What The Hell Were You Thinking

EPISODE #116: “Death By A Thousand Tax Cuts” This week Host Dave Bledsoe asks the doctor to give him news, only find out he has bad case of loving you. (The prognosis is not good.) On the show this week we FINALLY do the health care episode we’ve been trying avoid like a Republican Congressman in his district. Like his constituents, it leaves us even more pissed off than when we started. Along the way we learn the history of medicine in America, like how many chickens it would cost for a syphilis treatment (three but no promises it works) and the best places to die on the streets of your town. (Near the pizza parlor, trash pickup will cart off your body). We also discover the rather disturbing backstory of Mr. Peabody and Sherman--no really, we are not cool with this, it’s kind of sick. We also talk about LBJ’s dick, which you are required to do each time your bring up LBJ in a historical context, why do you think they wait so late in High School to teach you about VietNam? We explain exactly why y

SHOW NOTES EPISODE #115: “The Center Cannot Hold” This week Host Dave Bledsoe plaintively asks if he is naught but a pair of ragged claws only to discover he’s mixed up W.B. Yeats and T.S. Elliott. Again. On the show this week we plaintively ask why can’t we all just get along only to discover we’ve NEVER really gotten along, we just stopped pretending to even try. Along the way we discover that He Man and She Ra were really concerned about pedophiles in the 80’s, and that despite what they told us in school, the United States is not historically a Nation. (Fake History! Sad!) There is a digression into why Tim Allen is so persecuted and deeper digression into furniture styles since the Revolutionary War. (Only one of these is relevant.) Also, there is Springsteen as Prophet and ponder if establishing a religion around The Boss is fiscally sound. Finally, we lean excessively on the hackneyed rhetorical and literary crutch of The Second Coming. (The poem not the sad second masturbation session of a

SHOW NOTES EPISODE #114: “The Mystery of Fresno” This week Host Dave Bledsoe attempts to roll a Saving Throw against the Real World and fails. On the show this week we turn our backs on all the bad news about shootings, Trumpcare and racist government officials and dive deep into a mystery of Lovecraftian proportion: Gary Gygax’s FBI File! Along the way we learn everything there is to know about the Father of Role Playing Games from his rough origins on the mean streets of Chicago to his youth on the even meaner if more manicured streets of Lake Geneva Wisconsin. (Do NOT mess with the gardeners, they WILL rake you!) Even you if never rolled a 20 sided die in your life, you will be enspelled by the origins of the game and the dark pacts signed by the creators to our Dark Lord Satan. Thrill to the adventures of Gary in the Sun Blasted Land of Hollywood and the Evils of the Masters of Entertainment. Lament the terror of seeing your childhood despoiled into a terrible cartoon with a midget, a goat bleati

Episode #113: “St. Comey’s Day” This week Host Dave Bledsoe demands loyalty from the staff in all things, and still can’t get Gavin to refill the damn ice trays when he empties one. On the show this week we celebrate the Feast of Saint Comey commemorating the day he came to the Senate and told them the President is a big fat doo doo head liar. (Religion is SO beautiful!) Along the way we share a particularly disturbing image of Henry Kissinger in a leather gimp mask, and learn that even a hardened G-Man has one good novel inside! We also remind you that when you Boss “hopes” you can work this weekend, you are canceling your weekend plans. Then we discover that even a shifty little Confederate racist elf can be in bed with the Russians too! (Maybe it’s Elfin magic!) Finally, we see the Liar Liar Pants on Fire Defense come to its final fruition in the Oval Office! Our sponsor this week is Don Vito’s Intimidation Training, when you gotta get this guy to do what you need him to do, Don Vito’s helps yo

EPISODE #112: “The Legend of the Headless President” This week Host Dave Bledsoe shows America on the ventriloquist dummy where the bad joke touched him. On the show this week we discuss the hurt feelings and bitter tears shed when Kathy Griffin made Trump cry. (Donald, not Barron.) Along the way, we draw a parallel to a dead Greek that is shocking even to us. (Who THINKS of this stuff?) We remind the NSA that even if we say the words in the correct order, this does not mean we intend to do thing we said. (When we said we wanted to join ISIS, we were watching Archer!) If we said some slighting things about Chris Clizilla, we apologize, it’s just that you are objectively horrible. If we lingered a little too long on the stock boy at Piggly Wiggly, it’s only because he is too dreamy. If we went overboard with the sex scene late in the show, we apologize for nothing, because sometimes in comedy you need to hurt in order to heal. (Thick ropes, people, THICK ropes!) Our sponsor this week is Gaetan Gu

SHOW NOTES EPISODE #111: “ME AND MISTER JONES” This week Host Dave Bledsoe uncovers the REAL TRUTH about the greatest secret of the last two decades: Matthew Lesko’s book DID NOT contain secrets to free money from the government! On the show this week we dig for the truth about one Alex Emerick Jones being none other than BILL HICKS! (He, is not) Along the way we examine the kind of filth that drops behind Jones like turds from a goat’s ass, though far less cute. We discuss the progenitors of Alex in radio, from Father Coughlin to Art Bell and how they influenced their audiences. (Nazis and suicide, sadly not the same people) There are tips for storing your Dead Aliens (You want them in liquid nitrogen for maximum freshness) and the United Nations Space Fleet rectal probing morons across America. (Coming soon to a cow pasture near you!) Finally, we reveal the dark secret that threads through all of human history, the REAL conspiracy no one wants to acknowledge. (Rich people own EVERYTHING!) Our

This week Host Dave Bledsoe discovers that an erection lasting longer than four hours really IS a medical emergency. (He was very excited by the Special Prosecutor) On the show this week we talk all the things that went wrong for the Donald in his very bad, no good Presidency. (We are going to be here for a while.) Along the way we learn everything there is to know worth knowing about future President of the United States Mike Pence. (Turn ons: Horseback riding Turn Offs: Women speaking without permission.) We chart where we think the country might be heading when Commander Pence is finally appointed to lead the Republic of Gilead and provide advice on how to profit from flipping your house as a Handmaid education center. We also dig deep into what it takes to actually impeach the President and how many times such a thing has succeeded. (Very hard and none) We imagine the party we would have when Trump is gone (It’s easy if you try) and how horrible the hangover would be feel when we wake up to Righ

This week Host Dave Bledsoe examines his options visa vie curtailing redundancies in the human resources area, so many people are no longer viable members of the workforce and finds out he can’t fire Gavin because no one else will work for him. On the show this week we talk Trump’s latest downsizing in the form of a smaller work force at the FBI. Along the way we address the dearth of reliable henchmen in the Transylvanian Market and how hard it is to get a reliable lackey in the DoJ. (Apparently, very!) We also examine the latest trends in how to be a sackless little wimp for the President. (Think Paul Ryan) Then address the very real problem of dead hooker disposal and the added dilemma of the former working person being of substantial girth. (This joke goes on FAR too long.) We also create the single most disgusting analogy this low rated podcast has ever uttered. (For this show, that is saying a LOT!) We close with who is ultimately responsible for saving our democracy. (You probably won’t like

SHOW NOTES EPISODE #108: WE CAN’T WORK IT OUT This week Host Dave Bledsoe realized he is an American by birth and Southern by a tragic accident of geography. On the show this week we answer the President’s question, the Civil War, good god, what is it good for? (Hint: The fundamental resolution of the issue of slavery marring our nation since it’s inception.) Along the way we learn everything there is to know about the Transatlantic Slave Trade that anyone with a 9th Grade education should know, but doesn’t. Along the way we take a deep dive in 18th Century macroeconomics, post Enlightenment political philosophy and why the South’s population failed to recognize fundamental reality. (Hint: It’s racism and religion.) We also examine the rise of the sex trade in the Netherlands, though that’s really more of a vacation planning session. Our sponsor this week is the Sons of Confederate Veterans, celebrating big fucking losers for over 100 years. We open the show with them durn Dukes Boys and close with

SHOW NOTES EPISODE #107: “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” This week Host Dave Bledsoe discovers a car isn’t really a replacement for a large penis, even if it IS a Mini Cooper. On the show this week we talk about 100 Days of Trumpitude and see if the Turgid Cheeto even TRIED to live up to his campaign promises. (He, did not.) Along the way we discuss quality control issues in mid-80’s American Muscle Cars, the masturbatory habits of a geriatric Senator from Kentucky and the weather patterns of Summertime Alabama. (Hint: Think your crotch after a long jog) We check in on Trump supporters and see how they’re doing with Donald’s tenure so far. (Conclusion: “We were hoping for a little more racist than what we’ve seen!”) A truly deplorable metaphor is deployed utilizing intestinal distress and finally we get down to business discussing the difference between the long con and the short grift. (Speaking of grifts, donate to our Patreon!) Our sponsor this week is the Short Grift, you wanna make some money pal? T

SHOW NOTES EPISODE #106: “You Dropped A Bomb On Me, Baby” This week, Host Dave Bledsoe explains everything about Korea, so long as everything is related to how to consume Soju in unhealthy amounts. On this show this week we discuss the looming apocalypse on the Korean peninsula, how we got there and what can be done about it. (We suggest sending Kim a box of Little Debbies.) Along the way there is a lot of unneeded M*A*S*H jokes (isn’t this true about every joke on this show?) various recipes for high alcohol brain busters and why Macarthur should’ve been sacked LONG before he was. (He was very handsy with the Filipinas) We learn how building a nuclear weapon is easy, using one not so much. You will leave this week knowing more about Guam than you came in with, for most of you that means you will learn Guam exists. Finally, we talk about our chances of coming out of this without radioactive mutants in our future. (Hint: Not good.) Our sponsor this week is Mike the Second Hand Missile Man, when you

EPISODE 105: “SCUMBAG STEVE” This week Host Dave Bledsoe gets into a power struggle for the future direction of this podcast only to find no one cares enough to fight with him. On the show this week we discuss the future direction of White House Chief Strategy Steve Bannon (Hint: reimbursement for moving expenses) and the war between him and the Globalist Cucks. Along the way we learn about Dave’s short lived career in being the Power Behind the Throne (He should’ve voted for Pedro) and about the Great Houses playing the Game of Trump. (You win or you move onto a lucrative career appearing on Fox News). We eat a little crow over our support of bombing Syria and wonder who the fuck told Trump about the Mother of All Bombs. (Hint: Fox News). We worry about how long it will take for the morons in power to get into a War in Korea, or Syria, or Iran, or California. (Soon, real soon.) Our sponsor this week is Select-Tiv, all the memories fit to exonerate. We open with some thoughts on memory and close with

Show Notes Episode #104: “Highway to the Friend Zone” This week host Dave Bledsoe wants you to know it’s not you, it’s him, he is a selfish immature jerk who will die alone. On the show this week we deep dive into the idea that men and women can never be friends because women exist only to be vessels for our Holy Seed. Along the way, we discover the future of White People (Hint: GOLF COURSES!) and how a televangelist can avoid sexing up the hookers with the Church credit card. (Think chemical castration.) We learn why Mike Pence will not do a taco date with strange women, even if they are not lying in ponds and way more about Dave’s sexual history than any reasonable person would EVER want to know. (The horror....the horror…) We also get a full explanation of the patriarchy and why it exists. (Ancient Greeks liked young boys, hated women.) Our sponsor this week is Emotional Maturity, grow the fuck up, problem solved. We open the show with a pathetic young man annoying young women and close with Wa

Show Notes Episode #103: “Better the Devin You Know” This week Host Dave Bledsoe searches for the truth only to discover it will not in fact set you free, but will actually cost $29.99 plus a small shipping and handling fee. On the show we dig into the ongoing saga of the Trump investigations in Congress and why Devin Nunes is so protective of the President. (Hint: Juicey Juice!) Along the way discover the right and wrong way to investigate a crime. (Did you know you can’t hit suspects with a phone book anymore because there are no phone books?) We learn why Paul Ryan is so committed to keeping Trump in power. (He is a sad, pathetic little man.) and that the Senate might just stand up to Emperor Tangerine. Additionally, there are Presidential peccadilloes through history, Mike Flynn’s totally not criminal actions requiring immunity from prosecution and rather a lot about WalMarts and Home Depots. Grab your Capris Sun and toll house cookies and settle in for the show! We also want to shout out to our f

Show Notes Episode 102b: “Old Men Yell At Cloud” In our very first interview show host Dave Bledsoe is joined in studio by an old friend, who discovers how sad it is be on a low rated podcast. Together they explore the agony of aging, the pain of politics and debate the hot topics that resonate with today’s youth: namely the Fourth Doctor and the best host of Mystery Science Theater 3000. (The original not the reboot) Along the way we learn about fine whisky, debate the existence of the Pee Tape and go down some strange paths into the mind of Middle Aged Gen X men. (We are so very scared!) We want to thank Andrew Roedell for busting the show’s guest cherry, and for talking Dave out of giving Gavin that Purple Nurple. Bullies are bad! Our sponsor is Nostalgall, a droning you to sleep with boring stories of our youth. We open with Abe Simpson and close with Bowling for Soup Show Music: https://www.jamendo.com/track/421668/prelude-to-common-sense The Show on Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheHell_Podcas

EPISODE 102: “Putting the FUN In Fundamentalism” This week Host Dave Bledsoe gets right with Jesus, no not THAT Jesus, but Jesus Alvarez the guy in 4C who he pissed off last week playing Phil Collins for four hours straight. (Jesus Forgive!) On the show this week, we look at the theorized death of atheism due to low birth rate. Apparently, atheist aren’t getting laid enough. (Ain’t that the truth!) Along the way we look at the history of religion in the United States and how it influenced our society. (Hint: Abolition Good, Prohibition Bad) We learn how Dave could own his own Gulfstream (Think D. Ron Bledsoe) and why he was never Baptized. (Hint: Lack of trust) There is also discussion of Vacation Bible School, how playing D&D can keep kids in Church and the future of religion in America. Keep an eye on your podcast feed for our first interview show later this weekend. We wanted it for tonight but realized we would be too drunk to edit when we’re done recording. Our Sponsor this week is Christ 2.0

SHOW NOTES EPISODE 101: “Semper Douchebagus” This week Host Dave Bledsoe goes back to Basic for remedial training, only discover he is now too fat and out of shape even for the Air Force. On the show this week we discuss the revolting Marines United Scandal and wonder what the fuck is wrong with these people. (Hint:They have penises.) Along the way we debate the morality of taking and sharing naked photos (No biggie unless you look like Dave). We learn about the Uniform Code of Military Justice and why Leroy Jethro GIbbs cannot do any of the cool shit you see on television. (Hint: He’s not REAL.) Finally we settle once and for all the question over women in combat with this realization: Almost ANY woman is more fit to serve in combat that Dave was. All of this plus the history of woman in the military, who is leaving all the Mountain Dew cans all over the stupid and the horrible image of podcast host in a thong! We can wait for the vomiting to stop before you click play. This week’s Sponsor is Rep

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SHOW NOTES Episode #100: “What the HELL Was I Thinking?” This week Dave Bledsoe wakes up, stumbles past the empty whiskey bottles and takes a long look in the mirror and finally asks himself what the hell was he thinking? (Hint: I need to clean up all the empty bottles). On the show this week we look back at 100 Episode of a low rated podcast and what we’ve learned. (Hint: We need to get out of the house more.) Along the way, we learn about the history of podcasting from the early form of Dave getting drunk and recording himself with his friends to a more evolved form of Dave getting drunk and recording himself alone. (It’s evolved because he learned it is cheaper to drink alone.) We also discover that the iPod was NOT the original name Steve Jobs preferred, we find that podcasts are where failed radio DJ’s go to die, and just that Dennis Miller deserves an Executive Producer credit on this show. (Sane Dennis Miller, not current Dennis.) We also look forward to the inevitable death of podcasting with

SHOW NOTES EPISODE 99: “America By Gaslight” This week Host Dave Bledsoe meets the nicest boy who really loves him and is not at all after him for his podcasting money, only to lose the boy upon him learning there is no money in podcasts. On the show this week we talk Donny’s Big Speech in front of Congress where he finally became President, we mean after winning a narrow election and being sworn in and stuff, but NOW he totally the President, they said so on the cables! Along the way we discuss how badly the pundits of America need things to be normal, they can’t stand all this fighting between Mommy America and Daddy Trump. We discuss monkey masturbation habits, how even Gavin could sound presidential if the right person wrote the speech (We are thinking Jon Favreau. The actor, not the speechwriter, we loved him as Gutter in PCU) and topically: Tom Selleck's irrigation habits. (Good GOD Magnum!) We also learn what do when you catch your neighbor shitting on your lawn, not his dog but your actual neigh