What The Hell Were You Thinking

This week Host Dave Bledsoe lays out his holiday plans, he hears the Tombs has some killer eggnog made with lighter fluid. On the Show this week, we are talking Christmas Songs, the bad, the awful and the excruciatingly terrible! (This should be fun!) Along the way we learn some dubious information about the origins of music, or least the origins of the earworm. Then we remind you that Dave is a terrible human being and you shouldn’t take ANYTHING he says all that seriously. (Except when he says he is a terrible person, believe THAT!) Pushing forward we examine the three kinds of Christmas Songs based on the purely subjective standard of hearing them eight millions times in four months while working at a Walmart during the Christmas Season. (Now starting in June!) Finally, we wrap up with the Worst. Christmas. Song. Ever. (And the competition is stiff for the title!) Our Sponsor this week is our season favorite Karl Kringles Discount Elf Hut! We open with the Church of Satan and close with the Chewing

Show Notes Episode 190: “Every Step You Take, Every Move You Make” This week Host Dave Bledsoe takes control of his personal data only to find he is so boring no one is even interested in buying it. On the show this week, we dig in to how your life is up for sale and what you can do about it! (Turns out, not one damn thing. Spoiler Alert.) Along the way we learn how once upon a time, everyone was pretending to be someone else on the Internet, (Cybersex was the dirty new frontier!) and when we all decided to get REAL about privacy online. (Right about the time the RIAA started suing people for using Napster.) We learn how Google and Facebook are tracking your every move, even when you are on the toilet. (They are also tracking your colon health via your bathroom fart sounds!) From there we learn about the illusion of privacy and how the Global Organization of Source Shared Information Pool was collecting it all along! Finally, we tell you how to truly tune out, turn off and poop in a bucket! Our S

Show Notes Episode 189: “Now You’re Messing With A Son of a Bitch” This week Host Dave Bledsoe exploits his grief to elicit compassion and understanding, also to cadge as many free drinks as a possible. On the show this week we find a way to make George HW Bush’s death even MORE polarizing and controversial. (It’s a gift we possess.) Along the way we learn about Dave’s childhood pets, some of whom were actually real and NOT imaginary Klingon Targs. Then we jump to the Twitter outrage over the Slatest Slate Article Slated in the history of Slate. From there we proceed to insult almost everyone we can imagine by disassembling the entire Cult of Dog in contemporary society. (Step 1: Your dog does not NEED an Instagram, assholes!) We look at Comparative Thanatology (Yes, this is a REAL thing!) and how death impacts everything from humans to Whelks. (Invertebrates, not 60’s Polka King) Finally, we just flat out attack people for loving their animals, because we are terrible human beings. Our Sponsor this

Show Notes Episode 188: “You Give Love A Bad Name” This week Host Dave Bledsoe reveals he too was once called to mission, but missed the call because who the fuck answers an unknown number these days? On the show this week look at the strange tale of the American missionary who got his dumb ass killed trying to prosthelytize a tribe had no wish to hear the Good Word. (We guess they don’t answer unknown callers either!) Along the way we discuss the wherefores of why some people are called to witness and how to spot them before they speak to you. (Hint: White shirts and name tags!) We debate the good and bad of missionaries. (Good: medical care, Bad: diseases requiring medical care.) We examine the phenomena of the subway preacher and their peculiar beliefs. There is also a new, more accurate version of the Last Supper that explains missionaries completely! (The A-B-C’s of the faith if you will.) Our sponsor this week is Missionary Positions, testing your faith by putting you in harms way. We open

Show Notes Episode 187: “A Yam for Katta” This week Host Dave Bledsoe eschews his usual anger and bitterness and tells a heartwarming tale of true togetherness and gratitude on Thanksgiving. There is also talk of copious amounts of alcohol because he is broken and desperate person. (Get HELP!) Along the way we learn of a few of Dave’s Thanksgiving disasters, such as the seafood feast and the time he ate Gaejang-guk. (The less you know about either of these the better.) We learn why Southerners make so much damn food every time they cook. (Turns out they are very GOOD at math!) and finally we meet Katta and man who may not be aware of too many things, but he knows he likes yams. (If you know what we mean.) Our Sponsor this week is Box-O-Bird, convenient square shaped turkey like product. We open the show with a dysfunctional family doing the best they can and close with Youtuber Louise D’Arcy singing something that sounds close to yams. The Show on Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheHell_Podcast The Sh

Show Notes Episode 186: “Operation Circle Jerk” This week Host Dave Bledsoe recalls exactly where he went wrong in life, and it begins where you might expect, on a shitter truck. On the show this week we examine another kind of waste with the troops on the US-Mexico border. (We are going to need a bigger truck) Along the way we look at some other times Presidents have used the military to score cheap political points. (Operation Obfuscate Lewinsky was a travesty!) Then we learn to speak Military as Dave translates the complex jargon of service members into civilian. (You start by straining out the curse words.) We also learn that once upon a time, someone was willing to introduce Dave to her family. (Consider it a dodged bullet mystery woman!) Finally, we dig in to the moment of clarity that comes to all who bravely served in the Armed Forces and the finally Embrace the Suck. Our Sponsor this week is Carl’s Concertina Emporium, if fencin’ is your mission, call Carl’s. We open the show with Operat

Show Notes Episode 185: “If You Try Sometimes, You Get What You Need” This week Host Dave Bledsoe mixes up a Blue Wave at the bar, which is a drink containing some kind of blue mouthwash and vodka from a plastic jug. (It taste worse than it sounds) On the show this week, we analyze last week’s election only to discover things are better than you think they are. (Unlike Dave’s Blue Wave) Along the way we talk briefly about Jeff Sessions being fired. (YAY!) and what happens to the Mueller investigation. (Boo!) and what we can do about it now that we won the House. (Yay!) Then we talk about Liberal disappointment and why Liberal can never be happy with the things they have. (They are a lot like Billy Idol, the more, more more!) We check out the big wins we did win and the big wins we didn’t win but were still a victory. (Our logic is solid, we promise.) Finally, we talk about what comes next. (We enjoy a nice glass of eggnog!) Our Sponsor this week is Uri’s Unicorns, delivering the fantasy when re

Show Notes Episode 184: “One More Last Chance” This week Host Dave Bledsoe has one simple message: VOTE Unless you are a Republican, in which case kindly disregard this message. Come back next week for analysis, insight and poop references. BUT ONLY IF YOU VOTED. If you didn’t, please, go fuck yourself! Our Sponsor this week is Beto. Beto is beautiful, Beto is Kind, Beto healed my bones spurs. We open the show with an inspiring movie monologue and close with Lyal Strickland explaining how many chances we have left to change the country. The Show on Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheHell_Podcast The Show on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/whatthehellpodcast/ The Show on Soundcloud https://soundcloud.com/david-bledsoe-4 www.whatthehellpodcast.com Give us your money on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/Whatthehellpodcast The Show Line: 347 687 9601 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Show Notes Episode 183: The Greatest Trick the Devil Ever Pulled (Spooktacular Part 2) This week Host Dave Bledsoe heads back to his old stomping grounds in Arkansas after 30 years only find he is STILL not welcome a Ray’s Ray’s Taphouse in Blytheville after what he did. On the show this week, we finish up Part Two of the Halloween Spooktacular by looking at the low point of the Satanic Panic. (Besides Dave being forced to sell his Dungeon Master’s Guide.) Along the way we discover why Dave never became a Goth Kid (Turns out even Goth Kids won’t hang with SOME people.) and why Goth Kids are so ostracized from teenage society. (Jealousy, because black is a VERY flattering fabric color.) We give you the thumbnail view of the Robin Hood Hills Murders and the subsequent farce of a trial, then settle in for a protracted conversation on the evils of For Profit Universities and their impact on the education system. (Don’t worry it will all make sense in the end, as much anything ever does on this dumb show.

Episode 182: After the Bombs Subside This week Host Dave Bledsoe is PISSED because he worked on a damn script all week and had to rewrite an entire show on Friday! Again! On the show this week, we chuck the show we had in the trash (Honestly the best thing for it) and talk about the MAGA Bomber. We didn’t WANT to, but now we HAVE to! Along the way we dig into latest conspiracy theory spun out of the fevered imaginations of the MAGAnoscenti to attempt to delude the easily deluded into believing George Soros bombed himself. (Our brain hurts) We explain everything we KNOW about the bombings this week instead of what we we THINK we know. (Once that is done, THEN we begin to opine.) We look at the history of domestic terrorism in the United States only discover you can’t believe everything you hear on Fox and Friends. (Really, ANYTHING you hear on Fox and Friends.) Then we take a quick look at who it to blame for the radizalization of the MAGA Bomber and get to meet the Anti-Dave, just as a drunk and ar

Show Notes Episode 181: To Hell With the Devil (Spooktacular Part 1) This week Host Dave Bledsoe puts on his Iron Maiden t-shirt, straps his spikes on his wrists and prepares to headbang like like a MoFo, only to hurt his back when he tried. (He is SO OLD!) On the show this week it is part one our annual Halloween Spooktacular! Join us as we open the vaults of time and draw forth ancient tomes of forbidden knowledge, dredge secrets long forgotten and bring them to light! In this first half we explore the demon haunted wastelands of small town America circa 1980 when bands of dark cloaked figures flitted around graveyards and preschool playgrounds seeking to snatch helpless children for their Black Masses and perverse rituals! (Note: This was not happening.) When Satan stretched forth his ravening claws and sank them deep into the virgin flesh of a generation through Heavy Metal “music” and games containing Hobbits and Ents! (Again, this never happened!) Yes, we go back to the origins of the Satanic

Episode 180: “It’s the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” This week Host Dave Bledsoe feels better than he has in years when he realizes he no longer has to quit smoking or drinking because we are all going to die! On the show this week we regretfully inform you that we are all going to die. (In a couple of decades, plan ahead!) That’s right we tackle the big UN Climate Change Report informing us we have twelve years to get our shit straight and explain the chances of that happening. (Is there a number smaller than zero?) Along the way we examine the history of climate change science all the way back to Stone Age when the first caveman waved his hand to indicate he was offended by the smoke from the mastodon cook fire! (A real dick move!) We jump forward to 1896 when someone first asked if MAYBE burning all this coal was the best idea. (Hint: It was not.) Then we dive into the warning signs of our current crisis. (We probably shouldn’t have trusted the oil companies when they said CO

Show Notes Episode 179: “In Vino Veritas” This week Host Dave Bledsoe tries to fondly recalls his past only to discover he really can’t remember an awful lot of what went on. On the show this week we tackle America’s drinking problem. (The problem is America is making us all drink!) Along the way we examine some troublesome revelations about Dave’s sexual predilections. (Christmas is ruined forever) Then we take a stiff drink and get down the business of what makes people drink. (Hint: It is something you did.) We tackle the moral implications of binge drinking and whether or not is wrong to snitch your way out trouble when the other person is really dumb. We talk criminal justice in a long winded and essentially pointless story about why cops rarely get arrested for drinking and driving. (What you are thinking is exactly what happens.)We come to grips with bar fights and why some men feel the need to get all testosterone laden while drinking. (Their penis is very small.) Finally,we explain why w

Show Notes Episode 178: “I Wonder Who the Real Men Are” This week Host Dave Bledsoe flips through the pages of his high school yearbook to confirm he correctly recalls not raping anyone in high school. On the show this week we flip through America’s high school yearbook to find it full assholes named Brett. Along the way we ponder why ANYONE would look back fondly on high school. (Get a fucking life people!) Then we take a turn through the social and economic strata of the 1980’s to explain why rich white men can do the kind of things they do. (Hint: Rich and white.) We spend some explaining why GenX kids basically raised themselves. (Our parents were gripped by deep questions about who shot JR.) Finally, we break down once and for all why people like Brett thought it was perfectly fine to behave like privileged, entitled, rapey, shitbags. (It was all Hollywood’s fault, we guess.) Our sponsor this week is Evernear Grain Alcohol, Evernear we put the punch in your Punch! We open the show with a pri

Show Notes Episode 177: “A Dick Joke Too Far” This week Host Dave Bledsoe reveals himself to his fans in a moment of heartfelt intimacy and vulnerability, much to everyone’s regret. (Dick Trigger Warning Given) On the show the week, we discuss….well what the hell else are we going to discuss on this show? The Supreme Court pick? That isn’t funny! Trump’s Mushroom Dick, now THAT is funny! Along the way we learn more than we ever wanted to know about Presidential Peen, from Washington’s Wooden Dick to LBJ’s Hogleg, we cover all the POTUS prick trivia you never wanted to know and are now being forced to find out from a low rated podcast. Then we make an impassioned argument for decency and accountability in the White House. (To bad we need a time machine for it to be meaningful!) Then we explain why the decisions we make in the past haunt us throughout our lives in strange and unexpected ways. (Like that time Dave go drunk in Honduras and woke up in Nicaragua! True story!) Then we close the show wi

Episode 175: “Roughing the Snapper” This week all of Host Dave Bledsoe’s rowdy friends are coming over only to find he’s not home and is in fact in a bar getting shit faced by himself. Again. On the show this week we go all sports talk radio and give a surprising answer to the question “Is football good now?” (Answer: “Ish”) Along the way we hear the very brief and very awkward tale of Dave’s football career. (Think Verne Troyer -RIP- but with far less dignity.) We go on learn the secret of acceptance in small town High Schools. (Cheap prices on bad weed.) We then discuss why we obsess over men and their balls and why that obsession is so unhealthy. (When we keep playing with our balls we go blind.) Going forward we examine what happened when America’s favorite sport went from what brought us together to another battle in our endless cultural wars. (Hint: White People.) After struggling for years with sport aversion Dave finally breaks down and likes football out of spite, picking his time accord

Show Notes Episode 175: “Signs, Signs, Everywhere There’s Signs” This week, Host Dave Bledsoe is back from his bender (which he called a “wedding”) and is ready to kiss and tell about being kicked in the crotch by the groom. (He deserved it, trust us!) On the show this week we confront the viral load of Internet stupid this week to find the prognosis is not...well it’s not good. Along the way we discover what frightened Dave as a child (his Mom finding the porn stash beneath his bed) and why he wasn’t afraid of monsters. (Turns out the monsters were afraid of HIM!) Then we explain why very angry White People were burning their shoes. (They looked for looms to throw the shoes in, but did not know what a loom is. Luddite humor, very topical!) We gently explain that when the Tweet contains subtle clues like “my name is #mustard” you probably shouldn’t assume it contains factual information. Then we dig right in to the so called ‘secret sign’ flashed by Brett Kavanaugh’s law clerk that was neither a secre

Host Dave Bledsoe is marrying people this weekend, so we are running a "best of" (Frankly, if this our best maybe we should keep to ourselves) this week. We reach back to November of 2017 to remind that Louis CK did some really bad shit and hasn't done ANYTHING to make it better. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Show Notes Episode 174: “Donnie Are You OK, Are You OK Donnie?” This week Host Dave Bledsoe is held in contempt until such time as finally clears up his bar tab. On the show this week we talk about some other contemptible fellows who suddenly find themselves looking at long stretches in prison. (Orange is the new Ostrich leather!) Along the way we discuss the Summer of 1974 and the crimes that came to light in a small southern town! (WE WANT OUR HOT WHEELS BACK EDDIE!) We also examine the other big event of that month, something about some guy resigning or something. Then we dish about the other criminals who for some reason all seem to share a single, simple trait in common. (Hint: It contains the letters G, O and P!) We share some frankly stunning allegations of misconduct by Mister Hooper towards Ernie and the break down some hard truths about the electorate in America. (The GOP probably shouldn’t count on some of their usual voters to save them this year.) Finally, we meet the Middletons, the mo

Show Notes: Episode 173 “Cold Hearted Snake” This week Host Dave Bledsoe is secretly recorded during a production meeting saying a terrible thing, only to immediately say it publically when asked about the tape. On the show this week, we talk tapes, who said what, to whom and when and whether or not those tapes will even matter when they heard. (Answer: Not in the in the least.) Along the way we update the Presidential Lie Count which unlike Trump’s approval ratings is only going up! From there, we tell the tale of Omarosa’s second tenure in the White House (That’s right she worked for Clinton AND Gore!) and her sudden yet entirely expected termination in the Situation Room. (What kind of situation requires Omarosa in the Situation Room, a barbed retort on Real Housewives?) We ask the question America is dying to know: Did our President say the N-Word. (Hint: A lot.) We try to decide is Omarosa is at all credible in her claims. (Absolutely not, but that doesn’t make them untrue.) We also discuss