What The Hell Were You Thinking

This week Host Dave Bledsoe discovers that somehow, against all odds and great personal sacrifice, he has WON the Iowa Caucus. (He is currently drinking in Nashua in hopes of taking New Hampshire as well!) On the show this week, we talk about doing the right thing even when you know it will hurt. (Like that time Dave punched himself in the crotch trying to grab a falling bottle of whiskey, he saved the bottle but it hurt. A lot.) It’s a Screed Show this week, so strap in and get ready for some shouty bits. (We know you love the shouty bits) Our Sponsor this week is Mitt Romney? (Trust us, we are as shocked as you!) We open the show with Dark Helmet’s sage advice and close with Richard Thompson’s divorce song. Show Theme: https://www.jamendo.com/track/421668/prelude-to-common-sense The Show on Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheHell_Podcast The Show on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/whatthehellpodcast/ The Show on Soundcloud https://soundcloud.com/david-bledsoe-4 www.whatthehellpodcast.com Give us y

Show Notes Episode 247: “Nine Coronas” This week Host Dave Bledsoe dons his face mask, tyvek suit, hospital booties and triple latex gloves and finally cleans the studio bathroom. (He lost a bet with Gavin.) On the show this week, we catch whatever it is going around right now and decide it’s the Coronavirus. (It’s actually lupus.) Along the way we take a tour through the Great Swine Flu Epidemic of 1976, which caused a lot of consternation for very little vaccination. (Turns out, it was just some bad bacon.) Then we head over to China to check in on the latest virus convincing white people in Indiana they are infected with said virus. (THEY, are not.) We quickly gloss over the facts of the virus to get to the fun stuff: random lies idiots on the Internet are spreading! We look at the lies about what CAUSED the outbreak. (Looking at YOU Canada!), the lies about how many people are afflicted and dying from the virus (Everyone, everyone is already dead) and finally we look at the all the cures and pr

Show Notes Episode 246: “I’m Berning, I’m Berning for You!” This week Host Dave Bledsoe feels the Bern and tries to get out the vote in Iowa by drunk dialing people in Boise. (In his defense, he’s never BEEN to Iowa, unlike Boise.) On the show this week, the editorial board of the show makes our 2020 Democrat Primary Endorsement only to have it overruled by Dave threatening to fire us all. (Help us Liz Warren, you’re our only hope!) Along the way we learn about the way we do a quick overview of the remaining candidates for the nomination and wonder why they are bothering. Then we switch over to why Sanders is surging before the voting starts. (Heart attacks give you superpowers!) For fun, we go to why the Democrat Party and their corporate masters are skid marking their tighty whities over the idea that Bernie might win. (Because they know he could win and it scares the shit out of them) Then we officially give our editorial endorsement to Bernie Sanders for 2020 and explain exactly why. (Turns out:

Episode 245: “We’ll Never Be Royals” This week Host Dave Bledsoe issues a “royal decree” exempting him from paying for his own drinks and is promptly “deposed” by the bouncers. Again. On the show this week we are talking The Firm, not the CIA but the British Royal Family. (Though both are dominated by Reptilian Aliens). Along the way we examine the LONG fascination Americans have for their former monarchy going all the way back to the whitewashing of George III. (He was quite mad you know!) We tour through the various royal crushes from Victoria to Wallis Simpson. (You think you know her, but you don’t) We look at the most beloved of our current crop of pasty British Overlords and who is not so popular. (Turns out, you can’t bang a teenager against their will like the old days, hey Andy?) Then we spend our time trying to wean our easily distracted citizens off foreign royalty and onto our own Noble Sons and Daughters. Finally, we solve the Pressing Issue of our time in the simplest, least painful and

Episode 244: “Greetings From the President of the United States” This week Host Dave Bledsoe would be texting random Gen Zers telling them they are to report to the Army ASAP, if he actually knew any. (The young find him creepy and strange) On the show this week, we check our registration status with the Selective Service only to discover we never bothered to sign up. (Oops!) Along the way we discover that we did not come here to talk about Alice, or the restaurant, we came to talk about The Draft. (Again, there is no Draft at the moment!) We go all the way back to before we were a country to see how the brave men of the Colonies used to militia to keep out of actual fighting! (The George W Bush of their day!) Then we look at how the brave men of America reacted to the first REAL draft in history! (They killed a bunch of Black People.) Then we learn how the modern Selective Service System evolved from a crooked bunch of local bigwigs keeping rich kids out of the war into a totally fair and random systems

Show Notes Episode 243: “Got Himself In A Little Jam Way Over Yonder In Iran” This week Host Dave Bledsoe scraps a show script at the last minute to write about another damn war. Again. On the show this week we talk the doings in Persian Gulf and what they all could mean. (Nothing good, I’ll tell you that!) Along the way we learn who we killed, why we killed them and what will happen now that we killed them. We talk a little about history, a lot about the possible future and how fucking stupid this all is. (And it is fucking stupid.) Then we proffer a simple if dramatic solution to ALL of our problems. (We don’t want to give it away, but it involves who to vote for this Fall.) Our Sponsor this week is World War Three, it’s been with us all along! We open with CNN coverage and close with a little ditty about the futility of war. Show Theme: https://www.jamendo.com/track/421668/prelude-to-common-sense The Show on Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheHell_Podcast The Show on Facebook: https://www.facebo

Show Notes Episode 242: “The Decade of the Dumb” This week Host Dave Bledsoe forces the copywriter who does the Show Notes for each episode to come in between Christmas and New Years to write some stupid shit for his dumb show even when he said “I promise, there won’t be ANY more shows this year.” (He lied, he always lies) On the show this week we talk about the 2010s and how they ruined the country by making everyone dumber. (So dumb they lie about recording a show when they said they wouldn’t) Along the way Dave talks about some dumb shit that happened when he was young, then makes some obscene metaphors and finally shouts drunkenly about whatever he is pissed about. That’s it, listen or not, I am charging double for these. Think I’m mad? Wait until the social media person finds out they have to work too. She scares me. Our Sponsor is Bullshit, like the kind of bullshit in bringing in the copywriter for an “emergency” podcast. We with something and close with something else. Fuck this job, I qu

Show Notes Episode 241: Two Little Men in a Flying Saucer This week Host Dave Bledsoe will take some time off to be with the people he loves most in the world, the other drunks at his favorite Dive Bar. (I luff youth guyths) On the show this week we look at the most important story of 2019. (It’s not the one you think it is.) Along the way we talk about all the stories bringing us to The Disclosure that transpired over the past year. (Spielberg is IN ON IT!) We divulge secrets THEY don’t want you to know about! (Including how to end Static Cling FOREVER!) Then we take a trip to the patent office to see what Google has coming up for us in the near future. (Hint: Advertisements, lots and lots of advertisements!) Finally, we present you with our working theory on why no one is talking about all the weird shit that went on this year with this alien stuff. (It involves a guy we met a fancy dress party who said he was outer space. He showed us his spaceship!) Our Sponsor this week is Nilfar’s Starship

Show Notes: Episode 240 “Dave Saves Christmas” This week Host Dave Bledsoe declares that HE is Father Christmas and this bar is on The Naughty List for wanting him to pay the bartab. (It didn’t work.) On the show this week we look at the Dark Side of Christmas, and we don’t mean WalMart just before closing on Christmas Eve. Along the way we go back to the beginning of Christmas with the Massacre of the Innocents which wasn’t a massacre because A) It never happened and B) No one is TRULY innocent. (You know what you did!) Then we take you on a terrifying trip through some of the more horrifying moments on Christmases Past! We meet Klanta Klaus, who wants you to have a VERY WHITE Christmas,we grab a drink at the worst office holiday party ever, eat Christmas Dinner with the Lawsons and finally enjoy a nice Christmas on the beach! (This entire episode made us queasy during production!) Finally, we spill the beans on who REALLY killed Jon Benet Ramsey. (NO! WE ABSOLUTELY DO NOT!) Our Sponsor this week i

Episode 239: Weekend At Bernies This week is not a regular show. I am recording it ahead to time and scheduling it go up as I am attending services for a friend who recently took his life. There are still jokes, not great ones, but when are there? It’s OK if you skip this show, you don’t know my friend, and outside of the character I play on the podcast (you do KNOW it’s a character right? No one could drink as much I say I do and survive. At least not know...20 years ago...) you may not know me. So, no shame in not listening. However, if for some crazy reason you come across this show and are thinking of harming yourself, please tell someone, anyone and convene your own little ad hoc council before you make any long term decisions. There is even a hotline, kind of like the Butterball Hotline, but for helping you not hurt the people you love AND yourself. Call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Shit, call the Butterball Hotline, call ANYONE, and TELL THEM FIRST! Because y

Show Notes Episode 238: Family Traditions This week Host Dave Bledsoe looks back on the roads not taken, only find his Uber home from the bar has dropped him off in Newark. Again. (Not every black car is an Uber, Dave!) On the show this week, we talk Childless by Choice for a better Holiday Season! Along the way we learn a lot about Dave’s bad choices throughout the years that brought him to such a sad fate, and want all the women who helped to know: they made the right choice! (You have no idea how lucky you are!) We also get to see the different versions of Dave had he NOT been such a perpetual child himself. Finally, we get down to business talking about how the choice not to have children is both a good thing and a bad thing. (Good, no dirty diapers. Bad: The Pope has condemned you to Hell.) This week’s show is a real navel gazer for Dave, so don’t say you weren’t warned. Also, there is a bit about Flugelhorns for some god awful reason. Dave doesn’t do well with holidays. Our Sponsor this w

Episode 237: The Record Company Gonna Give Me Lots of Money This week Host Dave Bledsoe is not ALL jealous of others good fortune and in fact wishes them all the success in the world, and these tears you see are tears of joy. (The only other time we’ve seen him cry like this was at Last Call) On the show this week we talk about selling out and angry fans. (Not ours, we don’t have any fans, even angry ones) Along the way we discuss the good fortune of our friends over the Last Podcast Network who just signed an exclusive deal with Spotify. (By friends we mean friends of friends of friends, and in New York City, that counts!) Then we dive deep into the sausage making of creating a financially successful podcast only to discover whatever meat we are putting into the sausage gives people food poisoning. (But you should totally donate to our Patreon!) Then we take a turn through why the Fans thinks they are more important than the people who create the art. (Which you totally are, please donate to our Patre

Episode 236: “With His Hand in Goofy’s Pants” This week Host Dave Bledsoe goes to far and attacks another beloved cultural icon and is banned from the Times Square Disney Store for life. (Goofy knows what he did!) On the show this week, we keep up our vicious assault on beloved media companies by telling you all the reasons why Disney sucks! (We are definitely getting sued!) Along the way we talk Walt, who was objectively a pretty horrible person and explain to you why. (Daddy issues.) Then we examine the myriad ways Disney has screwed over creators from it’s very beginning! (Names are named, just like the Black List) We take a long and not a little disturbing look for animated private parts in Disney flicks. (We’re not bad, we’re just drawn with need to look at cartoon poon.) Then we take you on a deep dive of all the reasons why the modern Disney corporation is WAY worse than Amazon and Google combined. (Still not as bad as Facebook, fuck you Zuck!) Finally, we wrap up with a partial list of all

Show Notes Episode 235: " Boomer Are You OK? Are You OK Boomer?" This week, Host Dave Bledsoe angrily denies that he is a Baby Boomer just because his drinking habit makes him appear to be much older than he is. (Seriously man, get help!) On the show this week we examine the hip new trend of the Youngs being cruel to the Olds by pointing out how the Olds squandered the Youngs future to pay for cocaine and luxury automobiles! (Man, the 80’s were wild) Along the way we look at the confusion behind what generation got freaky to produce what generation. (It is all very confusing.) We discover a totally forgotten generation that actually DID all the stuff the Baby Boomers like to claim THEY did, The Silent Generation. (Maybe if they spoke up people would know about all the stuff they did!) We take a tour of what Generation X is up to these days, only to discover we are STILL sulking around in scruffy clothes and writing poetry in journals, only the now all the poetry is about how hard it is to communica

Show Notes Episode 234: “Dia de Gringos” This week Host Dave Bledsoe honors the spirits of his ancestors by drinking an entire bottle of Irish Whiskey in one sitting. (How this is different from a normal Friday night is open to debate.) On the show this week, we engage in a little cultural appropriation and try to create a Dia de Muertos that white people won’t feel guilty about. (Not that any of us feel “guilt” over such things.) Along the way we learn some sad facts about Dave and how he keeps friends. (Hint: he is very bad at it). Then we meet the cultural ancestors of White People in America, John Wayne, Howard Zinn and Fred Rogers and learn how to honor them on our special day. (Are there cigarettes? You betcha!) Finally, we teach you how to construct a culturally appropriate White Person Ofrenda and how to host your own Dia de Gringos festival! More importantly, we learn the horrible truth about Fred Rogers. Our Sponsor this week is Revenant.com, we make coming back from the dead simple. We

Show Notes Episode 233: He’s On A Highway to Hell Spooktacular 2019 Part 2 This week Host Dave Bledsoe hits the road, meaning he tripped staggering home from the bar. ( Again.) On the show this week we wrap up Spooktacular 2019 with the chilling tale of The Highway Killer, Larry Eyler who killed at least twenty one young men across the Midwest in the early 1980’s. Trust us when we say, this is WAY scarier than any ghost stories we could tell you. (If for no other reason that the fashion, WHY DID WE DRESS LIKE THAT?!) Along the way we introduce you to a cast of victims and villains who made Larry the twisted individual he became, featuring alcoholic abusive fathers, absentee mothers and you guessed it: The Catholic Church! (Homosexual serial murderer? You bet they were there!) We tell about the crimes, the manhunt (the police investigation not Larry on the prowl for victims) and the inevitable screw ups by the investigators that let Larry Eyler kill so many! (Can you say “Less Dead”?) Then we chart n

Episode 232: “I’m Your Boogie Man” Spooktacular 2019 Part 1 This week Host Dave Bledsoe carefully checks the locks on his door, and checks beneath the bed to make sure no one is there. (It’s time to pay his bar tabs!) On the show this week, Dave takes you on a world tour of his childhood monsters! (Including YOU Anthony! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID WITH THAT LEGO!) We begin in East Tennessee,first with a campfire tale and then a randy fellow who gets what is coming to him for catting around with other men’s wives! (Usually a bill for a lawyer when his wife finds out!) Then we head west to Oklahoma City to find the scariest place in Oklahoma! (Besides the State Assembly, which is FULL of monsters!) After that we go across the ocean for our next tale of horror, to an island in the Pacific where legends say World War Two never ended! (Maybe NOW the Kurds can leap in and help us out!) Then we come back to Idaho for frankly the most boring ass ghost story we’ve ever heard. (Which is very on brand for Idaho,

Show Notes Episode 231: “There’s Whisky In the Pod-O” This week Host Dave Bledsoe contemplates legal action against Glenlivet as he has had whiskey in a pod for over four years now! On the show this week we discuss all the ways Americans love to love their liquor for very short periods of time. (Remember Zima?) Along the way we visit a young Dave as he is caught en flagrante de drinko by his parents. (Who drinks OJ and Rum?) Then we hit the history books for another in our recurring looks at how much Americans love getting shit faced! (Did you know modern martinis suck? Well, yes, but for a different reason.) We learn about the first “Professor” of Mixology and why all the cocktails you drink today tastes like a diabetic’s piss. (Prohibition ruined America) Finally, we walk through all the alcoholic abominations pop culture has produced over the past few years, and learn that there are in fact laws when drinking the Claw. Our Sponsor is Recta-Shot, when now one can know how loaded you are use Recta

Show Notes Episode 230: “What the World Needs Now Is Dudes, More Dudes” This week Host Dave Bledsoe declares this aggression will not stand, man! As the bouncer tosses him headfirst into a dumpster behind a Schenectady dive bar. (Again.) On the show this week we are stressed from all the crazy business going on in the world and take a break to examine the World of Dudes. (Excellent!) Along the way we learn the exact moment when Dave came into his identity as a Dude. (Oddly enough, he is still wearing the same shirt as he was in 1984, it is just WAY more revealing). We discuss the condition of Dudes in this our modern world with the help of Deadspin’s Drew Magary. (Drew knows nothing about this and our legal team would kindly ask you not mention it to him.) We examine why Dude Alternatives fail to capture the essence of Dudeatinity. Then we take a trip back in time to learn something about American history and how it is so much gayer than anyone thought! (Trust us, you will also be thoroughly delight

Show Notes Episode 229: “Moving the Country to do a Lot of Impeaches” This week Host Dave Bledsoe has his little way and drinks whiskey every day. (Just like every week, really.) On the show this week we talk about, well what ELSE could we possibly about it? (Basically, we have this script ready to go every twenty episodes.) Along the way we learn what the His Imperial Turdness did to get his dumb ass in trouble. Again. We head back to the beginning to see what Conservative fever dream conjured the imagined malfeasance of Joe Biden. (It was Fox News, it’s always Fox News). Then we discuss at length what Donny Dum Dum did and why Donny Dum Dum can NOT do what Donny Dum Dum DID. Again. (Seems like we do that rather a lot.) We talk whistle-blowing and what tune was blown on said whistle. (Peaches by Presidents of the USA, what else?) Then we deep dive into what exactly happens from here on out. (Procedurally, no one fucking knows what will ACTUALLY happen.) We instruct you on how to impeach a pre