What The Hell Were You Thinking

Show Notes Episode 171: “Harry’s HUGE Henderson” This week Host Dave Bledsoe finds love in the forest and the less said about that, the better. On the show this week we examine Bigfoot Erotica, for which it would also be better if we said less about. (Unfortunately for everyone, we did not heed this advice.) Along the way we discuss WHY we are talking about Bigfoot porn, and coin a new name for coitus with a cryptid: “Sexquatching”. (Seriously NO ONE ELSE has used that word before, we Googled it!) We dive deep and hard into the world of Monsterotica (We did NOT invent that word) and particularly the sub-genre of those aroused by Bigfoots. We learn how surprisingly lucrative such fiction can be and plan to launch our own line of Bigfoot Boning Books shortly. (Check out forthcoming Amazon page!) We then address various practical and moral issues around Human/Sasquatch relations and how they should be handled when brought up in conversation. (Pray this never happens.) Finally, we take a STRONG stand

Show Notes Episode 170: “She Was With the Russians TOO?” This week Host Dave Bledsoe’s cover is blown when he orders his whiskey shaken not stirred. On the show this week we infiltrate the shadowy world of Russian Honey Pots, only to discover Winnie the Pooh isn’t a Russian Bear. (A Leather Daddy named Dimitri, on the other hand…) Along the way we learn the secret history of Dave’s favorite bar in college. (Hint: Cheap liquor and liberal ID checking policies.) We reveal the reasons why dumpy middle age Republican operatives get all the hot chicks. (They are all Russian spies.) We wonder how deep the ties go between the NRA and Kremlin go. (Charlton Heston was a commie infiltrator!) We also have a Wayback this week where you will learn why the Russians are so GOOD at espionage! (You need to be when your government is based on repressing peasants!) Finally, we wrap with an in depth exploration of what Putin wants from his Best Boy Donnie! (Money. It’s money.) Our Sponsor this week is Vlad’s Nice

Show Notes Episode 169: “Shame In Vain” This week Host Dave Bledsoe explores that nagging feeling of remorse he experiences waking up each morning to find himself still alive. On the show this week we explore the most useless approach for moderating behavior after the “Time Out”: Shame. Along the way we examine the history of shame and have a good long laugh at the name “Hester”! (Admit it, you are giggling now.) We take special care to demonstrate how hard it is to make a sociopath feel bad about something they did. (So, you’re telling me ax murder is a BAD thing?) The we see how shame is weaponized by both sides of the political aisle. There is a LONG string of dick jokes which we are inordinately proud of, and a couple of pedo priest jokes that we know we know we SHOULD be ashamed of, yet totally are not. (See, shame is useless!) Finally, we offer up a simple suggestion on how to deal with the problems in our society. (Ahem: LOCK HIM UP! LOCK HIM UP! LOCK HIM UP!--damn that really is cathartic we

Show Notes Episode 168: “Q Who?” This week Host Dave Bledsoe finds out who is behind the plot to undermine his finances and social reputation, only to discover the enemy is him. On the show this week we examine the Deep State Conspiracy known as “QAnon” and shockingly discover it is John de Lancie! (It’s at least as probable as any other explanation we’ve heard.) Along the way we learn the wit and wisdom imparted by Dave’s grandmother who only wanted him to behave and avoid the Romani. (Or Gypsy Rose Lee, it was never truly clear who she was talking about.) We learn what scares old white people (everything) and what scares Roseanne and Curt Schilling. (They are old white people, so everything.) We follow the breadcrumbs dropped by an Anonymous Dude on the Internet deep into the forest to find the gingerbread house of ROBERT MUELLER! (He is famous for them, makes them every Christmas. Delicious and adorable!) Finally, we unravel the mystery so frightening even Alex Jones disavows the entire theory as to

Show Notes Episode 167: “Dispatches from the Second Battle of Starbucks” This week Host Dave Bledsoe returns home from the war, and by war we mean a savage drinking binge from which his liver suffers PTSD. (God help it!) One the show this week, we read letters from the front of the #SecondCivilWar and hope not be sued by Ken Burns. Along the way we examine the root causes of generic civil wars. (Not OUR Civil War, that was slavery.) We delve into the reasons why we all cannot, as Rodney King once asked us, just get along. (Mostly because certain people are beating the shit out of people like Rodney King!) We talk about the mindset of Conservatives and why they feel so desperately ostracized. (It’s called the march of progress, get used to it!) Then we reluctantly advise you we are ALREADY in the midst of a true Second Civil War and we are currently not doing well. (Despite holding all the money and all the media!) Finally, we issue a stirring call to arms and beg General Patton Oswalt to take comm

Episode 166: “Uncivil Wars” This week Host Dave Bledsoe insists the bouncers respect his feelings and practice civility as they toss him into the dumpster behind the Hooters. On the show this week say fuck your feelings to everyone who insists we respect the system. (We are not in a good place this week.) We do a front line tour of the civility wars this week as the sky is actually fucking falling! (Henny Penny was in fact a red hen, check your Little Golden Books!) Along the way we take those who cannot keep a civil tongue to task, and chide the rude, crude and socially repugnant for their crass ways. (Fuck those people!) We also examine the cost of going along to get along, and if we are willing to pay. (We, are not.) We hear from Birmingham Jail and also the Tombs as Dave frantically tries to get someone willing post his bail. (We, are not.) Our Sponsor this week is Fast Eddies Etiquette Academy, fucking civilizing you. We open the show with a treatise on civilization by Joe Abercrombie and clos

Show Notes Episode 165: “Waiting For A Ghoul Like You” This week, Host Dave Bledsoe stumbles bleary eyed from the grave he lay in for the past week and wonders how much he drank to pass out in a cemetery. Again. On the show this week we examine the flesh eating ghoul who architects the Trump Administration's pogrom against immigrants. (Seriously, Stephen Miller eats the flesh of the dead!) We also explain what the HELL we were thinking last week when there was no show. (Rage, mostly) We look into the history of Dear Leader Trump’s long and illustrious career in hating non-whites going all the way back to Daddy Fred’s days with the Klan. Then we dive into the arcane ritual that summoned forth from beyond the wall of death incarnating the fleshy homunculus who functions as the ill will behind kidnapping of innocent children to get a Border Wall. (We hesitate to use the word evil, actually no we don’t, it’s evil!) Finally, we discuss at length the danger of men like Stephen and the threat they pose. (It’s

Show Notes Episode 164: “Talk Dirty to Me” This week Host Dave Bledsoe tries really hard to lose sponsors with his vile and vicious content, only to realize he doesn’t have any. On the show this week we try a reckless stunt and talk about profanity. (We are sure THIS will go well.) Along we way, we spend far too much time talking about the Samantha Bee faux controversy and conclude apologies are only necessary to those who deserve them. (Hint: Not you Ivanka) We dissect the C-Word in all of its permutation and incarnations, and explain why Brits and Ozzies love it so much. (It’s fun to say, yah C----S!) We go on to mount a vigorous defense of profanity in all of its forms, and push back against the idea that those us who work blue lack vocabulary? (Have you HEARD some of the ways we curse on this show?) We unpack the crime underlying the usage of some of our naughtiest words and realize it isn’t the words but the bigoted assholes saying them which is the problem. (Stealing a Carlin bit, it’s how we

Show Notes Episode 163: “Your Tweet Should Go Away, Roseanne Yeah!” This week the show is airing on Saturday because Host Dave Bledsoe is busy celebrating his birthday by convincing friends and strangers to pay for his liquor. (It’s basically his Saturday on a Friday.) On the show this week are forced to address the pile of dog poo on the nation’s lawn that is Roseanne. (We are going to need a HUGE pooper scooper people!) Along the way we learn the secret of working for a giant asshole (Money, lots of money) and how it always ends when you do. (Lawyers, lots of money to lawyers.) We examine the history of Roseanne and her politics and ask how did ABC NOT see this coming. (Lawyers AND Money!) We question the Liberal bona fides of Roseanne going all the way back to the beginnings of her career and point out her show was actually just a Norman Lear sitcom without Norman’s warmth. (Honestly, we couldn’t stand her then, having Roseanne screaming on the TV and our Mom screaming from the kitchen was too mu

Episode 162: “Hey Little Sister, What Have You Done?” This week, Host Dave Bledsoe pops the question to his beloved only to discover the bartender is already married. On the show this week we are SO ready for Wedding Season after the Royal Wedding coverage! (So ready for this crap to be over!) Join us as we walk down the aisle on the Wedding Industrial Complex and weddings in America. (We will need a $1,200 deposit to hold the space before we can even begin the show.) Along the way we tally the costs, financial, emotional and physical of a wedding today. (You will want Podcast Planner to guide you through the show, we have some recommendations.) We tackle the important questions you should ask before deciding on your ceremony. (Open Bar, always Open Bar). We address the elephant in every room: where to seat your registered sex offender family members in the reception hall. (Legally, 200 yards from the children’s table.) Finally, we offer some alternatives to traditional weddings. (We urge you to

Show Notes Episode #161: “What Kind of White Nonsense Is This?” This week Host Dave Bledsoe is accused of virtue signaling until people discovered he lacks any. On the show we talk about why White Folks are so quick to call 911 on Black People. (Hint: They are Black.) Along the way we discuss why White People are so quick to call the police for EVERYTHING! (Their dog looked at me funny officer!) We examine the long history caucasian passive aggression (Witch Hunt!) and Cookout do's and don’ts. (Do: Bring a bottle of brown liquor, don’t go back for seconds before everyone else has a chance to eat.) Then we get down in the weeds and explain why Black people are uncomfortable around the police in a way White people can identify with. (You could say we Whitesplain it.) Our Sponsor this week is 9-1-2, it’s like 911 for petty shit you call 911 about,. We open the show with KevOnStage explaining cookout etiquette and close Z-Flo signing about White People. Show Music: https://www.jamendo.com/track/421

Show Notes Episode 160: “Domo Arigato, Mister Roboto” This week Host Dave Bledsoe is worried he will be replaced by Artificial Intelligence only to discover no robot can process Jameson as efficiently as he can. (Seriously: Consider Rehab!) On the show this week we head to the Google IO Conference to learn about all the new products designed to replace humanity on the planet Earth. (Can’t happen soon enough for us!) Along the way we learn about Dave’s crippling fear of technology. (His fleshlight malfunctioned and scarred him mentally and physically.) We take a tour through the hellish landscape of customer service phone calls and come out the other side fully convinced humanity does not DESERVE to live. You will also learn all the ways the road to hell is paved with best intentions of people with great ideas. (Think Facebook!) Then we dive deep into the ethics of Artificial Intelligence and come up with the only possible solution to the problem. (Hint: Farting Robots). Our Sponsor this week is Fa

Episode 159: “Speak of the Pompitous of Trump” This week Host Dave Bledsoe is fired from his gig speaking at the Spring Lake Heights New Jersey Chamber of Commerce Dinner because he refused to cut the joke about the mayor having carnal relations with an Alpaca. (NO EDITS!) On the show this week we discuss the kerfuffle about a mean lady being mean to all the important people of Washington DC. Along the way we learn why Dave keeps being fired from his jobs. (His drinking.) We continue our fascination with Conservative Humor and why it just isn’t funny. (Mostly, it’s the racism.) We deliver a better Dennis Miller joke than even Dennis could do back when he was sane, relevant and funny. (He really was all three once upon a time.) There is a sidelong plunge into why Sarah Huckabee Sanders being a Lesbian Softball Coach is actually a compliment and urge Sarah to leave her current job and become one immediately. Then we spend an inordinate amount of time explaining why the White House Correspondents Association is

Episode 158: Have You Heard About the Lonesome Losers? This week Host Dave Bledsoe sits down with Chad and Stacy at the cool kids table only to discover they only want him there because he is old enough to buy beer. On the show this week we take a walk on the sad side with all the sweaty, semen soaked denizens of the “Incel” culture. (It is just as pathetic as it sounds.) Along the way, and against our will, we take a course on Dave’s sexual history. (It’s a remedial class.) We stretch our metaphors to the breaking point finding new ways to insult the Manosphere which is a real thing and real stupid. There is a pointless detour into dictionary definitions and one really stinging Your Mom joke which we personally feel is goes to far. (Just like your Mom on the first date!) Finally, we deliver frank and useful advice to all the sad pathetic idiots pouting in their basements, raging over their perpetual virginity! (Hint: Start with taking a SHOWER!) Also, we encourage you to head to our Patreon Page

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Show Notes Episode 157: “Quiet Numbskulls I’m Broadcasting” This week Host Dave Bledsoe goes on the hunt for the video that killed the radio star, to discover all he can hear is Radio Gaga, only to then find himself the morning DJ on W.O.L.D. On the show the show this week we Turn Up the Radio, because we want some music, got to hear us some more. (We don’t know what songs he is referencing either.) Along the way we bid a bittersweet farewell to some radio legends, Art Bell and Carl Kasell, two men who influenced radio in completely different ways. (Though Carl did record a answering message for a Time Traveler from 2083, we heard it on Art Bell.) Then WE travel through the days of yesteryear to hear the voices of all the Disc Jockeys who made music radio! (Including the Casey Kasem rant that EVERYONE plays any time these kind of things are referenced. So original!) We get raw with the rise and fall of the Shock Jocks from Stern to Opie and Anthony. (Yes, yes, Baba Booey) Then we take a turn into the

Episode 156: “Dirty Deeds, Done Dirt Cheap” This week Host Dave Bledsoe goes in search of legal counsel to press his case against TGI Fridays in Penn Station for emotional damages after being banned from the premises last week. (His pain is very real and very lucrative) On the show this week, we talk about a very naughty lawyer who is in deep, deep trouble: Michael Cohen. (Soon to be Inmate #577791) We learn all about Mikey’s checkered past, his associations with all the The Worst People (Don, Don Jr, Eric, Ivanka) and where he fits in on the Trump Org Chart. (Above Tiffany) Along the way we discover that Mikey has some interesting associations outside the Trump family, most of whom (Entirely coincidentally we are sure) have Russian last names. (He is a big fan of borscht) We gab on the rankings of universities within the confines of the District of Columbia and why you shouldn’t even admit your awareness of American University. (Gavin went there!) We step inside the Wayback Machine and head back t

Episode 155: “You Got To Change Your Evil Ways, Bezos” This week Host Dave Bledsoe insists his bar tab is part of his “Prime Membership” and is banned from drinking at the TGI Fridays in Penn Station. (Again) On the show this week we think hard questions deserve hard answers, which explains why we still had to solve the problem on the chalkboard even if we sported a hardon. (We’re flattering ourselves) We tackle the ethics of Amazon only discover we inadvertently ordered a textbook of the same name for an MBA class. Along the way we take a tour of Dave’s hometown circa 1975. (Not impressed) We learn the real reason 12 year old boys took the Sears Catalog into the bathroom. (I am looking at SPORTING GOODS MOM!) And ask why President Spanky is so very angry at Jeff Bezos. (Hint: President Spanky is a moron.) Finally, we play a stirring round of 25,000 Pyramid with Dave’s childhood traumas. (Dave loses) Our Sponsor this week is the Sears Catalog you OWE us, so how about shopping here once in a while

Episode 154: “Special Collector’s Edition Foil Cover” This week Host Dave Bledsoe slips into his spandex suit, dons his cape and promptly gets kicked out of Toys-R-Us. (Can a man not just have this ONE moment before it’s gone?) On the show this week we head back to those heady days of yesteryear when comics were king and women were not allowed in the comic book store. (They frighten us!) We delve into the rise and fall of the House Marvel and House DC and how they found a way to make some very nerdy people into damn rock stars. (Hint: Money.) Along the way, we discover the next big prestige television show you didn’t know you were waiting for. (Call us Netflix!) We ask some penetrating questions about the wisdom of speculative bubbles, like how the hell do people think these thing are worth ANYTHING! (Hint: Humans are stupid.) There are even copious references to Dungeons and Dragons and all the other role-playing games of Dave’s youth. (And middle age.) Our Sponsor this week is the Baseball Car

Episode 153: “The Devil’s Rejects” This week Host Dave Bledsoe makes a deal with the devil for his soul, only to find out his soul already repossessed to pay his bar tab at the Nancy Whiskey Pub in 2009. On the show this week we enjoy the misery of America’s worst citizens, not the Kardashians, the other ones. Along the way we examine the travails of trailer park life (and remind you that your Host used to live in a trailer!) and why it is probably bad to bang your stepmother in law. (Solid advice) Also, we say to hell with the Devil and the Devil says “Thanks, but no thanks” to Nazis. (Even the Devil has SOME limits.) We also have some questions about whether or not modern Satanists are TRULY committed to the Dark Lord Satan or are just doing this to piss off their parents. (Hint: It’s the parents) Also, Dave is apparently VERY upset about Noah Hathaway’s stellar performance as Boxey on the original Battlestar Galactica. This seems to us very hyperbolic when the REAL sin against Science Fiction wa