No-budget Nightmares

“There’s definitely no logic/To human behavior” – Bjork, “Human Behavior” Take a dash of murder mystery, a pinch of psychological thriller, and a twist of, um, a twist and you have 2001′s HUMAN BEHAVIOR starring a cast of people you never heard of trapped in an infinite loop of plot explanation. The lovely and talented Moe and I dissect the slow-moving 72 minute ode-to-crazy, and manage to fit a few compliments in between bursts of sardonic wit and fart jokes. It ends with my most homoerotic ode to Michael Fassbender yet, so stick around to the (bitter) end. All this and more on..

On this week’s No-Budget Nightmares podcast we look at the 2003 Canadian gonzo mutant film KILL THEM AND EAT THEM. Despite my sympathetic nature, and respect for the ambition of the filmmakers, eventually the whole thing just devolves into a big pile of unpleasant goo. And not the good kind. Will out sanity hold out? Or, will I be babbling about WAR HORSE by the end? (Spoiler: it’s the latter). Join Moe Porne and myself as we dive in headfirst, and emerge forever changed.

Why does this exist? It’s a question I asked myself over and over while I was watching REDNECK COUNTY FEVER; an oddity from (possibly) the early 90s that constantly makes you wonder how it came into being. What could have possessed a group of (presumably) right thinking individuals to give up their time and money to produce something that appears to have no discernible purpose? It’s ostensibly a light comedy featuring two Bill & Ted-like misfits (except played by people obviously in their 30s), but the motivation behind its creation is difficult to work out. Aside from a title screen, there are no opening or closing credits, and the film – which runs a scant 60 minutes – doesn’t even have an IMDB page. Even the information that is out there is inconsistent. The only two possible release years I could find are 1997 or 2001, both of which seem WAY too late to be accurate. But it’s shot on cruddy home video, so it’s possible that it WAS made in the late 90s – though the Spicolli impression, Zubaz pants and Chip

And now for something completely different. This week’s No-Budget Nightmare was filmed between May and October 2006 in Peterborough, Ontario, Canada. It was written by Sean Bruce, Dan Kildey, and SWEETBACK. It had torture, explosions, gore, a ventriloquist dummy, pornography, jello, and Canadian Content. And – in the end – it was a bad movie. Yes, I was involved in the creation of a bad, no-budget movie. A No-Budget Nightmare, if you will. While I didn’t direct the film, I was part of the creative process from beginning to end. I wrote, edited, did special effects, operated the camera, shot second unit, did sound, acted (in three roles), and operated the boom, among dozens of other jobs. Between writing, editing, and – eventually – distributing, the process took up about a year of my life. During the entire process I kept a blog of my experiences. I figured this was something I might want to return to. The No-Budget Nightmares podcast gave me a very good reason.

On this week’s Daily Grindhouse Presents – No-Budget Nightmares, Daily Grindhouse contributors Moe and Sweetback discuss Joe Castro’s 2002 ultraviolent comedy TERROR TOONS. There’s Rage Against The Machine lyrics, misogyny, and a mean streak a mile wide. If you like your cartoons unpleasant and – somehow – live action, this is the podcast for you. And, yes, Satan himself shows up.

On this week’s Daily Grindhouse Presents – No-Budget Nightmares, Daily Grindhouse contributors Moe and Sweetback discuss Fabian Rush’s 2004 horror-comedy SO MORT IT BE. If you have a hankering for mutant rat worms, bodily dismemberment, TERRIBLE bluescreen, and a fistful of silliness, you’ll certainly enjoy yourself. Keep listening for the recordings final twenty minutes where the hosts slowly start to lose their minds – recorded for your listening pleasure.

On April  20, 1999 students Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold killed 12 of their fellow students (as well as a teacher) at Columbine High School in Colorado before committing suicide. The incident traumatized an entire nation, and in the wake there was a flurry of media attention, often looking to point the finger at a cause – or series of causes – for what ended up being referred to (in typical media fashion) as the “Columbine Incident”. There was plenty of blame to go around, but it was the popular culture that the two teens loved – dark, industrial music, violent video games, horror movies – that got the most attention from the various news sources and politicians. It made such an impact that several films were devoted entirely to the incident including: Gus Van Sant’s ELEPHANT and Michael Moore’s documentary BOWLING FOR COLUMBINE. ELEPHANT was filmed in 2002 and while it was critically lauded, it was also criticized for being released so soon after the incident. But it wasn’t the first dramatization of the e

And now for something completely shitty. Part softcore vampire flick with sub-porno production and part jerk-off “tribute” to Ed Wood, BARELY LEGAL LESBIAN VAMPIRES is an insult to anyone expecting even a minimum amount of entertainment value out of low-budget filmmaking. The promise of nubile young goths is thwarted by a cavalcade of dried up strippers who appear to be pushing 40, stumbling through about twenty minutes of plot peppered by endless, unsexy love scenes between people who often look either bored and/or high. Add in plenty of leering and cornball humor and you’ll likely need a bath to clean off the sludge long before the closing credits roll.

If you have any interest in no-budget film-making, you really must be aware of Todd Sheets – one of the godfathers of the entire shot-on-video genre. In just 15 short years (between 1985 and 2000) Sheets directed over 30 films, almost entirely horror films with excessive gore, grade-school play acting and a generally weak grasp of editing, shot composition and Mise en scène. Yeah, his films range from despicable to watchable, but they are also absolutely unique and fascinating specimens. The missing link in the evolution of the films you find littering the bottom shelves of your local video store (or, the outer reaches of Netflix). One of his earlier, less polished works, NIGHTMARE ASYLUM is a nearly entirely unpleasant viewing experience, strongly resembles a particularly violent high school play being performed in a haunted house, but with little of the entertainment value that might suggest.

Feedback is appreciated. I apologize for my opinions on daytime whores, hot oil wrestlers, the quality of Nevada pizza, using the word “‘za”, and for swearing so much. Sorry, mom.

Well, this is just terrible. A bafflingly misguided “tribute” to the grimy horror films of the 70s – most notably THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE – this British shot-on-video horror film starts out awful before eventually grinding down to reprehensibly boring, lost in a sea of improvised conversations and endless, style-less chase scenes. Not only does director Bryn Hammond have the writing skill of a four year old – ably demonstrated by the multitude of confusing, near-unreadable title cards at the beginning and end – but his direction totally sabotages some very attractive locations, and the editing is about as amateurish as your grandmother’s home movies. This is about as close to a cinematic root-canal as you’re likely to find.

HELLO! I'm writing this WELL into the future. Enjoy this CLASSIC(?) episode of No-Budget Nightmares featuring a movie that Moe and Doug both despised - and continue to! Memorable quote: "You know every relationship has it's problems. Take my wife for example, she used to drive me up the motherf*chin wall until I knocked her into the well…I tried to save her….OH WELL"

On the evening of Feb. 20, 2001, two latino rappers committed a murderous crime spree and filmed everything they did on a digital video camera. They had a plan to rob drug dealers for their cocaine, sell it and use the money to record a hip hop album rapping about their crimes. This footage was taken directly from their hidden camera, along with other footage obtained from various surveillance cameras. This is what actually occurred on that shocking evening.