! (Also, we take some cheap shots at Bostonians!) We then head over law school to find out why Shroom Dick can’t just deploy the troops to “dominate” the protesters that frighten him so much. (BUNKER BITCH!) We visit Kent State to remind you all why soldiers are not cops and never should be. Then we wrap up with some truly astonishing statements by Generals past and present. (We honestly couldn’t believe our eyes when