What The Hell Were You Thinking

very time a Conservative launches into a tirade about refugees, immigrants or radicals, if you hear the words “People I find scary” you will be exactly right. Conservatism is a culture of fear, and fear breeds hate, and hate breeds more terror in an endless loop. I would rather run the miniscule risk of dying in a terror attack than see the Constitution torn up and used to wipe Trump’s ass so he can appeal to some fucking cretinous dimwits in the Republican Primary, because I understand the only way America can be overthrown is if we do it to ourselves. Trust me, right now, with Trump, Carson and Cruz, we are on the verge of doing just that. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I’ve noted before certain aspect of the PC Culture worked wonders, and thinking about the words you say and the things you do as the impact others is ALWAYS the right thing. But intolerance for the sake of tolerance is the opposite of tolerance it’s hypocrisy. No one expects you to LIKE bigots, racists, Republicans and NASCAR fans--you can say terrible things about them in a podcast until your heart's content! Do you think I have a podcast because people find me entertaining, or really enjoy references to 70’s television and 80’s gaming trends? No! I have a podcast because I spin all the vitriol and spite I feel toward people I find offensive, stupid or bigoted into 30 minutes of mocking derision once a week and not be such dick the rest of the time. So, with all of this in mind, I really am here to help! So, I’ve compiled a little something to help all the sensitive souls out there! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Off year elections rarely go well for the party in the White House, but since the election of 2008 the Democrats have lost 900 State Legislature seats, 12 governorships, 69 house seats and 13 Senate Seats, that is not mention all the dog catchers and sewer commissionerships that turned over. When you look at a map of the country and overlay the electoral composition of their governments it looks like the Kool Aid Man tried to break through a Titanium Wall. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

History is not just a class I got stoned in during high school, it’s important because it reminds of the stupid shit we’ve already done, so that MAYBE we don’t do it again. This is exactly the same reason I keep this inflatable Margaret Thatcher Sex Doll autographed by Reagan I bought on ebay one night while shitfaced. If you keep it sitting there next to the computer, you might slow down a second before hitting the submit button on that bid, or you know launching cruise missiles against an Afghani hospital. Barry, if you need to borrow Tartie Maggs, let me know. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hell, I am not even talking about pot arrests, come on arresting someone for selling pot is like arresting someone for selling Girl Scout Cookies! Mean spirited and pointless because Edna in accounting buys thirty boxes and is always willing to help you score! Edna has the been Samoan, tell her Dave sent you, she will hook you UP! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The What the Hell Were You Thinking Podcast is brought to you this week by Reality Check. Reality Check is a simple service that sends a Sixth Grade Science Teacher, Dolores Krutheimer to the homes people who believe in things proven wrong and whacks them with a ruler. Dolores, a retired teacher from Sioux Falls South Dakota has irrefutably proven the truth of such things a Climate Change, Evolution, the efficacy of vaccines, and how the Earth i cannot simply NOT be six thousand years old. Dolores is tired of your shit, and she isn’t going to take it any more. Do not make Dolores come to your house. Reality Check, a dose of reality just the way you learned in school, by angry white women with a ruler. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The thing is mental illness is not a uniquely American thing, you want to know what IS an uniquely American thing? Deep fried fucking Oreos, the rest of world thinks that shit is disgusting--oh, yeah, and mass shootings, we’re pretty much on the industrialized country in the world that does that too. Given my druthers, I would eat the fucking oreo. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Until then, the Republican Party is holding on to singularly vicious and VERY poisonous snake which has no problems killing the hand that feeds it. Boehner held on for five years, sadly there was no friendly mongoose to save him. He may just be the first to fall. I am left to wonder at what price this will place out. It cost them presidency in 2012, it will likely cost them again in 2016, if the Republicans don’t root out the extremist in their party, they will cease to exist as a viable entity. Of course, if they DO try to clean up the mess they made they run the very real risk of viable Third Party rising up and tearing away their base, leaving in exactly the same situation. If they move, they strike, if they don’t move they strike--they REALLY should get a Mongoose, sadly all they have is a weasel and he is actually part of the problem. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello and welcome to the podcast that asks a simple question, when you said a mediocre health care bill was worse than SLAVERY: what the HELL were you thinking? I am your host Dave Bledsoe and this is the Friday September 25th 2015 “Doctor Doctor You’re In the News” Edition of the show where we talk about Ben Carson and if his problems are the lord, the lunatic or the liar!. Stay tuned! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s not just bombs, dear listeners, here is a short list of things Americans of are afraid of: Terrorism: in the past 15 years just over 3,000 civilians died in terrorist incidents in the world, and 2,689 of THOSE were on 9/11. Just for a little perspective, 33,000 people a year, every year, die from gun related deaths. And yes, guns are kind of sort of on the list, Americans are afraid of being killed in a mass shooting, even though the odds of that happening are basically zero compared the odds of them shooting themselves in the dick with the gun they buy to protect themselves from the mass shooting. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This latest faux outrage, well the outrage is real enough, it is always real, that’s the problem, but the problem causing the outrage is faux is perhaps even more spurious the 999th attempt to repeal Obamacare. Conservative despise Planned Parenthood with a peculiar fury because they made it just about the only place to get a safe, legal abortion in huge swathes of the country. They also have the temerity to dispense low cost slut pill prescriptions to women who otherwise would be docile, obedient god fearing members of the society--right up until they time they dropped their fourth bastard. It’s funny how when Black women have children out of wedlock they are welfare queens ripping off hard working white folks who pay taxes, when it’s Lurleen whose five children by six different men: that’s just a sad story. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As a New Yorker, and having survived this City for a decade I am now legally allowed to call myself a New Yorker, or at least that is story I am sticking with, nearly naked women are the LEAST offensive thing IN Times Square. In descending order from most to least: Tourists with Selfie Sticks, Tourists with maps, Just Plain Tourists, Costumes Characters, CD Vendors, Tour Bus Leaflet Wavers, Comedy Show Guy, Smelly Ellie the Homeless Lady at 44th and 7th whom you can sniff at least three blocks away, and finally the nearly naked ladies. Times Square is a horrific shit show of clogged sidewalks, tacky merchandise, gawking tourists and commercial cancers blossoming like the nodules on my liver as I finish the glass of Jameson, the boobs are basically the ONLY HONEST thing in the whole damn area! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello and welcome to the podcast episode that asks a simple question: Kim Davis, what the HELL were you thinking? This week we talk about Rowan County Clerk currently in jail for contempt of court after defying a court order to issue marriage licenses to same sex couples. Davis refused on the grounds it violated her religious principles. Lying to God when she took an oath to uphold the Constitution apparently falls under the “I had my fingers crossed” exemption cited by St, Paul in Thessalonians. Here is just SOME of what you will hear: “Still, the REASON we have people swear oaths is some jobs require us to do things we might not otherwise want to do. I wasn’t keen on the whole charging into combat and getting blown-up part of being in the military, it didn’t fit with my own personal...idiom I think most people feel similarly. So, you take an oath. I didn’t think much of the drug laws when I was cop, they were stupid and pointless, but I took an oath to uphold the laws even the stupid and pointless

First of all, who uses a website to cheat? Honestly? I know I am going to come across like an Old, but whatever happened to heading down the lounge of the Holiday Inn and seeing what happens? Do we NEED a personality profile and an algorithm to find someone to fuck outside our relationship? All I need just the right mix of anger, frustration, horniess and alcohol and it’s done! I could be wrong, but I think that is what it takes for most people. Still, it’s the 21st Century, so natch there is a website to do for you that you are fully capable of doing for yourself. and this week hackers showed everyone exactly why you shouldn’t use it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The What the Hell Were You Thinking Podcast is brought to you by the Native American Casino Owners Association of America, taking it back one trailer home at a time. Are you an indigenous American who lives in rural, Southern locale? Have you considered a casino? White people show up and give you money, and if you give THEM booze they will give you deeds to their trailers, pink slips and mother’s jewelry right off her person. The Native American Casino Owners Association of America, reclaiming history one dumb redneck at a time. If you would like to sponsor the show, head on over and give your money to the casino, it’s gone either way. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I don’t believe Bernie Sanders has it IN him to do what Obama has done, I’ve never seen a hint of it. I respect and admire the man, I LOVE his politics, I would love to live in a world where he COULD be President. I don’t, I live in this one, and this one is utter shit. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Naturally, fashion and New York City go together like bulimia and runway models, so shopping here is going to be a bit different than running down the Mall in Waddletown or whatever backwater bourgeoise berg you call home...sorry, got a little to Dennis Miller there. This the home of the fashion in the United States, if someone wore it on a red carpet it probably was designed by a flamboyantly gay man or emaciated woman right here in the Big Apple. So naturally, there are different standards as to what is fashionable...and I meet none of them by even the wildest peyote tripping balls imagination. We didn’t head for Bloomingdales or Saks, we started smaller, both literally and come to find out literally: H&M. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

0.1% of the people in America have basically as much money as 90% of the rest of America--now that is kind of hard to grasp as a real number so let me put it another way. You and the family decide you are going to have some delicious Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner tonight and you send your cousin Big Teddy out to pick up a ten piece bucket and sides. And Big Teddy gets the dinner and fucking eats that shit in the car on the way, all the sides, the dinner rolls and nine out of the ten pieces of succulent 11 herbs and spices fried chicken on the way back. All that is left when Big Teddy gets back is one wing, one little wing, and he give THAT to cousin Elroy, who is Big Teddy’s boy going back to when you guys were kids and Elroy eats all the good part of that wing; the little drumstick and two bone part. ALL the rest the family has to eat that night is that shitty, shitty little piece of cartilage with no meat and barely any of the phenomenal goodness of the batter...fuck you Big Teddy, fuck you Elroy, yo

Welcome to Storytime, factual fictions and fictional facts about growing up in the South in the 1970’s, from the creator of the What the HELL Were You Thinking Podcast. Storytime features recollection, remembrance and artificial realities drawn from the memory of an expatriate Southerner trying to find just one thing he can talk about and not make his Momma disappointed in him...and probably failing. Y’all stay tuned now, yah hear! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

People, many of the same people that believe that every black man in the world is at least potentially a serial rapist, can’t believe Bill Cosby could EVER do something like this. These women are all gold diggers, going after Bill’s money, they say. All their stories match up too closely to not be rehearsed! They took him money, you know they were blackmailing him! This is the standard Cosby Defense, engaged in by Cosby, his lawyer and his ardent defenders. The playbook is as old as time itself, hide behind reputation, point out the accusers behavior as proof of innocence and intimidate the shit out of the victim. It worked for decades, it worked when he was ACTUALLY being sued in 2004--it was in news, but NO ONE talked about it, rumors were whispered in the wind before the lawsuit, but even DURING the lawsuit no one talked about it, a tribute to the power and myth of the Coz. It wasn’t until Hannibal Buress made a joke last year and it went viral that America FINALLY started coming to grips that behi