No-budget Nightmares

KILL YOUR DARLINGS and EAT YOUR MAKEUP, it’s time for Episoder 73 of NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES featuring the Patreon-requested shot-on-iPhone exploitation throwback JENNIFER HELP US from 2014! Moe is sleep deprived and Doug is high on caffeine so this time you’re getting  a messy, pun-filled affair with all of the half-considered diatribes you know and love. Grab your skull mask and rev up your chainsaw, folks, because it’s time to dip in right… now! Check out the entire JENNIFER HELP US film for *FREE* right now! Watch and then listen! MAKE A DAY OUT OF IT! If you liked JENNIFER HELP US, you might be interested in checking out a potential sequel. The film’s Kickstarter is currently LIVE Want more of this goodness (and some fine perks)? Support No-Budget Nightmare on PATREON! Go ahead and check out NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES on Facebook! You’ll be our best friend. Or check out Moe and Doug on Twitter! And head over to Daily Grindhouse for all of your horror/exploitation film writing needs.

Oh don’t lean on me man/Cause you can’t afford the ticket/I’m back on SLIME CITY! NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES returns with the oft-requested, goop-covered, 80s low-budget classic SLIME CITY from director Greg Lamberson. Filled with grimy 80s NYC atmosphere and packed with ooze, sludge and gore, Moe and Doug are kicking off 2016 with a BANG as they dive into a pool of gloopy goodness and come out REBORN. AND THAT’S NOT ALL! It’s *CONTEST TIME*! You can win yourself a copy the 3-Disc ULTIMATE EDITION of J.R. Bookwalter’s classic THE DEAD NEXT DOOR. And it’s EASY TO WIN. Listen to the episode for ALL THE JUICY details, or pop over to the Facebook group. BUT THERE’S MORE! Need to get yourself a copy of THE DEAD NEXT DOOR right now? How about No-Budget Nightmares classic ROBOT NINJA? How about OZONE or POLYMORPH? We’ve got you covered. For ONE WEEK ONLY you can get a massive 25% off the Tempe Entertainment online store and stock up on a ton of Bookwalter goodness. Just head over to http://tempevideo.tictail.com/ and use

THE BASTARDS HAVE LANDED! It’s the NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES holiday spectacular, and this year Moe and Doug are giving themselves a treat: Peter Jackson’s microbudget sci-fi splatter classic BAD TASTE! Stoke the homefire and hang the stockings, because we’re kicking in the new year with BRAIN SQUISHING, SHEEP ‘SPLODING, and CHAINSAW DISMEMBERMENT.. Just like mom used to make! It’s the best thing going today, and available for your ear holes right now. Hope you’ll continue to join us in 2016 you lovely people. KEEP WATCHING THE SKIES! Want more of this goodness (and some fine perks)? Support No-Budget Nightmare on PATREON! Go ahead and check out NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES on Facebook! You’ll be our best friend. Or check out Moe and Doug on Twitter! And head over to Daily Grindhouse for all of your horror/exploitation film writing needs.

IT’S HERE! Our rantiest episode EVER! It’s our look at the all-star microbudget anthology spectacular HOBO WITH A TRASH CAN, which is chock-full of aliens, radioactive condoms, murderous apples and SO MUCH MORE. It also contains the worst anthology segment we’ve ever seen, and a second half that made Moe and Doug want to hurl themselves into a WOODCHIPPER. But, they persevered and you now get to enjoy the DELICIOUS results! Also includes an awesome SONG from ROO! LISTEN OR DIE. Want more of this goodness (and some fine perks)? Support No-Budget Nightmare on PATREON! Go ahead and check out NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES on Facebook! You’ll be our best friend. Or check out Moe and Doug on Twitter! And head over to Daily Grindhouse for all of your horror/exploitation film writing needs.

It’s our favorite time of the year! The time when ghosts, witches and goblins rule supreme! It’s.. uh.. HAUNTEDWEEN! So get your frat brothers together and slap a coat of paint on the ol’ Burber place, because it’s time to get SLOPPY. Doug Robertson’s microbudget slasher film makes for a fine respite for our dutiful hosts, but will they find themselves chilled to the bone? Or will the meager pleasures leave them cold? YOU MUST LISTEN TO DISCOVER THE TERRIFYING SECRETS! Want more of this goodness (and some fine perks)? Support No-Budget Nightmare on PATREON! Go ahead and check out NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES on Facebook! You’ll be our best friend. Or check out Moe and Doug on Twitter! And head over to Daily Grindhouse for all of your horror/exploitation film writing needs.

PT Barnum said it so long ago/There’s one born every minute don’t you know Just kidding. KILLER KLOWNS FROM KANSAS ON KRACK has absolutely nothing to do with KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE, though it does have 100% more racist puppets, guinea pig eating and glorious, GLORIOUS ennui. KKFKOK comes from the mind of Charles E. Cullen, who is as good at dancing as he is bad at directing, and it’s as twisted as it is painfully boring! Still, Moe and Doug tunnel into the bowels and manage to squeeze out some delicious goodness into their wanting mouths. Gross! Want more of this goodness (and some fine perks)? Support No-Budget Nightmare on PATREON! Go ahead and check out NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES on Facebook! You’ll be our best friend. Or check out Moe and Doug on Twitter! And head over to Daily Grindhouse for all of your horror/exploitation film writing needs.

KEEP WATCHING THE SKIES! No-Budget Nightmares returns to tackle the mid-90s SOV alien invasion classic FEEDERS directed by Mark & John Polonia and Jon McBride! It has it all: primitive CGI, gore, knee-high aliens, beautiful BABES, and lots and lots of beautiful padding. Could this be a terrifying vision of things to come? Only one way to find out! LISTEN!     Want more of this goodness (and some fine perks)? Support No-Budget Nightmare on PATREON! Go ahead and check out NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES on Facebook! You’ll be our best friend. Or check out Moe and Doug on Twitter! And head over to Daily Grindhouse for all of your horror/exploitation film writing needs.

“D’you want to see some bloood?”. We’ve got ourselves in a TAILSPIN thanks to Pateron campaign contributor Jessica Garcia, who kindly suggested that Moe and Doug FINALLY tackle Canuxploitation classic THINGS! Being faced with such a ghastly, brutal, horrible, insane film drives our hosts to new heights(?!) of frivolity and madness, and the whole sick business culminates in a brand new epic tune from Roo! Grow out your dirtstaches and crank some Triumph.. it’s time to experience THINGS. Want to see some of THINGS in action? Check out this incredible clip! Chilled to the bone by Don’s terrifying monologue? Relive it here! And you HAVE to check out Roo’s latest incredible song, inspired by THINGS: Want more of this goodness (and some fine perks)? Support No-Budget Nightmare on PATREON! Go ahead and check out NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES on Facebook! You’ll be our best friend. Or check out Moe and Doug on Twitter! And head over to Daily Grindhouse for all of your horror/exploitation film writing needs.

WHO YA GONNA CALL! The.. uh.. Denver Ghostbusters! No-Budget Nightmares takes its first trip into FAN FILM territory, and this one’s a doozy. RETURN OF THE GHOSTBUSTERS brings together a whole new group of ghostbusters, and while they are missing the charm, wit and acting ability of the original GHOSTBUSTERS, they make up for it with plenty of awkward pop culture references and an appearance from THE ANGRY VIDEO GAME NERD. There’s special(?) effects galore, and once it actually gets going it’s not half-bad. Thanks go out to listener and Patreon subscriber James Owens for forcing this upon us. BUSTIN’ MAKES US FEEL GOOD! Keep your ears peeled until the end to hear a terrific new RETURN OF THE GHOSTBUSTERS-themed song from Roo! And, hell, watch the entire RETURN OF THE GHOSTBUSTERS movie for free. RIGHT NOW! Not enough? RETURN OF THE GHOSTBUSTERS is actually a sequel to *this* goofy fan film. FREDDY VS GHOSTBUSTERS And that’s not all! Also mentioned on the show are a few more GHOSTBUSTERS-themed fan films. Feel

It’s a few weeks later and WOMEN’S STUDIES still plague our host’s nightmares. Thankfully, there’s a Baltimore-lensed solution to their problems: Don Dohler’s sci-fi/action microbudget classic NIGHTBEAST! For ONE NIGHT ONLY the show becomes NO-BUDGET LEGENDS as Moe and Doug celebrate the amazing accomplishments and outstanding career of the late filmmaker, while delving deep into the bottomless pleasures of Nightbeast’s decapitatin’, laser-shootin’, organ yanking exploits. They end the episode revitalized, reborn and ready for ACTION. Listen! LISTEN! LISTEN!! Want more of this goodness (and some fine perks)? Support No-Budget Nightmare on PATREON! You can watch the whole movie right now.. FOR FREE!   Watch BLOOD, BOOBS AND BEAST as well! Go ahead and check out NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES on Facebook! You’ll be our best friend. Or check out Moe and Doug on Twitter! And head over to Daily Grindhouse for all of your horror/exploitation film writing needs.

Uh oh! Something has Moe and Doug PEEVED. Yes, it’s the rantiest episode of No-Budget Nightmares EVER as the pair tangle with a viewer-picked movie that proves to be a blizzard of ignorance and threatens to break their resolve to tiny bits. At first WOMEN’S STUDIES seems like it’ll merely be innocently dumb and misguided, but soon a free-flowing river of misogyny spews all over the faces and groins of your beloved hosts. There’s only one solution.. EVISCERATION! It’s NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES vs the MRAs in the BATTLE OF THE CENTURY! And KEEP LISTENING until the end to hear the winner of our SLAUGHTER TALES DVD contest! OH BOY! Not only that, but you also get a BRAND NEW SONG from Roo inspired by this week’s movie! Yes, he wrote a song about this piece of garbage! WHAT A TROOPER. Want more of this goodness? Support No-Budget Nightmare on PATREON! Go ahead and check out NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES on Facebook! You’ll be our best friend. Or check out Moe and Doug on Twitter! And head over to Daily Grindhouse for all of you

Johnny Dickie wrote, directed and starred in SLAUGHTER TALES when he was 14. In case you missed that, let me write it again: Johnny Dickie wrote, directed and starred in SLAUGHTER TALES when he was *14*. The hosts of NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES are both TWENTY years older than that, which makes them very, very sad to think about. They’ve decided to express their anger, frustration and jealousy by ripping into the ONE-MAN-BAND anthology, while occasionally pausing to tell Johnny to GET OFF THEIR LAWNS. It’s a supremely silly new episode of NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES! This is also the start of a BRAND NEW contest where you can win yourself a copy of the SPECIAL EDITION DVD of SLAUGHTER TALES! All you have to do is leave us a review on iTunes! HOW COOL IS THAT? Doesn’t even have to be positive. And, guess what? If you wrote a review in the past? YOU’RE ALREADY ENTERED. We love you! https://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/no-budget-nightmares/id767691512?mt=2 Want more of this goodness? Support No-Budget Nightmare on PATREON! Go

Q: Where did the vampire open his savings account? A: At a blood bank Q: Why doesn’t anyone like Count Dracula? A: He’s a pain in the neck Q: When is a vampire movie NOT a vampire movie? A: When it’s a VAMPIRE COP movie! Fresh off the success of 1987’s CANNIBAL HOOKERS and 1989’s SCREAM DREAM, Donald Farmer decided to meld together HORROR and ACTION and came up with a cop that TAKES A BITE OUT OF CRIME! And this Vampire Cop *SUCKS*! Moe and Doug say FANGS for the memories as they BAT their eyelids at the numerous unclothed boys and GHOULS. OTHER PUNS! So much is at STAKE! DUELING RAY ROMANO IMPRESSIONS! This episode has it ALL. Enjoy VAMPIRE COP! Want more of this goodness? Support No-Budget Nightmare on PATREON! Go ahead and check out NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES on Facebook! You’ll be our best friend. Or check out Moe and Doug on Twitter! And head over to Daily Grindhouse for all of your horror/exploitation film writing needs.

DON’T KILL THE ZOMBIES! LEAVE THE ZOMBIES ALONE! Assemble your ZOMBIE SQUAD, ladies and gents, because it’s time to dip back into the J.R. Bookwalter tub and experience the delightful dose of Super-8 zombie goodness that is 1989’s THE DEAD NEXT DOOR. STRAIGHT OUTTA AKRON, it’s one of the most well known – and well loved – microbudget films EVER, and Moe and Doug hungrily lap it up and ask for SECONDS. It’s GOOD and GOOD FOR YOU. YUMMO. Want more of this goodness? Support No-Budget Nightmare on PATREON! Go ahead and check out NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES on Facebook! You’ll be our best friend. Or check out Moe and Doug on Twitter! And head over to Daily Grindhouse for all of your horror/exploitation film writing needs.

Are you ready? CAN you be ready? TODD SHEETS is here, and Moe and Doug are about to enter his HOUSE OF FORBIDDEN SECRETS before ALL OF YOU SUCKERS! That’s right! It might not be available to the general public yet, but OUR HOSTS ARE SPECIAL and they get to see things *nobody* else can see. It’s got GEORGE HARDY. It’se got LLOYD KAUFMAN. It’s got FABIO (F**CKING) FRIZZI. It’s got DYANNE THORNE. We’ve got TODD! TODD! TODD! TODD! TODD! TODD! TODD! TODD! TODD! TODD! It’s a SHEETSTRAVAGANZA and it’s all for you. Stick around to the end for Roo’s amazing HOUSE OF FORBIDDEN SECRETS song. LICK IT UP! Want more of this goodness? Support No-Budget Nightmare on PATREON! Go ahead and check out NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES on Facebook! You’ll be our best friend. Or check out Moe and Doug on Twitter! And head over to Daily Grindhouse for all of your horror/exploitation film writing needs.

It’s a Wascavage FAMILY AFFAIR! That’s right! From the creator of SUBURBAN SASQUATCH and MALEVOLENT ASCENT comes FUNGICIDE, a “special”-effects packed horror comedy that’s fun(?!) for the whole family! If you thought the effects in SS were something, you ain’t seen NOTHING yet. We have puppets. We have paper mache heads. We have PEOPLE IN MUSHROOM COSTUMES. We have computer wizardry! It’s enough to make Doug and Moe cry out in pain/delight. And it’s all here on Episode 58 of the No-Budget Nightmares podcast. There’s a FUNGUS AMONG US! Don’t have time to listen to the whole episode? FOR SHAME! But you can still listen to Roo’s amazing FUNGICIDE song! Want more of this goodness? Support No-Budget Nightmare on PATREON! Go ahead and check out NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES on Facebook! You’ll be our best friend. Or check out Moe and Doug on Twitter! And head over to Daily Grindhouse for all of your horror/exploitation film writing needs.

IT’S THE JUSTICE LEAGUE OF SOV! The *BEST OF THE BEST* have assembled to form a VOLTRON of microbudget AWESOMENESS! HI-8 is an anthology film that brings together a WHO’S WHO of no-budget directors: Ron Bonk, Donald Farmer, Marcus Koch, Tony Masiello, Tim Ritter, Chris Seaver, Todd Sheets and Brad Sykes! Eight stories (plus a wraparound), and Moe and Doug are in SOV-HEAVEN! CAN YOU HANDLE IT? Can our HOSTS handle it?! ORGAN MEAT! VHS! TODD SHEEEEEEEETS! Keep listening until the end to hear Roo’s latest masterpiece! Can’t wait? Listen right now! Want more of this goodness? Support No-Budget Nightmare on PATREON! Go ahead and check out NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES on Facebook! You’ll be our best friend. Or check out Moe and Doug on Twitter! And head over to Daily Grindhouse for all of your horror/exploitation film writing needs.

Welcome to the FUTURE! Or, at least, to the first No-Budget Nightmares episode of 2015! And it’s not just ANY episode, it’s a super special treat for both the audience *and* Moe and Doug as our hosts get PUMPED UP by Astron-6’s immortal MANBORG. Sensational, inspirational AND celebrational, MANBORG is the most rootin’ tootin rollickin’ good time our hosts have had since their last Todd Sheets marathon, and with full hearts and open minds they are setting their sights on the next 365 days.. and beyond! Go ahead and check out NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES on Facebook! You’ll be our best friend. Or check out Moe and Doug on Twitter! And head over to Daily Grindhouse for all of your horror/exploitation film writing needs.

BORN IN THE USA! Yes, after a lengthy international excursion to Germany and Japan, No-Budget Nightmares is back on home (?) soil for our two eternally jetlagged hosts to enjoy Jim Haggerty’s 2003 vampire-comedy I DREAM OF DRACULA. Here’s a fun drinking game: Every time Doug says “shit”, you should throw back a shot. You’ll be immediately wasted, which might be the only way to enjoy this ode to bad acting, worse story and some of the most unpleasant nudity either of our hosts have experienced. Fangs for the memories, I DREAM OF DRACULA! Go ahead and check out NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES on Facebook! You’ll be our best friend. Or check out Moe and Doug on Twitter! And head over to Daily Grindhouse for all of your horror/exploitation film writing needs.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. This episode is PLENTY late, due to some persistent sound issues meaning it had to be recorded TWICE. Yes, TWICE! That means that Doug and Moe had to extract themselves from the slime (and maggots, and organ meat) of 1985’s GUINEA PIG and then hop right back into it again. And it’s all for you! Was the second time a charm? SORT OF! You get discussion of Moe’s work soundtrack, the upcoming American Guinea Pig film, some incomprehensible sound clips, Doug with a cold, Moe running on no sleep, and there may have been some snuggling. I can’t remember. Apologies for any sound quality issues that still remain, and stay tuned for another amazing song from Roo. Go ahead and check out NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES on Facebook! You’ll be our best friend. Or check out Moe and Doug on Twitter! And head over to Daily Grindhouse for all of your horror/exploitation film writing needs.